Chapter Fifteen
The sun had set over the Grounder camp, the hunters had returned with their catch and everyone was enjoying the food. Everyone but Clarke and Lexa. They were sitting in the commander's tent trying to finalise Lexa's plan, before putting it to the generals. Clarke knew that there wasn't a man or woman among them that would think the plan was a good idea, but she didn't know if any of them would risk speaking out against Lexa about it, not even Indra.
"So say they do accept the terms," Clarke said, rolling her neck a little, trying to relieve some of the tension, "and Kassius comes back here and tells us…"
"If they accept the terms, he won't return alone," Lexa said, walking over to the water jug she had in her tent, and pouring herself a drink, "There will be anywhere from 3 to 30 Ice Nation soldiers with him when he approaches the gate…"
"How are you so calm about this?" Clarke asked, turning around in her chair to look at Lexa.
"I have to be," Lexa replied, leaning back a little against the table behind her as she looked at Clarke, "I show the smallest hint of panic and that will ripple out across the camp. You really don't want to see my entire army on edge Clarke…it sometimes gets violent."
"Octavia heard us fighting last night…" Clarke said, shaking her head a little.
"So did most of the camp," Lexa said with a soft smile, "that's why I was out there today, when I saw you and Octavia, giving them reassurance that everything is okay."
"But is it?" Clarke asked, "Kassius is going to be back here in a little over 3 days, if all goes to your plan, and he's going to have the Ice Nation with him. And, instead of fighting like they expect you to, your entire army is going to watch as you surrender. How is that going to be okay?"
"That may be problematic…" Lexa replied, looking down at her cup.
"Problematic," Clarke said with a laugh as she turned back to the table, "your people thinking you're surrendering with no fight is going to be problematic? That might just be the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say, Lexa, and that list is pretty long, believe me. They are going to fight for you Lexa, you know that."
"Not if I tell them not to." She said, her eyes once again fixing on Clarke, "Once the generals are aware of what is going to happen, they can take steps to keep the people under their direct command as…under control as possible, which may… calm the situation slightly."
"Calm the situation?" Clarke asked, turning to look at the commander again, "calming the situation is what is done when two people are arguing, not what's done when you're standing in a camp of nearly 2000 Grounders who have just watched their commander surrender. This place is going to be like a fucking bomb Lexa, and the slightest thing is going to set it off."
"You have some experience with bombs if I remember rightly," Lexa said, reacting to what Clarke was saying before she realised what she was saying, "maybe you could try to defuse this one rather than blow it up."
Lexa closed her eyes and put her head back, mentally kicking herself as she heard what she had just said. Clarke shook her head a little and stood up from the table.
"Clarke…" Lexa said as the other girl walked towards the door, trying to convey how sorry she was.
"For the record," Clarke said, stopping at the entrance of the tent and looking back slightly, "bombs were always more Raven's thing."
With that she walked out of the tent, leaving Lexa wondering just what it was going to take to fix the mess she now found herself in.
But those thoughts were going to have to wait, no point trying to save something for your future if you didn't know if there was going to be a future to have it. She picked up the knife that was sitting on the table and threw it into a beam which was opposite her on the far side of the tent. Shaking her head again about just how easily she could mess something up, she walked over to the centre table and looked down at the map that Clarke had been working on. It was the starts of the battle plan, a plan that she was now finishing on her own and she had less than an hour before the generals would all be arriving to hear her plan.
x-x-x
Clarke took a deep breath before she walked back up to the entrance of Lexa's tent, she knew she was late to the meeting, but she hadn't been sure whether she should go at all. Deep down she knew that if she wasn't there that would tell Lexa's generals that the commander didn't have her support with this. As much as it hurt Clarke, she had to support Lexa's choice, it was the only one they had.
Moving the flaps aside she walked into the tent, the generals were all sitting around in a circle, with Lexa at the head of it. Next to Lexa was an empty chair, obviously meant for Clarke. As Lexa looked at her, Clarke lowered her head a little.
"Sorry I'm late." She said as she walked to the chair next to Lexa and sat down.
The Grounder commander kept her eyes forwards as Clarke sat down, her face telling Clarke that she was mildly frustrated with her being late.
