The Capitol – Again

The first thing I notice while waking up is the white ceiling. Seems like Snow loves this colour.

Carefully I turn my head and my face lights up when I see Mags sitting on a chair next to my bed.

"Mags!", I exclaim, truly happy for the first time in days. I sit up immediately and regret it just a second later as my head feels like shit. A groan escapes my lips and Mags says "Easy. Could hurt"

Nevertheless, I smile up at her, just happy that she´s here by my side. I´m about to make some sort of joke to ease the atmosphere but stop myself as I notice tears glistening in her eyes.

"Good boy, you did it", is all she manages to say and strokes my hair.

I softly smile at her. "Is everything alright?" I ask her and in response she just begins to laugh.

"You back from Games and me asking alright?". I grin, just happy that she seems to be okay.

Before I can thank her for everything she has done for me, my prep team storms in and gushes all over me, telling me how handsome I am and that I was soo brave and did you remember that part of the Game or what about that?

I feel uncomfortable. I don´t want to think about the Games so soon afterwards. Remembering that I already had nightmares in the Arena I don´t want to know how it is going to be while I´m home where I can think over everything that has happened without having to do something or focusing on the next day or the next thing I´ll have to do to survive. I only can imagine that it´s going to be bad, really, really, really bad.

"Finnick?", a voice stops my thoughts.

"Yeah?", I reply.

"Did you hear what I just said", my stylist Augustus asks me.

"No, I´m sorry", I answer guiltily. Augustus did everything he could to help me, he´s from the Capitol but all in all a good person and I´m thankful for his outfits which helped to get me this much sponsors. Without him I´m certain I wouldn´t have had enough sponsors to get the trident and without the trident I would have died. So I´m very grateful for his help.

"I said", he begins again, "That this evening your Victory Ceremony will take place and therefore we need to do a bit to make you look presentable. Not that you´re not quite the handsome fellow but your hair grew quite a bit and-"

"Today?", I ask shocked, "The ceremony is already today? I just woke up. I´m not ready for this". Hoping that this is some kind of joke I look at Mags but she just gives me a sad smile.

"Just the evening. You´ll do, you´re strong. Tomorrow home", she tells me.

"But what about my head?", I want to know, "It hurts like hell"

"Don´t worry", Augustus reassures me, "You´re going to get some pain killer for the evening. As well, the doctor told me the pain will fade during the day"

"Okay", I sigh, "Then lets get over with it". Immediately the prep team gets started. But I don´t really notice them as I have to think about the ceremony. I know from the previous years that they´ll show a recap of the Games and I´m not really sure if I´m capable of seeing me murder all these people.

"Mags", I say quietly.

"Yes, my boy?"

"What´s it like to see yourself in the Arena, to see how you kill the other Tributs?", I ask her.

She smiles sadly at me. "Truth? It´ll be awful, but you´ll make it. Smile and pretend everything´s alright"

"I don´t think I can do that", I tell her truthfully. The thought of seeing myself murdering people makes me sick. I don´t think I´m capable of smiling and pretending everything is fine while watching the recap.

"Listen", Mags starts, "You have to. Games not over yet. Understood?"

"No, what do you mean the Games aren´t over? They are. I won them, remember?", I reply confused. She shakes her head.

"No, Games not over yet. Explain later. You have to trust me"

"Okay", I answer. I don´t understand what she´s talking about but I know that I trust her and I know that she´s telling the truth. I´ll have to stand through the evening.

Not long afterwards, it´s time. Mags gives me some last advice on how to act.

"Smile and pretend. Act charming, just like before. Got it?"

"Yeah, smile, pretend that I´m enjoying myself and make the people love me some more, right?", I response and wink at her.

"Good boy, just like that. Will start in 5 minutes", she tells me.

"Will it get any better?", I ask her after some silence.

"What will?"

"Living while knowing that you killed all these innocent people"

"Listen, not your fault.", then she very quietly adds, "Capitol´s fault"

Just as I´m about to reply I hear somebody call my name and before I know it I´m on the stage with Caesar and everybody is clapping and shouting my name. I smile and wave and throw some winks for good measure.

After the crowd quietened down Caesar and I sit down on a blue fancy couch. I notice that his hair is blue, too and I come to the conclusion that they shall represent District 4 with the blue sea.

"Now, Finnick, Congratulations, you have all my respect. You were absolutely fantastic. Aren´t I right, Ladies and Gentlemen?"

The crowd begins to cheer again and I give them some of my fake smiles.

"Well, Caesar, thank you. It is a great honour to be here and to have represented my District in these Games. And as well, I would like to thank all of my sponsors and everyone sitting here who made it possible that I´m sitting here right now. You´re really amazing". The crowd begins to cheer wildly again and this time some woman even cries "Will you marry me, Finnick?". I look to Mags who sitting right at the front of the crowd, she´s smiling and giving me a thumbs up.

"Now, now, Finnick, no reason to be this humble. Your skills were quite impressive. You´re going to see this right now: Lets begin with the recaps!" Everyone´s clapping again and than the recaps begin. I try not to remember my Games while watching but it seems sheer impossible as images of the Arena start to come up again. I don´t even have to watch the recaps to know exactly what is going to happen the next moment. I don´t think I´ll ever forget even a second of my Games. And it´s just awful but I get through it without letting my fake smile, that is plastered on my face throughout the whole thing, slip.

Afterwards, the president comes up to me and congratulates me as well. As he is setting the crown onto my head, I feel like vomiting but I stay strong and smile the whole time as Mags told me to. Nevertheless, I look at Snow and know that he´s responsible for everything, for the Games, for the deaths, for the poverty and for the hunger in the different districts. And I realize that I could kill him without a single thought of regret.