What Love Is

By Semerket

Chapter 11: The Laughably Great Escape

It was just before lights-out and some of the inmates were already sleeping or settling in for the night, or in the case of the few involved in Ivy's escape plan: pretending. "So this is the infamous Sector Seven." Taylor was in the process of leading Arkham's newest hire on a tour of the facility. It was probably his first shift. "This is the wing where we keep the freakiest patients and high profile rogues. You need special certification to deal with lunatics of their caliber. I'm in charge of this wing," Taylor said with a hint of pride.

The new orderly didn't look any older than twenty five to Ivy; and the mildly terrified look on his face made him seem even younger. He was also huge and hulking and looked like he had probably been a football player during his high school glory days. Now he was stuck working in the ass crack of the world where the pay rate was almost as high as the mortality rate. Ivy smirked; he probably wished he had gone to college like the nerds.

The experienced orderly continued, "Now since you're new, it's unlikely that you would have to deal with any of these nutjobs during your first year. And if you did, it would only be in a group."

"Can't say I'm disappointed about that." The man chuckled in an attempt to relieve his own tension.

"Yea, well it's important for you to remember that these people are already criminally insane, and then combine that with some weird abilities."

"I didn't realize there were so many with abilities."

Taylor laughed, "Didn't you know? Arkham is just one big circus! And over here on this side is the freak show." He playfully gestured to the cells, "Here we have the crocodile man, Killer Croc, and there's Mr. Freeze the ice man. And here's Clayface- this guy is our very own contortionist!" Clayface glared menacingly. "And this ugly motherfucker is Two-Face- or as I like to refer to him: 'Phantom of the Asylum."

"Fuck off." Two-Face grumped.

"Watch your mouth, freak." He moved about the corridor dramatically. Taylor always thought he was hot stuff when they were locked up, but just wait until they got out. He would be the first one to hide in a panic room. "And here we have our very own 'Vixen of the Vines for those who are interested in a more titillating experience. She's beautiful isn't she, kid?"

He gulped nervously; he might have been new, but he really didn't want to antagonize these lunatics on a personal level. "Yes."

"And she'll kill you without a second thought. This one you gotta watch out for. She's easily one of the worst ones in here. Don't let size fool you. She has mood swings that would put the rest of these wackos to shame. One minute she's Miss Prim an' Proper, the next minute she's trying to gouge out your eye with a fork."

The look Ivy was giving the new recruit made his hair stand up on his neck.

"And last, but not least! We even have our very own clown! What kind of circus doesn't have a clown? In there is Harley Quinn." The blond crossed her arms and pouted as she sat on her cot.

"I didn't realize she was a Code Seven."

"She isn't."

"Then why is she here?"

"Because," he lowered his voice and gestured to Ivy, "She keeps that one from going berserk."

When Ivy first arrived here she'd shriek and bang on the walls for days on end. She's immune to most sedatives we got on hand so it was drivin' everyone crazy. A shrink recommended we stick Harley nearby. She asked her to be quiet and she settled down immediately. Crazy bitch." He rolled his eyes.

"Isn't Joker a Code Seven?"

"Ha! He was at first, but that motherfucker is so crazy we just keep him locked up with the other serials over in old Arkham. He doesn't have 'powers' and he has no out-of-cell privileges so we just stuck him over there. We also have to keep him away from over half of these people- doctor's orders. They make each other too angry."

"I see."

"But on a more serious note, when you're on duty no matter what happens in the facility you don't ever under any circumstances open Clayface's door. It doesn't matter if he's on fire. You just let him burn."

The young man blanched, "Even if there's a fire?"

"Yep. It's happened before. Clayface started screaming and the guards on duty opened his door. He knocked them out real quick. Then he went on to snuff out the fire with his own body. It takes more than a little fire to kill ole' Clayface."

He gulped and nodded. "Now let's examine this exhibit again. Pamela Isley- mostly known as Poison Ivy. This is another one that you never ever want to deal with on your own. She can secrete toxins through her pores- we have no way of knowing just how many variations she can produce. She uses a mind altering pheromone the most frequently. Normally she'd have to administer it to your lips; she usually does this with a kiss. Although lately she's taken to spitting like a damn cobra." He growled in annoyance as she smirked at him. "But the scary thing is that she can get you if you just spend enough time in close proximity to her. She convinced one of her shrinks that he was in love with her. She had him walk her out of the building and drive her across town. We try to have female staff deal with her whenever possible. If you ever start to feel attracted to her or you feel compelled to do little things for her, then you are to report to the infirmary immediately for detox. You understand?"

