A/N: I have to say this fic has been swimming around in my head all day, I have a mass of ideas for this part but I'm struggling a little with getting it out. I decided to just sit and see what happens. Thanks for the reviews on the last part, you're awesome. Read, review and enjoy.

Chapter Eleven

As Lexa and the others left for the Ice Nation camp, the commander knew that she was being watched. One or two of her generals and advisors believed that she was making a mistake, that she hadn't considered all the options, a couple were even brave enough to tell her such. They believed that Indra was wrong in her thinking that Lexa would fight better if she wasn't worrying about Clarke, they also believed that Indra was in denial about anything developing between the Commander and the blonde Sky girl. One of those who spoke up was someone who Lexa had a lot of respect for, Kassius, Gustus's brother. He had stood by and watched as the villagers in Tondc imparted their justice upon his brother, he had stood by Lexa when she ran her sword through Gustus's heart, bearing no ill-feelings towards her. He had also been the one who had been posted outside Lexa's room when Clarke was there, though what he may have overheard would never cross his lips, he believed that the commander was stronger because of Clarke, not weaker as Indra would have everyone believe.

Indra had chosen Kassius to be one of those to stay and take care of the people remaining behind, she felt he would be of more use there, and Lexa had left it up to Indra to decide which advisor's remained. As her horse passed him she noticed a certain look in his eye, it was the same look Gustus used to get when he did something that Lexa wouldn't like, but was for her benefit. She clenched her jaw as she looked at him, the look in her eyes being one that told him not to do anything stupid. He had bowed his head a little, Lexa wasn't sure if the small smile on his lips was there, or if it was a trick of the light. She had hoped it was the latter.

x-x-x

It had taken Clarke almost an hour of snooping around to finally find out where her mother had sealed the weapons. Somewhere Clarke wouldn't look normally. When she had found out, overhearing Kane talking to Bellamy about where he could get a gun to go hunting, she had smiled a little as she realised just where she got her devious side from.

Walking into the tech room, Raven stood up as soon as Clarke walked in, hissing as she stood up a little too fast.

"Hey," Raven said with a smile, "why you up so early?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Clarke replied noticing Wick working near another door, a door which had one of her mother's security guys standing in front of it, "you're not usually much of a morning person yourself."

"Your mom wants those new camera's up and running," Raven said with a nod, "you know she never stops until she gets what she wants."

"You're telling me," Clarke said with a smile, "I need to get in that room Raven."

Something in the way Clarke was talking set Raven on edge, she expected an argument or something over her mother using the tech room to store the weapons, she didn't expect the level tone of Clarke's voice. The blonde was a little too calm for Raven's liking.

"Clarke…" Raven said, "You've got to understand…"

"I don't care why you agreed to it," Clarke said, tilting her head a little, "right now I don't care about too much other than getting in that room."

"I did it for you, Clarke," Raven replied, "you're going to go chasing her off into battle, a war that you told your mother Lexa couldn't win. What difference is it going to make if an extra 30 of us are there, she still can't win."

Clarke heard a ding-a-ling sound from near the door, she looked over to see Octavia holding her mother's security chain which had the only key card for that particular door, a small smile crossed her lips as she turned to look back at Raven.

"If there's one thing I've learnt," Clarke said to Raven, "it's that you should never underestimate a Grounder…"

"What did you do?" Raven asked Octavia.

"Nothing," the younger girl said, "she left them on her desk…"

"With the door open?" Raven asked, her brow furrowed together a little.

"Well I didn't say that…" Octavia replied with a smile.

"I'm sorry…" Raven said, looking at Clarke, "I can't…"

"Two days ago you were calling me an idiot for not going with her," Clarke said, stepping closer to Raven, "and now I actually want to, you're going to tell me it's a bad idea?"

"What can I say, your mother actually talks sense sometimes." Raven said with a shrug, "this is nothing against you, or Lexa, though let me just point out, still not a fully-fledged member of the Commanders fan club…"

Clarke couldn't stop the small laugh that escaped her.

"But this is insanity…" Raven continued, her eyes softening.

"Says the girl who rigged the drop ship, basically turning it into a big-ass flame thrower…" Clarke said, knowing that it wouldn't take much for her to get Raven to understand why she had to do this.

"That was pretty epic," Raven said smiling a little, "but this is not the same."

"Explain how it's not," Octavia said walking over to the table, "there was no way any of us should've survived that attack, no way. Those odds… but we did, and for what? To sit around here turning this place into a hilltop fortress, hoping that what is going on out there beyond those fences won't affect us?"

