UGH IM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! My life went to hell and back, but I'm alive (sort of) so that's what matters. In other news, as of May 2nd, I am now a bona-fide adult ;D

Anyways, I know I promised the social worker this chapter, but the bulk of it will have to wait until the next chapter... this kind of got away from me. Apologies.

Underlined text is in Elvish, as always.

Dedicated to my brother, and his undying love for Anne Rice and Lawrence of Arabia. But if I hear him call Lawrence his "small gay son" one more time...

The apartment was pitch black until Lucy switched on a lamp and crossed her arms, seething in rage. The apartment had obviously been sifted through, and Michael felt panic welling up in him. "What the hell happened?" He asked. "Why is the apartment-?"

"I went through it." She answered bluntly.

"What?! Why-?"

"I was looking for the drugs you must fucking be on to let these nut jobs stay with you and Gabe!" She held out her hand. "Just give them to me, Mike, and we can stop this here."

Michael's jaw dropped incredulously as his mind reeled. "What the fuck?! Lucy-!"

"You let nine lunatics who think they're from Lord of the fucking Rings into your apartment when you're already on thin ice with Social Services!" She reached behind a chair and pulled out one of the Fellowship's swords - Boromir's, from the look of it. "Look at this! This could kill someone!" She shook it to emphasize her point before she dropped it. "And this isn't even all I found - you let a bunch of guys carrying these into your house?! With your baby brother?! Didn't you learn your lesson?!" At that point she was screaming, roughly shoving Michael's chest. He stumbled back, trying to bite back the blind panic that was running through his veins.

"Lucy, let me expla-."

"What is it? Painkillers? Acid?" Her eyes were burning with more anger that Michael had seen in years. "The Michael I know would never let anyone like them within a million miles of his brother! The Michael I know would never lie to his friends about what was going on no matter how crazy it was!" He knew he wasn't going to get anything out of her if she was like this - he needed to calm her down, and quick. Before she could shove him again, he caught her hands by her wrists, holding fast as she struggled. "Let me the fuck go!"

"Lucy, I need you to listen to me!" He shouted over her protests. When she continued to curse and struggle, he sighed heavily and picked her up, ignoring her screaming, and carried her into his room. The floor was cleared of the pallets, and he threw her on the bed and crossed his arms as she glared at him.

"Tall bastard." She muttered, scrambling to a sitting position.

"Luce, I'm not crazy, and I'm not on drugs. Okay?" He turned out his pockets to show her. "And I know you went through the rest of the apartment, and you and I both know that it's clean. We can go to the drugstore right now and get a drug test, I promise I'll come up negative."

"Well, what do you want me to believe? That you personally know the Fellowship of the fucking Ring and they just came over to your place to hang out for Passover?"

He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, let's start at the beginning." He pulled up his chair and sat down, facing Lucy. "What the hell happened today?"

An hour and a half earlier

"This is absolutely mind-numbing." Legolas complained, leaning back into the beanbag chair he was reclining in. "Even Orcs have more rousing tales."

"Orc tales do not enrapture Boromir so." Aragorn replied with the flash of a grin, the two of them looking to where Boromir and the Hobbits were watching the second season of Friends. They hadn't moved from their spots in front of the TV ever since Lucy had popped the DVD in, and had quickly absorbed every detail of the story.

"This is all we have been doing since Michael left." He raised his eyebrows. "Do you know how long it has been, Estel? Seven. Hours. My mind shall rot from this - this-!"

"Popcorn!" Lucy called from the kitchen, and Merry and Pippin scrambled over themselves in their rush to grab the bowl and return to their seats. Lucy herself came out of the kitchen drooping with exhaustion. Gimli scooted over on the couch, and she took a seat next to Aragorn, kicking up her feet on the coffee table and sighing. "Finally." She groaned, and Aragorn could practically see the stress seeping from her body as she relaxed into the soft cushions. "I haven't had a chance to sit down all day."

"I apologize." Aragorn said for at least the twentieth time. "If you had told us that you had errands to run-."

"I'm pretty sure you don't want to tag along to my gynecologist appointment." She grinned. "Or go to visit my mom, or go to the lumber yard, or go to my other doctor's appointment, or... basically anything I had to do."

Aragorn normally would have protested, but he was acutely aware that he was supposed to be hiding their true identities, so instead he nodded. Gandalf was currently in the room she used to study for her schoolwork - a young woman in a college? What more wonders does this world hold? - looking for any clues as to how to return to Middle-Earth, with Frodo and Sam helping him. Without him to guide them in their covers, Aragorn knew it was up to him to maintain the illusion that they were from this world. There was such a short time until Michael would return, and then they would be able to speak freely...

