Spike sat in the chair with Buffy cradled in his lap. A few hours ago she had curled her body into his, playfully kissing him. Now, she was limp weight. He listened to every beat of her heart, every catch in her breath. It was agony. Her soul scraped at him. She was a metaphysical sun burning him. He wanted to laugh, wanted to cry, and he wasn't sure if the emotions originated with him or her. He tried shifting his focus.
He watched as Giles drank and the witch and the whelp argued with flashing eyes and rude gesticulations. He gathered Buffy closer as their voices grew louder. Her body stiffened as she reacted even in her cataleptic state. He leaned his forehead against hers.
"Could you stop yelling, you're hurting her."
Giles swung his head toward them and shushed the others. He walked closer and set his drink down. "How do you know?"
"I can feel her pain and I'm starting to figure out what's mine and what's hers." He looked up at the watcher and frowned.
"Will she wake up soon?" Xander asked.
"I hope not. She'll start fighting the bond again. She can't help it, but it only makes it worse."
"Why is it hurting her and not you?" Willow asked.
"It hurts me, but I was fledged by Angelus. I can take pain."
"So can Buffy. She's strong." Xander snapped.
"Yeah, the slayer's strong. She's got to live with all my pain as well as hers. Do you have any idea how hard it is for her to deal with the things in her own damn life? Now, thanks to Red, she has mine to handle as well. Think about it, a slayer forced into the mind of a demon. She is literally walking through her worst nightmare. All the evil with none of the soulless relief."
"It wasn't hurting her before. She was fine while the spell was making you all lovey-dovey."
"Yeah, I'm afraid losing that happiness hit us both hard. Love makes accepting it all easy. She glowed like the sun in me and I loved it, loved her more for it. Now, it just burns. The worst part is we had it for a moment, that thing we both crave." Spike put his head back and rested it on the chair. "Everything you ever dreamed of ripped away in one horrible moment." He stroked his fingers through her hair and felt her tears soak his shirt.
Willow collapsed on the couch deep into her own tears.
"No point in crying over it, Willow." Anya looked at the witch. "There are consequences to what you do with magic. You can't fix this. There are going to be all kinds of problems for them. You should make a list of things they need and set about making this easier for them both. I'm fairly certain that's the right thing to do."
"What do you mean things they'll need?" Xander turned to his girlfriend.
"Well, he can't move into the dorm and I doubt Buffy will want them to move into her mother's." Anya mimed writing to Willow.
"Why would Buffy want to live with the bleached menace?" Xander turned back to his girlfriend.
"She's going to want privacy when the bond takes hold. Plus they'll need to be together most of the time. The mating ritual wasn't designed for loving couples. It was developed to seal alliances and to create family bonds with other lines. It's very rare because it takes such a toll on the couple." Anya looked up at her boyfriend. "It isn't a common thing."
"Then we break the bond thing." Xander said.
"And kill us both. This isn't a human thing, Harris. We can't get a divorce. We'll find a way to survive together or we'll die. Vampires like to keep things simple." Spike sighed and shifted in the chair. "We need a blanket or something. She's cold."
"Do you have money, Spike?" Anya asked him.
"I'll have to talk with the poof, but yeah. You don't live as long as I do without acquiring some."
"Good, let's make that list."
"A home with lots of windows and necro glass."
"What the hell is necro glass?" Xander started to pace.
"It's glass made by warlocks that allows vampires to be in sunlight. This list would go faster if you didn't keep interrupting, Xander. Do you think you'll have enough for the glass, Spike? It's expensive." Anya tilted her head like a bird considering its prey.
"I'll call Peaches when she wakes up. I don't want him here while she's this vulnerable." He rubbed a hand down her back, trying to soothe the pain emanating from her.
"You don't want him here because he knows how to reverse this." Xander pointed at the blonde vampire. "Giles, call Angel."
"Yes, I think that would be best." Giles muttered and moved toward the phone.
