A/N: Sorry for the delay on this, but as anyone who follows me on Tumblr will know my dog went missing on the 17th, so my head just hasn't been on anything but her. I'm writing this as a distraction as it's now gone 9pm at night and I can't look for her in the dark. It might turn out to be a pile of shit, and all I can do is apologise for that. Thanks for the support so far with this, you've all been great. Read, review and enjoy!

Chapter Three.

After a couple of days in the medical unit Abby couldn't make any more excuses to keep Clarke there, so she allowed her daughter to go to her quarters. Physically she was healing well, Abby was again surprised about the Grounders medical knowledge. Mentally, Abby knew it would take more than a couple of days anywhere for Clarke to start to heal the scars. She knew from her own experience that some of those scars would never heal.

x-x-x

Everywhere she went in the camp she could feel people looking at her, sure they were talking about her, about what she'd done. That was part of the reason that Clarke didn't want to be there. The looks she was getting from them, she knew those looks, they were the same looks that she and everyone else had given Finn. Finn had killed 18 people, she had killed over 300 people, and she was partly responsible for the deaths of nearly 250 others when she went along with Lexa and left the village before the missile hit. The blood on her hands would never wash away. Most of the first few days that she was back at the camp and out of medical, she spent shut away in her quarters. Someone, she assumed it was her mother or Bellamy, was leaving food for her. She didn't eat it though, she couldn't. Every time she thought about eating she felt sick. Her head would flash back to the kids in the mountain, kids that would never eat again because of her. She had always believed your actions defined you as a person, words are one thing, but the way you act is another.

She couldn't help but wonder why Lexa had taken her back there, her mother told her that the Grounder Commander had been the one to take her back to the camp, but other than that Abby hadn't been too forthcoming with any other information. She didn't tell her whether Lexa had said anything. No matter how many times Clarke had asked her, Abby told her that there was nothing to tell. The people at the camp were her people, the Grounders weren't. But Clarke didn't feel like she belonged there anymore. The more she thought about it she wondered if she ever did. Before her father had found out about the oxygen problem on the Arc, Clarke had been happy. But once she found out the truth all that changed. The way she had been raised, the things she had witnessed, the people who would just seemingly disappear. It made her question everything. 99% of crimes committed on the Arc were punished by death. People stealing extra food, stealing medicine that they needed, not exactly serious crimes, but all were punished by death. There was one sentence on the Arc, floating. She knew that when she turned 18 her punishment would probably have been the same. Her crime? Wanting people to know the truth. Nothing more. Sure it would've caused problems on the Arc, problems for the council, but those problems would come anyway. Eventually everything you run from finds out. Ignoring issues doesn't make them go away, it makes them worse. Since she had been on the ground she had thought more about it. Talking to the others who survived the drop, finding out what they had been locked up for, it made her realise that maybe things hadn't been so great on the Arc.

The more she got to thinking about it, the more she realised that maybe justice on the ground wasn't much better. All the things she had read when she was growing up, the lessons on history while she was on the Arc, she couldn't help but think that maybe they hadn't learnt anything from the past. The human race had been brought to the edge of extinction, all because people couldn't agree, they couldn't get along. The end came when they decided to have a pissing contest about whose nuclear weapons were bigger. Knowing that humanity would struggle to survive. Deciding who would survive, who would live on. Clarke thought about the similarities to life on the Arc. Those people who ended up in prison, those who were floated, they all had one thing in common. They disagreed with the rules. Taking more than their share, which wasn't as big as some other people's share, speaking out against those in charge. As she thought about it she realised that maybe she thought that the Grounders form of justice was harsh, but it was no harsher than justice in space. You kill someone, you die. You attempt to kill someone, you die. She didn't know what happened to thieves or any other type of criminal but she was pretty sure that they weren't killed. No commander would ever survive if they killed everybody. She recalled being told about Lexa joining together 12 different Grounder groups, bringing everyone together instead of them always trying to kill everyone. Things had been stable on the ground because of Lexa, that was until the Sky people arrived. An alliance with them had cost Lexa her most trusted general, a village full of her people had been destroyed and still she pushed on with it. Backing out only when more of her people were threatened and she was offered another truce, another way to keep the peace. She remembered Lexa's words to her, sometimes you have to forfeit a battle to win a war. Thinking back on history she remembered that not all wars are won with weapons, some are won with words.

To stop her from over thinking things Clarke decided she was going to go to the little bar that had been set up at the camp. Someone had mentioned them finding Jasper's still at the drop ship and making use of it. She knew she wouldn't be alone there, but she also knew that the moonshine was one way to take her mind of everything. So with every intention of getting so drunk she didn't even remember her own name, she had gone to the bar. While she was sitting at a table by herself, Jasper walked over to her. Raising her head slowly she locked eyes with him. At that moment she could see just how much he hated her. Monty was standing off to his side, he was torn.

