Chapter 6
"Sorry we're late," Knuckles said as he walked in with Rouge. "This one took forever getting dressed."
"Well, Cream took forever getting to our house to babysit." Rouge slid off her magenta coat and handed it to me. "I'll take a gin and tonic with a slice of lime."
"Ha, ha," I replied, folding the item in my hand. "Fortunately, I'm not your bitch. Even though you can be a bitch sometimes."
Teal eyes clashed against mine. For a second, I thought she was going to kick my ass. But then she smiled a sly smile. "Thank you, bitch girl."
"You're welcome, bitch girl."
Knuckles rolled his eyes before heading into the living room. Clarissa squealed.
"Why'd you bring the fan girl?" Sally said, peeking into the living room. "She's going to wake up the boys."
"I'll tell her to shut up at home." I shrugged, but not without feeling both Rouge and Sally's eyes burn on my form. "What?"
"You live with her?" Rouge said.
"Yeah?"
"She's pretty," Rouge said, peeking into the room. Clarissa was shaking Knuckle's hand like he was a celebrity or something. "You should date her."
My mouth widened. "I'm not gay."
The bat pouted. "Well, you are wearing a pant suit."
"Because I didn't have time to change after work."
"Next you're gonna say you work with her too."
"I do."
"Well, good to know we've been replaced."
"Rouge." She walked off before I could stop her, or talk (but preferably, slap) some sense into her.
"Don't mind her," Sally said, shaking her head. "She's always like this when she's pregnant. She's not allowed to go on missions so she starts stirring up controversy to entertain herself." She started for the living room. "Nothing too extreme though."
"Oh." But part of me was a little disappointed. That meant she probably wasn't lying about Shadow. He was with someone. I was alone. Life was different, but the same all over again.
He didn't care. I guess I didn't care either. If either of us really did, we would have taken the initiative to see each other. He had to know I was here—he had to.
"Coming?" Sally turned back. I nodded and followed.
Hopefully dinner would be painless.
I jinxed the night by having expectations. Even if they were modest.
"Remember when you used to have the crush of life on Sonic, Amy?" Rouge said, taking a sip of her sparkling (please let it be sparkling) wine.
"You're not drunk Rouge. You can stop asking dumb questions."
"Oh." The men said in unison.
"Come on," Sonic then said. "Amy's like my little sister. And she's probably already captivated some guy at her firm."
"How's work going?" Sally then asked, unfazed by the sitting storm of conflict that was Rouge. But I guess the others were used to it. I was the one walking back into it.
"Great," Clarissa answered for me. "I mean, it's mostly paper work and settling disputes outside of court, but it'll probably get more interesting after the holidays."
"And random, long hours," I added, poking at my rice. "So I apologize for not being able to stop by as much."
"No worries," Sonic replied. "Everyone's a little swamped. I've got a governmental meeting next week. And Sally's prepping the fitness center for New Years."
"You guys are so cool," Clarissa said dreamily, before turning to Rouge and Knuckles. "All of you."
"And what about you?" Rouge said, pouring herself another glass. "What have you been up to outside of work?"
"Nothing, I guess." But Clarissa was grinning. "I've had to handle some cases on location, so I've been able to go to some local shops. Everything looks beautiful this time of year."
"Dating anyone?" Rouge asked. Knuckles shook his head, probably aware that something uncomfortable was about to go down. Great.
"Ah, not at the moment," Clarissa said. "Though we have a no dating policy at the firm. I mean, I don't usually care for rules and regulations myself, but since I'm a lawyer, it be a bit hypocritical if I didn't follow them. Plus, I like my job."
"That's good to hear."
Clarissa was smiling so hard at this point that I thought it would kill her. But sitting with my 'friends' made me want to kill myself.
"But." Clarissa took a sip from her wine, seemed to thrive off the silence. "What's the deal with Shadow?"
My silverware clattered on the ground.
"Are you alright, Amy?" Sally asked. "I'll go get you another fork and spoon."
"No, no," I said, swishing my hands in the air. "I'll go get it."
My glare met Clarissa's. She stared at me like I was the one who lost it, until her eyes widened. She stood up. "Actually, I have to go to the restroom."
"I'll show Clarissa," I volunteered. "God, I'm so sorry for the interruption. Everything tastes great though."
"Thank-you." Again, Sally appeared unfazed. But I guess that really meant nothing. She was slyer than I cared to admit. But she was also less likely to act on those tendencies than the jewel queen. We left the space as the men started conversing about sports.
I pulled out silverware from the kitchen before pulling Clarissa closer. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"What?" She blinked at me. "I thought I was being charming."
"Well, Princess Charming, the guys already think that we're gay lovers, and that I'm a total stick in the mud."
"Hey, one out of two isn't bad." I punched her shoulder.
"I don't care about any of that."
"Then why did you assault me?" She punched my shoulder.
