The Romancer Opalbane
Episode Twenty-Eight: My big fat Darnassian Reception!
The wedding guests milled about the table where a simple sheet cake and wine had been laid out on the Warrior's Terrace. Alessandre wisely herded his wife to the far end of the terrace where she could not see the wine. People wandered imbetween the columns, chatting loudly and shaking hands with the bride and groom.
Priestess Featheshine and Shadowstep stood alone in a private corner, sipping wine.
"Oh, Shadowstep! Can you believe that girl of mine is finally married?"
Shadowstep didn't look as delighted, but he offered his girlfriend his handkerchief when it looked like she needed it.
"Yes, it was a very nice ceremony. Funny that the day had nothing to do with that weasel Wisthera, but yet she found a way to insert herself right into the thick of things." He grumbled.
"Oh, yes. I hate that infuriating woman rogue!" Feathershine dabbed at her eyes. "I can't believe she's trapped my son like that. How do we even know that child is Onyxbane's?"
"Hello, future mother-in-law." Wisthera and Onyxbane came up to Feathershine then. She smiled arrogantly, but Onyxbane shied away from showing his cheer outright.
"Wisthera." Shadowstep nodded curtly. Feathershine wouldn't respond to the greeting.
Wisthera stood imbetween Feathershine and Shadowstep, rubbing her belly. "I know what you're thinking. You believe this is some kind of scam I'm pulling to make your son marry me. Well, it isn't. You should be happy to know that your foster son Onyxbane is in perfect health. In fact, he is so virile that in our very first try—"
"We know how babies are made Wisthera. Please spare us the details." Shadowstep grunted.
Feathershine glared at Wisthera but wouldn't say anything.
"Mom, aren't you at least happy for us? I love Wisthera so much… and now I'm going to be a father! This is the best news of my life." Onyxbane hugged Wisthera. He couldn't help smiling at how proud he was.
Priestess Feathershine softened. "You just called me mom."
Onyxbane smiled shyly. "Yea… I know. The other part about this baby thing is that some day, our little boy or girl is going to call you grandma. Don't you want that?"
Feathershine smiled at both Onyxbane and Wisthera. She was already warming up to the idea.
"Excuse me," Shadowstep brusquely excused himself. All this pandering was beginning to make him sick.
Across the room, Alessandre shared a look with Wisthera. Then, he politely extracted himself from his wife's side and went to go talk to the Master Rogue.
"Hello there, stranger." Alessandre almost tripped over Myrielle on his way to the wine table where Shadowstep was.
"Myrielle! I don't remember inviting you." Alessandre frowned.
Myrielle smiled at him shyly. "I am the Master Rogue's date."
Alessandre cursed under his breath. Of course, Shadowstep and Priestess Feathershine insisted on keeping their romance a secret, though it was more than obvious at times that they were more than just good friends.
"Al, I know he's not interested in me. I'm just doing him a favor."
An awkward silence passed between Alessandre and his ex-girlfriend.
"Look, I just wanted to say congratulations."
"Oh really?" Alessandre raised a midnight blue eyebrow at her.
Myrielle pouted with her round cherry lips. "I really am happy for you. At first, I was furious to hear that you were faking a Wreathe Day with Opalbane. I thought you were lying to her the same way you lied to me, to get my job with Shadowstep, or worse. But I can see that you really do care for her."
There was something false about Myrielle's tone, but Alessandre decided that maybe it was just hard for her to be nice to him after all the bad history they had together. Alessandre was about to thank Myrielle when she added, "You know, I was here in Darnassus taking training lessons with Opalbane when she was a kid. We are about the same age, you know. We weren't exactly friends, no one was really Opalbane's friend, but we shared a lot of special moments." Myrielle swirled her wineglass in idle circles as she relished the bad memories she was about to conjure for Alessandre. "Like, the time she stole my dress for the Spring Ball and slashed holes in it, or the time she set Remi Lightstrider's hair on fire. Or, perhaps the time she stood on the edge of Teldrassil, right on one of the outer boughs and screamed death poetry at us and said she was going to jump..." she watched Alessandre's eyes get wide.
"Oops, I'm sorry. I thought you knew the woman you just married." she smiled wickedly.
"I know her well enough, Myra."
"Oh, sure, because a week is plenty of time to meet a woman and fall madly in love with her. What are you after this time, Mirothalas? Money? A way to blackmail Priestess Feathershine or get in good with Tyrande? Maybe you want your old spot in the Cenarion Enclave back and you're hoping to get at Shadowstep and his secret druid contacts somehow. I see you're walking in his direction."
The surprised look on Alessandre's face turned to angry intolerance. "You! You were the one... you set me up!"
