Waking up in Lorien, Finrod finds it difficult to deal with his guilt issues. Finrod is definitely going to have some issues with his re-embodiment in Lorien.

2. Recalled to Life

The attendant Maiar of Lorien waited unseen with their lord and lady. The initial days after re-embodiment could be disconcerting for any elf. Many had to re-learn how to move their limbs to walk, eat, and speak. The hroa prepared for Arafinwe's eldest was identical to the one in which he had left behind in Beleriand, barring the scars he had collected in his life. The soles and palms were as smooth as a baby's. Unused, unmarred.

The prince lay alone on a stone platform, clad in a simple smock of shining white. With practiced ease, Lord Namo forced the fea into its waiting hroa. For a moment, nothing happened. Then the slightest twitch of his eyelashes. A faint colour rose in his cheeks as the heart started pumping.

Too bright. He scrunched his eyes shut and gasped. Air filled his new lungs - pure and untainted air, the likes of which could only exist in Valinor. This was it, his rebirth into Valinor. The elf's fea struggled, trying to adapt to his new body.

I don't deserve this! The thought flashed into his mind. My poor brothers… Uncle Nolo… Why me alone? Why?

"W-Why?" Finrod whispered weakly in Sindarin as the tears welled up. "Why, Eru… I don't deserve this…" the distraught elf struggled into a sitting position before falling over and off the raised platform into a sprawl on the soft grass below. Had he the strength, he would have run all the way back to Mandos.

Finrod could feel each springy blade under him. Irmo had prepared the glade for rebirth in a quiet corner of his garden, with shade trees, lightly-fragrant blossoms, and soft birdsong to ease the transition for Finrod. Most of the newly reborn would spend their first hours in silent awe, re-acquainting their fea and hroa to the various sensations.

I failed them. I do not deserve this… Finrod did none of that but beat his fists into the grass and wept in despair.

The Maiar started. A pair took on physical form to aid the shaky prince to his feet. Lord Irmo shook his head as he gave instructions to have the prince taken to one of the healing rooms where his lady might attend to him.

He is not ready, Irmo chided his brother.

It is Eru Iluvatar's will, the Doomsman replied.

I will send word to his family, Irmo frowned. His grief is heavy on him. Mayhaps they can be of some comfort, Eru willing. After he had lost Miriel to Mandos, he did not wish to lose another of the Eldar entrusted into his care. Moreover one newly re-embodied.

Fearocco was the swiftest of steeds but Mornel was mindful she had to wait for Eldalote's much slower mare. Fearocco nickered to urge the mare on. Vanyatari was not a young mare even with her elf-horse blood. Mornel noticed that her steed, being a son of Nahar, had outlived all other elf-horses and was still as vigorous as a young stallion. On his back, Mornel had travelled far and wide through the wilds of Aman. Sometimes Helwien or Tatie would go with her.

How's your head, princess? Fearocco asked with a flick of his tail.

Throbbing like a hornet's nest. The tea had worked a little but she had risen much too early after the late night and calling council always brought on its own headaches.

The Council again? Never fret that old nis knows how to deal with them, Fearocco tossed his head.

Tatie had been left in charge, along with a Noldorin blacksmith of lowly birth but solid common sense. There had been the typical round of ruffled feathers which needed cajoling or smoothing. The last time she left Surihin in charge for a month, she was shocked to discover the orchards and fields untended on her return as everyone was by the lake on vacation. Her friend was simply too easy-going at times. They had to spend a fortnight corralling the settlement's flocks which had all escaped into the surrounding mountains.

"I wonder if my husband would be returning or if Prince Findarato has any news of him…" Eldalote murmured. "Our little boy would be grown-up by now…" She fidgeted with her reins. It would take at least two days of hard riding to reach Lorien.

The letter from Findis had been terse. Findarato has returned from Mandos. His parents have been informed. However, they might not be able to make the journey, Arafinwe especially, given the Ban was not yet lifted off the rest of the Noldor. Political sensitivity – Eldalote had called it. As Arafinwe was ruling Noldoran, it was expected that Findarato travel to Tirion to swear fealty anew to his own atar as soon as he has regained his strength.

Mornel had publicly sworn her fealty to the Noldoran many cycles of the sun ago when vicious rumours from certain factions suggested she aimed to unseat her uncle and replace the Noldorin capital with Formenos. It had been an uncomfortable experience having everyone's eyes on her. She had felt inadequate in the gown she had brought from Formenos, which made her seem a sparrow among the peacocks of Tirion.

