Chapter 13: Light and shadow
"Oh my, quite a blend of fruit and floral bouquets," smiled Rowen, always appreciative of a good cup of tea. "However did you know this is my favorite?"
"Elize volunteered the information when I texted her yesterday morning," smiled the Chancellor, who then nodded towards King Gauis' cup of crushed matcha green tea. "She told me what you both like." The king nodded approvingly but stared into his steamy cup without touching it, his brows still furrowed with worry.
"It's a marvel you can still appreciate tea at a time like this," his voice still on edge. The older gentleman merely smiled and sipped quietly.
It is precisely a time like this that one must keep calm, Your Highness, Rowen thought to himself. He knew Elize was a force to be reckoned with, even if she looked harmless on the outside. Her captors would be terribly surprised. Rowen hoped Elize would not push herself and take her illness into consideration, for her sake and for the sake of those who loved her. He eyed the king carefully who had been visibly upset ever since Rowen reminded him of protocol to not interfere with Union jurisdiction in matters of safety.
"I wonder what's keeping her," sighed Chancellor Marcia in concern. They had received word from the commanding Union officer that the young woman who was allegedly held captive by Exodus had managed to free herself and launch a single handed artes attack against her captors to prevent a bombing on the Union Army headquarters.
In fact, many of the Union soldiers who subsequently returned reported they couldn't interfere, and only watched the ferocity of her artes, each one darker and more fearsome than the last. When the dust settled one assailant was badly wounded and immediately taken for emergency treatment while two other suspects, much younger, had fled.
To their dismay a soldier then came in to report that Elize declined the escort but instead sent a brief message to Rowen, Gaius and Marcia that she would not stay for tea. He also reported that she had looked unwell when she boarded the train for Trigleph.
There were in fact many reasons Elize left without seeing them. The truth that she had assisted members of Exodus despite her loyalty to her friend the Chancellor was one reason. The other was that a lack of prudence during her last fight had accelerated her illness.
While on board the train Elize received two expected text messages. One was of course from Rowen, who inquired after her well being and she responded by assuring him she was fine. The second was from Marcia, who asked why she hadn't come to tea, but Elize simply apologized and explained she had a prior engagement. Just as she was about to turn off her GHS, a third message appeared. It surprised her since he was not at all adept at texting.
Where are you?
With that one question he conveyed the entirety of his feelings and she second-guessed her choice in leaving without seeing him. Elize responded she was en route to Spirius to help test the prototype. She could not lie to him but even more so, Elize didn't want to burden him. She held her phone close with a wistful smile before turning it off.
There was no need to distract him from his duties from this point forward, she decided. Elize would face her fate head on as her train sped towards Trigleph; all events of her past were culminating to this point. Her journey that had begun alone would also end the same way.
-000-
When she met with Ludger in the CEO's office she was able to give him a cheerful smile. On his desk sat a picture of his wife and baby Elle, which made her beam and not without a little envy. She had made a stuffed Teepo backpack for Elle and handed it to Ludger to give to his daughter when she was older.
"Why don't you give it to her yourself when the time comes?" her friend asked.
A cloud of uncertainty crossed over her expression.
Her friend smiled in encouragement. "There will be many years and plenty of opportunities to cast Blessed Arte the Pink."
Elize burst out laughing at the reference and his natural optimism. "I envy your wife, Ludger, that she has such a caring, and considerate man as her husband." she smiled.
Her friend blushed bashfully. "Thank you. Someday you'll find someone who will be that for you, Elize."
Her faint blush in response led Ludger to raise an eyebrow. "Have you?"
"I…I have," she answered shyly.
"Why isn't this person here with you?"
"He's so busy; if I told him he'd want to just come, and go out of his way to make that possible even though he has so many things to do." Elize reasoned. "I didn't want to be an additional burden."
"I think he'd be angry that you didn't tell him," Ludger suggested. "If he cared, he'd want to be with you for support and do this together. At least, that's what I think."
Elize pondered Ludger's words and recalled how hard her friend had fought to save the other Elle when she decided to complete her quest alone to spare him. The other Elle had been a friend and Elize's guilt resurfaced with the memory. She excused herself for a moment and quickly sent a message. His response was immediate, as if Gaius had been waiting.
Erston, I should have told you.
-What's wrong?
I'm at Spyrius because I'm getting worse.
A long pause followed.
-On my way.
No. Don't come. I'll be in good hands.
-Do not argue. I will be there.
When she tried to call and dissuade him she received a message that he had turned off his device. He really was on his way. Fearing that she had worried him over nothing, she turned to Ludger to ask how long it would be before the testing commenced.