Lucy looked him over and wrinkled her nose, then glanced over an equally grimy Boromir. "You sure you don't want a shower?" She asked. "Mine is pretty small, and the hot water goes out sometimes, but..." She laughed nervously. "Look, I don't know if it's this Ren-faire thing you have going on, but you look like you haven't seen a bottle of shampoo in months."

"My lady, I will have you know that-!"

Lucy held up a hand to cut off Legolas' indignant tirade. "I wasn't talking to you, hot stuff. You're alright, it's Mr. I-sleep-outside-and-don't-shower-because-it's-fun over there."

Legolas actually smirked. "Which one are you referring to?"

"All of them." She raised her eyebrows in return. Aragorn had to admit, they had hit off fantastically, even after their initial turbulence.

"If that was intended to imply that we are unhygienic, then you are quite mistaken." Boromir said without taking his eyes from the screen.

"Uh-huh." She lifted his hair with her toe with an unabashedly disgusted expression on her face. "And this is clean?"

Aragorn chuckled as Boromir visibly restrained himself from swatting her away. "I do not know what this 'shampoo' is, but Men of Go-."

"Ghana!" Aragorn blurted out, remembering the country Michael had told him to use. He cursed himself inwardly as he scrambled to remember the details. "Boro - Benjamin is, uh, not used to Americanian customs. Forgive him."

Lucy raised her eyebrows as everyone in the room froze. "Ooooookay." She said slowly. "Uh... if you guys don't know what shampoo is, then you're definitely showering. Like, right now." She stood up and grabbed Boromir by the wrist, dragging him after her. "You first, Ben. I'll show you how to work it and make sure you don't kill yourself, because if you don't know what shampoo is, I'm willing to bet that you don't know how to work a shower."

As soon as he was out of the room, Aragorn let out the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. "Valar, help me." He murmured to himself.

"Ye did well." Gimli offered half-heartedly. "Do ye think she...?"

"Maybe." There was the sound of rushing water and Boromir's exclamation of confusion and delight. "I hope not."

Lucy came back down the hallway with a falsely pleasant smile on her face. "I'm going to run to the store real quick." She said, pointing her thumb over her shoulder to the front door.

"At this hour of the night?" Gimli asked. "Lass, don't ye think that's a bit of a bad idea-?"

"I can take care of myself. Just don't burn the place down, I'll be back in ten minutes." She waved and set off down the hallway, the front door slamming behind her. Aragorn groaned and let his head fall back. How did Gandalf do it?

"You are doing quite well, Estel." Legolas said, as if he had read his friend's mind. "Especially considering that this is our first time without the guidance of either Michael or Gandalf."

"Do you think Gandalf will find anything that will tell us how to get home?" Pippin asked, tearing his eyes away from the screen.

"I hope so." Aragorn said, rubbing between his eyes. "I am eager to continue on with our quest, though this has been a welcome reprieve."

"What shall we do about Michael and Gabriel?" Merry turned away from the screen as well, both Hobbits turning to face the others.

"It seems awfully cruel to leave them alone after this." Pippin agreed.

"They aren't alone." Gimli said. "They have th' old man Gandalf knew."

"And Michael has his friends to help him." Legolas smiled sadly. "They are worthy friends, but they do not belong in Middle-Earth with us."

They were cut off by an exclamation from the study. "Aragorn! Come quick!" Frodo cried, and Aragorn flew to his feet at the sound of Frodo's distressed voice. He ran down the short hallway and threw open the door, and was surprised at the sight he was met with. Frodo and Sam were pouring over a large tome on the floor, and Gandalf held the other two. The Hobbits looked pale and drawn, though Gandalf looked more lost in thought than ever.

"Is everything alright?" The Ranger asked, looking around the windowless room for any threats. It was a small, cozy space, with a desk stacked high with books and a machine like the one Scott had used on top of the wood. Two bookshelves took up an entire wall, and several lamps were scattered through the room, filling it with warm light. The Hobbits were seated on a soft-looking and colorful rug that had been thrown on top of the hard wooden floors. "What happened?"

"We found the tale we come from." Frodo said in a shaky voice, not looking up from the pages.

Aragorn faltered as the severity of the situation revealed itself. They had in their hands the entire future of the Fellowship, their very fates written out as if they were carved in stone. "We haven't read ahead or nothin'." Sam said as he looked up. "We don't rightly know if we should. Maybe Mr. Michael didn't tell us for a reason."

