In the Mind of a Child Chapter 7

Paradox

Genuine tragedies in the world are not conflicts between right and wrong. They are conflicts between two rights.

-Ayanami, Rei

"Mrs. Ikari, can we see Shinji?" Rei asked.

"I would appreciate that very much. He asked for you." Mrs. Ikari replied offering a weak smile.

"He…he did?" Rei felt childish worrying about petty things like a boy's attention when there were more dire circumstances to be considered. She couldn't help it though; her heart fluttered slightly when she heard that Shinji had asked for her.

"Did he ask for me too?" Asuka questioned happily.

"Oh, I'm sure he did dear, please go right in." Shinji's mother explained.

Rei watched as Asuka gleefully skipped into Shinji's room. Asuka's sunny disposition seemed to illuminate the entire area. She was radiant. Her demeanor had completely changed from earlier. Rei suspected Asuka was concealing her own feelings of concern to put on her best face for Shinji. Admirable, Rei thought to herself. The obnoxious Red Head may have been a pain to her, but to Shinji she was gentle and affectionate. As sullen as he looked when they entered the room he seemed to brighten up when Asuka smiled at him. Now that she thought about it, Rei honestly couldn't say why she would be a better choice for Shinji. Asuka was at least open with her feelings. She would have no trouble confessing to him. To Rei on the other hand, confessing would be an almost insurmountable obstacle. That would place her feelings at his feet, completely opening herself up. When the time came for her to tell him how she felt, she knew it would require far more trust than she had ever placed in anyone. Rei couldn't grasp how Asuka could be so open with how she felt, didn't she understand that she easily be taken advantage of?

"How are you feeling Shinji?" Asuka asked as she leaned over and gave him a hug.

"I feel fine, I don't know what all the fuss is about" Shinji replied as he sat up in the bed

Asuka flashed Rei a worried look then returned her gaze to Shinji. "Well you had me worried to death!" She replied with her hands on her hips and a mock angered look on her face.

Rei felt a pang of jealously as she watched the two converse. She wanted desperately to interrupt, to somehow win his attention. She felt that the only person she ever cared for was being stolen from her as she watched. She couldn't reason herself into trying harder because she believe that Asuka would be just as good for him, if not better. Instead of joining in the conversation she stood in the middle of the room with her hands behind her back. She felt like she wasn't part of that group, like she didn't belong in the room, she almost felt like she was eavesdropping.

"That hospital gown looks good on you" Asuka stated as she teasingly tried to take away the blanket Shinji was covering himself with. "Hey Shinji, are you thirsty?"

"Um…I don't wanna trouble you" Shinji replied pulling the sheets up to his chin.

"Oh, don't worry it's no trouble at all. Hey Ayanami, will you go get Shinji and me a soda?" Asuka said turning her attention to Rei.

I might as well, I'm not doing any good here, Rei thought. She almost turned around and left before she saw Shinji staring at her. She got the feeling he didn't want her to leave. "I…I'm not your maid Asuka, if you want something to drink go get it yourself" Rei said without taking her eyes from Shinji.

"Fine, if you're going to be so self-centered then I'll go get our drinks!" Asuka exclaimed as she stormed out of the room, making an attempt to slam the door on her way out but failing due to the hydraulic closing mechanism.

After Asuka had left Rei took a few timid steps toward the bed. She saw that Shinji was a bit more pale than usual. He also had a small bandage from where he had fell and scraped his arm. "I'm glad you're feeling better" Rei said making an attempt to hide how worried she actually was. Aside from the way his parents were acting she knew that a seizure could only lead to more intense medical problems.

"Thank you for staying with me Rei. It really means a lot" Shinji said as he hesitantly reached for her hand. "I'm sorry for hurting you earlier" He explained as he placed her hand on his cheek and closed his eyes.

She was glad his eyes were closed. It would be embarrassing for him to see how much she was blushing. She was so nervous she thought he would surely hear her heart beating through her chest. Apparently he heard nothing as he kept his eyes shut. So this is how it feels, Rei thought to herself as she used her other hand to run her fingers through his hair. "You know you really did have us worried" Rei said in an almost whisper.

"I…I know, I'm sorry" Shinji replied.

Rei felt something warm drip on the hand Shinji held. His head was in such a way that she couldn't see his face. "Sh…Shinji what's wrong?" When he didn't answer she sat down on the bed and repeated herself. Instead of answering he wrapped his arms around her and put his head on her shoulder. It's not supposed to be like this, Rei thought. "Shinji please tell me" She said as she returned his embrace.

"Please don't make me tell you. Please don't ask me that" Shinji replied.

