At the front yard of the White House, Yagi was calling to Jake. She said, "Excuse me, Mr. Morgendorffer. I'd like to nominate my partner, Kazuto Iizuka, in the election for President of Earth. As his partner in A-Squad, and leader of said group, my partner would like to have the honor of engaging in a thoughtful discussion of the key issues."

Kazuto said, "Followed by a round of spiteful mud-slinging. What do you say, Jakey?"

Jake then said, "Hmm… This is highly irregular. Very well. But you are well-aware that I was beloved from 1998-2004, during my run as United Leagues leader."

Helen whispered to Jake, as he added, "And assuming Mister Iizuka's position, and giving my credentials, I was going to run this election, unopposed."

Kazuto barked, "Oh, no, you di'n't! You ain't all that, Jake the Snake!"

"I freed the kids of Adult Tyranny! I was beloved, like Abraham Lincoln!"

"I was in a mission, involving a man named Gilbert, who went crazy over zombies!"

"I was on the custom-made 2001 Penny! They made only twenty, until the Lincoln Mint stopped it. Damn bureaucrats!"

"I have a half-alien for a girlfriend. You have only an ex-convict, as your running mate."

"DAMN IT! HOW DA-?"

Yagi stopped the argument, "Whoa, whoa! Hold on! Save it for the debate! A moderate and reasonable debate… Okay?"

Jake said, "Hmm… Very well. In the spirit of democracy, I say: Don't sing it… Bring it!"

The TV played, as the reporter was doing the intro.

"And it is a beautiful day here, in Washington D.C., at the White House lawn, as we bring you the first in a series of debates for this emergency election for Earth President. In the Republican Corner, we have former United Leagues leader and current consultant, Jake Morgendorffer, accompanied by his wife, ex-lawyer, and running mate/first lady, Helen Morgendorffer. And in the not-so-funny corner, representing Alliance Across the World, is Agent of A-Squad, Kazuto Iizuka.
Acting as completely impartial moderator for the debates, will be Alliance Across the World leading Agent, Hajime Yagi. The candidates ARE ready, so let's listen in…"

Yagi asked, "Candidate Iizuka, Mr. Morgendorffer… let us begin. Mr. Morgendorffer, we start with you. I'd like you to tell the voters your stand on some of the tough issues…"

"Very well."

"How do you plan to solve the problem of toxic waste?"

Jake paused and said, "I'm glad to be given one more life to my country."

Yagi thought, "Hmm… How did he evade the subject?"

TV announcer said, "And Jake begins with his trademark phrases, during his days with the United Leagues. Effective to his adoring crowd, but no signs in the poll ratings."

Yagi said to Kazuto, "Candidate Iizuka, opening arguments…"

Kazuto said, "Greetings, miserable prawns… People of Earth! Your day of reckoning is at hand! This election reminds me of the time I once went to the beach, and saw a huge ocean liner drift up on shore, while everyone was in shock and awe. It seems that it started when I was going to tell Narue, my girlfriend, that I love her. Suddenly, the ocean liner came by and interrupted what was once a beautiful moment in my young life. After that, the crowd forgot about it, and Narue and I had a fun time at the beach! … … …No, no, wait. I told it wrong.
Anyway, I believe in the ideal of a global community, where America is but a small part of, along with Japan, China, Mexico, and everywhere else. Besides, the Earth is mostly water. We must set aside our differences and work with our fellow nations, all united towards one goal: The complete and utter annihilation of the goddamn Avalon Aliens!"

Yagi asked, "Anything else to share, Candidate Iizuka?"

Kazuto said, "No, I think I'm done. That is all. Stay frosty, Earth!"

Outside the area, Freddie, disguised as a secret service agent switched a cue card that says "FREE Home Delivery". Yagi thought, as Freddie gave the thumbs-up, "Perfect. I take it that is how Jake and Helen are going to win this. Better use their A-Game against him."

