Dear Definatly NOT a Diary,
I was soooo giving up on writing in you after that lame-ass mission Mustsy Moss Balls sent me on. I swear! Who the hell does he think he is? Newsflash, Musty! You're not the Fuhrer yet. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I surpass him. It's bound to happen eventually. I mean I am the most amazing person in this crap hole of a military. They're lucky to have such a bad-ass child prodigy like me. I could leave them at anytime. Ha! I'm like Amestris' little angel. I DID NOT JUST CALL MYSELF SMALL! If they did anything to me it would crush the spirit of the people. The spirit of the people is at fate! So anyways, back to why I brought your stupid ass back out here to write. I had to update you and vent. So first off, teacher visited me today. Let me tell you, she was scary as HELL! I swear that woman (she's a woman right?) is like the empress demon of the underworld who somehow crawled her way up to the world above after she was born out of flames and a cauldron of lava. Okay so she went on this rant about me being reckless with my alchemy and that I should try to lay low awhile as I draw way to much attention to my gorgeous body which rivals that of a Greek god. It's not my fault that I was blessed with an amazing body and looks. It's no wonder I am the envy of every girl! I mean just look at Winry, she practically drools when she sees me. I have my suspicions that she only wants to be my auto mail engineer to see me shirtless. That little bi- Anyways after teacher gave me the scolding of a life time, she (thankfully) left to go "tenderize some meat with her beloved butcher" or whatever that means. After she left I caught Al trying to sneak yet another cat into the barracks. Honestly, if he keeps this up, I'm going to have to turn his armor into a cat...Hey! that's not a bad idea! If he loves cat's so much why doesn't he just become one? No. Wait that would be a bad idea. I can't be seen walking around with a robot cat. Walking around with a bad ass suit of armor is one thing, but a metal cat? No. I can't do that to myself. I'd never hear the end of it from Colonel Bastard. Maybe I should just tell Al that he loves cats and if he find another one to give it to Mustang. It's perfect! Mustang HATES cats. He can't turn down Al either. As much as I hate to admit it, he's practically our guardian as long as I'm part of the military. I mean he's my commanding officer. Damn right he's commanding. Let me tell you, Diary, he told me I had to do Latrine duty for my failure on that last mission. I don't think it was a failure! It was a total success. I mean yeah sure I blew up some buildings and cost the military a lot of military in repairs, and yeah I did kinda sorta cause injuries to those who were not in the direct line of fire. But if they didn't want to get hurt they should've gotten out of my way! I'm a Major in the military damnit! They should cower in fear when I walk their way. Shit I got to go. Alphonse just saw me mumbling nonsense and I think he saw me writing. Nothing get's past him. Can't say I blame him. He learned from the best! I guess I'll write later if I absolutely have to.
-Edward Elric