"Adoption."

"I don't think that'll work…"

"What? I can't believe you're not open to the idea of adoption!"

"Okay, okay! Lets try it." Rick glanced down at the crossword in front of them, noting how many boxes he needed to fill. "…no, it won't work with 10 across."

Kate sighed. "I was so sure that was the right answer."

Rick grinned at her, amused at the look of annoyance on her delicate face.

"You can't be right all the time Kate. Us mortals have to have a shot at being right once or twice in our lifetime."

"Ha ha ha! You should be a comedian, not a novelist." Kate mused, gazing around them at some of the other patients taking advantage of the warm weather; Sarah and a new young girl Jamie who was recently checked in by her parents for her dependency on alcohol, sunbathing under the oak trees; Dean and Mel, a counselor Kate hadn't had much to do with, were playing a friendly game of volleyball with a few of the younger patients; and Kenzie, a middle aged musician battling a heroin addiction with whom Rick had hit it off straight away was lounging on the deck chairs by the main doors with Jones, an older woman who Kate had taken a liking to very quickly. All Kate knew about Jones was that she had tried to commit suicide after the death of her young daughter.

Jones looked up from her chair then, making eye contact with Kate. Kate lifted a hand slightly, waving. Jones offered a small smile in return, then turned her head away. Kate felt her features fall slightly; Jones had always been friendly towards Kate and Richard and everyone else since she'd arrived. 'She's probably having a bad day.' Kate thought, her mind wandering to her own first days in the centre, and how much she had fought getting better.

"All done!" Rick announced proudly, sliding the paper across the table towards Kate. Every single box on the crossword was filled in with barely legible letters, something that had always amused Kate. "How can you be a writer if others can barely read your writing?"

Kate raised her eyebrows and smiled. "Congratulations writer boy. Another claim to fame for you. Come on, I'm starving and lunch should be out by now."

Kate couldn't breathe. The blurred figure standing before her reached out its' arms and guided her to the couch. Her eyes felt like two tiny Suns', burning in their atmosphere. Somewhere, someone was urging her to breathe deeply. Was she dying? An unholy sobbing wrenched through the air, violating her eardrums and rattling her brain; a hand grasped hers tightly, nails digging into skin. Pain…all she could feel was pain.

"Momma..."

Rick had disappeared soon after they'd eaten lunch together. His mother and daughter were coming in for a visit and he had almost been bouncing off the walls with excitement as he'd left to change into some tidier clothes.

"Ahhh Kate I'm so excited! I haven't seen my family in a month! I haven't held my daughter in a month!"

Kate wandered aimlessly through the common room from the lunch hall, picking her way through the mess of couches and beanbags sprawled around the floor. Hurried footsteps behind her startled her out of the daze she was in; Dean rushed around the corner, breathless. "Kate! I've been looking for you for ages!"

"What? Why? What's wrong?" Kate started, panicking slightly.

Dean grinned and held out his hand for her. "You've got a visitor. Come on, he's waiting in the foyer."

"He? Is it…?" Kate's voice was barely a whisper, hardly daring to believe he was here.

Dean just grinned wider. "Come and see."

Kate leapt forward toward Dean and grasped his hand, allowing him to pull her out of the common room doors and down the main hallway to the foyer. Her heart felt like it was going to leap out of her chest; her fingers were tingling in anticipation. Nearing the doorway to the foyer, Dean let his hand slip out of Kate's, allowing her to walk ahead of him into the warmth of the welcoming main entrance. Kate baulked as she stepped through the doorframe, her breath held in her lungs, cautious. The man sitting on the lemon coloured couch across the room stood up; his aged body standing tall and strong, the lines on his face crinkling with the smile creasing his features as he laid eyes upon his daughter.

Kate felt tears sting her eyes, her hands trembling; itching to reach out and touch the man mere feet from her.

"Daddy." Her voice shook. The whisper floated across the room, delicate yet powerful.

"Hi Katiebug." Jim whispered in return, holding out his arms and starting across the room.

Kate jumped forward, launching herself into her fathers' arms; wrapping her own around him tightly, burying her face into the curve of his neck. Jim responded equally enthusiastically, holding his daughter tighter than he believed he ever had. The tears fell freely from both of them; Kate's sobs only slightly drowning out the muffled cries of her father.

After what seemed an eternity, Kate pulled back from Jim, still in shock that he was here, in the flesh. It had been six weeks since father and daughter had seen each other; six long weeks of tears, tantrums, slammed phones and loneliness, as Kate battled with the terrible withdrawal she had to go through along with the mood swings and absence of what was familiar.

"You look good Katie. You look healthy." Jim said proudly, having noted the healthy glow on his daughters face, and the way her bones no longer protruded beneath her skin.