Yagi asked Jake, "Candidate Morgendorffer, repeating the question about toxic waste, how do you plan to solve it?"

Jake responded, "FREE home delivery!"

The crowd was shocked, as cameras flashed. The TV announcer said, "OH! An effective, but very controversial proposal from Candidate Morgendorffer. And the crowd goes wild, in a roar of boos. They did not like that idea, one bit."

The polls then showed that Jake has 60% of the votes, while Kazuto has 39%. Emmitt had only 1%, and he is a third-party candidate.
Who's Emmitt?

Freddie switched the cue cards, as Yagi asked, "Candidate Iizuka, anything to share?"

Kazuto responded, "I want to see the return of prosperity of the Earth we all know and loved… A chicken in every pot, Mom's hot apple pie, and rubber nippers for everyone, and vice versa! If elected, I promise a return to a happier time in Earth's past. The days when giant thunder lizards marched over the fern-covered marshes of the Midwest, preying on the upstart mammals. I'm a uniter, not a divider. I foresee an Earth, under one rule: an iron-fisted rule! One rabbit, one law! Let your neighbors know that dissent will not be tolerated!
All hail Iizuka…"

Yagi shushed him, as she turned to Jake, "Returning to the topics on the issues, Candidate Morgendorffer, how would you describe the economy? For example, your Tax Plan?"

Jake then said, "Give me ALL you got!"

The crowd boos, as the TV announcer said, "Ooh! And Candidate Morgendorffer proposed one shocker of an economic strategy, which even democrats are calling it "A trifle excessive"."

It hurt Jake in the polls, as he is dropped to 50%. Kazuto gained a little, boosting up, only standing at 39%. Emmitt, however, has 11%, which was a major boost, too.

Kazuto continued, as Freddie switched the cue cards, "I have a dream, America! It all started when I was in a white intergalactic wedding with Narue Nanase, and we are doing a two-person production of "Titanic on Ice". But I haven't studied and I can't remember my lines. Suddenly, it began to rain marshmallows, but that's okay. Because all the trees were made of graham crackers; and chocolate bars are the currency. I believe that by working together, we can make that dream a reality… except for the "Titanic on Ice" bit. We have nothing to fear, but fear, itself… and the chupacabras! Madre dios! He'll kill us all!"

Yagi asked Jake, "Candidate Jake, uh, Mr. Morgendorffer, where do you stand on religions and schools?"

Jake said, "Oh, wait… I think two wrongs don't make a right."

The crowd boos, as Yagi turned to Iizuka and nodded. She then thought, "Only one job left… and that's Shiki. I owe her a favor, since she helped us studied on the United Leagues."

The TV announcer said, in shock, "Did we hear this right? Jake just came down against both religion and education! WOW! That's got to make Jake go up in the polls. Not!"

Jake and Kazuto are neck and neck, with Jake having 40%, and Kazuto stayed with 39%. Emmitt, however, still was lagging behind, with 21% of the polls. Seems the AAW's sabotage against the Morgendorffers started to come to play.

The debate ended, for the moment, as Yagi said, "Hey, Jake! How goes the polls?"

Helen said, "Well, I don't know how this is happening… We were doing so well, and we had everything under control!"

Jake barked, "Can't I be honest about myself, Helen?"

She complained, "Jake…"

Kazuto said, "Come on, Jakey shakey… You know you cannot defeat me in the debate, and the election."

Yagi said, "Sorry, Iizuka. You're down by 1% in the polls. It's close."

Helen laughed, "Yes. It's really close, since you two have ruined my plans, once again. I don't know how, but you're clean on the whole sabotage thing. I bet those secret service guys did it. Well, I will, er, we will win. Right, honey?"

Jake smiled, "Right! This is a day that we'll remember for centuries to come. Today is the day we return the Earth to greatness. I stand here at the steps of the White House, not above the people, but with the people. Only one man can lead this world, through its troubled time. I, Jake Morgendorffer, am that man. The time to act is NOW!"

