Inderludes
Chapter 2: Thorne
Author's Note: I'd be lying if I didn't totally enjoy writing in his head...
Disclaimer: All characters and previous events belong to Marissa Meyer and The Lunar Chronicles
Thorne tapped through the audio news feeds on the console with a pointed finger. Tap. Bad. Tap. Deaths. Tap. Lunars. Tap. Gossip. Tap. Deaths.
He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fingers. It was bad. All bad. Even with the volume low, he could hear the desperation in the reporters' voices. The bleakness of Earth's situation was absolutely terrifying. What would be left when they finally got to Luna? Would Earth even be worth saving at that point? What if the global military was simply going to blast Luna to smithereens while they were on the surface? What if he never really got to fall in love?
His head snapped up. An interesting change in thought.
He let his eyes linger on the knobs, buttons and lights on the control panel. He could see colors and blurry shapes now. Unsurprisingly, the inside of his ship was a beautiful sight, even with limited visibility. For the most part, he had been distracted with looking at things for the past few days. The thrill of seeing color again was beyond anything he could have hoped for. The child that lingered not-very-far under the surface of his manly exterior, was giddy with joy. The only dampening factor of the whole situation was that he couldn't see faces. This was especially difficult with a rather full crew. Having conversations was an awkward affair that involved a lot of questions like, "Did that make you happy or annoyed with me?" Well, those were the questions he was asking, anyway.
With a groan, he leaned back in his chair and let his head fall against the headrest. The extra focusing of his eyes was starting to give him a headache already. The throbbing pressure seemed to build behind his pupils and then bore directly into his brain. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine Cress' hands on his face as she brushed hair away from his forehead. The memory made him smile and he tried to let it linger behind his closed eyes for a moment longer.
If he had died that night, he thought his biggest regret would be that he could not remember details of Cress' face. He'd seen her only a handful of times before losing his sight. The first was on a tiny screen, surrounded by hair. The second time was when she was tied up in the washroom, tearstained and frantic. After that, they'd been plummeting towards the surface of earth. He couldn't remember anything clearly, let alone the color of the freckles on her nose.
There had been freckles, right?
With a start, he snapped back upright. "What is wrong with me?" he shouted, tapping the side of his head with an open palm. He needed to talk to someone. "Darla, darling?"
"Yes Captain."
He beamed at the sound.
"Where's Cinder?"
It was silent for a moment as Darla parsed the security footage. "Corridor surveillance shows that Linh-Cinder entered the medical bay at around 18:00 hours, sir."
"And she's still in there?"
Another moment. "I have not seen Linh-Cinder on any other feed since 18:00 hours, sir."
Thorne tapped the side of his chin with his fingers. "And the time now, doll?"
"I am unfamiliar with your, command."
"What's the time?" He clarified, with a shake of his head. Iko would have been very pleased with that term of endearment.
"20:00 hours, sir."
"Thanks Darla."
He spun his chair and headed in the direction of the galley by memory. He hoped no one was leaving their trash and rubbish on the ground for him to trip on. Messy cretons.
He reached the small kitchen without any trouble and walked, purposefully towards a corner cabinet. With a suspicious (and useless) glance over both shoulders, he tapped against the false back of the shelf until he could wriggle the thin piece of metal out of place.
"Why hello there!" he said happily, as he pulled a half-empty bottle of Kentucky bourbon out of the cubby. He hadn't seen this bottle in...well...years. Back when he was much younger and very stupid, this bottle was his constant companion. He slipped the false back in its place, grabbed a pair of glasses from the sink and walked back into the hallway.
Medical bay. Medical bay. What were they doing when Cinder found that room again?
He heard a voice down the hall. An unknown melody met his ears and he felt his heart seize in his chest. Cress. Singing.
Distracting.
He cursed and walked the opposite direction.
He was able to feel his way to the door to the medical bay once he reached the main chamber of the Rampion. In his current state, the metal door blurred easily with the pale walls of the ship. Perhaps it blended in all the time. He decided that was why he blocked the door with shipping containers to begin with. He fiddled with the bottle and glasses in his hands until he could open the door.
The room inside was quiet. Everything was white, cool and clinical. He could see more blinking in the background as various medical monitors and equipment slept soundly in their unused state. "Cinder?" he asked, as quietly as he could manage. He couldn't see a cyborg-shaped blur anywhere in the room.
He heard the loud, rustling of paper, and saw Cinder sit upright from laying on the exam table.
"What are you doing in here?" she asked, unsticking the paper from the back of her arms.
"Aww! I missed you too!" he said, jokingly, before holding out his offerings. "I came, crew member, because I would like to drink and share my feelings."
He could sense Cinder's distaste without seeing the scowl on her face. "Feelings? Not interested."