He moved over to another cell after the younger man nodded, "This is Victor Fries. This fool ain't worth shit without his special suit and weapons. Just another nutjob, only colder than usual. He has special needs so he rarely leaves this cell; it's specially refrigerated for him."

The young man whispered quietly, his curiosity getting the better of him. "So why is he here?"

Taylor waved his arm dismissively at the cell as he turned to walk away. "His wifes' dead and he can't get over it."

"She's not dead!" Victor snapped angrily.

"She's in a block of ice you idiot. She's incredibly dead."

He guffawed as Victor Fries trembled with barely restrained rage. Taylor finally got tired of basking in his own wit and moved down the hall with his new protégé. After 'educating' the noob about several other inmates they eventually moved further down the hall and out of earshot.

Finally!

Ivy thought he was going to piddle around their block all night. So far everything had gone exactly as planned. Everything was ready to go. Now it was just a waiting game. There were others involved in their escape, but not all of the rogues were. A few of them were aware even though they played no direct role themselves. They were usually brought into the fold because they found out by accident. There were also a few that could tell something was up. The tension was palpable, like the calm just before a storm.

Step one: Cause a distraction.

This distraction was not supposed to be occurring on the same floor they were on. This was Scarecrow's job and he was two levels above. They needed staff to be concentrated upstairs. Being so wonderful, Harley had managed to purloin quite a cocktail of pharmaceuticals during her most recent stint in the medical wing. Some of those drugs Ivy had passed to Scarecrow via Nygma, whose cell was nearby. Scarecrow was supposed to inject himself with one of the syringes he'd been given; it would send him into a fit, but would wear off quickly.

Ivy studied the guards until there was a sudden burst of activity, followed by Taylor making a hasty beeline towards the elevators. And so it begins. Ivy stood up and glanced at Harley. She was standing near the glass watching the two remaining guards anxiously. Then just as they'd planned, the guards left. They had both been bribed previously by Two-Face.

Ivy's heart pounded as she was nearly overcome by an adrenaline rush. This was it! That took them to:

Step Two: Release the flying monkeys

And, yes, Harley had picked the names. The Ventriloquist had managed to come through by finding seeds in the yard and Ivy had managed to distribute them accordingly during the lunch hour and her mopping tours. Others received their seeds in library books that Nygma brought them. There was hardly anything exotic in the yard- nothing for Ivy to get excited about. It wouldn't be leveling the entire facility anytime soon, but it was just enough for her to work with after treating the seeds with her own blood. Ivy's room was the only one that the guards searched regularly. They checked the hinges on her door daily for seeds, but they didn't check the others' hinges.

Their mistake.

Ivy's eyes flashed green as she urged her seeds to grow, not just on their level but all throughout the facility. Key doors on key inmates' cells were being popped off the hinges. Harley jumped back from the glass when she saw a green sponge-like growth rising from the hinges of her own door. There were several loud cracking noises as the hinges broke, one by one. One solid shove and the door tumbled out into the hallway. Unfortunately, that set the alarms screeching, of course.

Two-Face was out next, as well as Clayface and Killer Croc. Clayface knew about the plan, but Croc had been left out of the loop; he was just fodder for the guard's bullets. They always targeted the biggest most aggressive things first. The fact that he was absolutely hideous also made him more shootable. He immediately went berserk and charged down the main hallway as he unwittingly played his role perfectly. Bane was another unwitting player, but his cell was on the same floor as Scarecrow and Riddler and he would hopefully provide them with a similar distraction on their level.

Clayface's big hand morphed into the form of a hammer and then he marched over to Ivy's door and bashed it in. Ivy stepped out and glanced around, "Thanks, Basil."

"Ha." His big goopy mouth chuckled. He looked like a large mud creature. "Consider us even for letting me out."

Then he shifted into the unassuming form of a nurse and took off down the main hall in the wake of Croc's destruction. All the other inmates were awake and realized what was going on by now. Some of them begged and pleaded, 'Please don't leave me. Let us out!' The trio ignored them as they made their way down another hall. The blaring alarms would now make their block a priority for security, which would in turn give Edward and Scarecrow their opportunity to get out.

Step Three: Take out the Lollipop Kids.

It was easy. There were already fewer guards than usual; the bribable ones had already cleared out. It was just a matter of taking the three in the security booth. They had been completely unprepared and were rendered unconscious quickly.

Step Four: Get the ruby slippers.

Two-Face and Harley rifled through the guard's weapon arsenal, while Ivy sat down at the security panel. She knew there was a way to lock down a particular block, and there was also a way to open all the doors on a block simultaneously. If those incompetents could work this console then she certainly could. After tinkering with a few keys she managed to find the option to open all the doors in just Sector Seven, but now the console was demanding a password.