Kazuto jeered, "Pfft! I've heard way better addresses from the 411 operator."

Jake shouted in anger, "Why, you little brat!"

Kazuto blabbed, "Hey, Jake! Vince McMahon called! He wants his suit back, from the Attitude Era!"

Jake shouted, "DAMN IT! I'm going to slap you silly, you little punk!"

Yagi halted him, "Save it for the debate, Iizuka!"

Helen scolded, "Jake, do NOT blow this up for me, and me, alone."

Jake whined, "But I'm losing, Helen!"

As the debate continued, Harley and Kirsten snuck to the telephone booth to call Shiki Nagaoka, Kazuto and Yagi's friend. While they made the call, here's what happened, earlier today.

Earlier this morning, Kazuto was studying with Shiki, in her bookstore, learning about the United Leagues. Shiki, a girl with short black hair and a beige skirt and shirt, read the article about the famed league from the late 90s.

Shiki explained, "Here. It says that the United Leagues were formed, during the end of the Kids-Adults War in 1994, as a way of amending peace. Every year, they elect a brand-new leader, hoping to unite every able-bodied citizen from making heinous jobs. The United Leagues lasted from 1994 to 2011, before the league disbanded, after the law of People Power, until it was abolished completely. Among those that were leader was Jake Morgendorffer. He was the United Leagues answer to U.S. Leader and Founding Father, Abraham Lincoln. He once freed the slaves, who are controlled by bratty kids, he produced the full-on community club, which is a building that allows everybody in, regardless of race or breed, he also distributed the Log Splitter technique, preventing poachers and bulldozers from running down rainforests. Of course, he disbanded Getting Gay with Kids, making slander about the rainforest, in which it sucks ass. However, the faction disbanded, when Jake said, "Mudslinging is stupid! You kids don't believe anything you hear. The rainforest is fragile and majestic. In fact, one day, the Amazon Jungles would be considered a National Landmark".

Kazuto asked, "Is he always that honest?"

Shiki replied, "No, but I hear… He's single. Sure, he married Helen Barksdale, but after that incident, Jake probably divorced her, after she served a 10-year sentence, for trying to kill her daughter, Daria."

She added, "In any case, I hope to meet the real Jake Morgendorffer. He's honest, wholesome, and very outspoken. Of course, he sometimes rants a lot, and he even had triple bypass surgery. The guy is like a dimwit, but he's got the voice of leadership within him."

Kazuto said, "Well, I hear… He has Daddy Issues. The guy is always rattled and stressed out. But he does have a wonderful ambition of becoming a brave leader."

Shiki blushed, "I hope to date him, one day… He's not in my age bracket, but I want to meet this nice guy. Not just for the whole election thing, but…"

He asked, "So, why are we studying the United Leagues?"

She responded, "Miss Yagi said that you have to learn ALL about Earth History, including Japan. And also, study up on the issues to getting the campaign ready, within two weeks."

Kazuto corrected, "Uh… The Emergency Election isn't until later this afternoon."

Shiki then said, "Then perhaps I can tell you everything you need to know what Jake promises, as long as you stay within the subject."

She then taught him many tips and tricks on how to speak like all the other legendary world leaders. She even taught him one of the United Leaders' famous lines.

"We have thrown upon mercy, and we confront mercy, in the name of our fathers and forefathers" – William Bluff (U.L. c.1995)

"Do NOT give up the ship. Give up on the cowards' way out!" – Narwal Jamison (c.1996)

"I came… I saw… I kicked habits!" – Sugar Cube Johnson (c.1997)

Kazuto said, "Wow… those are great lines."

Shiki said, "Jake Morgendorffer has never lost both an election and a debate. By his final term, he chose to retire. And since then, the U.L. was never the same, again."

He asked, "Is that even right? He's undefeated?"