"I do not understand why Kassius has ridden to the Ice Nation." One of the generals said, obviously picking up the conversation from where Clarke had interrupted it.
"Now everyone has arrived, I can explain properly." Lexa replied, glancing at Clarke a little, "Kassius has gone to deliver my offer of surrender."
"The agreement we signed when this coalition was formed, clearly states that the leaders of all 12 clans must agree if a surrender is to be issued," Indra said, "you cannot surrender your people without that agreement. Something that you pushed to be included in the agreement Heda."
"You misunderstand me Indra," Lexa replied calmly, "the surrender isn't for my people, it's for myself."
A mutter went around the room, Clarke fixed her eyes on a spot on the floor in the middle of the circle as she felt Indra's eyes burning a big-ass hole in whatever was left of her soul.
"Heda…" One of the generals said, a tone of desperation in his voice which Clarke knew all too well.
"It has already been decided," Lexa said, her voice remaining as steady as it would be if she had been telling them that there would be a party the following week, not that she was accepting her own death long before they wanted her to, "I didn't ask you here to discuss it. I asked you here to tell you the plan, not make one with you."
Clarke swallowed hard as she felt a burning sensation in her throat, it scared her seeing Lexa this calm and everyone else currently in a mild state of panic, talking amongst themselves about other options.
"Enough!" Lexa said, standing up, causing them all to drop into an immediate silence, "The choice has been made, a choice which is mine and mine alone. It is not for you to choose when I die, that is one choice for myself that is mine."
Clarke stood up, her chair falling over behind her, she had her hand to her mouth as she walked towards the door.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I need some air."
Lexa's eyes followed Clarke as she rushed from the tent. Taking a deep breath she ignored the disapproving look she was currently getting from Indra and slowly walked across the circle and back again as she started to talk.
"A few years ago," she said confidently as she walked, "Anya and I put a plan in motion for a moment much like this one. She always said this day would come sooner than any of us would want, and she was right. We're outnumbered by nearly 2 to 1. They have the upper hand with the location, they could fight their way through that camp with their eyes closed. It is a war that we are not yet ready to win…"
"Heda…" Indra said, the tone to her voice reminding Lexa that to admit defeat is a weakness.
"We may not be ready to win it," Lexa continued, "but the time has run out for us to prepare. Following the plan that is already in motion will mean that we will win this war. I know it's a lot to ask, which is why I'm not asking. I am your leader, the final choice is always going to be mine."
"You said you had a plan, Heda," another general said, "all I am hearing now are reasons, not a plan."
Lexa smiled a little as she turned and looked at him.
"The plan goes as follows…" she said as she continued to walk slowly back and forth across the circle.
x-x-x
As she took as many steps away from Lexa's tent as she could, Clarke struggled to get her stomach to behave itself. With one hand on her stomach and the other over her mouth she got as far from the tent as possible before she dropped to her knees, losing everything that she had managed to force herself to eat earlier.
Seeing what had just happened Octavia got Lincoln's attention and motioned over to Clarke who was currently sitting on her knees, her hands covering her face. She made her way towards Clarke, but Lincoln stopped her by grabbing her arm.
"Lincoln, she's in pain…" Octavia said quietly, "I know what that pain is…"
"I've got this one…" Lincoln replied, looking over at Clarke, "this is war Octavia, she doesn't need sunshine and puppies right now."
Octavia crossed her arms across her chest as she watched Lincoln make his way over to Clarke.
"You need to get back in there." He said, walking over to the blonde.
He understood that she was hurting, and he also knew the pain which Octavia had mentioned. If he really thought it would help he would take the soft approach, he wanted nothing more to be able to tell Clarke that everything would be okay. He had grown quite attached to the Sky Princess, as Octavia would say. But he knew that a caring approach wouldn't help Clarke now. He needed her as the warrior he had met, not the shell of that which she now was, and that hurt him more than he would admit.
"Why?" Clarke asked, standing up and glaring at him, "so I can go and sit back in there and listen to how Lexa is going to end up getting herself killed? Yeah, I don't think so."
She moved to push past him, but Lincoln didn't let her, he stopped her by putting his arm around her waist.