Myrielle pressed a finger to her lips. "Hush my pet, lest someone overhear our little secret. Oh, Mirothalas, did you really think me that stupid? I made all the druids in Darnassus gather in the Trade District for a reason. I have a list–hard evidence–that there was only one druid running around and killing people in Stormwind on that night. And with all the druids in the Alliance accounted for, I know you are the only one who could have done it. I don't trust you. I did once but... never again. I don't know how you aren't rotting in a prison cell or six feet under the earth right now, but you're not going to hurt Shadowstep or anyone else he cares about."
"I'm not going to hurt Priestess Feathershine. I really do love her foster daughter! You think you know me so well, but you don't." Alessandre growled at her.
"Shadowstep is going to make me Master Rogue one day, and when he does, I will own you. I don't care what Feathershine said at your trial. Eventually, I am going to get you back for everything you've ever done to us women."
Alessandre laughed mockingly. "You know, it's a good thing that Wisthera and I are friends now." Myrielle looked confused. He continued, "If two of us are running against you for Master Rogue, that is one less opportunity you have to take power and ruin the Kaldorei Rogue Network with your parroting Shadowstep."
Myrielle grabbed Alessandre's arm and demanded he tell her what was going on, but he pushed away from her. "Goodbye, Myrielle. And don't dare bother me or anyone in my family again."
Alessandre made his way to the Master Rogue.
"What do you want?" Shadowstep was refilling his goblet of wine.
"You could be a bit nicer to me Shadowstep. I know that my mission is threatening to run late at any moment, but I did just get married to the woman of my dreams. And… you happen to know how important this is to me."
"I'm not your friend, Alessandre." Shadowstep coldly announced. "I don't see why you even invited me to your wedding. I have a lot of work to do."
"Perhaps I was being polite by giving you a chance to ogle your girlfriend in public for a few hours." Alessandre smirked.
Shadowstep slammed his wine back down on the table. "That is a secret, Mirothalas. One that I would not have spread around, unless you want me to be just as careful with your dirty laundry." Shadowstep did not look at Alessandre, but looked over at the man's brand new wife across the room to make his point instead.
Alessandre lowered his voice. "Fine. That's fair enough. I'll just get to what I want to say so that you can go back to being a bitter old man." Shadowstep got the insult. Alessandre was one thousand and nineteen years old and he was calling him old and bitter. "That woman you are so disgusted with, that rogue Wisthera, deserves a lot more respect than you're giving her."
"I'm surprised to hear you say that, Mirothalas—"
"I mean it. She is my friend now, and a mother. I won't stand for you treating her so badly."
Shadowstep was about to just leave Alessandre standing there, when the tall rogue leaned down and whispered everything in his employer's ear.
"She did not! There is no way Wisthera manipulated me." Shadowstep objected to the news.
Alessandre smiled wickedly. "She did that and more. Are you so vengeful that you won't even acknowledge that you have a criminal genius in your midst, a natural mastermind? That kind of skill should be tapped right away, and that woman trained. Though, I don't doubt she could easily fill your shoes without even really trying. She almost did, Shadowstep."
The Master Rogue scratched his sharp jaw idly as he thought about all the implications. His eyes went wide. "Now I have three candidates for my position. Is that what you intended, to make the competition even more stiff for Myrielle as well as yourself?"
Alessandre frowned and Shadowstep and began walking away. "You know, some of us have warm, beating hearts in our bodies. Wisthera is my family now, or at least she will be soon. It is the least I could do for her."
Onyxbane got bored thinking up baby names with his foster mother and girlfriend so he sneaked away at the first available moment. He and Alessandre crossed paths as they made their way to opposite ends of the Warrior's Terrace.
"I like the place you chose to have your reception, buddy." Onyxbane clapped Alessandre on the back and the rogue smiled back before moving on.
"So if it isn't the warrior Onyxbane. The man who singlehandedly launched my fiancee's tailoring career."
Onyxbane cringed at the deep ringing voice of Knight Elec Pontier. He eyed the blazing war mace called the Hand of Ragnaros slung over Elec's shoulder. Onyxbane swallowed. "Um… that might be me, yes?"
"You know what was a lot of fun for me, warrior?" Elec frowned. "Waiting months for my kindhearted fiancée to come back from helping her 'friends' in Silithus only for her to tell me that she had an affair with a good for nothing Night Elf named Onyxbane!"
Onyxbane hopped back a step. He suddenly wished that he had the Reaper. "Look, I didn't mean to—"
"You know what was even better than arguing with her about it for weeks and weeks during the holidays over Winter's Veil? Explaining the situation to my noble family of paladins!"
Onyxbane tried to shrug it all off, but Elec wouldn't let him. Red power dazzled at Elec's feet. It looked like a Seal of Justice…
"Look, I really should go."