"Oh come on!" he whined, letting his arms fall to his sides. "I thought we were best friends!"
Her blur on the table was staring at him, and silent. It was very un-Cinder-y. "Do you really think that?"
"That I need to talk about my feelings? Absolutely."
She shook her head, hair twisting around her face. "Not that. You always have plenty to say about your feelings. I meant about us being friends."
Thorne shot her a smirk. "I believe the phrase was best friend, and yes, I do really think that."
Cinder took a deep breath and held it for a moment before letting it go. She moved over on the exam table so that there was room for two people to sit. With her metal hand, she tapped the space next to her. "If you must share, then I'm here for you."
He let out a victorious laugh and handed her the two glasses he'd brought. With a satisfying thunk, he uncorked the bottle. "You'd better pour this. I'd spill and ruin everything."
"None for me, thanks," she said, voice full of judgement as she took the bottle from him.
"Oh come on," he groaned. "Don't judge me silently. Live a little! You don't want Princess Kai to think that you're a square, do you? Oh sorry, I mixed that up. Queen Kai?"
Cinder laughed quietly. "Cut it out."
"You don't have to have much. Just a little taste. Try it for me!"
With a sigh, she relented. "Fine. How much should I pour?"
Thorne held up his thumb and forefinger and squinted at them. "About this much." He widened them a tick. "No, maybe this much."
He heard the tinkling sound of the bottle hitting the edge of a glass, followed by the sweet, sweet sound of alcohol falling into it. He hopped on to the table beside Cinder and held out his hand. She placed the glass between his fingers and he brought it to his nose.
Thorne inhaled deeply. "Ah. Nothing like it."
Beside him, Cinder followed suit. "Bourbon. What's that made from?"
"All kinds of stuff. Corn, mostly. Grain. But it's 'bourbon' because it's aged in Kentucky Oak barrels. It's an old, second-age technique. Bottles of this stuff are very, very expensive."
"How did you get one then?"
He held up a finger, knowingly. "Wouldn't you like to know."
"And we're drinking it because you feel like complaining?" Cinder asked, sniffing the liquid once more and grimacing.
"Sharing, Cinder. And yes. Even the best spirits are meant to be shared." Blindly, and with a winning smile, he held out his glass towards Cinder's. She clinked her glass to his, and Thorne tipped his head back to take a big swallow.
The bourbon warmed his throat and stomach like a campfire in the woods. He shivered with pleasure and smiled. "Aces."
He watched Cinder take a tentative sip, cringe and look questioningly at the amount left in her glass. "You drink this for fun?" she coughed, as she watched Thorne down the rest.
"Oh yes." He held his hand out with the empty glass. "Refill, please."
She heaved a huge sigh before reaching over to grab the bottle. Clink. Pour.
When she handed him back his glass, he cradled it reverently in his hands. "What are you doing in here anyway? Hiding from Kai?"
"Of course not," she snapped. "From Iko, mostly."
"Huh," he mused, taking a sip. "I miss her, actually."
Cinder followed suit. "Well, then I'll send her to your bunk next time. She's set on being sisters or best friends or whatever, but I can't get any time alone to think through all of this. I can't stop running every outcome through my head. It always ends badly, Thorne. I don't know what to do. I can't just bring us all to Luna without thinking through everything."
Thorne watched her as closely as he could with his poor eyesight. She was slumped over her knees with her bourbon clasped between her legs. Her hair was down, for once and hung limp around her shoulders. There were various dark splotches on her arms and legs. Bruises or dirt, most likely. Cinder had never been a real ray of sunshine, but right now she looked defeated.
"No one expects you to think of everything, Cinder." He kept his voice soft so she would know he was sincere. He was sincere, but it was hard to tell with him normally. Lately only Cress could tell the difference. "You know military leaders have meetings for this kind of thing. Collaborative ones. We'll help you if you need it."
"I know." She eyed the bourbon again and took a sip.
"And Kai is...helping?"
She shrugged. "Kai has been able to help me with all of the international statistics and regulations. He knows a lot of different stuff about Luna that's helpful."
Torne eyed her slyly. "That's great, but that's not what I meant."
With a snort, she drained her glass. "There's no time for any of that, Thorne."
"There's always time for love, friend."
She raised an eyebrow and poured herself another splash of bourbon. "Oh, like you being in love with Cress and making time for that?"
He froze. His throat closed up and he felt his heart skip a few beats. Had he been caught? How would Cinder have detected this from him? He had to cough to get his voice working again.
"Oh ho!" Thorne straightened his back, trying his best to stay cool. "Looks like alcohol makes you snarky. Oh, wait. You're always snarky."
"She has the crush the size of Jupiter, you know. Bigger, even."
He nearly choked on his own saliva. "What! She does not!"
Cinder gaped back at him. "Um, yes she does. It's written all over her face."