"Because they don't know about me and Shadow," I said, rubbing my upper arm. "At least, no one else but Rouge. If she hasn't blabbed to the world. But I never actually told her that we dated or anything before I left."
"This is fucked up."
"I know."
"No," Clarissa shook her head. "I mean, you. You should be more honest with your friends."
"I know," I admitted. "But that can't be helped now. I just want to finish dinner, go home, and finish reviewing my court files."
"My, doesn't that sound like an action-packed Friday night. Oh, please take me with you."
"Oh, please don't mention Shadow again." I rubbed my temple. "Besides, he already has a g—"
"Girls, could you get another bottle of wine?" Rouge called.
I could hear Sally groan from the other room.
"Cheer up," Clarissa said, grabbing a bottle of sparkling cider and pulling me out of the room "Let's go!"
Unless she added 'home' to the end of that sentence I would rather choke myself.
Rouge snatched the bottle from Clarissa the second we entered the room. "Took you two long enough. I almost thought you were having a moment in there."
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" I replied, sitting down.
"We'd like that," Knuckles snickered before Rouge crashed her knuckles in his skull. "Never mind."
"So can we all admit that we're boring and call it a night?"
"It's only 8:30," Sonic said. "We haven't even had dessert."
"And this is the only time momma gets away with eating as much of it as she wants," Rouge added. "What? Do you have something more important to do?"
"Yeah, revisit the idea of strangling myself," I mumbled.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"God, Amy," Rouge said, stabbing a fork into her plate. It was wiped clean. "You sound like Shadow." A sick smile broke out on her face. "You know what? You two should've dated. I'm surprised you didn't."
"That's sick, Rouge," Sonic replied. "Is Shadow even able to," he paused, searched for his adult words. "You know?"
"He's not an android, Sugar." Rouge rolled her eyes.
"I guess not technically." Knuckles chimed in. "Still, Shadow is incredibly reclusive. I don't know if I could ever see him with anyone."
As they continued to discuss the improbabilities of Shadow ever laying it on anyone, I felt both irritated and disturbed.
"Well, I saw him with someone," Rouge told the men. But she was looking in my direction. "He told me a couple of months ago. It's Mina."
It took everything not to grind my teeth, or beg for more information. Mina the Mongoose?
"Seriously?" I was surprised Sally was surprised. "I can't see her going out with him. I mean, Shadow is a looker, but he has the personality of a diaper."
"You got that right," I mumbled, pushing my plate forward. "Who wants dessert?"
"Of course, he isn't as attractive as me," Sonic said, smirking at Sally. She rolled her eyes. "But I don't know. People change. She might have gone crazy."
"I would really love cake right now." I patted my stomach. "Yup, would love to eat dessert and talk about something else."
"Why do you want to change the subject?" Clarissa whispered to me. Before I could make an excuse her eyes widened with a 'Da faq?' look. "You knew about them?"
"Yeah…"
"Well, I think Amy should explore her options," she suddenly said out of nowhere. "But tell me more about Shadow and Mina." She smiled weakly at me, but in that moment I knew I was capable of murder.
"She's a singer. Fun to be around," Rouge went on. "Built like a Veronica's Secret Model. Almost as pretty as Clarissa here."
"Oh, stop it." Clarissa blushed. "But please don't."
"Well, I'll toast to that." Sonic said, lifting his glass. "Shad needs to get laid. And I hope that Mina will finally make his heart beat. "To Shadow getting ass."
"To Shadow getting ass!" The group toasted. And my only joy was that they didn't point out that I hadn't participated.
"I'll get dessert." Sally finally said.
"I'll help," Clarissa said, joining her. Then it was just the four of us.
But of course, I was still alone.
The evening concluded around eleven, after Rouge had "too much" to drink, and the soccer match Knuckles and Sonic were watching ended.
When we got home, I was confident that I could live the rest of my life locked in my room when I wasn't at work. Scratch that. I'd skip my job—just curl in a ball in my dark room and block out the thought of Mina making kissy-faces at Shadow. She probably was a Veronica's Secret Model. She was probably even pleasant to be around.
And even I was sick of me.
"Look, dinner wasn't really that bad," Clarissa, said, locking the door. "Actually, it was pretty awesome. Knuckles wrote his name on my knuckles." She presented them to me. I would have laughed but I was pretty sure the act would kill me.
"Glad that you had fun." I crossed my arms, kicked off my shoes in the closet. "Now if you excuse me, I'm going to my room to forget about feelings."
"Hey," Clarissa said, waltzing up to me. "Even an idiot could tell that Rouge was just trying to get to you. But she was just pushing your buttons."
"Why? It's not like I have any buttons to push."
"You have plenty," Clarissa assured me. "You should be glad that she cared enough to. After all, she and Knuckles were the only ones to show up. You think Sonic didn't invite Blaze or Tails or all of your other super awesome friends?"
I glared at her.
"Well, do you?"
"No." I closed my eyes, fought the urge to throw up from all of my disgust from tonight and life in general.