Rei's heart was being twisted in ways she didn't think possible. She should be happy he was expressing this much feeling, that he was being this affectionate. The context was skewed however and she had never felt this sad in her entire life.

"Rei will you promise me something?" Shinji asked looking at her with tear stained eyes. "Will you promise me that after today things can go back to normal? Promise me that you won't treat me any differently because you know that I'm…sick"

"I…I promise" Rei replied trying as best she could to hold back her own tears that were brimming her eyelids waiting to escape down her pale cheeks. "When can you come back to school?" Rei asked trying to change the conversation to a lighter subject.

"The doctors said I could go back today if I wanted." Shinji answered still holding her hand. Rei bit her lip as she watched him play with her fingers.

I wonder if he knows how giddy he's making me. "You…you're helping Mr. Kaji teach his computer sciences class today aren't you?"

"Yeah, that's why I wanna go back to class. Actually I had better get ready if I'm going to make it" Shinji said as he checked his watch.

"I'll go wait outside then" Rei replied and made her way to the door. As she exited the room she saw Asuka walking up with a soda in each hand. "He's changing" Rei said as she closed the door behind her.

"He's coming back to school?" Asuka asked excitedly.

"Yes, he's coming back in time to help teach a class" Rei replied holding her position in front of the door incase Asuka decided on trying to go in.

"I assume you three are going to walk to school from here then?" Ms. Ikari asked from her seat. "In that case would you mind if I had my car keys back?" She said with a smile.

Rei reached in her pocket and retrieved Ms. Ikari's keys. Before she handed them to her Mr. Ikari walked up looking more sociable than he did before. His hair was fixed, and his jacket was buttoned like always. Rei still felt slightly uncomfortable around him and shrunk back against the door as he passed her. He seemed to notice her uneasiness and bowed in apology for his earlier outburst.

"Mr. Ikari, what's wrong with Shinji?" Asuka asked, the look of concern returned to her face.

Mr. Ikari removed his glasses and stroked his beard lightly. He looked at his wife as if they were silently deciding whether or not to say. "He…he's epileptic. It's a rather complicated condition so the doctors aren't totally sure how serious his case is. Anything further than that and the doctors are just speculating"

So he knows more than he's telling us, Rei thought. His answer seemed to satisfy Asuka though as she simply nodded in response. Rei was interrupted from her train of thought as the door she was leaning on opened and she fell backward into Shinji. She blushed as he gently took her shoulders and straightened her back up.

"Are you guys ready?" Shinji jovially asked.

His attitude surprised everyone, especially Rei who had seen him sobbing not five minutes ago. She was happy he was in a better mood however and flashed him a small grin in response to his question. Asuka took it a step further as she walked up and took his hand.

"Let's go Shinji" The Red Head said gleefully, swinging hers and his hands back and forth as she dragged him toward the exit.

Rei felt like she had just been kicked in the stomach. The precious moment she had with Shinji in his room seemed so insignificant now that Asuka had one upped her. She was startled when she felt someone put their hand on her shoulder. She turned around to see a smiling Mrs. Ikari.

"Thank you for being there for my son. You mean more to him than you know. Take care of him for me will you?" She said with a wink.

"Ye…yes ma'am" Rei replied with a smile and ran to catch up to Shinji and Asuka.

"Everyone please take your seats. I have asked Mr. Ikari here to help me instruct this class. Please, in this class at least, treat him with the same respect you would me. I assure you his knowledge in this subject rivals my own" Kaji said eyeing Shinji who was busy writing numbers on the black board. "Today we will continue converting binary numbers to decimal numbers and vice versa. We will be working in groups today so just partner up with the person next to you"

Of course, Rei thought as she looked at her would be partner. Asuka sat at her desk copying the table Shinji was writing on the board. When she noticed she was being watched she stuck out her tongue and returned to her note taking. Rei didn't bother taking down notes even though the class was told it would be necessary for the assignment. She always winged things like this, not because she was particularly good at it, but because she lacked the interest required to put pencil to paper.

"Shinji will you work with Shinobu, she's having a little trouble and I'm sure she'd appreciate the help" Kaji said as he began making his rounds through the classroom.

"Um…sure" Shinji replied as he walked toward Shinobu's desk and took a seat.

She smiled at him bashfully and asked, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, just a little hungry I haven't eaten all day" Shinji replied.

"Oh, well you can have some of these cookies I made. They probably aren't very good" Shinobu explained as she retrieved a small bag from her backpack and handed it to Shinji.

"What do you mean? These are great!" Shinji exclaimed after taking a bite out of a small cookie..

Shinobu giggled to herself and motioned that Shinji had crumbs on his face.