She replied, "Yes. And if you forget, wing it."

He smiled and said, "I think I will."

Shiki asked, "And also, can you get me his digits, so I can ask for a date?"

He sighed, as he said, "Sounds fair."

XXXXX

At HQ, Harley Hartwell and Kirsten Thomas was recording most of Jake's speeches from the past. They edited the speech, in which they make it look like he is asking out on a date.

Kirsten said, "Oh, this'll be dirty… In fact, we can oust him, after we make good on the election."

Harley said, as he played the playback, "All goes according to plan. Glad his wife doesn't know about the sudden cheating… and our devious plan."

Kirsten replied, "Yeah. Now only if we let you ask someone out for a date…"

She blushed, "Namely me…"

Harley laughed, "Oh, come now, Kirsten. We're in C-Squad, under surveillance for The Gang, Carl, Kazuto, and Yagi. We have to win, or the worlds will be corrupt, without use of petty villains."

Kirsten then snuffed, as Harley went to find Yagi. She then held her neck and hissed to the microphone. She finished the playback and smirked evilly, "That'll teach you… Idiot."

XXXXX

Meanwhile, at the phone booth, Harley signaled to Kirsten, "Roll playback."

Kirsten played the radio, as Shiki answered the phone. This will now be presented in Play Form.

(Shiki): Hello?

(Jake's voice): I, Jake Morgendorffer, am that man.

(Shiki): JAKE? Oh, wow! Is that you? It's an honor, sir. I am ecstatic to meet you. I saw you on TV, and I wonder if you like to go out with me, sometime?

(Jake's voice): This is a day that we'll remember for centuries to come.

(Shiki): OH! You're such a charmer, aren't you? Well then, Mr. Log Splitter, where should we meet?

(Jake's voice): I stand here at the steps of the White House, not above the people, but with the people.

(Shiki): Oh, right. Adoring fans. I see. I'll be there. When shall we meet?

(Jake's voice): The time to act is NOW!

(Shiki, pleased): AH! Okay~! I'll come back, right away!

(Jake's voice): DAMN IT! I'm going to slap you silly, you little punk!

(Shiki): Huh? What was that?

(Kirsten's voice, demonically): I will feast on your entrails… and devour your soul!

(Shiki): What was that now?

Harley grabbed the phone and said, "Uh, bye."

He hung up, as he glared at his partner, "Kirsten, did you ruin the playback?"

Kirsten shouted, "YOU SHOULD KNOW! Why couldn't you try to use that speech on me? I'm sick of this. You are such a stupid idiot."

Harley argued, "Come on! I was only doing this for the sake of Earth!"

Yagi snapped, "Oh, guys… STOP FIGHTING!"

Harley and Kirsten pouted, from inside, "Sorry…"

Yagi escorted them out of the phone booth, as they pouted. She barked, "Get back to HQ, and wait for the election results."

They left, as Yagi said, holding up her watch, "Better stall for time…"

At the debate, Jake made a speech about Family Values, "So to sum up: family values are the bedrock to this nation. Our fidelity, honesty, and loyalty to families is our most sacred asset to all of us Earthlings, for we are one big happy."

Yagi said to Kazuto, "Candidate Iizuka, your rebuttal?"

He blew a raspberry, as he snuffed, "No comment."

Just then, Shiki appeared, calling to Jake, "Yoo-hoo! Jakey~!"

Yagi said, "I believe that we have a question from the audience, from someone who is not Jake's wife."

Helen whispered, "You know of this girl?"

Jake whispered, "I just came back. I don't know her…"

Shiki smiled, "Oh, hi, Yagi. Kazuto."

Kazuto called to her, "Greetings, random citizen I do not know of."

Yagi shushed him, "Quiet, bubble brain…"

Shiki said to Jake, "Well, I came to you, just in time! Are you ready for our date?"

Helen gasped, "WHAT?"

Jake asked, "Wa… Wait a minute! I've never seen this woman before, in my life!"