Elec thrust out his arm, and cast the seal on the unworthy warrior. The judgment prevented Onyxbane from fleeing.
"Do you know what the best part about your little affair with my Willypearl is? That after competing with you in her heart for ten years in Westfall and barely winning, I had to let the fantasy live on so that the woman I love could fulfill her dreams to become a popular tailor. Now, isn't that something? All these women walking around buying supersized underthings with your name in the tag that they bought at my wife's store. Do you know what that does to a man like me, in my position?"
"Wisthera? Help!" Onyxbane lost his nerve and called out at last.
"Have you ever seen a Hand of Ragnaros before, Onyxbane?" Onyxbane shuddered, wringing his hands until he realized that this was beginning to sound familiar.
"Umm… no?"
"It's a gigantic mace about this big," Elec said, brandishing the hellish firey weapon, "That I am going to shove up something sensitive if you don't STAY AWAY FROM MY FIANCEE!"
So, you see, there is a little thing called karma. Even in Azeroth.
Meanwhile, Wisthera hadn't heard her boyfriend's desperate plea for help. She walked up to the lone Human mage Willypearl, rubbing her round belly.
"Long time, no see, homewrecker." Wisthera greeted Willypearl.
Willypearl had been staring, wide-eyed at the exchange between Elec and Onyxbane. She was afraid to go near them.
"Look honey, I'm not in the mood. Congratulations and all of that, but I really don't want to deal with you right now."
"Why not just come out and say it?"
"Say what?"
"You don't want to deal with me now, or ever. You hate me, don't you?"
Wisthera and Willypearl got into a ridiculous argument over whether the Human mage hated her or not for stealing the man of her dreams, and hurting her best friend Opalbane.
"Fine! I'll admit it! Of course I hate you, Wisthera. I hate you for everything you did to Onyxbane. You know, he's not going to be happy with you. How could you bring a baby into this when you know you can't help yourself? I saw you starin' at that Alessandre. You want him too, don't you? You are going to hurt his sister again, you know that, honey?"
Wisthera smirked. "Oh, you'd like to see that, wouldn't you? You want to see me fall flat on my face so that Onyxbane will leave me and you can have him again. Does Sir Elec Pontier know you have such a dirty mind? You can't help yourself. You are in love with my boyfriend, and I also saw you making eyes at Opalbane's husband."
"So were you! Wait… just who are we fighting over here? Onyx or Al?"
Wishtera's eyes went wide. "You can't have a nickname for him! Al and I have history, only I get to call him that."
"You and his wife." Willypearl clarified for Wisthera. "You can't have everything you want. This special friendship you somehow charmed Al into is going to fall right apart, and turn into something scandalous."
"Just like your special friendship with my Onyxbane back on the ship to Silithus?"
The two woman faced off, tense silence building up between them.
"I am going to ask Alessandre to be the spokesperson for my latest men's underwear line." Willypearl suddenly said.
Wisthera's mouth opened in shock. "You are not! He is my brother-in-law. You can't go and befriend my brother-in-law."
"Not yet, he's not. You and Onyxbane aren't even married yet!"
"Neither are you!" Wisthera whined.
Alessandre passed by the two women then, on the way back to his wife.
"Oh Al!" Willypearl called to him and rushed after. She and Wisthera looked comical, fighting to catch up with the new groom and get his attention.
Alessandre finally made his way to Opalbane again. Without even saying hello, he swept her around in her amazing black dress and then dipped her low in his arms. Guests she had been chatting with cheered and clapped for the couple as Alessandre stole his dashing kiss. Opalbane blushed and hugged him back.
"Willypearl!" Opalbane greeted her old friend. She smiled awkwardly over Alessandre's shoulder.
Wisthera pinched Alessandre's butt and he yelped before turning around.
"Who did that?" he asked, embarrassed. Wisthera shook her head then nodded at Willypearl.
The disturbed crowd of people milling about Opalbane dissolved when the two agitated women arrived.
"I have a proposition to make you, Alessandre." Willypearl batted her eyelashes at Opalbane's husband. Wisthera nudged the Human mage in her side and they shared angry looks.
Across the open air terrace, Onyxbane's Seal of Justice wore off. When he was free to move, he said, "Hey, what are our girlfriends doing over near Alessandre?"
Elec panicked. "Damn that handsome male Elf!" he and Onyxbane rushed over to stop whatever it was.
Meanwhile, Alessandre listened to Willypearl's strange offer to make him an underwear model. "So, you see, there is already a buzz about you among my female market. Would you believe there's some Gnome in Ironforge trying to start up a copy-cat store called Vicky's Secret? The nerve! She's drawing in the customers though because she brags that she has a super large male Draenei underwear size. I can't just rip off her idea, you see. But, if I just had a few moments to measure you and then you made a guest appearance at some of my stores in Stormwind, and then just explain how you fit into my Onyxbane story, I'm sure that they would fly off the shelves."