"I feel good Dad." Kate smiled, nodding. "Do you want to have a look around? I have some friends I'd like you to meet."

Jim smiled and took her hand in his. "Lead the way!"

Kate woke suddenly, sunlight streaming through the gap in the curtains onto her face. For a brief moment, the events of last night remained hidden in the depths of her mind; her mother was alive and brewing coffee in the kitchen. But, as with all memories, the truth flooded through her brain and began to cascade from her eyes. Blinking, Kate sat up slowly, the thick woolen blanket sliding off her legs as she swung them off the couch. Her eyes raked over the room; Jim was slumped on the chair in the corner, his head lolling on his shoulder, his chest rising and falling slowly with each breath. Standing up and stretching, Kate felt the knots in her neck and shoulders tighten.

"Sleeping on that damn couch…" she mumbled, rubbing her hands over her face, her cheeks almost brittle with the tears she had cried herself to sleep with.

Mom is dead.

Like a jagged knife to the heart, the thought shot through leaving nothing but charred edges and the bitter metallic taste of blood in her mouth, though that might have been due to the constant chewing on the inside of her cheek Kate was currently doing. It was something Johanna had always chided Kate for doing, saying she was going to give herself gum disease. Kate had never managed to kick the habit, always giving in to it at times of extreme stress.

Kate blinked rapidly, refocusing on the room in front of her and realized she'd subconsciously made her way through to the kitchen. Glancing down, her breath caught in her throat. There, on the table, was the paper, and it was opened to a half-done crossword. Kate breathed slowly, stepping forward and gingerly setting herself down on the chair her mother would have vacated only 24 hours previously. Stretching out a shaking hand, Kate gently stroked the shiny black pen lying against the paper. It rolled towards her and she could clearly see an inscription:

"For my darling Johanna,

for all the words you've yet to write.

Forever yours, Jim."

A lone tear fell down Kate's cheek as she picked up the pen, reading the inscription once, twice, three times more, absorbing the words into her brain. She closed her eyes and held the pen against her chest; she could picture Johanna sitting where she now sat, writing with the pen she now held, a triumphant smile gracing the features she passed on to her daughter as she cracked yet another clue.

"You can keep that, if you want." Jim had slipped into the kitchen quietly, watching his daughter through tired, bloodshot eyes.

Kate opened her eyes and took in her fathers' disheveled appearance. "Oh…Dad, it's yours. You gave it to her." Kate's lips began trembling, as more memories flashed through her brain. Johanna and Jim arguing over which movie to watch; A nine-year old Kate giggling hysterically in her fathers' arms, spinning so fast the world was a blur, Johanna cheering from the porch; Johanna and Kate asleep inside the blanket fort made especially after a particularly hard day at school for Kate; Johanna's smile when Jim and Kate proudly gifted her the coffee table they'd made.

"Johanna would have wanted you to have it, Bug. Crosswords were your thing together." Jim was standing beside her now. He reached out a shaky hand to cover her own, and within it, the pen.

Kate nodded at her father; she wasn't much for mementoes, but she was glad for this one.

"We'll be okay, won't we?" Her voice was vulnerable, scared.

Jim grasped her hand tighter, drawing strength from the question he knew she hadn't wanted to ask.

"Yes."

She was happy. He could see it in her eyes, in the way she held herself; confident and strong. His Katie was back…almost. Kate herself freely admitted that she still had a long way to go on her road to recovery; that staying in rehab was the right choice. He was proud of how far she'd come in the six weeks she'd been here, and of the friends she had made. She had pointed everyone out to him, proudly.

"That's Kenzie; he plays his guitar most nights in the common room. There's Sarah, my roommate, and a new girl Jamie. Oh, and there's Rick." Kate pointed towards a couple of beanbags in the corner of the common room where Rick, an older woman and a young girl were situated. The older woman was reading a book while Rick and the young girl were engaged in an incredibly animated conversation, complete with waving hands and arms and contorted faces. Rick caught Kate's eye then, waving enthusiastically before returning his attention to the little girl beside him. Kate smiled softly; she'd never seen his daughter but from the way he was interacting with the girl, it was clear that she was the apple of his eye.

Jim nodded, keeping track of the people Kate had pointed out to him, storing their names in his memory. "Shall we sit?" He pointed to a couple of cozy looking chairs they'd wandered up to.

Kate followed his lead, setting herself opposite her father who was watching her closely with steel grey eyes.

Jim breathed heavily, the exhaustion from the past eight months suddenly showing on his face. He locked eyes with his daughter; pleading silently for her to answer the question he couldn't bring himself to ask.