"You not being in there is as bad as you openly saying that the Commander is going to get herself killed," he quietly said in her ear as he held her in place as the tears fell from her eyes once again, "to the generals that is a sign of weakness…"
"I don't care…" she sobbed, resting her head on his shoulder, completely giving in to the emotion she was feeling.
"Not weakness for you Clarke," he replied, "weakness for Lexa. Why should they stand behind her on this when she can't even get her own partner to believe she can do it. It's as bad as you condemning her to failure Clarke. She doesn't need you falling apart right now, so get it together. This is the weakest that she has ever appeared in front of her generals since the day she became leader of my people, she doesn't need them to think that you believe she will fail. She needs you in there Clarke."
Clarke stepped back from him and wiped her tears away on the back of her hand.
"You're right…" she said.
"Of course I am," Lincoln replied with a little smile, "these are Lexa's people Clarke, the minute you commit to anything with her, they become your people. You need to show them that Lexa is not weak for wanting to commit herself to you, show them that you are worthy of being seated at her side."
Clarke nodded as she took a deep breath, before she walked back towards the tent. Octavia caught her eyes as she was walking back.
"Give them hell, Clarke." She said with a small smirk, which got a small nod in reply from Clarke.
Clarke walked back into the tent, not hesitating about returning to her seat.
"I apologise Commander," she said, "is there anything important that I missed?"
Clarke felt her heart pounding in her chest as she was hoping she sounded a lot more confident than she felt.
"Are you sure you will not just run from the tent again?" one of the generals asked as he looked at Clarke with narrow eyes and a smirk.
"I did apologise," Clarke said noticing how Lexa's head was tilted a little so she could see the small smirk on her face, "I have no idea what happened, it must have been something to do with the lousy food your man provided earlier."
"Enough." Lexa said, fighting back the laugh that nearly escaped her throat, while still managing to sound serious.
Clarke sat back a little in her chair, crossing her legs, right ankle resting over her left knee, letting Lexa know that she would behave. The commander gave her a slight nod before she carried on with what Clarke had obviously missed.
"So, to recap," Lexa said, as she started the slow walking again, it helped her to stay focused on the task at hand, "If my offer of surrender is accepted, Kassius will return in around 3 days, with Ice Nation soldiers with him, I don't know how many. I will need people on that gate who are not going to shoot on sight. We have to let them get Kassius back here alive. He will come to my tent, accompanied by at least one soldier, which needs to be allowed to happen, it cannot be stopped. He will then tell me whether they agree to my terms or not. If there are any amendments that they wish to be made to the terms he will then inform me of them, all while the soldiers wait with him. If I agree to the amendments, which there shouldn't be too many of for what they are getting in return, then I will be walked from the camp. My hands probably bound behind my back and I will be unarmed. This is a way for them to show their strength to our people, that they can simply walk into our camp and walk me out."
Clarke made a show of keeping her face as emotionless as possible as she had her eyes fixed on Lexa's walking form, her head tilted to one side slightly. She knew that Indra and a few of the others kept glancing over at her as Lexa spoke, as if they were wanting to see what her reaction would be, so she didn't give them one. As Lexa turned around her eyes found Clarke for a short time, her eyes saying more than her voice ever could.
"That is where we might have our first major problem," Lexa said, her eyes still on Clarke before she looked away as she continued, "for this plan to work, as few people as possible need to know it…"
"How do we know she has not already informed the Sky people of this plan," one of the generals said, interrupting Lexa which was never a good idea, and looking at Clarke like she didn't even deserve to be breathing the same air as him, an even worse idea, "she left in a hurry, she may have been going to inform them that you were telling us of the plan."
"And what are the 10 of my people going to do?" Clarke asked, turning her head slightly so she could look at him, but not reacting in any other way, "kill you all when you're asleep so that the Ice Nation can take Lexa without any trouble? Or maybe you think that we're the strike team and the minute the plan starts we'll shoot you all?"
"Which one is it Donovan?" Lexa asked, looking at him, eyebrow arched slightly, "are they here to kill us as we sleep, or slaughter us when I surrender?"
The man that Lexa had named as Donovan didn't say anything as he looked away from Clarke, unable to provide the commander with an answer.