"Thank you for the cookies and…for helping me earlier today"

"Oh I didn't do anything special, I just called the ambulance. You should thank Sakura, she's the one that told everyone what to do" She replied modestly. "You…you must really know a lot about computers if Mr. Kaji is asking you to help teach the class"

"I guess you could say that, Kaji heard that I worked at Capsule Corp. and asked if I would help him out"

"You work with Keitaro Urashima then?" Shinobu asked excitedly pushing her azure colored hair out of her eyes.

"I…yes I do. How do you know him?" Shinji asked surprised at her sudden interest.

"He used to go to school here. We were friends until he graduated. I think he's forgotten all about me now though" She laughed nervously and looked away.

"If you two were friends I'm sure he hasn't forgotten about you"

"You think so? He was really sweet to me when he was here" She said as she brightly blushed.

"What do you suppose they're talking about over there?" Asuka asked making no attempt to hide that she was staring at Shinji. She leaned so far over Rei's desk that she had to sit back in her chair to keep from pushing Asuka over.

"How should I know?" Rei said bluntly as she turned in her seat and looked at the conversions they were responsible for completing. "Why are you even worried, isn't she one of your lackeys?" She replied biting her pencil.

Asuka returned to her desk and crossed her arms. "You mean to tell me that you're not even slightly jealous that he's over there flirting with Shinobu right now?" She asked with a grin.

"No" Rei replied as she cast a sideways glance as Shinji. "Let's finish this assignment and then you can stalk him all you want" Rei was still figuring out the first problem when Asuka stole the paper from her.

"Why are you worried about this so much? I thought you were supposed to be super smart, why are you having trouble with this stuff, its child's play" Asuka exclaimed as she began solving the conversions at an intimidating rate.

"I am smart" Rei retorted. "I'm also mildly dyslexic. I have trouble with numbers, especially if they are sequential ones and zeros"

"Wow, and I thought you were perfect" Asuka said sarcastically.

"I never said I was perfect. I just have the ability to read people. Like you for instance, you see the way your writing slants at a downward angle? That means you're in a bad mood, presumably from what happened today. The way you skip so much space on a line before writing also means you're confident, dare I say even obnoxious?"

"Is that so? Well what can you tell me about Shinji and Shinobu?" Asuka replied ignoring that she had just been insulted.

Rei leaned over in her desk to get a better view of the two kids. After watching them for a short time she returned her attention to Asuka. "Okay, you see the way she keeps playing with her hair? She finds him attractive. Neither one will keep eye contact with the other. Shinji keeps looking around like he's embarrassed and Shinobu continuously glances from his eyes to her desk. Shinobu is probably nervous because she knows you like Shinji. He is probably nervous because he knows we are staring at him right now. Both of their legs and arms are also crossed. They aren't comfortable around each other"

"You could tell all that just by looking at them?" Asuka asked dumbfounded.

Rei shrugged, "It's what I'm good at"

"Class, give me your attention for just a moment. I was just informed that the fall dance is being rescheduled to this Saturday. So if you don't have a date already you hade better find one!" Kaji announced.

Asuka and Rei looked at each other in wide eyed shock. They then turned their attention to Shinji who was in turn staring at them with the same amount of astonishment. The girls watched as Shinji put his face in his hands and his head on his desk in exasperation.

"I'll see you after you get off work" Rei said as she waved good bye to Shinji. Today was Rei's first martial arts class and Shinji had offered to walk her to the dojo on his way to work. As she stepped in the entrance she immediately spotted Sakura.

"All the new students come this way and sit down" Sakura instructed.

Rei did as she was told and took a seat on a blue exercise mat near where Sakura was standing. The other students crowded in closer to her so as to get a better view of the training. The smell of disinfected plastic and body odor was almost too much for her to bear.

"My name is Sakura. I'm an instructor here at the Hidden Leaf Village Dojo! After one week with me you'll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man" She adjusted the blue cloth bearing the symbol of the school in her hair. "At the Hidden Leaf Dojo we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching you back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today by dressing like Miss Congeniality over here?" Sakura exclaimed while pointing at Rei. "Take a look at what I'm wearing people!" Rei watched as she stretched out her oversized balloon pants. "You think anyone wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys? Forget about it! Alright, I need a volunteer!"

Oh Jesus

"How about you?" Sakura exclaimed pointing at Rei. Sakura eyed Rei like a lioness eyes an antelope as she rose to her feet. "Bow to your Sensei"

Rei did as she was instructed and bowed slightly.

"Bow to your Sensei!" Sakura yelled. After Rei returned a deep bow Sakura continued. "Okay let's say you're on you way home from school and someone attacks you. What do you do?"