Shadow.
Was.
Dating.
Someone.
Who.
Wasn't.
Me.
But did I even want to date him? I hadn't seen him the longest—it had been over three years now. The group was pretty much painting him as the same person, but could I even deal with the same Shadow?
Still, something told me that if he did change, if he was suddenly more compassionate, less quick to dismiss the idea of us being together, things still wouldn't work out.
Because when the fuck did things ever work out?
"But you can't give up," Clarissa said. Something told me that she was ranting on about something else earlier, but I just nodded. Pretended that I cared about what anyone had to say at this point.
"Really?" I said through gritted teeth. I inhaled. Exhaled. But my tension did not leave me. "Because I don't remember even starting."
"You have to get out of this slump," Clarissa said, slipping off her pumps. "I don't think Rouge was lying about Mina, but she wanted to trigger something inside you." She came to my side, patted my shoulder. "I've been trying to trigger it too."
"And what's that?"
Clarissa smiled. It was the most genuine gesture I had seen in a long time.
"Your fighting spirit."
I pressed my lips into a hard line. Motivation was always nice, but it was a waste of energy.
"So what do you suppose I do?" I considered, humoring her optimism.
Her smile intensified. I knew no good would come from it.
I went to bed with both heavy and ludicrous thoughts. Like if there was any truth to what anyone ever had to say. And if it were possible to spy on Shadow without getting caught. Clarissa's suggestion.
Of course, this didn't stop me from seeing him.
"It's about time," Light says, walking up to me. "I've missed you."
"Have you really?" I am in no mood to toy with him, or to talk really. "Because I thought you were busy with Mina."
"That isn't me, remember?" I don't know how I find myself in his embrace, but I am. However, I don't know why I don't reject it. His fingers lace over my shoulders, linger at my hips. "And dating, not dating. Who cares? I'm here."
"You're not real," I reply. I place my hands on his chest, close my eyes. It heaves, and his heartbeat is steady—it steadies me. I bite my lip. Then why does he feel so real?
"Are you sure?" He tilts my face upward, forces me to face him. This nonexistent reality. "Because perception is everything."
I steal a glance at him before looking down. He looks like Shadow. He sounds like him too. But he isn't. Just like this isn't real.
"Tell me," he goes on, stroking my cheeks with his thumbs. "Do you like this?" He pecks my lips. His are hot and I feel like melting. He shifts before kissing me again. Harder. "Do you want me to stop?"
I should say something—anything—but I don't. So he continues with his sweet torture. My hands act before I can instruct them to, they weave into his quills, tilt his face downward, closer. And then I am lost. In love or lust, the lines seem to have always been blurred.
"Just tell me." His kisses travel southward. I choke on a moan.
Through lidded eyes I see him, also lost in this sensual game. He doesn't want to stop. So why is he asking? Why should I?
"Tell me," he says again. His kisses evolve into rougher gapes on my neck, and I cannot suppress what I'm feeling. A surge of euphoria hits me and I moan without realizing it.
"I can't," I say, moving my hands to his strong shoulders, before his chest again. This elicits a groan out of him. My lips find his again, and he kisses me hungrily, like he needs this too, and my body pulses with pleasure. Truthfully, I wanted to go further, I wanted to take advantage of him the same way it felt every man in my life had done before. Just, you know, with his body.
"Remember, this is your dream," he says this like I'm sane. Like I'm capable of making good decisions. If I made good decisions, I wouldn't be letting him kiss me senseless. I wouldn't be dreaming about this in the first place. "Control it."
I had really lost it, hadn't I?
A bed appears again, and before I can blink or make sense of this nonsense, we are on it. He is on top of me, threatening to take me again. It is a conflict of interests, me wanting to preserve my sanity, him just wanting to fuck with my mind, me.
Mostly me.
My back arches as his kisses trail downward, past my collarbone and stopping at my cleavage. He hitches my dress up and I know I should stop him, but he ceases me in a lip-lock, grinding his tongue against mine, silencing me. He follows the same example with his body, secures his hands on my hips and begins to grind into me.
My eyes widen. But lusty lust feelings take over, and I am ashamed of the sounds I make.
"Shadow!" I gasp.
The man's movements stop, and for a moment I feel like I'm drowning. Like I am dying, yet flying. He kisses me and I drink him up, give into him like I have given up on friendship, and love, and feelings. I am numb and Light is the only thing that can save me. He pecks my ear, whispers sweet thoughts.
He abandons all sensitivity when his thrusting intensifies. My mind scatters beyond repair. A tingle forms at the base of my spine, and my toes curl by reflex. The feeling hits me at once, like remembering a lost friend.
My body shrivels in pleasure, and the climax leaves me just as fast as it came. I lay there, panting like I had just run a marathon. Light kisses my temple to soothe me, but it continues to over heat me. I listen to his steady heart and he is mumbling something. Something about control.
But all I know is chaos.