The Kings of the Lindar and Vanyar required similar pledges of their nobles, especially those who led sizeable settlements away from the cities. Prince Earlindo had pledged his loyalty to his father as soon as he returned to Alqualonde. Adapting to life after being dead for almost three yeni had been difficult, even more so with the unwanted attention and unending questions from those whose kin still lingered in Mandos. From Queen Falmiril's letters, Mornel understood that many of the Lindar still lingered in Mandos, including Lindo's elder brothers.

Lindo bore all this with good grace, until he decided to move to Tol Eressea with Serelinde. The pair claimed they needed a new environment to find inspiration for their music. Nerdanel wrote of some malicious whispers about the youngest prince's friendship with Serelinde. Lindo was a kind, gentle ner. He had treated Mornel with genuine warmth and courtesy the last time she visited King Olwe's court. Nerdanel wrote she had no objections if her law-daughter were to indeed break with her Makalaure and wished her the best.

It was almost nightfall on the third day of their journey when the nissi finally reached the gates of Lorien. Waiting attendants took charge of their horses and ushered them into a guesthouse where a bath had been prepared for their arrival. Their meals awaited in the dining hall. They would spend the night there before meeting the Master of Dreams and his lady in the morning.

Findis and Amarie joined Mornel and Eldalote for the evening meal. The food was both delicious and nourishing the way only the fruits of Yavanna's pastures could be. Crisp peaches, fluffy bread, and creamy vegetable soup. There was even succulent rabbit from Orome's woods, diced and stewed with peas and baby carrots. Hungry from their long ride, the newcomers ate ravenously. However, Mornel noticed both Findis and Amarie did not seem to take the same enjoyment in their food.

Amarie had ridden from her parents' in Valmar posthaste as soon as she received Findis' letter via falcon. Indis had declined to visit, stating she would wait for her grandson to regain his strength and meet with his parents first. Arafinwe and Earwen were overjoyed but their royal duties would keep them in Tirion for another week at least. Earwen would try to leave for Lorien quietly while Arafinwe remained behind. They did not need half of Tirion greeting Findarato on his waking.

It was an awkward meal. Eldalote bravely tried to make conversation with Amarie and Findis to no avail. Mornel tried to engage her aunt in a discussion on Silvan herb usage but Findis was not biting. Silence soon fell over the table.

"H-how is he?" Mornel finally broke the unbearable silence.

"I do not understand… how he has not been healed like they say…" Amarie played with her peas listlessly. "Were the teachings wrong?"

"He will be healed, by the Valar's grace…" Findis admonished. She had inherited her amme's pious streak. "Perhaps it is just the shock. It is not uncommon for the newly re-embodied…"

"It has been a week!" Amarie snapped uncharacteristically. "He refuses to meet with us. When Lord Irmo brought us into his presence, all he does is blabber incoherently and weep until Lady Este puts him to sleep. This is not the Findarato I remember…" Tears coursed down her pale cheeks.

"Peace, child," Findis placed an arm over the distraught nis. "It has been a long day and you are tired." She cast a pleading glance at her niece. Mornel understood. She murmured an excuse and took Eldalote by the elbow. Amarie needed to be alone for a while.

Lord Irmo shook his head as his Maia reported. Findarato had refused his meal again. The well-nourished body he had been re-embodied in was now painfully gaunt. Lady Este could only plunge him into one of her healing sleeps but without the necessary nourishment of the hroa… Irmo had not been idle. He had sent comforting dreams, only for the prince to deny them.

I do not deserve this. It was as if Findarato were willing his fea to return to Mandos. There was a heavy darkness within which seemed to have grown more acute when exposed to the tranquil light of Valinor. Guilt. It was not your fault, Irmo wanted to cradle this Child close and banish his grief but the prince was having none of it. Tentatively, Irmo reached out to the troubled fea of the elf in the room as he slept.

Naro – I should have stopped him from falling for her, or allowed him to wed… if…

That is a note in the Song which has already been written and cannot be changed.

I never should have abandoned my people… My friends, they died for my sake…

They all followed you willingly, Ingoldo. Don't be a fool. Your family and beloved await.

They died in pain! Torn apart by Sauron's wolves… I could not protect… The screams, oh, Eru… Findarato thrashed wildly in his slumber. I failed them all… Irmo mentally drew back as the Maiar came running. Lady Este would have his neck for causing her patient such distress.

Author's Notes:

I assume the Ban applies only to the exiled Noldor and their descendants. The Teleri and Moriquendi are free to be reborn into Aman once they are ready and wish to. Finrod inherited the same Finwean stubbornness. The Valar cannot force him to be healed or to accept their healing.