A/N: So here we are again, hope you all liked the last chapter because it's going to get hard from here on out, just a warning. I wasn't actually going to write anything until tomorrow, giving myself a little break so I don't burn out, but I got an image in my head when I was listening to Salvation by Gabrielle Aplin, so I had to write it. Read, review and enjoy.

Chapter Seventeen

Clarke lay awake, looking at the roof of the tent, she just couldn't get her mind to turn off. Kassius has been gone for 2 days, though as she looked at the roof she could the sky lightening. It was closer to 3 days. He should have arrived at the Ice Nation camp by now, Clarke knew he wouldn't have wasted time going at a steady pace, he would have gone all out for as much of the journey as he could.

Clarke heard the warning horn, which let the entire camp know someone was approaching. Clarke was up and out of the bed faster than she had ever got out of bed in her life. Lexa silently got out of bed and put her armour on, then her long jacket.

"It can't be…" Clarke said, "Not already…"

"It could be anyone Clarke," Lexa said as she fixed her shoulder guards in place, "there is no knowing if it is Kassius until we look."

Clarke nodded, heading to the door of the tent.

"If it is Kassius," Lexa said, "Do you really want to be unarmed?"

Clarke walked back to the table where her weapons were, her trusty gun lying next to the sword that Lexa had given her back in Polis. Out of the corner of her eye Lexa could see Clarke look at the gun before picking up the sword.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Lexa asked as she put her sword in its holster, turning to face Clarke.

"I am?" Clarke asked.

Lexa walked up to the table and motioned to the gun.

"Better to have it and not need it," Lexa said looking at the weapon, "than not have it and need it."

"I thought you disapproved of guns," Clarke replied, "I mean isn't that was the little exercise was about with Indra."

"That was about learning to be more confident with a sword," Lexa replied, "my opinions on your weapons of choice shouldn't matter. A warrior chooses their own weapon Princess."

"I swear," Clarke said, picking up the gun and following Lexa out of the door, "you and Octavia are getting a little too friendly for my liking."

"She reminds me a little bit of myself at that age." Lexa replied as she walked to the edge of the hill and looked down.

"Because that was oh so long ago." Clarke said sarcastically as she walked up next to Lexa, "well whoever it is isn't dead yet, I guess we can take that as a good sign."

"Or a bad one." Lexa said noticing Indra waiting for her, "come."

Clarke followed without questioning it, Indra had to know something that she didn't.

"Any idea who it is?" Lexa asked.

"Sky people." Indra replied, "only two of them, I am surprised they made it this far."

Clarke couldn't help but wonder who else from the camp had followed her. Octavia fell into step behind Clarke, something which Indra had obviously told her to do.

"Who is it?" Clarke asked, turning her head so she could talk to Octavia.

"No idea," Octavia replied with a shrug, "I was dreaming about hot naked guys on a beach, then the next minute I'm falling out of bed and Indra is throwing my sword at me."

Lexa glanced back as she heard the girls talking.

"Hot naked Grounder guys…" Octavia said, seeing Lexa turn her head.

"Those are few and far between, my young friend," Lexa said with a laugh as she continued walking, "I would savour those dreams while you have them."

"Did you used to dream of hot naked Grounder guys on a beach Commander?" Clarke asked, the amusement obvious in her voice.

"Hardly," Lexa replied with a laugh, "the women are always much more… appealing to the eye."

Indra cleared her throat.

"Sorry Indra," Clarke said with a laugh, "Are we making you uncomfortable?"

"I just think another topic of conversation would be more appropriate." Indra said.

Lexa shot Clarke a look which made the blonde girl laugh, to the point that she had to stop.

"Did you swallow a bug?" Lexa asked as Clarke started coughing as she laughed.

Clarke continued coughing as Lexa's question just made her laugh even more.

"It's your mother." Lexa said, her voice suddenly very serious.

"And Raven." Octavia added.

"What?" Clarke asked as she straightened herself up.

"At the gate." Lexa said.

Clarke wasted no more time as she walked towards the gate.

"Let them pass." She said, in a tone of voice that let them know she wasn't asking.

"We do not answer to you." Donovan said from where he was standing with his men by the entrance to the camp.

"Either you let them pass," Clarke said, walking up to him, "or you won't be answering to anyone again, clear?"

Donovan's eyes flicked to Indra, then Lexa. Neither of them moved nor said a word.

"Heda?" he asked.

"You have your orders Donovan," Lexa said, slowly walking forwards, "let them pass."