Ivy growled and slammed her fists against the console, "Damn it! It wants a password!"

"Try 1-2-3-4!" Harley volunteered.

Two-Face scoffed at the suggestion, "Even they aren't that stupid!"

Ivy rolled her eyes as she typed it in and hit enter. A feminine computer voice responded.

[Access Granted.]

"I stand corrected." Two-Face shook his head.

"Harley, you're a genius!" Ivy clapped her hands together excitedly. The blond beamed at the praise. Now the real fun would begin.

Ivy watched one of the black and white security feeds as Victor Fries poked his head out of his cell in surprise. The other inmates were out and were running in all different directions. Excellent, the chaos would take the focus off of them.

"Did you find a headset?" Ivy said absently to the others as she monitored the numerous security feeds. If everything was going smoothly then Nygma and Crane should be in control of another security booth on a different floor.

"Yep!" Harley chirped. "Hi, Eddie!" She said into the speaker. Then there was a pause and she rolled her eyes and corrected herself, "I mean, 'the wizard'" Ivy could tell by the pauses that Edward was obsessing over the Wizard of Oz thing. God, get a life. It's not like security wouldn't recognize his voice later.

Harley grabbed a glock and a revolver and tucked them into her pants. "He says they're on their way to get Glinda."

Two-Face pocketed a revolver and cocked a combat shotgun, "Good. Tell him we're heading to the garage."

"Yea, Wiz, we're on our way to the Rainbow so we'll catch ya later."

Security wasn't the only potential threat anymore, now they might have to deal with something far worse: their own peers, and never mind that it was only a matter of time before caped crusaders would show up to ruin their party. Time was of the essence.

Wielding a shotgun, Two-Face took point, with Harley and her two handguns covering their rear flank. This part of the facility was relatively empty because it was farther away from Sector Seven and heading in the opposite direction of Arkham's main entrance. Most inmates wouldn't know about this area. Ivy had become intimately familiar with much of Arkham's layout during her janitorial escapades. They exited the booth cautiously and made their way towards the lower level where the security garage was. On their way they passed a hallway leading to another cell block.

Ivy hung back, "You two go ahead. There's one more thing I need to do before we go. I'll just be a minute."

"But Red!" Harley was startled.

"Go with him, Harley. I'll catch up."

Ivy jogged down the corridor, bringing herself to:

(The secret step!)Step Four and a Half: Kill Toto slowly and painfully

The Joker had been hearing the alarms, but he wasn't sure who was escaping. They went off with the frequency of lunch bells at Arkham. When he saw a familiar green figure come jogging up to his cell he nearly squeaked in surprise. She had been starring in most of his dismemberment fantasies as of late, almost as many as Batman. He laughed maniacally, "Oh, Pammy! How nice of you to drop by! I don't get many visitors you know. How is Harley girl? Has she been good?" He glared and grinned at the same time. It was creepy.

"Harley is no longer your concern." Ivy tossed a few seeds at the base of the glass near his cell. He instinctively took a step back. Ivy's eye's flashed green and vines rapidly grew over the glass of his cell, covering it completely. Ivy figured he had several hours of oxygen. He probably wouldn't die, but she hoped that he would. Now she could leave knowing that he wouldn't be following any time soon. She'd kill him outright, but that might end up being lengthy and it wasn't worth ruining their escape plans over.

[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]

When Ivy arrived at the garage, Two-Face was in the process of hotwiring one of the black Arkham patrol vans that usually carried security teams. They selected this garage because it was rarely used and had no guards. Harley had found the controls to the large door; Ivy headed over to her as it slowly opened.

Noticing Ivy's arrival, Harley ran over and pulled her into a crushing hug. "Red! You worried me to death! Don't do that again."

Two-Face shouted in triumph as the engine roared to life, "Yea, baby! We're ready to roll."

"I won't, Harl, everything has been taken care of." Ivy returned the hug.

[Wooooooooooooooooooonk!]

The van's horn blared impatiently, as Harvey poked his head out of the driver's side window. "You comin' or what? I was under the impression you didn't like living in a giant fish bowl, Pammy. The hell if I'm gonna get caught because you needed to suck on your girlfriend's face."

"Alright! We're coming!" Ivy snapped as she blushed.

"I'll bet you are." Two-Face said lewdly.

She offered him a solid glare as she opened the door and climbed into the passenger's seat. Harley slid open the side door and reluctantly sat down in the back area of the spacious security vehicle.

