Despite overflowing with occupants, the townhouse was silent. Ciel padded downstairs with bare feet, his black silk robe hanging open over his nightclothes, his eye patch forgotten. He gave no thought of running into Agni or Soma and having to cover the mark of his damnation, so focused he was on finding Sebastian.
He expected he'd find his butler in the small servant's quarter at the end of the service hall behind the kitchen. The room was so tiny it barely contained its single bed and dresser, but Sebastian always refused the offer of roomier quarters upstairs, saying a butler should be nearer the front door where he might better hear the arrival of guests both expected and otherwise. Ciel, who knew Sebastian could be miles away and still answer the door mere moments after a guest (or otherwise) approached, never pushed the issue, but he often wondered why Sebastian insisted on relegating himself to a closet.
It's cramped, but it's secluded enough I needn't worry about anyone overhearing my humiliation, Ciel thought as he strode through the dark dining room. Mey-Rin has ears like a bat, and Agni's senses are nearly as preternatural as . . .
"Sebastian." Ciel stumbled to a halt the moment he walked into the brightly lit kitchen and squinted against the light at his butler who stood behind the butcher's block, paring an apple. "Why aren't you in bed?"
"The very same question I was about to ask you, Young Master," Sebastian looked up at him from beneath the fringe of his dark hair and set down the skinless apple. Snatching up another from the table, he peeled it with the knife while holding Ciel in his quizzical crimson gaze.
Frozen to the spot, Ciel's stare roved over Sebastian, drinking in broad shoulders covered by nothing more than a white shirt. The top three buttons were undone, revealing just the barest promise of firm pectorals. Sebastian's shirtsleeves were rolled up and strapped in place just above his elbows, baring his elegant, leanly muscled forearms, which flexed as he diced the peeled apples. His ungloved hands were an ivory blur, so fast he worked, but Ciel saw the mark of their covenant glow faintly upon the back of his left and realized the matching seal on his right iris felt heated, as if the bond between them was reacting to Ciel's heightening desire.
Why must he be so damned beautiful? Ciel lamented, his eyes meeting Sebastian's once more. Even dressed down and disheveled, he's beautiful. If I ordered him to appear repulsive, would it be within his power to comply?
The curiosity in Sebastian's eyes brightened to concern, and the knife stilled within a pile of finely chopped fruit. "Did I fail to hear you summon me, My Lord?" Unease darkened his expression, just a flash of a shadow before it was gone. "Was there something you needed?"
Go ahead. Tell him.
Swallowing hard against the lump of his heart pounding in his throat, Ciel shook his head and slid onto the stool beside the butcher's block, across from Sebastian. "What are you doing?"
Tension eased from Sebastian's brow, and he smiled. "I'm making apple fritters."
Ciel quirked an eyebrow. "Whatever for?"
"For Mey-Rin," Sebastian produced a mixing bowl from nowhere and swept his apple bits into its empty belly. "You and I will be gone to Paris for your honeymoon these next three weeks, and she becomes quite morose whenever we're away for more than a day or two. These are her favorite pastries. They'll help to cheer her up."
Ciel grinned. "You'd best be careful, Sebastian. Your former angel is showing."
"And you'd best watch your tongue, least I regurgitate your soul and feed it to a hellhound," Sebastian said pleasantly, producing three perfect brown eggs from the ether and cracking them against the side of the bowl.
"You're cheating," Ciel grumbled, propping his elbows on the butcher's block and resting his head in his hands. "Also, you're going to find me much too delicious to purge—although I do have a good mind to poison you, now. Lazy Bastard."
"Although I much prefer 'bastard' to 'angel,' I'll have you know I expend more energy conjuring necessities than I would simply leaving to retrieve them. I'm only 'cheating' in order to avoid turning my attention away from my most delectable young master." Sebastian smirked and nodded his head at the bowl, which then filled with flour, sugar and spices. A flick of his wrist produced a wooden spoon in his hand, and he stirred the mess into a sticky goop with inhuman speed. "Bastard I may well be, but lazy I am not."
"How about sensitive bastard, then?" Ciel sniggered. "I wish I'd known, Sebastian. I would have referred to you as 'lazy angel' from the first."
Eyes flashing fire, Sebastian shot Ciel a glare and slapped a spoonful of goop from the bowl onto a baking tray which materialized on the block. "You should be grateful it was a demon who responded to your dying call. Should have an angel appeared he would have done nothing but urge you to beg God's pardon as he watched you die, and then he would have escorted your damned soul to Hell, whether or not you'd repented your sins."