Aragorn sat across from them on the carpet and looked at the green leather-bound book in their hands. "Gandalf?" He asked, not looking away. "What do you think? Have you read ahead?"

"Of course not." Gandalf said, setting down the books. "To do so would be to tempt fate itself. It is best for us that we do not know what lies ahead."

A breath of relief blew out from all of them, and slowly, Frodo closed the book he held. "It bodes well that there are three of them, though, don't you think?" He offered up.

There was a click behind him, and he froze as Frodo and Sam's eyes widened. "Don't move." Lucy's trembling voice said.

Lucy and Michael were silent for a long moment after she finished telling her story. "You mean to tell me," Michael said slowly. "That you held nine of Middle-Earth's best at gunpoint with a gun you don't even know how to shoot, and locked them in your study?"

Lucy groaned and rolled her eyes, obviously frustrated that her concerns had gone straight over his head. "Mike, they're saying they're from Lord of the Rings! As far as I'm concerned, they could be serial killers or something! You really expect me to-?!"

Michael went to cover his mouth with his hand, but instead a flash of images flooded over both of them, like when Michael and Gandalf had first met. Sensations washed over them, almost drowning them in the rush of sensory information. Lucy let out a choked scream and fell back on the bed, taking Michael with her until they were laying side by side, staring at the ceiling in wonder as the flood came to a close.

"What the fuck." She whispered after a long minute.

"Yeah." He agreed shakily. "That's what I said too."

Lucy sat bolt upright, grabbing fistfuls of hair in both of her hands. "Oh my god. Oh my god, I threatened to shoot Aragorn!" She looked at him with eyes wide in panic. "Mike, oh my god! Tolkien's gonna kill me!"

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, cursing under his breath. "I'm going to kill you, you absolute dumbass." He sat up and grabbed his jacket and Lucy's wrist, dragging her after him as he stormed towards the front door. "Get your car keys, princess, we're going to get them. And then you're apologizing and buying us dinner."

Michael was the first one to step into Lucy's flat. "Guys?" He called. "It's Michael."

"Master Michael!" Pippin's voice cried before he was hushed. "Is Miss Lucy with you?" This time, his voice was cautious and a bit afraid.

"She's staying outside." He took the study key from her and walked slowly towards the door. "Look, there was a huge misunderstanding, but I've told her everything and yelled at her for about twenty minutes. We're okay now, alright?"

"Sorry, guys." She called sheepishly.

"I'm going to unlock the door." Michael took another step. "Then we're going back to my place and I'm going to give Lucy another lecture about threatening my friends with deadly weapons." There was no reply, and he sighed heavily. "Luce, if you've traumatized them, I'm actually going to kill you." He grumbled as he unlocked the door and swung it open, turning on the lights. As soon as he registered the scene he was looking at, he bit his lips to try and hold in his laughter. He failed, of course, and ended up bent over as he cackled.

"What?" Lucy called. "Mike, what is it? What happened?" She yelped as he grabbed her hand again and dragged her into sight, and her eyes widened as her hands flew to her mouth. "Oh, no. Oh, honey, no."

"This is not something I find amusing." Boromir said stiffly, glowering at all of them as even the Fellowship started to laugh, the tension melting away. They could barely see his face in the mass of frizzy hair that extended off of his head, and he brushed it away irritably as he tightly held the towel wrapped around his midsection. It was obvious that he'd barely stepped out of the shower when he was shoved into the study.

"Don't tell me you gave him free reign of the shower." Michael gasped, sliding to the ground as he held his sides.

"Ben - I mean, Boromir - I'm so sorry." Lucy bit back her giggles and looked away politely. "Here, let me - I'll be right back." She moved in the apartment and burst into laughter. "Tolkien's gonna crucify me." She giggled as she grabbed his clothes from the bathroom, returning to the study. As soon as she saw their wary expressions, though, her stomach dropped as she realized the severity of what she'd done. "Um..." She rubbed her neck before she held out the clothes like an olive branch. "I really am sorry. I thought - I don't even know what I was thinking. But I believe you now, and I - if you'll let me, I'd - I'd like to help you."

Boromir reached out and took the clothes with a tight smile. "I forgive you." He said hesitantly. "And I am sure the others will too."

"Of course!" Sam agreed quickly. "Terribly sorry to have given you such a fright, Miss Lucy."

She grinned and wrung her hands before a thought hit her like a freight train. She spun around to look at Michael with wide eyes. "Mike, where the hell is Gabe?!"

I know it's terrible, just give me a break