"Ugh. Perfect. Her face. So easy for me to read!" Anger and hurt rumbled in his chest, interrupting the oh-so-pleasant burny feeling in this stomach. Had she lied? He'd asked her flat out if she was in love with him. She'd said-
Well. She'd said nothing.
He let out a tortured sigh and dropped his chin to his chest.
Cinder's voice was quiet and serious. "I don't know if you're leading her on, or too scared to do anything about it, but-"
"Terrified." Saying it felt like a relief. Their eyes locked and held, the intensity of the truth traveling between them.
"So you really do feel something, then? Something real?"
Thorne sighed and ran a free hand through his hair. "I think so. I want to. I mean, I don't know. She makes me forget everything I thought about women. She's not impressed by my ego or my obvious personality strengths."
Cinder laughed.
"She's so nice, and so sweet. No one has ever been that nice to me...made me feel…" He let his voice peter out, knowing without a doubt that he'd just sealed his own fate. "How did you know?"
He saw her shrug. "Just the way you are with her. It's different than you are with anyone else. You're very protective of her."
"Well yeah, have you seen her? She's tiny!"
"Thorne…"
He sighed. "I know. I know. I just...feel so responsible for her. Someone that pure, that inherently kind? She needs to be protected from all the crap that goes on in the world."
"Or maybe you just like when people are nice to you?" Cinder laughed as she said it. It was a joke.
"You really do get snarky, don't you?"
He heard her take a sip as she said, "Apparently."
They sat in silence for a few moments and Thorne couldn't help but think of his tiny, sweet Cress, singing down the hall. If he convinced himself, sometimes he thought he could still feel the little pinch of her hand on the back of his elbow and she led him through the desert. She'd given him so much without question and she didn't even know him. In a way he was thankful that he'd hit his head in the satellite.
"So, that's it?" he asked, voice echoing off the stark, empty room. "I'm just in love with her now? Like that?"
Cinder shook her head. "I don't think that's how it works," was the reply. She sounded sad. "You don't have to be in love to have feelings for someone. Not yet, anyway. I think you aim for love, you know?"
Thorne groaned and downed the rest of his glass. "I should ask Iko about this."
Cinder let out an abrupt laugh. "You should definitely not ask Iko about love. Asing Iko about love would probably be like asking Wolf about...I don't know-"
"Social skills?"
Another laugh, then she covered her mouth with her metal hand. "No. It would be like asking me about being a cyborg. I don't know anything about being a cyborg and I am one." Cinder took a long drink. "Iko has read and processed every drama and every magazine ever written about love. I don't personally think that means she knows anything more than the rest of us do."
"So what do I do?"
"What do any of us do?" She gestured towards the doorway. "In case you haven't noticed, almost all of us are pretty consumed with someone around here. I don't think anyone is doing a real bang up job."
Thorne held out his hand for another refill. "I thought Wolf and Scarlet had a good thing going."
He felt Cinder's metal hand touch his arm. "Don't speak in the past tense. Please. I can't bear the thought that she's dead."
He nodded. "You're right."
She grabbed his wrist and pulled his glass towards her. "Maybe what you feel for Cress already is love," Cinder mused. "I mean who gets to say what love actually is?"
Thorne chewed that in his head while Cinder fiddled with the bourbon bottle. Was it possible that he was already in love? He had to admit that kiss was pretty...amazing. And not just because it was him doing the kissing. He felt something. If he was being completely honest, he wanted to do it again, and for much longer. Preferably alone…
"I do care about her," he said, finally when she released him. The words didn't sound strong enough as they fell off his tongue. "I certainly don't want anyone else falling in love with her."
Cinder looked over at him with an eyebrow raised. "This is what you wanted to talk about, right? I don't think I can't take more feelings from you."
He elbowed her hard in the ribs and smiled at her laugh. "No, this is it. I didn't know who else to talk to."
She sighed happily and strung her arm through his. He felt her head press to his shoulder. "Well. I'm glad you did. And being drunk is fun."
Thorne barked a laugh and mussed her hair with his free hand. "You're not drunk. Yet."
"I'm pretty sure I am." Her voice lingered on the "r" sounds and she snorted a laugh. "I'm glad we met, Thorne. I should have said this before. You know, before we started drinking."
He squeezed her arm against his. "Alcohol has a funny way of coaxing out truths when we least expect it." Thorne lowered his head and pressed his cheek to Cinder's hair. "I appreciate that though, Cinder."
They settled comfortably against each other in the silence of the room. Stale, cool air filtered through the vents around them, but their bellies were warm from bourbon and conversation. For a moment, Thorne thought back on the first time he'd met Cinder, back when he said she had, "Nearly glamoured him to death." His lip twitched in a smile. Who would have thought shuffling through miles of sewer could bring friends together?