"I…"

"You don't know because I haven't told you yet!" Sakura exclaimed. "I want you to grab my arm"

Rei again did as she was instructed and grabbed Sakura left wrist with her right hand.

"The other arm" Sakura explained and watched as Rei used her left hand instead. "MY other arm!" Sakura yelled.

Rei did as she was told and was rewarded with pain as Sakura chopped down on her wrist.

"Just break the hold and walk away" Sakura explained. "Now I want you to hit me with your best shot. Give me everything you got!"

Without a moments hesitation Rei dropped to the ground and delivered what she thought was an excellent sweep. Sakura dodged it easily and slapped her in the back of the head.

"Christ!" Rei exclaimed.

The rest of the day went pretty much the same. Rei left sore and angry feeling like she hadn't learned a thing.

Meanwhile Asuka had plans of her own. She had decided that Shinji most likely wouldn't have the courage to ask her to the dance. She would have to do it herself.

"Welcome to Capsule Corp.!" A fanatical looking man greeted her as she stepped in the front door of Shinji's office building.

"Um…hi, is Shinji here?" Asuka replied almost gagging from the odor the man's hair gel produced. She watched as he disappeared behind two double doors and beckoned for Shinji.

"He'll be here in no time my crimson tigress." The man said as he lumbered his way back through the doors toward her. "If I might ask a question my doll, how about a night on the town with this guy?" The man asked pointing at himself with both thumbs.

"Leave her alone Akira she's only sixteen" Shinji said as he walked through the doors.

"Hey Shinji did you get the memo about the TPS reports?" Akira asked turning around to face Shinji.

"Yes Akira I got the memo and I understand the policy" Shinji answered in a flabbergasted tone.

"Yeah it's just that we're putting coversheets on the reports before they are sent out now, so just make sure you do that from now on alright?" Akira said before he hobbled away.

Shinji sighed to himself before he greeted her. "Hey Asuka what's up?"

"Um…I…are you feeling okay?" Asuka asked perplexed at Shinji's personality switch.

"Yeah, I'm fine babe, what can I help you with?" Shinji replied putting his hands on his hips.

"Babe? Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine, I was actually trying to hide from my boss that's all" Shinji explained.

"Oh…okay, I came to ask you if you wanted to take me to the dance?" Asuka said in her sweetest voice.

"Umm…I don't know how to say this but I've already asked someone Asuka"

"What? You can't be serious. You asked Ayanami didn't you!" Asuka exclaimed trying her best no to show how disappointed she was. "Shinji I thought we were friends!"

"We are Asuka, I just…I have to get back to work I'm sorry"

"Why don't you stop making excuses and just tell me you hate me!"

"I…I don't hate you it's just that…"

"Whatever!" Asuka exclaimed before she stormed out of the building.

After Shinji had gotten off work he found Rei waiting for him just outside the building. He greeted her happily and began the walk to her apartment

Just ask him already, Rei thought to herself as she and Shinji walked down the sidewalk.

"Rei you're walking kind of funny are you okay?" Shinji asked in a concerned tone.

"I'm fine" Rei replied looking at the bruise she had on her wrist from her training. Rei began to get more and more nervous as they neared her apartment. She knew that if she didn't ask him now, she would never get the chance because Asuka was sure to catch him tomorrow. Ask him.

"You're so quiet tonight Rei" Shinji said with a sadden expression on his face.

"Will you go to the dance with me?" Rei blurted out covering her mouth as soon as she said those words.

Shinji stopped in his tracks and looked at her with surprise. "I…"

"I know it's technically supposed to be the guy that asks but I figured I'd save you the trouble" Rei laughed nervously.

"I've already asked someone Rei, I'm sorry" Shinji replied without looking at her.

Rei felt like she had been hit by a train. She had to work up an incredible amount of courage to ask him and after putting her trust in him, he said no. He actually asked someone else. Maybe I'm not as special to him as I thought. Rei didn't know what to say, she didn't want to sound angry, it was completely within his rights to take someone else. "You asked Asuka didn't you?" Rei said. "So we are just friends after all" She whispered. She felt like running away, it was hard to even look at him.

"Rei I…I thought it would be for the best" Shinji desperately explained.

"You thought it would be for the best to ask Asuka instead of me?" Rei replied, a bit of anger in her voice.

"I didn't ask Asuka" Shinji said as he gently grabbed her shoulders. He looked into eyes so intently that she averted her gaze. When she turned her face he leaned forward and gently kissed her cheek. "I…I have to go" Shinji said and ran into the night, leaving Rei stunned with a hand over the place he had kissed her.

End Chapter 7