Just as she was about to ask, Elize felt another sharp pain in her chest and it brought her to her knees. Ludger was at her side immediately and ordered his secretary Vera to call the medics to assist and deliver her to the medical wing. He was already speaking with Jude on his GHS when the medics declared Elize was unresponsive.
-000-
In the hazy fog of her mind, induced by drugs and by her body's own self-imposed stasis, Elize thought she heard laughter as she stood in a grassy field. Elize felt as though she was a stranger, but also that she had been here before. She wondered how she had come to this place and how long she had been standing in a space where time did not exist.
Elize continued to walk through the tall grass, swaying though she could not feel the breeze, trying to follow the source of the merriment. She climbed up a moss covered knoll only to find Milla and the Four conversing about the design of a new outfit.
This doesn't make any sense….
"The straps should be red," grumbled Efreet.
"No, definitely brown," said Gnome.
I must be dreaming…..
"Should it be longer?" asked Undine.
"How will I fight if it isn't short?" sighed Milla.
Sylph sighed, "Do you have any intention of fighting in it?"
Elize stared at them dumbfounded that she had somehow separated from her body and pierced the sky barrier only to float into the realm of spirits. They all turned simultaneously to notice the intruder who had wandered into their midst and blinked at her, equally in shock that she was standing there.
"Elize?" asked Milla with concern. "You're not supposed to be here."
When her friend asked her what had happened, Elize explained the situation to them, from the beginning up to the moment she felt her body was dying and everything went dark.
"I see," said Milla thoughtfully. "Let me assure you this is no dream. Your spirit seems to have wandered across the plane and through the barrier to the spirit realm, where all mana begins. You must have had a strong desire to see me for you to be brought directly here."
"You're the only friend I needed to say goodbye to," Elize smiled ruefully. Just as she was beginning to feel the regret of not seeing him before the end her friend interrupted.
"You're not dead," explained Milla. "This is just a temporary state of being. When your spirit is ready, it will return to your body. I'm sorry Elize. This is partly my fault. I should have destroyed Labari at the earliest opportunity."
Elize stared at her blankly and let that bit of information sink in.
"No, it was simply my fate. I'm relieved though," she exclaimed as Elize hugged her friend close. "There are still things I need to do. And...I shouldn't keep him waiting."
"Him?" asked Millia.
"Well…." Elize hesitated, not knowing where to start. "Someone special to me."
"Is this the human emotion they describe as 'love' or -?" asked Milla, wide-eyed with curiosity.
"Lust?" volunteered Sylph.
"No! It's not that!" she burst out, placing her hands over her cheeks. "I didn't expect it…especially with everything else going on. Still, I can't help but like him very much. So it must be...love."
"That's wonderful!" exclaimed Milla. "I had read that love was a very spontaneous feeling that cannot be controlled. Are you going to enter into the human pact of matrimony?"
"N-no," she stammered. "Not right now…if ever…we haven't…um, I don't know if that's what's in store for us."
"You're entering what they would call an illicit relationship, then?" her friend asked blankly.
"N-no!" said Elize horrified that Milla even knew what that meant. "Our feelings are mutual. We care about one another. He's helped me more times than I can count when I needed it. He even gave me something to remind me that I'm…" Her speech failed her momentarily. A slow smile crept into her shy expression. "...I'm 'cherished.' But it's just our secret for now."
"A secret relationship?" asked Efreet.
"Why is it a secret?" asked Milla.
"Perhaps they should not be together?" suggested Sylph.
"Is he married? asked Gnome.
"That would be most inappropriate," sighed Undine.
"He's not married!" assured Elize, wondering why speaking with them was just as difficult as speaking with Muzét.
"Perhaps he's already spoken for," Gnome interjected.
"He isn't," responded Elize in exasperation.
"Then why keep it a secret? The best relationships are those that burn bright with passion out in the open!" exclaimed Efreet excitedly.
"What would you know about it?" asked Gnome, shaking his head. "Relationships that are steady and solid like the earth are best."
Sylph frowned. "Love is fleeting and whimsical, like the wind."
"Since when were any of us love experts?" frowned Undine.
"Do I know him?" asked Milla, getting back to the point.
Elize looked away and mumbled a name. Her friend stepped closer and asked that she repeat it.
"It's…Erst-um…. It's King Gaius," she said at last.
Milla nearly fell over. The Four blinked at her in shock. Elize shrunk away from their scrutiny.