"What are you going to do about Cress?" she asked after a long moment of silence. Thorne realized he had no idea how much time had passed. Maybe he was drunk after all…
"What are you going to do about Kai?" he countered, smugly.
"Oh I'm pretty sure we're miles ahead of the pair of you," she spat. "Miles."
He grimaced. "Gross."
"I'm just saying. Kai and I know where we stand. I don't know what happens after we probably have to take him back to Earth, but I know that our feelings are the same. It's...comforting. You should tell Cress."
"I will. Well, I'll try." There was a giddiness in the pit of his stomach and he was half inclined to run to Cress' room right now. Although, he also felt silent relief in knowing he had the choice to hide his feelings forever if he wanted. Feelings were hard.
"I'm sorry that all of this is happening when we may or may not be going into battle. I don't want to make this painful for anyone."
He squeezed her arm again, harder this time. "Cinder, if we were still on earth, we could all have been torn apart by Lunar soldiers. Or worse. You brought us together and you're keeping us safe. I can't imagine anyone doing more for us. For me."
She sniffed and fidgeted against his side. "Ugh," she groaned. "Being a cyborg sucks."
"Yeah, well, being a human sucks too. You don't really want tear glands, do you?"
"More now than ever, apparently," she said, pinching the bridge of her nose.
As his buzz began to wear off at the edges, Thorne began to feel uncomfortable with this uncharacteristic surge of emotions. He needed to retreat to his bunk to figure out what to do about Cress. "Thanks for the chat, friend." He pressed a kiss to the top of Cinder's head and slid off the exam table. "I'll just put this away, shall I?"
Cinder eyed the bottle for a second then smiled. "That's probably best."
"Do you want me to send the queen in here or…"
"Shut up." After a moment, "Yeah, actually. If you see him."
"Gross."
"Thorne!"
"I'm joking."
"Thorne."
"What?"
She smiled at him; full and genuine and happy. "Thanks."
"Back at you. I'll be sure to come to you if I have any additional feelings."
She let out a low laugh as she lowered herself back onto the exam table. "Please don't."
Thorne chuckled and closed the door behind him as he left the room. He wandered slowly in the direction of the galley, swinging the much-lighter bottle between his fingers. He could hear the liquid slosh inside.
As before, the galley was deserted. At least, as far as he could tell. He hid the bottle back in its place and sunk down onto the nearest bench. His elbows collided with the well-worn surface of the table. He lowered his chin into his hands and stared straight ahead at the open door.
Could he fall in love in a week? Was that even possible? Surely he had thought, once or twice, that he had been in love with a woman in less than an hour. Everyone knew that wasn't real love though. This was. It had to be. Cress wasn't just some girl, she was...Cress. She was the moon.
No. Too sappy.
She was something though. Something to him. Maybe she was just...his.
His Cress.
After all, the Doctor had told him to keep her safe. He hadn't taken that lightly. Although, she was far less inclined towards danger than Cinder was.
Thorne started pondering the logistics of the situation. Say he told Cress how he felt, and say hypothetically she had the same feelings. Then what? Were they to walk around with gooey eyes and smiles like Scarlet and Wolf every time they were together? Was he to hold her hand and escort her through doorways. Was he to call her his…
Girlfriend?
He felt his lips curl at the thought. It was all so pedestrian and she was far from normal. He didn't want her to feel normal, he wanted her to feel special.
With a groan, he covered his face with his hands. He attempted a different strategy. What did he want?
He wanted to be truthful. No more pretending that she didn't affect him in every way. He could feel her when she was in a room, his skin lit up every time she touched him, and his steps were jauntier when she was beside him. He wanted her to know this, and see it.
He definitely wanted to kiss her again, if only once more. That night his head had been clouded by adrenaline and fear. Kissing Cress with a clear mind? He hooked a finger under his collar and tugged.
He wanted to protect her. It was probable that this would be an impossible task on Luna, but he had to try.
And in regards to the future?
A slow smile crept over his face as he lifted his head from his hands. That was an easier question to answer. He wanted to take her places. Anywhere, everywhere. The world and everywhere outside of it. He wanted a co-pilot.
He slammed his hand on the table soundly. "Yes!" he exclaimed, standing to his feet. The bench screeched loudly on the floor as he stood. He could see a future now, spread out before him like a netscreen. The Rampion speeding through the skies, and the pair of them hauled up happily inside. After all, his quarters was the only one with a big bed and a private washroom. It would be a five star experience for her! He wagged his eyebrows. It would be very comfortable.
With a new sense of conviction and purpose, Thorne left the galley and headed back towards the cockpit. He was the captain after all, wasn't he?
Tomorrow, he decided. Tomorrow he would tell Cress everything.
Well, most things.
Maybe in two days. On a weekend.
Soon. He would tell her soon.