"I am continually astonished that any of you still draw air." Spike growled and started to move, but Buffy moaned and he stilled. "Fine, call the great poofter and when this gets exponentially worse for her I'll be the one dealing with the fall out. I'm used to cleaning up his messes."
Buffy screamed and arched in his arms. He tried to sooth her, but her screams wouldn't stop. She was shaking, almost convulsing. Giles rushed forward and tried to help Spike steady her.
Giles touched her face and her eyes opened as she shrieked and tossed his hand from her. Her eyes were glowing green. She sprang out of Spike's lap and growled as she darted behind the chair.
"I told you not to fucking touch her, but you don't listen." He stood and glared at the watcher. "Now, are you going to get it through your damn thick skulls that I am not trying to hurt her? If I were doing this to her the chip would fire. I'd be in worse shape than she is. The lot of you boneheaded idiots deserves each other."
"Spike," Buffy mumbled. "I'm gonna be sick."
He turned to catch her body as she started to gag and he carried her to the bathroom in a flash of vamp speed. He held her hair while she vomited, trying not to enjoy the silken tresses sliding on his skin.
"Am I gonna be like this forever?" She whined up at him.
He shook his head and watched as her eyes returned to their normal green. "I'm sorry, pet. You have no idea how sorry."
"I know what happened to you. I know what he did." Buffy wrapped her arms around her midriff and shivered.
"That's what bothered you?" Spike stared at her in shock. "Out of all of that, the twenty odd years of crap I took from him is what bothered you?"
"I knew about the killing, Spike. I'm the slayer. I've read your file."
"Knowing about it and sharing my memories are different things. It has to be hard for you." He looked away from her.
"It's not a walk in the park. I'm just trying to wrap my mind around this stuff." She stood and washed her hands and face. She stared at her reflection in the mirror and knew it for the lie it was. "Even if you weren't here in the room, you would be here now."
"Yes. We talked about it before we did it, Buffy. I tried to explain." He plowed his fingers through his hair. "We will never be truly alone again."
"I'm not accusing, just observing. This can't be easy for you, but you didn't pass out or throw up."
"I didn't fight it. No point is there?" He watched her look for him in the mirror. "I didn't do this on purpose. It's all buggered."
"Do you want to brood, is it a family thing? Or do we move forward?" Buffy turned and touched his arm. The searing heat of her fingers drew his gaze.
"I'm not much for brooding." He grinned ruefully and ran his fingers through his hair again. "So, forward, yeah?"
"I don't love you, Spike. You don't love me. So, what was so wonderful a little while ago hurts us more now. They way I see it. We treat this like a partnership. Make the best of it. It isn't what either of us wanted, but its what we're left with." She looked up at him and bit her lip curling it over her bottom teeth slightly.
"They might find some magic way out." Spike tried to believe the bullshit the boy kept spouting.
"Yeah, they might. We can fight. We're both good at that. We can fight it and hold out for a long time. It might be enough, but I can't fight it and be the slayer. I can tell you that. Just standing here is hard. So, how long until you dust when a demon gets lucky?" She turned to face him. She clenched the sink behind her to keep from grabbing him. "I have a job to do, a destiny. Maybe, in time, this will be easier, but for know pragmatism rules. We have to live or exist with it. No other option."
"I thought you'd kick up more of a fuss. I've seen you tilt at windmills before, and I see it now. Don't really want to focus on it much, but I," He paused and took a deep breath as the reality of her losses hit him. "This wrecks everything for you. No normal life, no picnics in the sun, all those silly things you've dreamed about." He grabbed her shoulder and looked down into her sad eyes. "All those things you deserve and I can't give you even one of them."
"Oh, and you're getting something out of this? You wanted to be loved, wanted Drusilla to come for you, and now you're bound to me. I can feel you ripping apart inside. So, we make do. Try not to hurt each other and go forward."
He nodded and pulled her into his arms resting his head on the top of hers. The sound of her steady heart drowned out all his thoughts for a moment. His world narrowed to her, her scent, her sounds, her taste. Her bloody warmth infused him as she gave up the fight. She shuddered and leaned into his embrace.