Neither Clarke nor Raven knew just what to say, Octavia had certainly not lost any of her confidence, if anything she was stronger than Clarke remembered. She had gone from living under the floor for the best part of 16 years, to living in a cell, locked up by her own people for the crime of being born. She had finally found her home, whether with the Sky people or the Grounders, though Clarke knew she felt more comfortable with the Grounders. Clarke knew that Octavia would fight for her home with everything that she had.

"This planet is our home," Clarke said, "we've been fighting for the right to live here since we landed in that drop ship. Do you think that fight will be over if we just sit here and let the Grounders face this alone? War doesn't work like that, and you know it."

"Is that why you want to do this?" Abby asked from the doorway.

Clarke turned and looked at her, before looking back at Raven, who was looking at Wick.

"Radio…" Wick said, though one had asked him anything.

Octavia drew her sword and walked over to him.

"Hey!" Raven yelled at her.

"Not me," Wick said, motioning over his shoulder, "him."

"The two way radio has been transmitting since you walked in here Clarke," Abby said, crossing her arms over her chest as she walked into the room, "I knew that you'd figure it out, and I knew that Raven would give up in the end. I can't let that happen."

"Thanks," Raven said shaking her head a little, "good to know you have that much confidence in me."

"It isn't that," Abby said, looking at Raven, "any of you would have given in eventually. All Clarke would need to do is remind you of what you've all been through, things that I can't even imagine. We made mistakes, we should have done things very differently…"

"You just figuring that out?" Clarke asked coldly.

"You need to remember just who you are Clarke," Abby said, "where it is you come from, the people you come from…"

"I'm not that person anymore," Clarke said with a bitter laugh, "being trapped in a drop ship while 300 armed people charge at you, watching as your friends start dying around you, knowing that your only option of survival is to burn the people attacking you… that changes you…"

"Clarke…" Abby said.

"I'm not done," Clarke replied, "being the person who has to plunge a knife into the heart of someone you… care about, to save them from the pain you know is coming, because you have to take that option because the other would mean the slaughter of everyone who is watching from beyond the fence… having that responsibility on your shoulders, knowing that the choices you make don't only affect you…"

"I understand…" Abby said, stepping slowly closer to her daughter.

"No you don't," Clarke said shaking her head and stepping away from her mother, "that's the point. You sent 100 of us down here, all of us barely more than children… You give us little more than a set of directions and hope for the best. We had no preparations for what could possibly find down here, we'd all be taught that all human life was gone from earth, well guess what mom, it wasn't. Slowly our numbers started dropping, we had 9 year old children murdering people… we had the people who were already here wanting us dead. We had to adapt, we're not in space anymore, and we're certainly not alone. It isn't as simple as locking someone away because you don't approve of what they do. Why put us through all that pain, suffering… loss… if all you're going to do is keep everything the same. This isn't living, this is barely surviving."

"For things to change, we all need to survive long enough to make those changes." Abby said.

Clarke sighed, she had two options, keep arguing with her mother or draw her sword.

"You're not giving me very many options here…" Clarke said, looking down at her feet.

To say she hadn't been tempted by the other option she had would've been an understatement, if the only way she could get her mother to understand how serious this was, was to pull a weapon on her, then Clarke had to keep it in mind. She would never use it, but it may help Abby understand that she's not that defenceless little child anymore.

"Do you think that if we don't involve ourselves in this war, it will pass us by?" Kane asked, walking into the room with Bellamy.

"You two as well?" Abby asked.

"You have to look at both sides of this." Kane replied.

Abby didn't say anything.

"I know you want to keep them safe, and protect them," Kane continued, "but they aren't children any more Abby, they stopped being children when we put them on that ship. If we don't allow them to leave, do what they feel they must, to protect their home, then we will be next. Do you think the Ice Nation is just going to let us live after this? If the Grounders lose, they will come for us."

Abby sighed, she knew Kane was right.

"At least let us try." Bellamy said, walking up and standing next to Clarke.

"I just want to know that you're doing it for the right reasons," Abby said, turning her attention back to Clarke, "and not because you think you owe her something."

"I do owe her," Clarke stated, "sure she saved my life not long ago, starting this war, risking her life to save mine… She is now risking her people because of it. There was a kind of peace between them, a truce… Until we arrived. By simply being here on this planet we're a threat. So yeah, I do owe her for rescuing me that day. But I owe her way more than that…"

Nobody said anything as Clarke walked closer to the door behind which the weapons were being kept.

