For Day 7 of OQ week: Late Night Confessions. This is a missing year fic.
It had started with that monkey. The one she'd given him the day she'd saved his life. Ever since then Robin had only seen his son's adoration for the queen grow. He would arrive at breakfast with his father and the Merry Men but sneak off to sit with her as soon as she appeared. More than a few people had commented to Robin that they'd seen his son follow her around the castle. They voiced their concern that Roland wasn't safe. That the queen could only destroy everything she touched and if he wasn't careful his son would be next.
Any other parent would be horrified to see their child grow so close to such a woman but Robin only watched their interaction with a mix of curiosity and apprehension. He'd told her the night they'd broken into the castle that she'd had the touch of a mother. He wasn't wrong about that. The queen seemed rather dismissive to anyone who dared approach her, choosing to respond only with sarcasm and biting remarks. The only person she appeared to soften for was Roland. But it was more than just the kind words she would save only for him. It was in the way she'd run her fingers through his curls affectionately. The way she would lean down to his eye level when she spoke with him, never speaking down or making him feel less than important. These weren't the habits of an evil queen, of someone whose heart only housed darkness. Robin could see that. And yet he still felt his heart clench whenever he saw her smile at him. And a lump formed in his throat whenever he saw his son smile back.
It went on like this for weeks. And Roland's bond with the queen only grew stronger. It was the reason Robin only felt minimal panic when he returned from a late night patrol to find his son's bed empty. He knew there was only one place he could be.
His footsteps echoed through the hall as he made his ways to the queen's quarters. He arrived to find Roland sound asleep in the queen's bed with the woman herself watching over him affectionately. She was running her fingers through his curls when she heard Robin appear at her doorway. She didn't turn to look at him. "He woke me about an hour ago. Couldn't sleep."
"He's always been restless," said Robin softly. He moved to stand by her side next to the bed. Roland was curled up near the edge, his arm wrapped tightly around the stuffed monkey that had quickly become his favorite thing in the world. Robin sighed as he looked down at him. "I'll take him to his bed now."
"Don't bother," replied Regina. She waved a hand over his sleeping form and he disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke. "He's safe in his bed now."
Robin felt his heart skip a beat as he watched her perform magic on his son. He knew that she only used her magic to protect them but he couldn't help the feeling in his gut whenever he saw her perform her spells. He cleared his throat.
"Thank you for allowing him here," he said shortly. "I'll try to make sure that it doesn't happen again."
He turned to leave the room but was stopped in his tracks by her voice.
"I've seen the way you look at me when you think I don't notice," she said without looking at him. "The way your back tenses up whenever he comes near me. Like you're waiting for lightning to strike. You don't want him around me."
He only clenched his jaw in response. He didn't know how to answer her.
She let out a dark chuckle. "It's fine. I know who I am and what people think of me. My reputation alone is reason enough to keep him away from me. I wouldn't blame you for being concerned by my attention to him."
He turned back to look at her. In appearance she was as unguarded as he'd ever seen her. Her hair was no longer pulled up in a severe, elaborate hairstyle. It fell, unrestrained, to the middle of her back. Gone was the dark and intimidating outfits she could usually be seen in. In their place was a loose flowing nightgown. It looked soft and comfortable. Quite a step down from the leather and corsets she wore like armor around the castle. She almost appeared to be open but Robin knew better than to assume that. He could tell that she was hurt by the prospect of not being around his son and she was doing her best not to let it show through.
"You're right, milady," said he said. "Your relationship with Roland has made me concerned but not for the reasons that you think."
She only turned to look at him then. He looked… guilty.
"I've told you that Roland lost his mother when he was a baby. He will never know her voice. Or her face. Or the way that she loved him. For so long after her death it was those thoughts that consumed me and I have worked tirelessly to put them aside. To convince myself that despite her absence he still had all he needed. But now, when I see you with him, how he reacts to you, the way he's attached himself to your side it reminds me that he will never have a such a bond with his own mother. And even if he doesn't know that it's missing he still longs for it."
She saw the grip on his bow grow tighter as he admitted his fears to her. His shoulders had begun to hunch over like the weight of the truth was starting to crush him. Despite their strained relationship she felt her heart begin to ache for him. A blind man could see that nothing was more important to Robin than his son. She could tell that it took a lot for him to admit that he was afraid of not being enough. It was a fear she could relate to.
"I'm don't fear for my son's safety when you're present… I fear for his heart," finished Robin. He knew their situation was only temporary and he could only imagine how Roland would react once it was time for them to leave the castle.
"A child's heart is delicate," whispered Regina. "It is something that requires the upmost care and concern."
She stared into his eyes hoping to convey the sincerity of her words. "I don't wish to replace Roland's mother. I couldn't. I've lost far too much to ever place myself such a role again. However, his affection is not something that I take lightly. I am not his mother but I will do my best to protect his heart."
Robin gazed into her eyes and saw something he'd only seen from her once before. Honesty. He'd only seen it once before. On the night they'd broken into the castle. Since then it'd been replaced with a mask made of fury and hurt. Still he could recognize the sincerity she was showing. He doubted he'd be seeing it again after tonight.
"Thank you for that," he said. "I should let you know that I have no intention of removing Roland from your side. On the contrary I think you're the one thing that has made this castle bearable for him and I don't wish to steal that from him."
She only nodded in response. As soon as she turned from him he knew their conversation was over and in the morning he'd see the return of the armored and guarded queen he'd grown so accustomed to. He couldn't understand why the thought of that saddened him though. As he made his way back to his room with Roland he realized though that he didn't mind if that was the mask she wished to share with everyone else, so long as she took it off for his son.