As Donovan nodded to his men to let them pass Lexa noticed a look in his eye as he looked at Clarke. She was in front of him with her sword at his throat before anyone knew what was going on.

"Look at her like that again and I will make sure that you're still alive when I remove your organs," Lexa said, "is that understood."

Clarke noticed how wide Donovan's eyes were, he was bordering on terrified. Lexa turned, returning her sword to its rightful place. The gathered crowd parting as she walked. Her face was completely unreadable to Clarke. Though from the look on Indra's face she had seen this kind of thing before, and she didn't look happy about it.

"Indra, see to it that Abby and Raven have somewhere to sleep, they must be exhausted." Was all that Lexa said before she walked back up the hill to her tent.

Indra motioned for them to follow her, as they walked back up the hill. Clarke then noticed that all the Sky people were in the same area, the one area of the camp which always had armed soldiers patrolling it, Indra had put them all towards the top of the hill. The blonde girl couldn't help but wonder if that was intentional or just because there was more space there. She knew from the night Lexa had told her she would surrender to the Ice Nation, that there were empty tents within the main camp.

"What's going on with Lexa?" Raven asked as she caught up with Clarke, "I mean I know she's usually all 'me Grounder, me bad' but that was… weird."

"She's a little…" Clarke started to say, before stopping herself when she noticed Indra looking back at her, "stressed. Pretty stressful planning a war."

"How do Grounders blow off steam before a battle?" Raven asked with a little smirk.

"I wouldn't know…" Clarke replied with a roll of her eyes, "What are you two doing here?"

"Well, your mother decided that she needed to apologise for her behaviour," Raven said with an arched eyebrow, her smirk slipping slightly as Abby looked at her, "which she can do herself, somewhere a little less… public. And I was getting bored. I figured if I was here I could at least shoot something, or maybe make something go boom…"

Indra stopped and looked at Raven.

"Not here, here," Raven said with a slight wave of her hand, "somewhere else that's not here, here."

Indra continued walking, Clarke smirking a little. She had got used to Indra's looks, and that one amused her as it was usually one which was reserved for Clarke herself.

"And I thought you may need a doctor," Abby said, "I have extra supplies strapped to the horse."

"Thank you." Clarke said to her mother.

As they walked towards the tents at the top of the hill Clarke glanced towards Lexa's tent, not sure what she expected to find there. What she did see there were two Grounders armed with swords, the swords held out crossing the entrance of the tent, Lexa wasn't to be disturbed.

"The tent next to Octavia's is empty," Indra said motioning to the tent, "you should find the space sufficient."

With that Indra walked in the direction of Lexa's tent, Clarke was surprised to see that she was stopped. Clarke couldn't read the older woman's body language as she walked back to her own tent, but something wasn't right.

"Can you excuse me for like, a minute," Clarke said, looking at Raven and then to her mother, "I need to…"

"Go," Abby said with a soft smile, "it'll give us time to check out our sufficient space."

"I'll be back soon." Clarke said with a slight smile as she turned and walked to Indra's tent.

Clarke had spent enough time around the Grounders to know it was custom to wait until you were invited into someone's tent, or you knocked on the wooden beam near the entrance and you would either be invited or not. She knew all that, but she just didn't care. She just walked straight into Indra's tent. The other woman didn't even look up at her as she was laying out her weapons to be cleaned and sharpened.

"I know you don't like me Indra," Clarke said, "I'm pretty sure you hate me actually, but I don't really care. You know something about what is going on with Lexa."

"She is the strongest leader that our people have ever known," Indra replied, finally turning to look at Clarke, "she has done things that other leaders had only hoped of doing…"

"Uniting the 12 clans, I get it," Clarke interrupted, "I've heard that story 5 times in 3 days."

"She has never shown any weakness, not even when the Ice Nation killed Costia, even then she remained strong," Indra continued, "you have been here a matter of weeks and already she has risked her life to save yours, and now she is risking her people. Legend has it that the arrival of people from the Sky would bring about the end of our people. Heda never believed it."

"But you did?" Clarke asked, resting back against one of the tables in Indra's tent.

"It is proving to be true." She replied.

"Well, see, the only problem I have with that is we didn't even know your people were here until we got here," Clarke said, "we had no idea what was waiting for us. Instead of it being this desolate radioactive waste ground, it's a beautiful forest… Sure the animals aren't quite what I expected… my point is, we didn't come here to kill your people Indra."

"You talk too much." Indra said simply.