Shiki said, "But on the phone, you sounded so much eager to meet me, in person."

Jake said, as the crowd was shocked, "Listen to me, Earthlings! I did not arrange a date with this woman!"

Kazuto barked, "OH~! So she's good enough to fool around with, but not to date?"

Jake explained, "But I'm a married man! Helen, my wife and running mate, is-."

Shiki shouted, "An ex-convict!"

The crowd was in complete disarray, as Jake explained, "Come on, now! Helen has paid her dues now, and she has been with me, all these years!"

Shiki said, "Mr. Morgendorffer, I can't believe you're doing this to me!"

Kazuto replied, "He is. But I believe, in my experience with AAW, former president, Nixon's head, gave Helen Barksdale a parole, and served as his second-in-command!"

Helen shouted, "YOU LIE!"

Yagi asked, "Candidate Morgendorffer, any thoughts?"

Jake stammered, and then he barked, "You mean… Helen escaped prison? DAMN IT! THAT'S IT! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, HELEN? You told me so, just to help win! I'm not your puppet, damn it! I am a man! I ACT ON MY OWN FREE WILL! AND I REFUSE TO BE CALLED A USER OF EVIL PEOPLE! And, also, I refuse to have any sexual advice from other women. I am happily married, ex-con or not! So, put THAT in your report, Iizuka! HAH!"

Everyone paused, as Kazuto said, in disdain, "Damn, dawg. Inappropes…"

Shiki was stunned, and then she started to cry. She ran off, as Helen smiled evilly, "That's the first thing you said right. We win…"

But she was wrong… A newspaper tabloid was shown, with the article saying:
"FAMILY VALUES – Jake caught in tryst with bookstore owner; polls down".

Jake is now in last place in the polls, at 30%. He is behind Emmitt, with 31%, and Kazuto still with 39%. Thanks to AAW's assistance, Kazuto has won in the polls. But the night was still young.

Mikoto Suo said, as the voting ended, that night, "This is Mikoto Suo, for Channel 36 News, with the Emergency Election update. The results are in, as the North Side of the AUs have voted for Jake Morgendorffer to win, with a 85% margin of victory, over Kazuto Iizuka of AAW, despite a close 30% rating in the recent polls. More on the election results, to come…"

A Villager from Minecraft, in a mustache said, in a British accent, "This is Villager #4 for Villager News, with the AUs Emergency Election Report. The West Side of the AUs, the Video Game party, the Gynoid party, and the Intergalactic Federation all voted for Iizuka, as he is leading the votes, steadily and heavily, with Targus City and South City, as well as the Galaxy Federation voting for Iizuka, at 99% average."

Steve appeared in front of the camera, "HI, GUYS! Vote for Me, STEVE~!"

Villager #4 barked, "YOU! Get out, now! Get him out of here!"

A man in a red suit and stubble said, as he was in the desk, "The polls show that Iizuka is neck and neck with Morgendorffer, with the Mutant League Party and the Volcanic Conkers Party voting for Morgendorffer. The Adult Party still underway with the voting."

Mikoto said, as she had a sheet of paper, "This just in from the East Side of the AUs, the Puchuu Party has casted their votes in favor of… wait, Emmitt? Who's Emmitt? Anyway, the polls are still close, as Candidates Morgendorffer and Iizuka are close, with Morgendorffer leading, by 2%."

Michael Cole then completed the report, on a news channel, "Michael Cole with BREAKING NEWS. The time is now 8:00pm, as the Adult League party, reformed after the Rice Ball Cult disbanded, and the adults make their Instant Win votes, which has been annulled, since the Bluff Campaign in 1997. And the votes have been casted, and the results are in. It was a great upset, as Jake Morgendorffer, loved by all, has finally been declared, and I quote… "The biggest loser in the face of his miserable life!" …end quote. The Adults, who were committed to Morgendorffer, after earlier today, have switched their votes, in favor of Iizuka!"

