The Romancer Opalbane

Episode Three: Willy and Wisthera plotting in a tree…

The next day, Opalbane did not hear from Alessandre at all. But she did receive a response to her letter. However, it was from the wrong person entirely:

Dear Opalbane,

This is in response to your letter to Willypearl. Now, before you plan how to flay my pretty little brain into a thousand pieces from across The Great Sea, I'm warning you that I didn't swipe your letter. Willypearl, whom you call your friend, read your letter and then asked me about it. I'm responding to you directly, instead of letting Willypearl inevitably color my comments because she's still jealous that I stole her boyfriend… err I mean, Onyxbane your brother.

Oh, and by the way, Onyx says hi! He's looking over my shoulder as I write this. Okay, now he's being distracted by something across the room. Uh oh, it's a pretty shiny distraction, he might not be back for while… yep it's The Reaper. I think that Onyx is going to sharpen it, or dance in the moonlight with it or something. Well, whatever he does with that Arcanite Reaper, I really don't know. I don't want to know.

Okay, about Alessandre. Willypearl sent this horrible letter accusing me of having something to do with his appointment as your bodyguard. Isn't that ridiculous! Just because we both happen to be rogues, and we are both in the same guild under Master Rogue Shadowstep, she thinks that I'm trying to get revenge on you in some roundabout way because of… wait lemme check her letter and see what nonsense she believes.

Okay, I'm back. Willypearl thinks that I'm a bitter person in general, and that's why I'm always conning people out of their money, or clothes, or… boyfriends. Well, if you ask me she's the manwrecker! Onyx was mine before she even showed up… or wait… she was with him in Westfall… oh nevermind! This is turning into some silly gossipy letter, and that is not the point. I bet your skin is burning with your black shadowform as we speak, because you believe your friend Willypearl, and I haven't even said my piece yet. Well, okay, here it goes:

I hate Alessandre. And there's lots of good reasons why. Some of them… okay, all of them aren't really reasons that I want my boyfriend's sister to know, or anyone breathing to know for that matter, but I think I'd better catch you up on how this whole seduction thing works, so that you don't make the same mistake I did:

First,

Al is going to make you feel like you are the most special person in the world. Don't believe it. Just like every other guy—even Onyxbane—he's an arrogant bastard who makes bad jokes and gets distracted by shiny objects. You're going to stare at that cute dimple in his chin, and his taught buttocks, and find yourself hypnotized by his voice and breathless about the way that he breathes… whoa, getting off topic, aren't I… and find yourself falling in love with him. Well don't, because he is not capable of loving anyone!

Second,

Al is going to act all humble and all when you ask him about the rumors going around the Cenarion Enclave that he's the greatest Kaldorei lover that ever lived. You're going to confront him about the time he pleased this woman on a boat from Menethil Harbor to Darkshore when they were alone for the entire trip, or the time that Myrielle, Master Rogue Shadowstep's second in command, was almost seduced into quitting her job because of one look he gave her, or more than likely, you know about that foursome he had with these four rogues in Thelsamar? Ya, well let me tell you… okay he is that great in bed, because those four women were my best girlfriends, and they would not let me forget that I missed out on that wild night! Ugh, I'm so glad that Onyxbane is too busy with The Reaper to see how I'm still so jealous about that. Don't let yourself get tempted by a man with such excellent equipment. His reputation precedes him yes, but… well, he rejected me, so what does that say about his morals? He's not a nice guy.

Okay and Third,

Al is going to come off like this dangerous, broken-hearted guy without a friend in the world. Don't fall for it. He is my greatest enemy at the moment, so I know best that this isn't true. This man is actually very wealthy and very well-connected. He has friends in high places. That is probably the only reason that Master Rogue Shadowstep thought to use him as your bodyguard. Alessandre has been itching for a promotion within the Cenarion Enclave for a long time now, since before either your or I were born, and Shadowstep knew that he had to keep Alessandre happy if he was going to keep him interested in working with the Kaldorei spy network. Oh, and… well Alessandre is pretty angry at me for ruining his opportunity to get in good with King Magni Bronzebeard and their network… this was back before I met your brother. Like, it was a few days right before Onyxbane tracked me down through the Badlands and cornered me in the Burning Steppes. The humans think he's too suspicious to be in SI:7, and who could blame them? He's practically the most sought after lover in all of Azeroth, and no one can trust a man with a reputation like that to not get distracted and ruin an assignment. He's such a loser.

Okay, I think I covered everything. So, as far as seducing him is concerned, I am going to give you the best advice of your life: Don't. Don't pursue him at all, don't wink at him, don't play little games with his head. Don't surprise him with how kind and understanding you are… none of those little games. He's a very, very bad man. Far too hot for you to hold, too sexy for you to handle, my dear innocent friend. Trust me, I know. You might want to, but you can't have him.

Now that I've said my piece, I think I am going to run outside and make sure that your brother doesn't get carried away with his shiny friend and cut himself…okay, gotta go, Onyx is swearing really loud right now, and I think he DID get carried away afterall.

Your Friend… I hope,

Wisthera, Ashenvale Forest.