"The Sky people are here because I said they could be," Lexa said calmly, "they have done us no harm since they have arrived and if anyone, and I mean anyone, harms any of them in any way…"
Donovan nodded slightly, understanding completely what Lexa meant.
"Please Commander," Clarke said with a smirk on her lips, bowing her head slightly in Lexa's direction, "continue."
Lexa rolled her eyes in a way that had Clarke fighting back her laugh.
"Like I was saying…" Lexa said, getting herself back into her mental train of thought on the way she wanted things to go down, "This plan can be known by as few people beyond this tent as possible, or it will not work. If the Ice Nation in any way suspect that we are not being entirely truthful with them, they will kill me on the way to their camp, returning there with nothing but my head, and none of this will matter anymore."
Clarke closed her eyes to block out the mental imagery that Lexa's words were forcing her to see. When she opened them she noticed Indra looking at her. Instead of ignoring her, Clarke turned her head slightly, giving Indra a look that asked her not to start anything because of her reaction. Indra just looked away from Clarke and back to Lexa, Clarke counted that as a minor success. Indra seemed to take pleasure in reminding her that she was weaker than a Grounder child, Clarke didn't want her to turn this in to one of those moments.
"I need to survive long enough to make it to the Ice Nation camp," Lexa said, "as soon as I am paraded through their camp the plan will set into motion there. Word will go around the camp pretty quickly once they accept the terms. Their new leader will take great pleasure in informing his army that they have taken the Grounder Commander, so he may even call them all together."
"How do you know?" one of the generals said.
"Because it's what I would do in their position." Lexa replied honestly, "your people finally get to take the head of the woman who killed their queen, he will announce it. The moment he does, the preparations for my arrival will begin, both by the Ice Nation and by our people."
"Then what happens?" Clarke asked, knowing that she and Lexa had yet to cover this part of the plan.
"Once I am on the way their camp, hopefully still with Kassius with me, you need to start the preparations here," Lexa said, looking directly at Clarke when she said 'you', "Kassius will return here, with word that I have arrived relatively unharmed, you need to have the army ready to move within the day, it's a day and a half's ride to their camp, that gives you 4 days, they won't keep me alive much beyond that point."
"You need to select someone to put the plan into motion here, Heda." Indra said.
"I just did." Lexa replied, looking at Indra, daring her to challenge her decision, before she returned her attention to everyone else, "Everyone needs to know without question where they are entering the Ice Nation camp. The information that we received this morning will allow me to pick out their weak areas. Clarke will inform you all of that once I'm gone. Once you are in the camp, our people there will start their pre-planned attack to get me out of wherever it is that I will be held. The element of surprise will not last long, use it to take out as many of them as you can. Once they realise what is happening then they can spring the traps which they will have already set. I will leave Clarke with a little information before I go, this plan rests on you following what she tells you, without question. Is that understood?"
Nobody voiced any objections, silently agreeing to follow Lexa's orders, even if they did come from Clarke.
"That will be all for now," Lexa said, "We'll continue this in the morning."
The generals all stood up, bowing slightly before they left the tent, leaving Clarke and Lexa alone. Clarke sat forwards, putting her elbows on her knees and resting her head on her hands. Lexa just remained standing where she was, looking at the floor in front of her. The tough exterior she had worn through-out the meeting slowly starting to fade away.
"And you're sure this will work?" Clarke asked as she slowly lifted her head and looked at Lexa.
"It has to…" Lexa replied quietly, "it's all I have. Believing that this will work is the only thing that I have. If it doesn't…every act that I have ever done for my people, will not count. I will be remembered as the commander who got her entire army slaughtered."
Clarke kept looking at her, listening to what she was saying, Jasper had told her to really listen.
"I have the largest Grounder army that our people have ever seen." Lexa said, still not moving, "we fought war, after war. Fighting to establish our place on this planet, no longer fighting amongst each other, we started fighting together. An enemy to one of us had always been an enemy to both, but we had never fought them before as a united people… my people will always come first Clarke."