"Jasper…" she started to say, but instead of waiting to hear what she had to say Jasper started to walk away, "I'm sorry."

"He just needs time," Monty said smiling softly at Clarke, "losing Maya was quite a… hit for Jasper, it made him realise just what had really happened to him while he's been on the ground… the whole thing made us all realise…"

"Time isn't going to change anything Monty…" Clarke said, slurring a little as she finished her drink and poured herself another from the bottle that she had taken from the bar, "I still killed the girl he loved… time doesn't change that."

Monty sighed as he watched Clarke down another drink before he walked away from the table.

Clarke knew the look in Jaspers eyes, she had seen it replicated in the eyes of everyone else. Every time she did leave her room, when she dared to look up from her feet, she saw it. She didn't belong there, she wasn't one of them. She didn't know who she was anymore, but she knew she wasn't one of them. After another couple of drinks she stood up from the table, taking the bottle with her she walked inside, and towards the little tech lab that Raven and Wick had set up. One new addition to the camp was an announcement system. Small speakers were set up inside the living complex with larger speakers outside. With all the looks that she had been getting, from nearly every person that she had seen, Clarke decided that she didn't have to explain her actions to each individual person, she could tell everyone at the same time.

She hit the button next to the door closing it behind her, as it locked she moved a stool over to the transmitter and picked up the microphone. Tapping it a little to make sure it was on she took a deep breath.

"Listen up everybody, I've got a few things I want to get off my chest here." She said, holding the microphone in one hand and her bottle in the other, "I just want to say that I'm sorry, again, and also explain something. I did it for you, for all of you. I killed people to save people. Ironic as that is."

Out in the bar area people stopped talking and started to listen. Bellamy looked at Raven.

"The tech lab," Raven said to him, "if she's closed the door from the inside it'll be locked."

Bellamy got up and started to walk towards the building complex, deciding that walking would get him less attention than if he ran. Abby had the same idea and was already walking from her office to the tech room.

"Those of you who are now with your parents, and those parents who now have their children. Wouldn't have happened if I hadn't done what I did. Everyone would still be locked away in that mountain, having their bone marrow drilled out…" Clarke said before taking a mouthful of drink from the bottle, "So, yeah, I'm sorry. If I could go back and do it differently I would. I tried to. But sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to. Those people had us locked up, locked away, never to see the light of day again, quite literally. Some of them deserved to be punished."

"This is going to be bad…" Raven said, dropping her head down onto her arms on the table in front of her.

"She needs to say it," Wick said, "and some people need to hear it."

Raven lifted her head and looked over at Jasper and Monty, the former had his jaw clenched and his eyes locked on his drink. As she looked around she could see some people looking confused, others seemed to be outraged at the fact that everyone was going to be forced to listen. Part of her wanted Bellamy to stop it, she knew how much Clarke was hurting she could see it in her eyes, and she didn't want everyone else to see it. But part of her didn't want Clarke to be stopped, the blonde obviously needed to get it off her chest, and Wick was right, some people did need to hear it. They had all made choices they didn't like, all done things that they would float for in space. As she had implied to Wick when he killed the guy on the mountain, that's what happened on the ground, you did what you had to do to survive.

"And the one form of punishment we have known, our whole lives, is death. We floated people. We sent them alive out of an airlock in space. That was our justice." Clarke continued, "I've been told, many times since we've been here, that I am still a child. Yes Mom and Kane, I'm talking to you right now. Also those of you who were on the council who are still alive. The decisions you made as our leaders, our representatives, those decisions shaped us as children."

Abby stopped in her tracks as she listened to Clarke's words, they echoed what Kane himself had told her back in the village when they were trapped. She had known he was right, and his words had hurt, but not in the way that her daughter's words were hurting. It hurt because she knew that Clarke was right. If you are raised in a society where the rules are broken by punishment of death, then that is all that you are going to know. Abby continued to make her way to the tech room, finding Bellamy already outside with one of the guards trying to get the door open.

"The only way to stop her is from inside," one of the tech guys said as he rounded the corner, "there's no way to pull the plug from out here without cutting off all the power."

"Get that door open." Bellamy said as Abby walked over.

"We were taught that all crimes are punished by death. We were taught that human life was expendable. Put them out of the airlock, what does it matter, means a little more oxygen and food for everyone else…" Clarke said, looking through the clear Perspex on the door at her mother and Bellamy, both pleading with her with their eyes to stop, she smiled a little before continuing, "I've seen the way you all look me when I walk past, the whispered words and pointed fingers. Judge me all you want, judge me for what I've done, just know that you can't hate me more than I hate myself. But my actions that night saved your children, and it saved some of you…"

Raven noticed that some of the adults had started to look at their children, knowing that Clarke was right.