Opalbane read this letter over and over again, countless times because she was bedridden, and really didn't have anything else better to do. But, she decided that she would withhold final judgement on Alessandre until she heard from her good friend Willypearl. Willypearl, afterall, had read Opalbane's original letter, and knew just how much Alessandre meant to her. A day letter, Willypearl's response arrived.

Dear Opalbane,

Honey, I'm so glad that you're in love! You do realize that's what it is, right? It sounds like you're wrapping your feelings up in some kind of priestly mission to save someone's soul, but you've really fallen for this guy. I'm so happy… I'm crying right now Opal. Honestly, after all the letters we've exchanged over the years, I never thought that you'd ever open up to anyone at all. Two months ago, you accepted me as your friend, and now you're beginning to have feelings for someone very special.

Congratulations honey!

Oh, how do I even begin? Getting a man to like you can be a lot of fun, but the trick is you have to be unpredictable and clever. But, before you can even plan how you are going to win him over, you have got to find out what he likes. For example…okay, I think I can use this one cause whatever happened between us is in the past, and it's no big deal:

Okay so, when I was in love with your brother Onyxbane, and I was in love with him for really long time honey, like for years, I used to dream about how I'd tell him, and what I'd wear and do, and such. And back at the Inn in Westfall, I used to spend my nights practicing my tailoring skill. Well, when I met Elec, I started doing it when he wasn't around, so I couldn't really make what I wanted… well that' s another story, isn't it? My point is, I found out that your brother likes Heaven Peaches. Remember that time I kept askin' you what was your brother's favorite food, or flower, or color, remember? Hehe. I was tryin' to figure out just what color fabric I should use to make this dress I wanted to wear for him. Wasn't that clever? And, years later, when I had a chance to be alone with him while on the ship to Silithus…

Opalbane put the letter down at this point. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know these things about her boneheaded warrior brother. But, if she wanted Alessandre…

I wore that peach dress, and I think he really liked it. I think that tipped the scales for me that night. Oh, wait… well, it did for a while until Wisthera… no, I don't think I'll tell you how she got your brother away from me. Not that it matters now anyway. I'm going to marry Elec at the end of the month, did I tell you that? I wonder why I forgot to mention it…

So is this all sinkin' in honey? You've just got to find out what this Alessandre likes. Now, don't be mad… I told Wisthera about your letter because when I read that your new bodyguard knew our Wisthera, I got very suspicious. She is not a woman of good character at all, and her morals are looser than a Defias' blade in a truce with the Peoples' Militia. That is, I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. And as a mage, I'm not really trained to throw people at all, so that's a pretty short distance. But your strong and handsome brother could though. But anyways, from what Wisthera told me, it seems that Alessandre is harmless. I saw right through all that complainin' she did and saw the truth about the new man in your life: he's someone that Wisthera is very attached to because he rejected her.

And do you know what I think you should do to someone who rejected Wisthera? You should go after him, that's what! You don't hold anything back honey. You use every weapon in your arsenal, be it those potions you're always making with your alchemy, your good elven looks, Mind Control, whatever it takes! You show her that you are not someone whose heart you can just break, and then steal her man and flaunt it whenever she has the chance!

Opalbane, go get your man girl!

Do it for those of us who can't. Oh, and before I forget: I sold all those old clothes I made from back when I was in love with your brother to a local shopkeeper in the Trade District. That must be what you were hearin' about. People liked them so much that I opened a few stores to sell them. I told the first shopkeeper about how I wanted to use the clothes to seduce Onyxbane so that they would buy my stuff. Elec didn't want those things in the house, and I needed to get some money back after I spent so much on the cloth and materials over the years. But, as it turns out, people really loved the story behind the lingerie, so I decided to specialize in Lingerie as an Artisan Tailor, and name the stores after what sells best: the idea behind the undies. That's why those stores are called Willypearl's Secret.

Alright, that's enough for now I think. I'll give you more advice as you go along. When you find out what Alessandre likes, send that list to me, and I'll think up something really special for you to do, so don't worry.

Take care,

Willypearl, Eastvale Logging Camp near Stormwind.

P.S. Oh, and there's a great pair of red underwear I designed that should be about Alessandre's size… do you think he'd want something like that? I can guarantee you that it will work if you can get him to wear it.

This letter also left Opalbane feeling more confused than when she started out. On the one hand, Wisthera's letter confirmed Opal's suspicions that Alessandre, or 'Al' as she called him, was a far more complicated person than she first assumed. But oddly enough, Wisthera's warnings hardly discouraged Opalbane. Opalbane found herself wanting to get to know Alessandre more each time she re-read Wisthera's letter. Willypearl's letter, complete with her country Westfall accent and all, was more than a bit creepy. It was so proactive, that Opalbane began to wonder if her attraction to the rogue was, in fact, normal.

In the end, Opalbane decided that she would follow her heart, and learn whatever lessons it would take to help Alessandre. Even if it did feel like her limbs were attached to strings that the wily Wisthera, and the vengeful Willypearl held firm in their grasp.

"It's a strange brand of advice, but I suppose I could do a lot worse." Opalbane thought aloud to herself after finishing Willypearl's letter. "And what the heck is she talking about, red underwear?"