Ciel raised his head from his hands and sat up straight, stunned by Sebastian's obvious anger, yet intrigued. "So you're telling me a demon was my only hope of escaping Hell, even if I begged God's forgiveness for forsaking him after he'd forsaken me to Hell on Earth."
"I have tangled with angels from time to time. . . rescued a soul or three from their pious, arrogant clutches." Sebastian flicked his attention down to the full baking tray for a moment, and then looked back to Ciel, his black-nailed fingers shaping the globs of dough by feel alone. "Whoever their master is, he apparently has quite exacting standards. I've not once witnessed an angel escort a soul to Heaven, nor have I ever seen an angel give pause to the desperate pleas of the repentant damned."
"If what you say is true, then I can't imagine there are more than a handful of souls wandering around the vast emptiness of Heaven."
"I'm of the understanding Heaven is quite peaceful, indeed." Sebastian smirked as he shaped the last few spoonfuls of dough into fritters. "And, I'd surmise, dreadfully dull."
"I suppose that's why you got yourself kicked out," Ciel chuckled. "Were you bored, Sebastian?"
"I don't know why you'd assume I was ever there." Sebastian said, his eyes flashing with hellfire before they flicked once more to the baking tray. He swiped his left palm through the air over the raw pastries, leaving them golden brown in its wake. The air filled with the scent of sweet, warm apples.
"Mmm. Those smell heavenly," Ciel hummed, reaching toward the tray.
Sebastian smacked the back of Ciel's hand and pulled the tray out of reach. "They're hotter than Hell, Young Master. Besides, they're not for you." He gave Ciel a smug smile as he plucked a damp towel from the air and wiped his hands.
"Lazy angel," Ciel muttered, forcing his grin into a faux pout.
Sighing heavily, Sebastian returned the towel to nowhere and crossed his arms over his chest. "While your little game of 'irritate the demon' is entertaining, indeed, I find I'm much more curious as to why you're here, Young Master. Did something wake you?"
"I've not yet been asleep," Ciel admitted with a heavy sigh of his own.
"It may feel that way, but your anxiety is tricking you, My Lord," Sebastian relaxed his arms, irritation fading from his expression. "I was up to check on you not more than an hour ago, and you were sound asleep."
Teasing Sebastian had served to relax him, but now tension threaded through Ciel's muscles again. "You're losing your touch, Sebastian. I had no hope of fooling you, once upon a time."
"Nor do you have any such hope now," Sebastian said with a confident smirk. "You were asleep, My Lord, I assure you."
Ciel breathed deeply, willing his heartbeat to remain calm as he straightened on the stool and looked steadily into Sebastian's eyes. "You sat on the edge of my bed and promised me you would keep Elizabeth and our future children safe . . . that I needn't fear for them." He touched his fingers to the center of his brow. "I still feel the ghost of your kiss."
Lowering his hand back to his lap, Ciel watched Sebastian's self-assured expression fall blank, watched those sensual lips part just barely and saw his eyes widen. He couldn't help but smile and wonder how long it had been since Sebastian was last rendered speechless.
"I fear you may be going soft in your old age, Sebastian," Ciel said, feeling years of carefully constructed walls crumble at long last. Repressed emotions surged hot through his blood, and as he allowed himself to welcome the rush his smile broadened. "It's obvious you believe my hesitance to marry Lizzie stems from a fear for her well-being. Your assessment of my character is much too generous. Have you forgotten how selfish I am?"
"I . . ." Sebastian pulled his hand quickly through his glossy black hair, his heating eyes searching Ciel's intently, and Ciel discovered he immensely enjoyed the sight of his perpetually confident butler looking so flustered. "Is this a new game we're playing now, Young Master? Because I simply refuse to believe your prioritization of Elizabeth's safety above all others is but a false imagining of my failing, elderly mind."
"No more games, Sebastian. Not tonight," Ciel rose from the stool, affording himself the height to meet Sebastian's eyes levelly. "Of course you're not wrong. Lizzie's wellbeing is always my priority, but I've always trusted you would protect her. When considering the ramifications of this marriage, Lizzie's safety has never been an issue."
"You love her." Sebastian stated.
"Yes." Ciel nodded.
"You've coupled to your mutual enjoyment." Sebastian's eyes flared.
"Bedding her is pleasing enough, yes," Ciel agreed.
"Then forgive my ignorance, My Lord, but I fail to see a rational reason for your reluctance."