"Now you get it assholes…" Raven said quietly.

"Sacrifice one life to save many. Isn't that the excuse we always got? Isn't that why 320 people volunteered to die on the Arc so that you would have the chance to survive. Isn't that why you sent us down here in the first place. I'm what you made me…" the drunken blonde continued, her speech starting to slur even more, "I also have a few personal apologies to make before I leave. Raven, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for killing Finn, I'm sorry you were on the mountain, I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you in time."

Raven's eyes started to cloud over with tears as she felt people look at her. She furrowed her brow a little and clenched her jaw. Her brain understood why Clarke had done it, and in a way her heart understood too. If Clarke hadn't have killed Finn, in a way that let him know that he was loved, he would have been tortured. She knew what would happen to him and she knew that Clarke's actions had been the lesser of two evils. As much as she would've rather seen Clarke stick that blade into Lexa's chest, she knew that doing that would condemn every single one of them to a very slow and painful death. The other part of her felt that she could never completely forgive Clarke. Finn had been her family, her only family. He had gone to prison for giving her the only thing she wished for, when he 'borrowed' a suit and she went on a spacewalk. Wasting three months of oxygen. Finn had taken the fall for that. She literally owed him everything. That isn't a loss you get over quickly, if at all.

"Octavia, I'm sorry you got dragged into this, I'm sorry that I dragged your brother into this…" Clarke continued, she knew she had to finish soon because Bellamy and his guard friend were close to getting the door open, she locked eyes with her mother, "Mom, I'm sorry that I've disappointed you, I can see it in your eyes even when you try and smile, I'm sorry that I'm not the person you and dad wanted to raise me to be. And finally… Jasper, I'm sorry. I did what I had to do. Maya helped us so much, knowing what would happen to her if she was found out, if I could've saved her, I would, you have to know that…"

At that moment the door opened.

"Well, I'm done…" Clarke said before putting the microphone down and standing up, she walked towards the door.

"Your father would be proud of the woman you have grown into Clarke," Abby said, tears still burning her eyes, "fighting for your people, and what you believe is right."

Clarke didn't say anything she just held out the bottle to Bellamy.

"We never do seem to be able to have a drink together…" she said, "who knows, maybe one day we will."

Bellamy took the bottle from her with a little nod, Clarke looked back at her mother.

"I can't be here," Clarke said shaking her head a little, "I need to… be somewhere else…"

"Where will you go?" Abby asked, "Clarke this is your home."

"No it isn't," Clarke said, "it's just another prison. We're surrounded by an electric fence, there are guards with guns posted everywhere…this isn't a change, we're not moving forward… the rules are still the same, the only thing that has changed is the scenery…"

"It isn't safe out there, Clarke," the guard said, "Commander Lexa and the Grounders won't be so forgiving this time around."

"It isn't safe in here," Clarke replied, looking at him, "as for Lexa… it's a big place out there, our paths may not cross again, and if they do… she wouldn't hurt me."

"How can you trust her after what she did?" Bellamy asked.

"Because I understand why she did it," Clarke replied with a soft smile, "you would've done the same thing."

"But you wouldn't." Bellamy said.

"Maybe I wouldn't," the blonde replied, "but maybe I would… that's part of the reason I have to go, because if I were in Lexa's position, and I could guarantee the safety of everyone here, even at the cost of other lives… I may make the same decision that Lexa did."

Bellamy stepped aside and let Clarke passed, he may not have known her for that long, only meeting her really for the first time in the drop ship, but he knew enough to know that once her mind was made up there was no stopping her. Abby followed slowly behind as Clarke walked out of the building and toward the gate. As she walked she spotted the horse that Lexa had left tied to a post. She untied the horse and walked toward the gate.

"Open the gate." She said to the guard at the control.

He didn't do as she asked as she crowd started to gather nearby. People were clearly now feeling a little more understanding about what Clarke had done. She hadn't considered what would happen after she left, she hadn't thought about what the words that she had said would mean to the people in the camp, she had just needed to get it out before it slowly killed her.

"Open it…" Abby said from behind Clarke.

The blonde turned around and looked at her mother.

"I'd rather you had the chance out there," Abby said, "being here is only going to eat away at you… Be safe. May we meet again."

Clarke nodded a little as she climbed onto the horse. She turned back and looked at the faces around her. Raven, Octavia, Bellamy, Monty, her mother, Kane, all of them looked like they would be sad to see her leave. Her eyes stopped on Jasper. He slowly walked towards her and brought his hand round from behind his back, as he reached his hand toward Clarke she saw that he was holding his goggles in his hand.

"You don't want to get, like, bugs in your eyes or anything…" he said as Clarke took the goggles, "may we meet again."

"May we meet again…" Clarke replied as she smiled a little, before leading the horse from the gates, taking off at some speed into the surrounding forest.