"You mentioned that earlier…" Clarke said, "I'm not asking you to be my friend Indra, I'm not even asking you to tolerate me, just… help me. I have no idea what to say to her about it, she's about to lay her life on the line and the best I can think of is 'don't get killed'…"

"Anya said that to Heda when she went on her first hunt without her." Indra replied.

"So maybe don't get killed will be enough…" Clarke replied.

"From her friend and mentor yes," Indra said her expression softening ever so slightly, "from her mate, no."

"Her mate?" Clarke asked, "Really? That's the best word you have for it? Makes it sound so… animalistic."

"Her partner," Indra said, "is that a word you would be more comfortable with…"

"If that's even what we are." Clarke replied, not even believing it as it was coming out of her own mouth, Indra gave her a look which asked if Clarke thought she had been born yesterday, "we technically haven't labelled it yet."

"Our people don't label Clarke," Indra said, "they take. Relationships can begin and end in an instant. Every night that you have been here, and those nights in Polis, you shared Heda's space…"

"Which makes me hers…" Clarke said quietly.

"And in conflict with previous leaders, it makes her yours." Indra said.

"Which you don't like…" Clarke replied, "Let me guess, you think she can do better, she deserves someone who compliments her skills… what did you mean by in conflict with previous leaders?"

"Our leaders often take more than one mate," Indra stated simply, "it has been common place in our past. Clarke, I don't dislike you, I dislike your attitude. If you simply accepted what needed to be done, rather than talk about it and feel guilty about it, then you would realise the strength you have inside you. Do you think all of those people you killed in the Mountain were innocent Clarke?"

"No…" Clarke replied.

"Do you think that the actions which were committed against both of our people deserved to be avenged?" Indra asked.

"Yes, but there's a difference between avenging someone's death and taking revenge." Clarke said, "I know that your customs have been all that you have ever known, but not all those people who I killed deserved to die."

"Do you feel any guilt or regret for killing 300 of my people?" Indra asked.

"Guilt, no," Clarke said, "Regret, yes. I killed them because they gave me no choice. Lexa had sent them there to kill us, so no I don't feel guilty for fighting to survive. I regret that it came to that before we had even had a chance to find out who your people were."

"That is your first problem," Indra replied, "you should have no feelings whatsoever about your opponent. They are there to kill you and they will not hesitate. You cannot look at a man who stands opposite you Clarke, and question whether he has done anything that makes his death justified. Once you let go of that…"

"I'm not a machine Indra," Clarke said, "You can't just expect me to kill without caring."

"And you have reached the answer to this discussion," Indra said with a small smirk, "you're not a machine. Neither is Heda."

"She told me that she stopped caring about everyone," Clarke replied, "that love was weakness."

"No…" Indra said shaking her head, "those were not her words, they were Anya's. Though Anya didn't discourage Heda's relationship with Costia, she tried to prepare Heda for the end which would come. As warriors we don't expect to live to a ripe old age, we don't expect to have anything to tie us to a normal life. Heda had that in Costia, and when you lose that…"

"Sounds like you're talking from experience." Clarke said with a soft sigh.

"A story I may tell you another time," Indra replied, "opening herself up to that again has re-opened old wounds, wounds long since ignored. She knows the pain of losing someone she… cared for, it's what drove her to save your life from the Ice Nation Queen. A leader cannot ask their people to do something that they wouldn't do themselves. She is asking you to let her go, Clarke, knowing that you would never ask that of her. The two parts of her life are in conflict. Her duty as leader, and the young woman who still resides within the warrior. Doing what she must for her people means hurting you, and she still feels the pain from the last time the needs of her people hurt you."

"I don't blame her," Clarke said, "I mean, I did, of course I did. But the more I thought about what she had done, I realised that she had the chance to walk away that night without losing any more people. She could save those she needed to, without risking any more of the army…"

"You need to tell her this Clarke." Indra said, "It will set her mind at ease, and hopefully clear up the other… issues."

Clarke nodded and turned to leave the tent, she stopped and looked back a little.

"That's the most I've ever heard you talk." Clarke said.

"Do not get used to it." Indra replied as the blonde girl left the tent.

As Clarke left Indra's tent she shook her head a little, it was nice to see another side of her, it made Clarke wonder if Gustus had another side as well, or if he just hated her because he could. She saw Octavia standing near the entrance to her tent.

"Where's Raven and my mom?" Clarke asked.

"With Bellamy and Lincoln in one of the healer's tents," Octavia said, "your mom said something about helping them. I think she's feeling a little lost, don't blame her though, her daughter once again proved that Chancellor is nothing but a title. All she has left is the helping people thing."

Clarke nodded a little.

