Chapter 13

The One didn't answer the door.

And with the knock, reality knocked its way back into my brain. I thought of Mina, how much of a fool I'd look like if she were on the other side. But because I was an idiot, I knocked again. Harder.

I sighed, noticed how dark everything was on the inside, and how much it looked like he wasn't here. He probably wasn't here. My hand latched over the doorknob. I didn't want to over-step, but I had crossed the line by just being here—by attempting to claim what was never mine.

But the line between curiosity and desperation was blurred. So I turned it. Didn't know whether to feel better or worse when it actually budged. I bit my lip. Now, I was crossing the line. I took a small step inside, was surprised how safe and nostalgic I felt in a home I had only visited occasionally, that was also in the dark.

The darkness disappeared in an instant though. And before me stood none other than Shadow.

He looked at me with unbemused eyes, his expression shockingly stoic. He looked the same. Like I had never left him, like we could go back to normal. I had so much to say, but the words jumbled together into a knot in my throat. Inhaling the uncertain air between us, I sharpened my gaze against his.

"You should lock your door," was the only concrete sentence I could make. Not, "Why did you reject me for Mina?" or "Do you still love me?" Nope. I just pointed out that the Ultimate Lifeform should beware of petty burglars. Or dumb fan girls.

"I'm capable of dealing with intruders," he spoke, folding his arms over his chest. His crimson eyes then hit mine. But as usual, I couldn't read them. "To what do I owe this intrusion?"

My heart, if it already wasn't on fire before, began to beat rapidly. What was I supposed to say? What could I say?

"Shadow..." I pressed my lips together. "...How have you been?"

"I've been well," he said. "Although, it seems you could have asked me this with a postcard."

"I wanted to see you." My words came out in a rush. I shook my head. "I've been here for a few months. Been getting settled with my job." I shook my head again. Get on with it. "But I want to get back together."

Shadow's brow rose slightly. And I couldn't breathe. "We were barely together in the first place."

"I know." I moved closer to him. We were inches away, yet a world apart. I didn't remember feeling this distant even during the break-up. "But it's been a long time, and I've been doing a lot of reflecting." I allowed myself to place my hands on his shoulders. I considered it a good sign that he didn't move out of my grip. Or maybe he was just humoring me; I was love's laughing-stock. "I want you, Shadow. I want to live my life with you." I moved closer, felt his warm breath on my face. I closed my eyes. "Forever."

"Under what criteria?" His hands gripped my wrists, pulled them down. "Mine or yours?"

"Can you stop acting like Mr. Doom and Gloom for five seconds?" I hissed, clenching my fists. "I'm pouring my heart out to you! And you know that isn't easy for me."

"Which is what alarms me." He shook his head. "It's been years, Rose. I thought by now you'd understand why we could never work out." My eyes widened.

Never?

"And why not?" I spat. I was heaving; my chest was heavy with disgust. Disgust in him for not letting me in already. Disgust in myself for being so affected by everything. While Shadow could stand there (looking only a little more irritated than usual) as he rejected me flat out. For the second time.

"Is it because of Mina?" I found myself saying. "Is she your only exception?"

Shadow narrowed his eyes at me. "You have no idea what you're talking about." Before I could respond, he took hold of my arm again. "Now leave."

"Not until you tell me why!" I yanked my arm away, but it was a futile effort. He overpowered me with strength and in composure. But it didn't stop me from shaking my head and forcing my ground like the manic intruder I was. "Just tell me. Please."

His grip lightened, but he literally had me pressed against the wall. He pressed his lips together, looked at me with a look that was hostile, yet contemplative. But because I was on a mission of irreparable destruction, I cupped his face with my free hand. And crashed my lips against his.

I knew he would reject me. Throw me off him like the needy whore I was. But he sealed the gap between us. I opened my mouth wider, kissed him hungrily and lovingly and with everything I had. His hands moved to my hips. Mine clawed their way to his back; I didn't want to let him go.

And he wanted it, right? I was locked in his embrace. I kissed him harder, and our tongues danced a forbidden dance. A moan escaped me as he lifted me up with his strong arms. My hands roamed though his quills. He roared.

"I missed you," I whispered between kisses. "I want you." Everything was hot; my body lit on fire as his hands—his destructive hands—assaulted my curves. When he started sucking on my neck, I almost lost it.

"Shadow." Our bodies were grinding against each other; he was making contact with that part of me that...that made that sensation that felt too good to be real. I held onto to him, continued our lustful dance, choked on a moan until his neck kisses trailed upward and he seized me in another lip-lock. I brought his hand to my breast, squirmed underneath him when he squeezed it.

"Rose." He pecked my lips. Through lidded eyes I watched him continue his sweet torture. "Rose, we have to—" I bit his ear.

"Fuck me."

My senses were over-loading as he ripped off my bra. My fingers traveled along his hard body. He hitched my skirt up, kissed me again and I drank him up. For once, nothing mattered. I was with the person I loved. I secured my hands on his back, missing the feeling of his security. Of his love, even if he wouldn't admit it to me. I allowed myself to get lost in the sensation of being found.

It was perfect.

Then it stopped.

I looked up at him with glazed eyes. It took me a moment to register that we were in his bedroom. On his bed. His palms were pressed against it as he looked down at me. My mouth parted as I stared back, panting.

"We almost had sex when I confessed to you," he finally said, shaking his head. "You were even willing to sacrifice a better law school…just to be in a relationship with me."

I blinked at him. "W-what does that have to do with anything now?"

"You don't get it, Rose," he replied, rising to his feet. "We would have gone down that path again tonight. You'd defer another good opportunity. All in your pursuit of love." he sighed. "I saw what you became because of Scourge. I thought I could help you, but I cannot. I cannot promise you happiness or security or anything you can pretend you can live without." He turned away from me. "I don't want to break your heart."

"My heart has been broken for years now!" I could feel tears line my face, but I couldn't wipe away my devastation. "You're doing exactly what he did. You won't give us a chance!"

"Scourge chose Fiona!" Shadow hissed, clenching his hands. "I can't choose anyone."

I glared at him. "Not even the person who loves you?"

His expression softened.

"If you think what we have is love," he began, "then you can find it with someone else." His words weren't harsh, but reality was. "Now stop crying."

"When did you become so cruel?" I shook my head. But it was heavy and it ached like my heart.

"When did you lose sight of who you are?"

I could only clench my hands into fists. I couldn't accept that he was right. If I did, that meant we truly didn't have a chance. I turned toward the window, saw our forms, my rumpled clothing. I was exposed. Unwanted.

With a sigh, I could finally look at him - his stern yet soft gaze. He had known peace, maybe even with Mina, and I disturbed it.

"I-I'm sorry." It felt wrong to be apologizing. But not as wrong as it felt staying here. This house would never be our home. So what was I doing here?

My feet found movement and I ran.

He didn't follow.

Gah!

So it happened! Or didn't happen, I guess. Amy and Shadow's relationship is pretty complex, so I'd love to hear your thoughts about how it's been presented so far. Again, feel free to offer your criticisms. I definitely struggle with their dynamic, but I think there will be some really interesting parts later. So I completely understand if you're confused or as mad as Amy right now lol. But I'll probably have another update before the end of the week. So please review!

Until then,

KB