"Isn't he too old for her?" whispered Sylph as an aside.
"Age is not really a deterrent as long as they are both adults and their maturity is level," Undine whispered back.
"But are they compatible?" interjected Gnome.
"They would appear as different as day and night," concluded Undine.
"Or perhaps light and shadow," suggested Efreet.
"They do say that opposites attract," shrugged Gnome.
"So…you...and Gaius….? asked Milla tentatively, still trying to wrap her head around the idea. Elize sighed and looked away.
"I knew no one would believe it. That's also why I haven't told anyone."
"Are you intimate?"
Elize stared at Milla, shocked speechless. "I…no!" she finally blurted out, recalling the discussion on direct tethering. "I..We haven't done anything…inappropriate." her voice trailed. "Except…a hug, maybe I…k-kissed him?"
"Skinship," nodded Efreet knowingly.
"How bold," said Sylph with eyebrow raised. If Elize was still in her body her face would be flaming by now.
"It's difficult to believe, knowing what I know of you both, but judging by your reaction it must be true," concluded Milla.
"It's true," she insisted. "These past months we've crossed paths so often. The more time I spent with him the more natural it felt. He supports me without question. At first I thought it was simple infatuation, that he didn't feel the same…." Elize smiled in spite of herself. "I acted on impulse when I kissed him but he didn't mention it afterwards so I tried to ignore it. Instead my feelings grew stronger, and I was so surprised when he accepted me. Part of me feels he's doing it out of responsibility or obligation since he's so serious about everything."
"Do you really think that?" asked Milla.
"Even now I keep thinking there's just no way he feels the same and no way it could work since he's Gaius before he's Erston; that I'm just Elize but he can't ever just be Erston." She groaned and put her head in her hands, "We're so different."
"Perhaps not," her friend suggested. "Perhaps there was something in each of you that drew out your affection."
Elize pondered it. There existed a light in Gaius that brightened her darkness. He knew how to listen and when to soothe, since he understood her grief and restlessness from his own experience. He was dutiful, diplomatic and able to diffuse her anger by saying just the right thing at the right time. "I don't want to burden or hurt him. Especially not when I've turned out like this," she said quietly, looking down at her near transparent form.
"I think he's old enough to decide if he wants to take the risk of being burdened or hurt. It seems unlikely that Gaius would have offered himself without giving it some serious thought. You must have connected with him on a unique level. Based on my observations, he is preoccupied with his duty and does things via direct methods, with only his own sense of justice and propriety as a guide. I wouldn't be surprised if this was the first time he's ever honestly explored unclassifiable concepts like his emotions or his feelings towards someone else," concluded Milla. "Despite the age difference it seems you're both still novices."
"Like the blind leading the blind," giggled Sylph. Milla threw the spirit a disapproving glare.
"Gaius is far too serious for his own good. It would be beneficial for him to have someone to lighten his mood now and then. I have read that being able to show emotion to another is a sign of friendship and trust in a relationship. Does he smile in front of you?" asked Milla.
She remembered the hard to come by smile that touched his lips that night in Xian Du and grinned, "Rarely."
"Well if you've managed to do that, I'd say you're not incompatible."
"How…" began Elize. "With Jude, how did you come to the conclusion that he was the one who was most important to you?"
"I didn't notice it at first. It was such a gradual feeling. It wasn't until I realized I was attached to him that I was aware of my affection. He's clumsy, but earnest, and above all he's good and kind. Our fates were intertwined even before I ran into him at Talim, but it also seemed that our fates were meant to intertwine."
"Fates meant to intertwine..." repeated Elize.
"Once you've made your decision to walk with him or not, other paths will open for you."
For the first time, Elize pondered what her path would be if the operation proved successful. Though she never doubted Jude's abilities, the possibility never really occurred to her that she would fulfill her parents' wish and live a long and healthy life.
Elize felt a strange tugging behind her, and winced as a sharp pain shot through her chest. It came and left, since she was not actually in her physical body, but it was a shadow of what was happening to her in the real world.
"It seems your body is calling you back. You should not dwell here and divide your life's energy this way," said Milla, placing a gentle hand on Elize's forehead.
"Milla," Elize said as she reached out.
"Though I can no longer walk amongst you, I am always with you," her friend smiled.
She did not clearly hear the other words Milla uttered as her surroundings began to blur. At the same time she felt herself being pulled backwards, away from that space and time. She only remembered her friend's lingering touch as everything again went dark.
"May the shadow be peeled away to give you new life; and should the darkness overtake you let us meet once more before you return to the light of Origin."