"Just like everyone who buys a pair of that silly red underwear named for my Onyxbane thinks you had a private measuring session with him? I don't think so." Wisthera waggled a finger at Willypearl.
Alessandre blushed. "Ladies, really… I don't think it's the best time to pour money into Stormwind right now, with the riot and all—" Alessandre tried to get out of it, thinking quickly.
Elec and Onyxbane arrived. "YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND!" they both shouted at Alessandre together, and seized their women. Except, Onyxbane got a hold of Willypearl, and Elec had his arms around the pregnant Wisthera before the men realized the mistake they'd made.
Alessandre couldn't help laughing at them. Elec and Onyxbane panicked when they saw the mix up and almost pushed the ladies into each other in the effort to shuffle girlfriends to the right side. Willypearl and Wisthera swore and swatted at each other like cats tossed into a sealed burlap bag.
Opalbane hid her face in Alessandre's shoulder.
"Oh now look… you've made my wife upset." He frowned playfully, and rubbed Opalbane's shoulder. "Look everyone, I think I can settle this once and for all." He reached down and unfastened the yellow moonlily pin from the low neckline of Opalbane's dress. Then, he carefully fixed it to the high collar of his black festival suit.
"You see this?" he raised his chin so that all the jealous men and women could see it. "This means I am—once and for all—taken. I belong only to the lovely priestess Opalbane." Opalbane looked up from Alessandre's shoulder. She looked oddly relieved. "Any more taking advantage of me from here on out will have to go through her first, alright?"
"Are you telling us that we have to ask Opalbane permission if we… you know, just want to talk to you?" Wisthera carefully asked.
Alessandre nodded.
"Even if it's about… um… business?" Willypearl tactfully inquired. Elec looked at his fiancee warily.
Alessandre let Opalbane lay her had back on his shoulder. "Yes, Willypearl. And may I say that I am glad to see you came to Opalbane's rescue, even if at the final hour. She wanted to invite you, but there just wasn't time. No offense, Knight Elec, but I told my wife that if Willypearl didn't have the decency to go against your family and visit Opal in Stormwind, or at least come see if she was alright, then she wasn't really a good friend."
Elec took a calming breath. "You would be right about that, Alessandre. My apologies." He bowed. "You know, the whole manor is in an uproar back home because we left so abruptly. But, in the end, I was willing to put off my own wedding for a bit longer if Willypearl needed to see her friend."
"I'm sorry too, honey. All that fame and fortune got to my head. I was puttin' the wrong things first." Willypearl reached out and squeezed Opalbane's hand. Alessandre released his wife for a moment so that the two good friends could embrace and make up at last.
"And," Alessandre continued, eyeing Wisthera. "I think I should go ahead and explain why Wisthera and I have become close all of a sudden. It is not because I am her baby's father." Alessandre was sure to look Onyxbane in the eye. "I never slept with your girlfriend."
"I know that." Onyxbane tried to shrug it off, but he still sounded agitated.
"I didn't sleep with yours either, so that we're crystal clear." Alessandre raised a dark blue eyebrow at Elec who started to look worried all of a sudden.
"Willypearl, it seems that you and my future sister-in-law Wisthera are going to have to get along which, believe me, I can understand seems like a monumental task. But, it may help to know that Wisthera is responsible for bringing your friend Opalbane and I together. I am grateful to her for it."
Willypearl was taken aback by the news. "Your last con… I knew it! I knew you had something to do with this!"
Wisthera smiled, smug. "And once again, I come out cleaner than a whistle. Everyone here has more than enough reason to hate me, but you won't. You can't. I'm that good."
Willypearl hated Wisthera for saying it, but she knew it was true. Somehow, the most gorgeous man in Azeroth now belonged to an ex-convict, ex-cultist, shadowpriestess, and recovering alcoholic named Opalbane. It was a con to end all cons… Willypearl's jealousy was replaced by another warm feeling: gratitude. Her good friend Opalbane was finally getting the kind of love she deserved.
"Now, if you'll excuse me." Alessandre bowed elegantly, "I am eager to bed the woman I just risked my neck and my reputation as a notorious lecher for." He smiled slyly. "I think I deserve a night with her at least before I go back to Stormwind and sacrifice myself again."
Opalbane waved goodbye to her guests as Alessandre lead her away. They didn't have very far to go. A treehouse apartment waited for them just beneath the Warrior's Terrace. This one had four walls and only one tiny window, but Alessandre kept the curtains drawn. This night, he kept between his wife and himself. And he was pleased to see how satisfying being a one-woman man truly was.