"Do you?" Ciel asked softly, moving around the butcher's block, his eyes locked with Sebastian's as he approached him with slow but sure steps. "No more games, tonight. Can you think of no reason at all?"
"No," Sebastian breathed. He turned to face Ciel, but took a step back, maintaining his distance. Clasping his hands below his waist, right over left, he concealed the mark of their covenant, but not before Ciel noticed it blazed with the same violet heat that flickered within Sebastian's eyes.
"I know that's not your answer," Ciel stepped closer, leaving a bare foot of space between them. "Considering your inability to lie."
"You believe yourself in love with another," Sebastian murmured. He stood his ground, his face carefully expressionless.
The rich, smooth timbre of his tone melted through Ciel, warming over his spine and coiling pleasurable tension within his groin. "Madly," he agreed.
"You're delirious, suffering a potent but transient lapse of sanity due to months of building anxiety," Sebastian said in a rush, raising the back of his hand to Ciel's brow as if to check for fever. "It's quite impossible, you see, because I never intended . . . you were but a broken, violated child, and I . . ."
"Fifteen," Ciel whispered as he drew Sebastian's hand away from his brow. He ran his thumb over the seal of their bond and shivered at the heat. "Whether you intended such or not, I've been suffering from this 'transient lapse of sanity' since I was fifteen, Sebastian. Surely you knew."
"I knew you cared for me to a small degree, beyond my usefulness," Sebastian shook his head minutely and slipped his hand out from beneath Ciel's. "It was surprising, although not entirely unexpected. But, no, Young Master, I wouldn't allow myself to consider . . ."
"Me either," Ciel brushed a lock of ebony hair from Sebastian's temple, reveling in the feel of silken strands slipping between his fingers. His heart raced as Sebastian leaned into his touch. "Do you have any idea how much I want you?"
"No. Ciel . . ." Sebastian captured Ciel's hand, drew it down between them and released it immediately, his expression hardening to firm resolve. "Tomorrow your life will change forever and the knowledge has put you out of sorts. You don't know what you want."
"I know I want you so badly I ache straight through to my soul," Ciel said, his voice gentle but unwavering. He stayed his hands at his sides, resolved not to touch Sebastian again, for he refused to allow the depth of his desire overshadow the strength of his pride. "I know I want to fully experience true passion at least once before I resign myself to a lifetime without it."
The resolve on Sebastian's face refused to crack, but Ciel saw a tremor roll over his butler, saw his fingers splay as if to grasp before they curled into fists at his sides, saw a hunger in Sebastian's eyes that had nothing to do with devouring his soul.
Posture tensing, Sebastian squared his shoulders. "If you're certain of what you want, then make it so, My Lord. I belong to you wholly. Body and soul, all that I am is yours, until the very end. You need only issue your order."
With a rueful smile, Ciel shook his head. "Not this time, Sebastian. That's not how this works. I've cursed myself a fool since the first, but even I am not idiot enough to believe true passion can be had by demanding its existence. Either you desire me as intensely as I desire you, or you don't. I want you to be my lover tonight, not my whore."
Silence thickened the air between them. Electricity snapped over Ciel's skin, raising the hair on the back of his neck as he watched Sebastian's eyes kaleidoscope with emotion.
"I won't . . ." Sebastian whispered. "I can't . . ."
Pain stabbed through Ciel—pain he saw mirrored in Sebastian's eyes, and although it hurt, it felt liberating. He nodded. "That's fine, Sebastian. Above all else, I value your honesty." Dismissing his resolve, he grasped Sebastian's face between his palms and pressed a kiss to the center of his brow. "Thank you. I simply couldn't get married without knowing one way or the other. I'll see you in the morning."
He released Sebastian and turned away, but before he took his first step strong hands closed around his wrists pulled him back around. Ciel gasped, finding his face a mere hair's breadth from his butler's.
"I won't be a suit you try on once and then discard," Sebastian said, resting his brow against Ciel's, his breath caressing warm over Ciel's lips as he encircled him in his arms. "I can't allow myself to have you and then simply give you to her. I will borrow you to her bed, because I must, but only with the understanding that you are mine as wholly as I am yours. Mine. Now, Young Master, decide if you truly want to discover the intensity of my desire."
I've always been yours . . .
Ciel pressed his body flush to Sebastian's and kissed him roughly, weaving his fingers through Sebastian's hair as he thrust his tongue past stunned, parted lips and sought the source of the caramel-coated timbre which had always so tantalized and tormented him.
It felt as if he'd gripped a livewire the instant Sebastian's tongue rolled over his. His heart stopped and then restarted with a hard thud.
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