"Don't give me that look Princess," Octavia said, "you did nothing wrong."

"I held my sword to the throat of a guard to get my own mother to open a room so I could take the weapons and leave." Clarke said, "What is right in that sentence Octavia."

"But you didn't kill him." Octavia said with a shrug.

"I should go and find them." Clarke said, shaking her head a little as she turned to leave.

"They said they would find you later," the younger girl said, "Raven said something about you having a Grounder Commander who needed to let off so steam, and I think your mother's ears actually nearly started bleeding from having to listen to Raven. Apparently that's not something you want to think about your child doing."

"Ignorance is bliss." Clarke said with a laugh.

She turned and slowly walked to Lexa's tent. The two Grounders didn't move.

"We have been told not to move," one of them said, "for anyone."

"Are you for real?" Clarke asked, "I kinda have to go in there, it's where I sleep."

"It's daylight," the other said, "why would you need to sleep?"

Clarke had two very clear options in her mind, she could tell them that the Commander had kept her awake all night, or she could just ignore the question. As much as she would have enjoyed seeing the look on their faces, she didn't like the thought of a bladed object of some kind being thrown in her general direction if Lexa heard her.

"I need to talk to the Commander," Clarke said, "it's important."

"I'm sorry, Clarke of the Sky people," the first Grounder said, "we have been told not to allow anyone in."

"What would you do if I was bleeding to death out here Lexa?" Clarke called, she knew Lexa would be able to hear her, "would you just leave me out here while you sulked in your tent?"

When she got no reply she sighed and rolled her eyes a little.

"I could always say what I have to say from out here," Clarke said, "it doesn't bother me Lexa. I was just talking to Indra, she was telling me about how Anya is the one who made you think that feelings are weak…"

"Let her pass…" she heard Lexa said.

The two Grounders moved their swords so that Clarke could go into the tent.

"Much appreciated gentlemen." Clarke said with a little smile as she walked in through the entrance.

As Clarke entered she saw Lexa sitting in her chair, spinning the blade of her favourite knife on the arm of the chair, much as she had the first time she and Clarke had met. Clarke noticed that Lexa wasn't wearing her armour any longer, it was on the floor near the chair, along with her weapons.

"So," Clarke said as she slowly walked to where Lexa was sitting, "what was that about?"

"To what are you referring?" Lexa asked, her eyes focused on Clarke, knife still spinning.

"That, whatever it was, with Donovan," Clarke said, "I mean I know he's an irritating shit, but you threatened to keep him alive while you cut out his organs just for looking at me. What the fuck was that Lexa?"

"That's what happens when you care about someone, Clarke." Lexa replied.

"No, Lexa, it isn't," Clarke said, reaching the small raised platform which the chair sat on, she sat down near Lexa's legs, "that might be what happens when you care about someone, but the last time I checked I hadn't threated to gut someone while they watched me do it just for looking at someone I care about."

"It wasn't that he was looking at you." Lexa replied, as she stopped spinning the blade, "It was more the way he was looking at you. The look in his eyes was one that I have seen many times before. The eyes of a hunter who has a clear line of sight on his prey."

"I had just embarrassed him, in front of his own people, and my people which probably made it worse," Clarke said, "and we weren't exactly firm friends before that. I don't need you to keep protecting me Lexa…"

"Yes you do." Lexa replied.

"No I don't," Clarke said looking at the other girl, "if I step out of line, I need to be told. If I get into a fight, let me fight. I can't show your people that I am worthy of you if you're there holding my hand now can I, all that is going to tell them is that I need your protection."

"When a Grounder fights for his or her honour, it is usually to the death Clarke," Lexa said, "you can defend yourself sufficiently to perhaps withstand a short attack, but you would not survive an honour fight."

"You need to have a little more faith in me Lexa," Clarke replied, standing up and walking over to the table, "how am I supposed to get this army ready to fight the Ice Nation without you being here if you don't allow me to step up for my mistakes?"

"I do have faith in you Clarke," Lexa said, sighing and clenching her jaw, "I wouldn't be leaving you with my army if I didn't."

"So what's the problem?" Clarke asked, turning around and leaning against the table, facing Lexa.

"I may be losing faith in myself…" Lexa replied honestly.

"How is that possible?" Clarke asked smiling softly, "I could, right now, go out there and ask any one of those men and women to give me 10 things about you that they are proud of, and each one will have more than 10 things to tell me. Your people worship you Lexa, and I'm pretty sure that it isn't for your award winning personality."

"I had to…" Lexa started to say.