Jake gasped, as he screamed, "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Mikoto said, "And it's official! It appears that Civil Service Agent, Kazuto Iizuka, has won the election, by a landslide! Iizuka is the new President of Earth!"

Kazuto gasped, as he cheered, "YES!"

Yagi and Freddie celebrated, as the AAW Agents were victorious, at HQ. They threw a victory celebration, as Kazuto was smiling. Kanaka said, as she patted his back, "Congratulations, President Old Man."

Kazuto said, "That's President Iizuka to you, Bo-."

PUNT!
She punted his gut and shouted, "I know what I said, dumbass!"

Yagi said, "Now, now… Let's not get into a fight. In any case, now that Iizuka is president, what does it mean for AAW?"

Kanaka said, "Don't sweat it, Hajime. If Mike Haggar can fight crime and be mayor, the Old Man can be A-Squad and be President, at the same time."

Kazuto smiled, "Aw, thanks, boss."

Kanaka said, "Of course, I'll be needing to cut your paycheck, since you now have the budget cuts to make, in the Oval Office. But I'll do something better than that – I've decided to not dock your pay, for the recent mission you two idiots did."

Kazuto and Yagi huffed, sarcastically, "Gee… Thanks, boss…"

Carl asked, "Hey, look! Something's about to happen!"

Villager #4 announced, "BREAKING NEWS – In an unprecedented show of bi-partisan solidarity, all of the Alternate Universe's political parties have demanded a recount. Sadly, the recount has been cancelled, due to Jake's sudden outbursts, earlier today. Even so, the recount was already made, and Morgendorffer still lost. Let's cut to the Jake's home, to hear his address, for losing in the polls."

Jake was outside his home, as he was livid. Another Villager said, "Thank you, Villager #4. This is Villager #9, interviewing Jake Morgendorffer's wife, Helen Morgendorffer. Mrs. Morgendorffer, your husband just lost the election. How will you respond to this mannerism, seeing that he was once beloved by all?"

Helen said, "For those who are watching, I am declaring that this election was a farce, and I will do what I can to make sure that my Jakey gets the Oval Office, right where it belong-."

Jake shouted, "THIS IS BULLSHIT! You… HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!"

The crowd gasped. Helen controlled Jake, as he yelled, "NO! GET OFF ME! I WAS ROBBED! HELEN MADE ME DO IT! SHE DID IT FOR HER, NOT ME! I'm NOT like that! YOU IDIOT!"

He shoved Helen down, as she cried, "JAKE, YOU MORON!"

Kazuto said, "He took the news, better than I expected."

Jake shouted, "Fuck democracy! I will make you all regret that you had to bring me back! I said I didn't want to be leader again, but Helen made me do it! FOR THAT… GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

He grew into monstrous size, as he was fifty feet tall, with a demonic black aura and red demon eyes, with his suit all tattered and ripped. Kazuto and Yagi gasped, "Holy shit…"

The giant Jake grabbed Helen and roared, "YOU RUINED MY LIFE… AGAIN!"

He threw Helen into his mouth, as Helen was eaten alive. He roared, "JAKE ANGRY! JAKE DESTROY!"

He ran off, as the reporters were screaming in terror. "AAAAH!" Villager #9 ran away.

The AAW Agents were shocked, as Yagi said, "Ooh… I think we're going to need to stop this, right?"

Kanaka snarled, "I knew it… I recognize that aura… Both Helen and Jake have Onigiri's essence."

Kazuto asked, "How can you tell?"

Kanaka shouted, "Because, idiot! The former United Leader's wife wanted to take over every city, so says Onigiri! She'd never be that evil!"

Kazuto said, "Who cares? I'm president, now, and that means we can bomb any villain into oblivion!"

Yagi corrected, "Not just anybody… Jake Morgendorffer… must die!"

Kazuto cheered, "YES!"