Author's Notes: Thanks from the help of my readers I think I found a solution to the problem already! All I want to say for now is… ENJOY! I hope my story entertains you… and… I hope my writing doesn't suck… I kinda' feel like there's something lacking about it… I don't know why but I'm usually good at it sometimes… Well… thanks for reading my notes and cries for help…

(Sadly to say again… this chapter will be a bit short as usual… sorry)

"To bear LOVE with its boundaries"

Chapter 8: Memories of Gojyo

(Author: to spicen up everything I have added a secret thrill! Mwahahaha!)

They were still in town; Gojyo persuaded Sanzo that they stay another night, with a kiss and a wink to satisfy the monk Gojyo won Hakkai a day for relaxing. Hakkai rather to say felt so much doubtless trouble, he wasn't feeling any calmness or any relaxation for that matter, and he was panicking.

"What's wrong with me? Why is it so hard to confront Gojyo?" Hakkai hurriedly paced around his room. Thinking of his next move and how he'll do it right when he encounters Gojyo yet again.

"Ahg! It's just Gojyo for God's sake!" Hakkai screamed up at the ceiling waving his arms frantically like a crazy man. Hakkai started to pace faster, one of his hands was rubbing his chin and the other was inside his pant's pocket. He started to feel sweaty and he started to feel dumb with himself. Hakkai stopped pacing; he walked to his bed and lay down on it. He sighed as he stared blankly at the ceiling.

"How come I can't be confident when I'm around him? I guess it's truly love… I can't stand it… I feel so cold…" Hakkai turned to his side, his arms grabbing his stomach; he looked like he was in pain.

"Gojyo… I need you…" Hakkai called out for him but no one came. He held his arm out trying to reach for someone.

(Memory Lane)

Suddenly someone grabbed his arm…It was raining at that time… Hakkai was a mess, he was dirty and bloody, he lay there on the ground. Gojyo was there, he saw him, he saw how much Hakkai had needed him and there he was. His beloved red eyes looked down at him with such sympathy and warmth.

How could one apply such a gaze like that? Hakkai looked up at him, he felt ashamed and alone. He wanted the man to leave him; he was worth nothing after all…He wasn't worth a life to be saved for… Hakkai had lost his senses, he had lost everything… Hakkai hadn't felt anything since the day he lost the person whom he loved… somehow he felt something towards this man who stands right before him… this man who held no remorse for looking down at him… His face held no pity but concern in it, he was a half-breed a human and demon, and he too had nothing but pain in his life… This redhead was the only man that could look down at Hakkai… the only man that could make Hakkai feel for himself again… Hakkai dug his head back into his arms, he was hiding his face from the beautiful redhead… he was hiding himself from everything that was in the world… Hakkai felt naked and weak… Hakkai was dying because he had wanted to die… But this half-breed wanted to help him, help him live life once again with love and warmth…Hakkai was waiting for him and here he is…

"Don't look at me…" Hakkai said inside his mind, the man's eyes looked at him penetratingly, it was like he could see right through him. Hakkai looked up at him again. His green eyes held with the red ones.

"Are you alright?" the redheaded man knelt down beside Hakkai and checked Hakkai's pulse. Hakkai wanted to push the man away but there was something about him that Hakkai didn't resist, instead Hakkai laid down his life in this man's hands. For the first time in all the days of his life, he depended on someone and that someone was a man who had given him another chance to live again. Hakkai could see the man's sufferings through the two scars that beheld the man's lovely face, they were the only flaws about this man. Hakkai wanted to know him, he was interested now, before Hakkai didn't give a damn and now he's back to life. He 'has' a life to begin with and now he wanted to live his life once more…

"Why do you affect me so? Why do you make me feel irritated? I want to die but now I want to live… Is this how it is? Why does this man make me feel things that I've long forgotten?" Hakkai was driving himself mad; his thoughts were racing many questions around his head. The man lifted Hakkai into his arms, the one thing that Hakkai was surprised about, was that the man smiled at him.

"Why are you smiling?" That's what Hakkai wanted to ask but he couldn't. He didn't have the breath to speak to him. The smile felt so relaxing and peaceful, Hakkai didn't stop staring at it. He wanted this man's smile; he wanted this man to smile at him forever. Hakkai rested his head on the man's shoulder his gaze never leaving that gentle smile of his.

"I better get you somewhere dry…" the redhead started to walk on the road, the rain was coming down faster. Hakkai just lay in his arms, relaxed by the man's husky voice and relaxing smile. Hakkai closed his eyes, he trusted this man, he wanted this man to save him. Hakkai had felt something and somehow the feeling was possessive.

"You saved me and I owe you my life… you sheltered me and I owe you my respect…you cared for me and I owe you my trust… the one thing that you have given me… and the only thing that I will cherish forever… was you're smile and warmth, these were only things that kept me living… I love you… I will die for you…If you do not love me then I will go away… but everyday I will think of you and everyday I will love you… If you accept me and my love… then I will love you for the rest of my life… as I am cherishing you and giving you warmth, til' we grow old and die together… I love you Gojyo…"

Hakkai fell asleep in this man's arms. He felt protected and warm by him. The next thing you knew Hakkai was sleeping in this man's bed, awakened with a smile on the man's face and a warm greeting from his husky voice. Hakkai loved this treatment and he loved this man. Surely there was nothing that you couldn't love about this redhead. Yes, he is a womanizer but all under that was a loving man. He held no boundaries to love and care for someone. This redhead had his own memories and his own pain which was held at the length where death should've come for him but he was stronger than that. He was stronger than Hakkai. Hakkai was glad that this half-breed had lived and found him. This man was the only sanctuary and the only reason why Hakkai lived. This man was important to Hakkai and so he loved him.