"It isn't the first time she's saved me," she continued quietly, "when I left here, when I walked away…"

"Which time…" Octavia said quietly, raising her hands in a surrender gesture as Clarke looked at her, "joking princess."

Clarke smiled a little, shaking her head a little as she looked at her mother.

"I was broken," Clarke said, finding a hidden strength somewhere, "in so many ways. I have seen things, and done things that…as much as you want to, most of you here will never understand what it has been like, knowing that a single choice that you make can change everything… one single decision can mean life or death, that is true for everyone, fight the monster or run away. Well I couldn't run away."

Tears started to burn her eyes, blinking them away she raised her eyes to the ceiling before taking a deep breath and carrying on.

"I tried, I really did," she said, "back on the dropship I wanted nothing more than to just blend in, not be someone important, someone everyone is looking to… I didn't choose that, for some reason it chose me. I couldn't run away because I had a job to do, once we knew you were planning to come here, that job was keeping everyone alive until you did, and I couldn't do that. Then once you did get here… I was the one who talked to Lexa, I was the one who had to choose between my people and Finn. The alliance which would save us all, or the thing that had kept me sane, and I chose the alliance. I'm the one who was left standing at the doors to Mount Weather, knowing that I may have made a decision which lead to everyone dying. The choice to save you, nearly became the choice that killed you, and I have to live with that. I have been involved in the deaths of over 85o people, some of those were necessary, some of those people had blood on their hands, but now their blood is on mine. I tried to deal with that alone, by walking away, leaving this place… Lexa is the one who made me see that running away from the past, trying to pretend it didn't happen isn't the way to heal. Facing what you've done, accepting the choices that you made, and the reason you made them is the only way that you can make it through. She made me see that… I'm not quite all put back together yet, but you force me to stay here while the Grounders are out there and I will never be complete, do you understand that?"

"The choices that Lexa makes for her people, are not choices that you need to make for yours." Her mother said.

"Lexa is my people." Clarke said, realising that it didn't matter what she said to her mother it wouldn't change anything, reaching behind her back she drew her sword, calmly holding it to the throat of the security guy, "open the door, now."

"And if I don't?" Abby asked, testing Clarke in a way that a mother should never have to test their daughter, "You tell me you're no longer a child, yet you think that violence is the only way to solve anything."

"Not the only way," Clarke said, "but the quickest."

"Would you really be able to kill him?" Abby asked, "Kill one of your own people?"

"It wouldn't be the first time," Clarke replied, hoping that her eyes were not betraying the fear that she felt, "it would actually be the third time…"

Abby took the chain off Octavia and opened the door.

"You need to decide where your loyalties lie, Clarke." She said as her daughter stepped into the room and started picking out which guns she wanted to take with her.

"Take as many as you can carry," Clarke said to Octavia and Bellamy, "something tells me we won't be able to come back and restock…"

x-x-x

Kassius made good time, riding what should have been a day and a half's ride in half of that. The Grounder army would be keeping a steady pace, and he knew that they would soon be stopping to set up camp for the night. He knew that the commander would likely have him killed for what he was doing, but the way he saw it, none of that would matter if she went into war with her attention split. Not having Clarke there would mean that she could fight without always watching over her shoulder for the blonde, but it would mean that the constant wondering about whether the Sky girl was safe at the camp would be racing around her mind like a pack of wild horses. His brother had died for trying to break the alliance between his people and those from the Sky, a mistake on Gustus's part, but his main thought was protecting the commander. Everything he had done had been in Lexa's best interests, now Kassius was picking up that mantle.

As he approached the Sky people's camp he saw movement he knew all too well, a group were preparing to leave. The horses that his people had left there were being loaded up with weapons and other supplies they may need. If he had arrived later, he may have missed them.

x-x-x

"Grounder approaching!" came the call from the gate as Clarke tied the last of the supplies to the saddle of one of the horse's.

She turned to see who is was, before she knew it Lincoln was beside her.

"It's Kassius." He said quietly, "one of the Commanders advisors."

"I think I remember him," Clarke replied as the man in question reached the gate, "he was outside Lexa's room while I was in Polis…"

"He has her trust." Lincoln said with a small nod.

"Open the gate." Clarke called to the gate operator.

He did as she asked without question, it let Clarke know that not everyone in the camp questioned her judgement or her motives.

Slowing his horse as he approached Clarke, Kassius dropped down as it came to a stop.