"I know," Clarke said, interrupting her, "I know… and they know. Last night was fun, for everyone, even Indra, though I doubt she would admit it in a hurry. You were there, laughing and telling stories with your people. Being out there today you can feel the difference it has made for them."

"And if they are strong enough and I am not?" Lexa asked, "if I fail my very simple task of staying alive long enough… If it's all for nothing? Clarke, I hurt you when I walked away that night on the mountain, I know that because I hurt myself…"

"Lexa…" Clarke said.

"Let me get this out," Lexa said, "please. It's eating away at me inside, thinking that if I allow what is between us to go any further, than pain is increased immeasurably…"

"I forgive you." Clarke said, interrupting her again.

Lexa closed her eyes as she felt the tears starting to fall.

"Lexa, I know why you did it," Clarke continued, "I understand, and if I had the chance to do the same thing you did that night…"

"You would've told them you weren't interested." Lexa said, opening her eyes and looking at Clarke, "you would've fought for every single person in that mountain… innocent lives may have been lost, it happens in war, but…"

"I pulled that lever, Lexa," Clarke said, smiling a little, "me, it was my choice. Bellamy even helped, he wanted to share the burden…"

"The burden you bear so they don't have to…" Lexa said with a little nod.

"Yes," Clarke said, "and do you know who it was who taught me exactly what that meant… it was you, Lexa. And I think it was actually at that moment that I realised, maybe there was a heart under that war paint…"

Another warning horn sounded, this one slightly different to the last. Clarke looked at Lexa, who simply looked at the floor, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

"You knew the horn earlier wasn't them…" Clarke said.

Lexa nodded a little, not trusting herself to speak at that moment.

"The sounds," Clarke said, slowly figuring it out, "the one earlier meant someone was approaching, and that one means…"

Clarke heard shouting from the camp as Indra rushed into the tent.

"Heda." She said, a slight hint of well-hidden desperation in her voice.

"I know, Indra." Lexa replied, closing her eyes a little, "I need a few more minutes."

"I will inform them that you are on your way." Indra said with a small nod before leaving the tent a little.

"So this is it…" Clarke said, trying to control her emotions, for Lexa's sake as well as her own.

"Yes…" Lexa said, turning and walking back beyond the partition in the tent.

Clarke heard some paper rustling, she heard Lexa drop something and mutter something that she didn't understand. A few moments later, Lexa returned to the main part of the tent, war-paint in place, carrying a small book.

"Everything you need to know is in here," Lexa said, holding it out to her, "keep it with you at all times, you cannot lose this book Clarke."

Clarke nodded as she took the book and put it into her pocket, it fit perfectly.

"And one more thing…" Lexa said, turning around and walking to her weapons which were still on the floor, she picked up her sword and walked back to Clarke.

"I can't…" Clarke said, tears starting to build in her eyes.

"Yes you can." Lexa replied, "Take it, it has never let me down."

Clarke wrapped her hand around the handle of the sword.

"One of the soldiers will be able to adjust the holster so it will fit properly." Lexa said, keeping her head all about the battle, nothing else.

"Lexa…" Clarke said.

"You shouldn't have any problem with the generals, Indra will see to that," Lexa continued, "but you should keep your eyes on Donovan, just in case he tries something."

"Lexa," Clarke said again, this time holding the stop of Lexa's arms, stopping her before she walked around in yet another circle as she told Clarke what she needed to do, "stop…"

Once she had Lexa in front of her she didn't know what to say.

"If I haven't got it by now, then I never will." She said, "and if something goes wrong, Raven is here, we have ammunition, I'm sure she can cook up a bomb or something."

Clarke mentally kicked herself for not being able to say what she wanted to say without making it into a joke, but it was the only way she knew how to cope. To her relief, Lexa laughed a little, cupping Clarke's face with her hands.

"Thank you…" Lexa said.

"For what?" Clarke asked.

"Being here." Lexa replied, closing the distance between their lips.

As Lexa's fingers tangled in her hair, Clarke felt herself getting swept away with the emotion in the kiss. It was soft, but heated, both of them feeling that it was the only way to get across the words they wanted to say, but couldn't. Lexa backed away first, closing her eyes she rested her forehead against Clarkes.

"You can't be in here when I come back with Kassius and the Ice Nation soldiers…" She said quietly.

"I know…" Clarke replied.

Lexa placed a soft lingering kiss on Clarke's forehead before she turned and walked from the tent.

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a/n: I am in the process of writing the next part, it would be great if you could review, let me know what you think. Thanks!