(The End of memory lane)

"Gojyo…" Hakkai held up his arm, no one was there. No one heard him, his pleas and cries were answered by silence. Hakkai started to give up, he was about to put down his arm, but then someone grabbed it. Hakkai sat up, his eyes wild and open.

"Hakkai…" Gojyo was there, his eyes full of concern for his friend. Hakkai smiled lightly, Gojyo didn't release him yet.

"Gojyo what are you doing here?" Hakkai asked, Gojyo looked at the man in silence for a moment, and then he answered his friend.

"Well… I thought I heard someone calling for me… and… it felt so desperate and lonely… this feeling… it was like someone needed me…" Gojyo shrugged his shoulders. Hakkai stared at him; he was in blinding shock "I need you Gojyo… I love you…" that was what Hakkai wanted to desperately say.

"Gojyo…" Hakkai's body started to shake badly, tears streamed down his pale cheeks. Gojyo was taken aback; he didn't know or even understood why his friend was like this. Gojyo comforted Hakkai by placing his arms around his best friend.

"Hakkai… shh… it's alright you can let it all out… I'm here…" Gojyo patted Hakkai's back gently. Hakkai grabbed hold of Gojyo's shirt and gripped it tight. He wanted to scream, he wanted to shout 'I LOVE YOU!' but he didn't have the guts to say it yet.

"Gojyo… will you promise me that you'll be with me?" Hakkai sniffed and held on to his Gojyo. Gojyo smiled that smile of his and made Hakkai feelrelaxed a bit.

"Of course Hakkai… were friends right? For now on… we'll stay together like this… with you, Sanzo and Goku by my side…" Gojyo wiped Hakkai's tears away, he sweeped Hakkai's hair away from his eyes. Gojyo gently laid a kiss on Hakkai's forehead, Gojyo sat back to look at him.

"Now smile…" Gojyo commanded him, Hakkai smiled brokenly but it was enough to satisfy Gojyo. Gojyo dearlyloved Hakkai too; he loved him almost as much as Sanzo. Gojyo's smile faded away, his red eyes looking deeply into thegreen ones, the room was silent. It was a bit intensifying; the two men were both silent and staring into each others eyes.

"Gojyo…" Hakkai slowly placed both of his hands on the sides of Gojyo's face. Gently he pulled Gojyo to him, he gave Gojyo a slow and sensual kiss, Hakkai felt breathless when he released him. Gojyo sat there staring at Hakkai blankly, he was in shock.

"Um… I guess I did something wrong…" Hakkai stood up from the bed and ran out of the room. Gojyo sat there, stone cold and dumbfounded.

"Hakkai…" Gojyo called to him but he was already gone.

Downstairs… Where Sanzo was taking his tea and Goku is begging him for a pork bun. Hakkai ran down the stairs as fast as he could, he felt embarrassed of himself.

"I'm such an idiot… Gojyo doesn't go for men…" Hakkai scolded himself; he passed by the two men and ran outside of the hotel. Goku saw Hakkai and followed him. Hakkai stood outside the hotel, he was kneeling down, and his head was on the pavement.

"I'm soo… helpless…. Why damn it! How come I'm like this! Answer me God damn it!" Hakkai banged his head hard a few times on the pavement, Goku appeared rightin front of him. Hakkai's head was bleeding rashly and he didn't give a damn about it,Goku smiled down at Hakkai and offered him his hand.

"Goku…" Hakkai looked up at him surprisingly and he accepted Goku's hand. Hakkai felt shaken, he didn't know what to do anymore.

"Hakkai… whatever you did… it took guts… I now know how important it is for you to do this thing… but somehow you gotta' give time to get you're response or answer… things don't work out a lot lately but through my experience… it's nice to wait sometimes…" Goku smiled at Hakkai lightly. Hakkai felt his knees weaken and again he knelt down.

"Thank you Goku…" Hakkai smiled back at him, Hakkai now felt that his hope has risen again. Goku helped Hakkai stand up, before Hakkai could turn to walk inside the hotel, Gojyo appeared before him and embraced him with his caring arms. Hakkai started to shake again, tears started to stream down again.

"Hakkai… I'm sorry…" Gojyo held him close, he never wanted to let go of him. Hakkai looked up into Gojyo's eyes; he saw how much the man cared for him.

"I'm so blind… I was the one who tormented you… I'm really sorry… can you forgive me love?" Gojyo was begging for his forgiveness.

"Of course I forgive you! Gojyo I-" Hakkai stopped he was in shock, had his ears deceive him? Did Gojyo just call him love? Is this friendship relationship going to the next stage to being lovers?

"Did you just call me love?" Hakkai asked in surprised shocked. Gojyo gave Hakkai a devilish grin and slowly Gojyo leaned his face down. Hakkai's lips met Gojyo's, his tongue flickering around his mouth tasting the brunette's lips; Hakkai was breathless from the kiss. Gojyo was the one doing him; the kiss was deep and gentle, this was a lover's kiss. This was one effort that Gojyo had a hard time doing, his kiss wasn't alwayssoft and deep but usually Gojyo would be ripping off someone's mouth in one kiss. When Gojyo let go of the brunette's lips, Hakkai was desperately gasping for air.

"Gojyo…" Hakkai looked at Gojyo's soft and loving eyes. Gojyo gave him a lover's kiss and that surely made Hakkai feel very important.

"Hakkai… why don't we go up in the room?" Gojyo asked his new lover.

"Gojyo… I'll go wherever you go…" Hakkai answered with a sniff from his nose and a smile on his face. When Gojyo was bringing Hakkai towards the hotel entrance, he saw Sanzo standing there. The whole time the blond monk was watching them. Gojyo saw in his face the anger and hatred from the love scene that took place outside the hotel.