Clarke tried to swallow the dry feeling from her mouth, her heart pounding in her chest as she tried to remember how to breathe. A slight feeling of panic rising from her stomach as she thought about what Lexa was about to tell her. Nothing could happen between them, because Lexa's people would always come before their relationship.
"That's the way it has always been," Lexa continued, her voice so quiet that Clarke could almost not hear her anymore, "Costia understood, she knew what it would be like, she knew well the ways of our people and our leaders…"
Clarke quietly stood up from her chair, not yet deciding where she was going to walk to, the door, or Lexa.
"I can't ask you to live that kind of life Clarke," Lexa sighed, "not when I know that you would be happier doing something more… normal."
Clarke didn't say anything, she just slowly walked up behind Lexa, suddenly feeling like her heart was trying to crawl its way out of her body. She looked at the commander waist as she stepped behind her, softly she placed her hands on Lexa's hips, slipping her hands under the commander's arms. She stopped when she felt Lexa tense up slightly, Clarke was sure Lexa was about to step away from her. Her breath caught in her throat as Lexa didn't step away, but she could tell from Lexa's breathing that the commander wanted to run.
"What if I choose to live that life…?" Clarke asked as she slowly snaked her arms around Lexa's waist, her hands meeting on the other girl's stomach.
They just stood there for a few moments, Lexa slowly giving in to the urge to lean back into Clarke's arms. The blonde girl rested her forehead on Lexa's shoulder, letting out a little laugh to try and calm the nerves she was suddenly feeling.
"Something funny, Clarke of the Sky people?" Lexa asked curiously.
"I don't think I've ever been this nervous in my entire life…" Clarke replied honestly, knowing now was not the time for her to be cracking jokes.
"Not even when you arrived on Earth for the first time?" Lexa asked, turning her head slightly so she could see Clarke.
"Different kind of nerves…" Clarke replied with a little laugh.
"Like I said, Clarke," Lexa said, softly placing her hands over Clarkes as she laced their fingers together, "I can't ask you to live the kind of life I can offer…If we win this war…"
"When," Clarke said, interrupting her, as she tightened her arms around Lexa's waist, "when we win this war."
"When we win this war…" Lexa repeated, correcting herself, "I won't be able to promise you the peace you crave, Clarke. I can't promise you anything will change…"
"I'm not asking for promises, Lexa…" Clarke said, "I'm just asking for a chance…"
"Are you sure that's what you want?" Lexa asked in reply, her mind suddenly spinning with the uncertainty of what was to come, making a split second decision about a future she may not even have.
"Yes…" Clarke replied as Lexa turned around in her arms, so she was now facing her.
"Clarke, we both know the pain of lost love," Lexa said, "one day a battle might arrive that I cannot win… I…"
"We'll deal with it," Clarke said, as she rested her forehead against Lexa's, "I'm not asking you to promise me forever Lexa, I'm not asking for something you can't give…"
"I just need to know that you know what this means," Lexa replied, her heart rate increasing as her eyes flicked to Clarkes lips, "and that you're really sure."
Clarke backed away a little so she could look into Lexa's eyes.
"I'm sure…" she said clearly so Lexa would, hopefully, stop questioning her.
x-x-x
As the camp finally quietened enough for him to make his way to the tree line undetected, Donovan slipped away from his men. He made his way to the pre-decided meeting spot, seeing his target waiting on his horse. Checking over his shoulder one more time, Donovan was sure he wasn't being followed, so he walked over to the Ice Nation scout who was awaiting his report.
"Well…?" the scout asked.
"She's going to offer her surrender," Donovan replied, "but it's a trap, she has people within the camp."
"Who?" the scout asked as he committed to his memory what Donovan was telling him.
"I don't know, she hasn't mentioned any names," the Commanders advisor answered, "and I don't know if she will. Our options are limited, we can accept her surrender, get the information we require and then kill her. We can kill her before we arrive at the city. Or we can accept the surrender and proceed as planned with the attack on this camp."
"I will pass on your recommendations," the scout said, picking up the reins of his horse, "if there is any change to the plan or you obtain some more information."
"I'll get it to you." Donovan said, as the Ice Nation scout turned his horse and disappeared into the forest.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
a/n: remember if you kill me, I can't fix it. Let me know what you think.