Author's Note: I'm sorry if these past two chapters has been such a downer considering it's Valentine's Day (at least in my part of the world.)
Elsa slammed her bedroom door behind her. She clutched her head in her hands and her feet were set in place just a few paces from the door like they were glued to the floor. While keeping her head in her hands, Elsa violently shook her head grumbling to herself. She was trying to make everything and understand why her sister hated her. All she did was give herself a massive headache. Channeling her thoughts about cold and pleasant things like soft snow and frost covered trees Elsa used her powers to sooth the pain that radiated like a burning fire from her forehead.
When the pain decreased even for a little bit, Elsa withdrew her hands from her head and looked down at the floor. She watched as tears fell from her eyes and stained the wooden floor like rain staining the ground. Elsa's hands flew to her face and covered her eyes. Her legs carried her to the bed and she plopped down on the mattress without a thought.
Elsa pulled her hands form her face so the mattress could cradle it. Elsa pressed her right cheek against the firm yet soft material and looked at the space in front of her. Tears dripped down her nose and landed on the mattress as she collected her thoughts. The platinum blonde haired queen thought she hadn't done anything to wrong her sister so much as to raise hatred in her. Elsa couldn't understand why Anna hated her. She figured she must have had a change of heart. But what was she to do? She couldn't possibly force Anna to leave the castle and find a new home, could she? Did she deserve to suffer under her sister's hateful gaze for the remainder of their lives? Elsa hardly thought so and even she had to admit that when her powers were revealed she didn't want to be near Anna simply because she wanted to protect her. But now she feels that she deserves better treatment from her sister and doesn't want to be near her in fear of her sister tearing out her heart and stomping on it until it's a pile of nothingness.
The Queen of Arendelle rose from her current position and sat up straight. Elsa had to convince herself that she had other matters to worry about. But then again, she couldn't just ignore what Anna had said about her regardless if she meant for her to hear or not. Maybe Anna was intending to tell Elsa that she hated her guts and that's why she has been acting so strange and evasive toward her. But even so, not all of it made sense because Elsa remembered that everything was fine between her and Anna before the royal family of Denmark came to visit. Maybe Anna was just being nice to Elsa before she would tear her down. After such a thought occurred to Elsa, she felt frustrated. If Anna was going to tell her that she hated her then why she didn't have the decency to tell her right away instead of making her suffer.
Filled with anger, Elsa abruptly stood up from her bed, materialized a snowball and chucked it at the wall in front of her. She chucked another snowball as she moved toward the center of the room where there was more wall space. Elsa kept throwing snowballs at the unfortunate walls and stopped when she was out of breath. She heaved heavily trying to regain her strength before she would start a new wave of snowballs. But as her breathing steadied, Elsa looked around for something more solid to hurdle at the poor wall that was partially caked in snow. In a brief moment of blind rage, Elsa grabbed an item on her vanity and was about to throw it. Yet, before the item was detached from Elsa's grip, the young queen noticed the item. Her conscious brought her back to reality and she retracted her arm sparing the item in her left hand. It was Anna's doll.
Elsa looked at the doll and frowned realizing that if she had continued throwing snowballs at a wall then she would have been no better than Anna. Elsa knew in that very moment while gazing at the doll that she should try to be the better person and not be as equally spiteful as her sister. Elsa rationalized that despite how much she rather give Anna a taste of her own medicine that Anna was still the younger sibling and needed a good role model. Elsa hoped that she could stay strong for her sister and help Anna realize her faults and change for the better. Elsa hoped that if she was a good role model to Anna on how to handle her emotions then maybe Anna wouldn't hate her anymore and ask for forgiveness. But then doubt crept over Elsa.
Knitting her eyebrows together, Elsa ran her thumb over the doll. Her frown drooped even further wishing to have what she once had with Anna again. She wished she knew why her sister hated her. She wished to understand so many thing but most of them were about Anna. Most of the time, Elsa would think about Anna. There was never a day when she didn't think about her little sister: how she felt, who she met, if she was healthy or safe. Even now when they are young adults, Elsa doesn't stop worrying about her sister even if she didn't make it obvious. She didn't want her sister to believe that she didn't see as an adult, which she did, but she couldn't help but worry for her sister. There have times when Elsa would be in a meeting and she would wonder how Anna is being treated when she know she's with Kristoff. She knew Kristoff was generally a good guy and respects Anna but that didn't stop her from believing that he could sometimes be a little mean to Anna since she possesses a certain level of nativity to her. Elsa wouldn't want to find a crying Anna coming back to the castle telling her that Kristoff had hurt her feelings or made feel stupid and then have comfort her and make everything better.
Yet the more she thought about she had done, Elsa also considered what she could have done for Anna, but hadn't done. She recalled days when she simply couldn't spend any time with Anna at all, not even give her a wave or smile or share meals with her. Those were the days that reminded her of isolation from her sister and each time she thought of such a day she regretted her actions. The more Elsa thought about she could possibly had done wrong, the more Elsa believed Anna rightfully hated her. Elsa started to doubt her worth as a human being and gently stumbled back on her bed and sat up while holding Anna's doll. She looked at the doll and saw her failure as an older sister in it. Fresh tears fell and stained the doll. More prominent tears fell on the doll's chest where the heart would be.
Knock, knock-knock-knock, knock!
Elsa snapped her head up. It didn't occur to her who could possibly be knocking at her door nor did she even pay attention the pattern of the knocks. She turned her head toward the door.
"Who is it?"
"Elsa? It's me, Anna."