"Where's Lexa?" Clarke asked, already knowing the answer from the look in his eyes.

"She isn't coming," Kassius replied, "there was a last minute change of plan. Most of us were not aware of it until just before first light."

Clarke heard mumblings from people around her, that once again Clarke's trust had been misplaced, and Lexa had left them to fend for themselves. Swallowing the lump that was slowly rising in her chest she tried to block it out.

"A change of plan?" Lincoln asked, picking up the questions when he realised that Clarke couldn't.

"They rode out at first light," Kassius said, "Heda deciding that the risk to life was already high enough."

To anyone else that would have been a simple enough statement, but Clarke wasn't buying it. She noticed as Kassius's eyes flicked from Lincoln to her and back again, a subtle action but not one that went unnoticed by the blonde.

"She did it to protect me…" Clarke said as she felt the bottom collapse from her world.

x-x-x

The sun had long since set as Lexa stood on the hill watching as the final touches were put to the sea of tents below her. Her mind took her back to the last time she had witnessed a similar site. She and Clarke were about to start the march on the mountain. That had also been the day they shared their first kiss. Well, the first time Lexa felt brave enough to test the waters. The vulnerability she felt in that moment scared her, she had never left herself so open to anyone, other than Costia. Looking up at the moon she sighed.

"I don't even know if I did the right thing…" she said quietly, "But I can't go through that pain again… the first time was hard enough."

She had often caught herself looking up at the stars and wondering what Costia would think, sometimes even vocalising her thoughts when she was alone. Lexa feared that the one thing that she would always regret was not saving Costia, it was the one scar that she had that would never heal. Nobody in her life had known her as well as she had. She'd had this way of allowing Lexa to be herself, with no pressures or demands, by simply being there. She was the first person that Lexa had chosen to rely on, to trust. The first person with whom she knew she could be vulnerable and they wouldn't ever use it against her, even until her dying breath she proved that. She believed that her world could easily have been ending the day that Costia died, the source of light in her life was gone, all that was left was the pain and the bloodshed.

She had never been able to fully avenge Costia in a way that symbolised what she had meant to her, if it had been up to Lexa the Ice Nations Queen's head would have been removed from her body long before it was as would the heads of every single one of her people, and even then Lexa believed that it wouldn't be enough. But it wasn't up to Lexa. She couldn't grieve, she couldn't let go, she had no chance to say goodbye. A life taken left unavenged is like saying that life wasn't worth anything in the first place. Blood must have blood or the dead can never rest. That had been a belief long held amongst her people. She had completed the final task that she could do for Costia the day she killed the Queen of the Ice Nation. Finally Costia could rest. Saving Clarke was also her chance to say goodbye.

Clarke would never replace Costia, nobody ever could, but Clarke did give Lexa something. A second chance. The means of a new beginning, for her, and hopefully her people.

Standing there for a moment, her eyes fixed on the moon, she heard movement next to her.

"You made the right decision." Indra said as she walked up next to Lexa, looking out over the sea of tents.

"Yes." Lexa said, jaw clenched.

"We will be victorious, Heda." The older woman said.

"When does it end?" Lexa asked, unable to stop herself.

Indra didn't reply, she just looked at Lexa, allowing her to continue. Everyone had moments of weakness, Indra knew that, but she also knew that she hadn't seen Lexa weak since Costia, and that worried her.

"The fighting," Lexa continued, her eyes picking out her soldiers as she spoke, she couldn't help but wonder how many of them were leaving a family behind, a child, "the war, bloodshed… It's all we've ever known, so it has become all that we ever are. Children growing up without fathers, or mothers. Children growing up knowing that only blood can avenge the dead. That's… it's a vicious cycle. We fight to save our people, families, who we are. But what is the reasoning behind fighting for a life that you can then not lead…"

Lexa's breath caught in her throat as she let out a deep breath.

"Heda, you need to rest…" Indra said, the emotion of what Lexa had just said was not lost in her eyes.

"Yes," Lexa said, taking a deep breath and in that instance putting her walls back up, "I do…"

She turned away from Indra, walking towards her tent. As she was about to step through the flaps which made the door she stopped, turning back to Indra.

"Indra…" she said.

The older woman turned her head slightly, looking over at the commander. The candlelight from Lexa's tent were illuminating the young leader's features. Indra saw vulnerability there in her eyes, and she reminded just how young her leader was.

"We will not speak of it again." Indra said calmly.

"Thank you." Lexa replied quietly, walking into her tent and closing out the world for a few hours.