A flicker of a smile flashed across Kate's face, her hand reaching across the gap between them to take hold of her father's.

"I'm okay Dad. I promise. I'm doing really well with my programme." Kate said easily, her eyes sparkling with the glimmer of hope. "I'm beginning to feel alive again."

Jim's eyes were glassy, his hands trembling. "I'm so proud of you Katherine. Your mother would be so proud of you. I-I'm sorry I haven't visited before now. Your counselor Claire has been keeping me up to date with your progress, but she told me at the beginning it might be best to wait until you were fully through your withdrawal and on your way up."

Kate squeezed his hand gently. "You don't have to apologize Dad. I've been such a mess in here…I was so angry for so long…I didn't want you to see me like that. I needed to get better on my own."

"You don't hold it against me?" Jim asked softly, timidly.

"Dad, we both know I was on a downward spiral. I needed help, and you helped me to get that. I love you." Kate answered quietly, watching her father's face carefully.

Jim smiled slowly. "I love you too Katiebug." He shook his head slightly. "I loved your mother more and more every day, Katherine, and my only regret was that I didn't tell her so. Will you promise me something sweetie? If you find someone or something that makes you feel whole, you'll take a shot at it will you? Y-you have people in here that you can trust? That you can talk to?"

Kate pondered his words thoughtfully, her eyes wandering across the room to Rick and his family.

"Yeah, I do Dad. I really do."

The first few days after Johanna's death became a blur to Kate. People she'd not seen in ten years were suddenly living at the house: a mass of black clothes, a fridge overflowing with casseroles and slices, and an abundance of 'I'm so sorry for your loss.' Everywhere she looked, she was met with pity; every hand she shook was a sympathetic touch. As the first week and Johanna's funeral rolled past, Kate could feel herself coiling into a tightly wound spring; snapping at those who offered comfort, locking herself away in her room while hordes of family members sat in the lounge, the sleepless nights giving way to groggy mornings moving zombie-like through the motions.

It was two weeks after Johanna's death that Kate finally voiced her fears. Long after Jim had gone to bed, Kate lay awake on her own, tears silently streaming down her face.

"Mom…I can't do this. I can't live without you here. I'm really scared, Mom. I feel so broken. Please don't leave me Mom….Momma…I can't do this…I can't do this…"

"Hey."

Rick looked up from his reclined position on the couch to see Kate standing over him, peering down upon his face. He struggled up to allow her room to sit next to him.

"Hey. Your Dad left?"

Kate nodded, curling herself up at the other end of the couch. "Yeah. He's gone home. Your family?"

"Mother took Alexis home for a nap. I tired her out." Rick grinned cheerfully, his eyes shining.

Kate smiled. "I can imagine you did, you tire me out most days without trying." Rick looked at her, his lips twitching. Kate started, "OH! That came out…dirtier than I intended it."

Rick laughed, a deep hearty laugh that reverberated deep within Kate's soul; the kind of laugh that makes everyone feel happy. Biting her lower lip slightly, Kate pulled a shiny black pen from the pocket of her hoodie, holding it out for Rick to take.

"This belonged to my Mother. I've never shown anyone."

Rick held the pen carefully, reading the delicately engraved inscription slowly. He breathed softly, touched by the personal memory Kate was sharing with him.

"This is really beautiful, Kate. Thank you for showing me." He paused, raising his eyes to meet hers. "I know you miss Johanna more than you think I can understand, but I really do."

Kate brought a sleeve up to wipe away tears forming in her eyes. No one else in the centre knew her mother's name; no one else knew just how much she still sometimes struggled. How desperately she missed her Mom. Opening her mouth to speak, Rick cut across her first.

"I know you're still in a difficult place Kate; I know you still feel broken and lost but I just want you to know I'll always be here for you. If you ever want to talk, or if you just need someone to cry to, I'll be here."

Kate's mouth twitched, crinkling into a slight smile. "Always?"

Rick nodded, serious. "Always."

Kate lay awake for hours that night, watching the night sky grow darker outside the window; the moon illuminating the cream coloured walls and blue carpet of the room. Jim's words bounced around her brain, trying to find an escape for what she already knew to be true. For the first time since Johanna's death, Kate felt peace within her heart. For the first time in almost eight months, Kate felt love return to her and her bruised soul. For the first time in a long time, Kate knew she was going to be okay. Smiling to herself, Kate shifted slightly and closed her eyes, saying a silent prayer to her father, and to the one who had begun to heal her heart, Rick.

When you're out on your own

and you need some time to decide

whether you're strong enough

whether you should give up or try

when you stand on your own

here's hoping you'll find

it's a good day, it's a good day

to be alive.