Anna? What was she doing here? Did she come over to chastise her for running away from her so she could show her the full extent of her hatred? Just the thought of Anna yelling, screaming, chastising and glaring at her made her heart sink and increased the flow of her tears.
"Go away, Anna. Leave me alone."
On the other side of the door, Anna was hurt. She was all too familiar of hearing her sister tell her go away. She had gone through the same thing too many times. Yet she understood that from all the years Elsa had shut her out she was trying protect her from her uncontrollable powers. Even at that moment, Anna couldn't blame Elsa for shutting her out. She deserved to be shut out after Elsa heard her say that she hated her. But Anna was still hurt and afraid that Elsa hated her as well. She wanted to make things right with her sister and explain everything to her. She wasn't going to give up on what they had as sister and so she stood her ground.
"Elsa, please let me in."
"Go away, Anna!"
Anna felt like Elsa's words were a knife through her heart but she persevered. She was willing to take harsh words from Elsa seeing it was only fair since Elsa had to take harsh words from her.
"Elsa, please let me explain myself. I didn't mean for you to hear what I said. I don't hate you."
"Are you sure you didn't mean for me to hear you say that you hate me? Maybe you weren't planning to let me know like that but just admit that you've been wanting to tell me some time now, Anna."
"No, Elsa. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't hate you. I-"
"GO AWAY, ANNA! I don't want to see you right now."
Another knife was added to Anna's already bleeding heart. Anna uncurled her fist and slid her flat palm against the wood just like she did when she tried to coax her sister out of room when their parents died and she had come back from the funeral.
Elsa curled her legs to her chest as she stared at Anna's doll. She desperately wished her sister was the same smiley princess that was the doll in her hand. She buried her face in her knees and let out loud sobs. She wanted things to be the way they used to, but she knew things weren't going get better so she decided to accept their fate as sister and shut Anna out…again. Elsa didn't want to shut Anna out again nor did she ever want to shut her out, but she felt that this would be best course of action to take. It was for Anna's own good. Someday she would understand why she was doing this again, hopefully.
After not hearing anything from Anna through the door, Elsa assumed that she had left and went to the tea parlor. Elsa lifted her head up and stood up once more from her bed. She walked over to her vanity and set down Anna's doll. She looked over at her own doll and had a mixture of emotions toward it. Just looking at her own doll made her feel sick to the stomach. She was mad, sad, and disgusted at her doll. Yet Elsa knew she could do nothing about her doll laying down on her vanity next to Anna's doll. She looked at herself in the mirror and fixed herself up to look presentable when she would return to her waiting guests in the tea parlor. Once she fixed her make-up and her hair, Elsa turned around and walked to the door. She opened it and was surprised to see who was standing on the other side: her sister, Anna.
"Anna! What are doing here? I thought I told you to leave me alone."
Anna was awfully quiet for some time before she tried to give Elsa a sheepish smile but failed.
"Look, Elsa. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to hear me say that I hate you. I actually don't hate you. I shouldn't even hate anybody right now, well at least maybe myself. But I know that I don't hate you. Please, forgive me."
"No. Anna don't lie to me. I don't care if you hate me, but at least have the decency to be honest with me. Don't I deserve that much."
"I am being honest with you, Elsa! I'm trying to tell you the truth, but you're not listening to me."
"Why should I when all you're going to do is chastise me and tell me how much you hate me."
"I don't hate you, Elsa!"
Elsa scoffed at Anna. She left her room and turned away from Anna locking her bedroom door. She turned back around and started to walk away toward the tea parlor.
"Elsa, wait!"
Elsa ignored her sister and picked up the pace. Anna eventually caught up with her sister.
"Elsa, please listen to me. I want to tell you the truth of why I've been so evasive. I want you to know that I've been avoiding you because….because…."
Elsa turned her head and glared at Anna.
"You don't need to explain to me, Anna. I know how you feel so stop trying to feed me lies."
"But I'm not telling you lies, Elsa! I'm trying to explain to you the reason why I've so frustrated with you and in all truth I shouldn't have been frustrated with you to begin with. But I do think I should be frustrated with myself after being so foolish."
"Anna, please leave me alone. We'll talk later, but right now I have to talk trade with King Frederick and Queen Isabella."
"No, Elsa! We're going to talk now! Stop running away from me!"
"No. Not until you stop lying to me!"
"I'm not lying to you! Ugh! You're impossible."
"I'm impossible? You're impossible. Actually, I don't even know why I try to be a good sister to you, Anna. Lately, all you seem to care about is yourself."
Anna could feel her heart ripped piece-by-piece and stabbed a thousand times. She swallowed a lump in her throat and tried to stay strong, but she was having difficulty holding herself together.
Seeing that Anna wasn't going to respond anymore, Elsa made her way to the doorway of the tea parlor. Anna followed her silently with pieces of her heart falling on the ground like tear drops. Elsa waited for Anna to be a few paces behind her before turning to face her.
"Anna, don't bother me once we get inside the tea parlor. Behave yourself and don't you dare speak to me until I talk to you if I feel like it."
A big chunk of Anna's heart dropped onto the floor, seeped into the ground and fell so deep in the earth that its core incinerated the last bits of her heart. Anna weakly nodded in agreement to Elsa. Elsa didn't seem to catch the despair and hurt in her sister's eyes as she swiftly turned around and opened the door. Anna lamely shuffled behind her.
To Be Continued…
Extra Note: Part of Elsa chucking snowballs was inspired by a scene in Talkpillow's story Frostbite. I had initially read it for inspiration on how to write drama and I unintentionally got hooked on it and now I'm reading the sequel Bitter Cold. I love the drama in both stories and they have really interesting twists.