Ivy noticed her change in demeanor, "What's the matter, Harl?"

She pouted and crossed her arms. "You told me I'd be the getaway driver."

She could hear Harvey snickering. Ivy looked thoughtful for a moment. "You're remarkably good at return fire. Why don't you ride shotgun?"

She beamed, "Okeydokey!"

Sometimes people just needed encouragement.

The van was very spacious so Ivy was able to climb into the back easily and Harley traded places with her. "It's on Riddler now." Ivy said.

Two-Face shrugged noncommittally, "Maybe, maybe not. Even if we leave him we might still get away with this van. He needs us a hell of a lot more than we need him right now."

He was right, but Ivy didn't say anything. Normally she'd have no qualms about leaving Riddler behind and would have actually preferred it, but considering how instrumental he was in their escape there was a part of her that had the nerve to feel guilty for entertaining the thought. Ivy grabbed her chest. What was happening to her? It was almost as if she… Her eyes widened. She had a conscience now! There was no other way to describe it. Damn it. She blamed Harley for this.

Now they found themselves at Step Five: Get Glinda.

There were, of course, other steps like: get the hell out of Arkham and maybe snag a few other rogues along the way, but these were optional steps. Glinda was the difference between escaping successfully and getting nabbed by the Rodent. She was the secret weapon.

They had driven beyond the garage and were heading down a two-lane road that circled around the facility and would eventually lead to the main highway. Ivy took a moment to turn her green flesh to a normal tone; she would stand out less on the outside.

'Psst! Hey!'

Harley nearly leapt out her seat when she heard the loud whisper. She pulled out the headset, "Hellow? Yea, we got it; we're comin' around now." Harley turned in her seat and handed the mic to Ivy. "He wants to talk to you, Red."

Ivy sighed, "Edward." She said testily, "Yes, we're… 'following the yellow brick road'." She rolled her eyes. She hated these silly games. It only fed his disorder. Nygma wasn't a complete fool though. He was getting paranoid. He suspected they might double cross him.

Sure enough, Edward was waving his arms at their van as he barely dodged a security guard's cattle prod. It was chaos on this side of the facility as dozens of prisoners darted all over the place as they made a mad dash for freedom. Two-Face made no attempt to slow down, however. Harley noticed what he was doing and went ballistic.

"We can't leave Eddie behind!" She shrieked in her high-pitched voice. "Stop! Stop!"

"Pammy, shut your girlfriend up we're trying to think here!" Two-Face snapped angrily as he tried to avoid various inmates and security guards while they raced around the perimeter of the facility.

"Stop! Stop! We have to get Eddie!" Harley shrieked repeatedly. It was grating like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Everyone jerked forward as Two-Face slammed the breaks, "Okay! Okay! We're stopping! We're stopping! Just... shut the hell up!" Two-Face conversed with his other personality under his breath. "No wonder the Joker's crazy! Yea, I'd be nuts to if I had to listen that airhead all the time. Oh my god, can you imagine? I can't imagine!"

Ivy had the side door open as soon as they stopped, and soon after she found herself lying on the floor of the van. "Quick, drive!" Harley yelled. Harvey hit the gas as they peeled away, continuing down the road.

"There is a small man in my lap!" Ivy announced in outrage.

"Ride sharing is good for the environment, Pammy." Two-Face suggested, keeping her from flying off the handle when Edward Nygma practically dove into her lap while trying to evade security. Not only had they been able to escape, but they'd even had enough time to form a carpool.

"Please, don't hurt me." Riddler threw his hands up apologetically as he moved further into the vehicle and took a seat.

"Where's Crane?" Two-Face asked as he drove around various obstacles and escapees.

Nygma was dusting off his brown Arkham uniform as he spoke, "We got separated in the chaos. He was acting kinda funny."

Harley turned in her seat to look at Ivy, "Hey, what about Wesker? Is he comin'?"

"Fuck Wesker!" Ivy and Two-face blurted in unison.

"That little shrimp dick…" Two-Face grumbled.

They continued down the road and after several minutes they saw Crane, and speak of the devil, Wesker.

"Come on Professor Crane!" Harley sang happily as she leaned out the window and beckoned to Scarecrow. He pranced up to the van and climbed in with the Ventriloquist following behind.

"Hello, Dorothy." He said chummily, "Getting the hell out of Oz, are we?"

"You know it!"

"Ah, I see the Wicked Witch is leaving too." Ivy rolled her eyes. "And of course, we have the Wizard." He nodded to Nygma.

"Scarecrow."

"Ha! And we even have the Cowardly Lion." He smiled at Wesker who was now cowering in the corner, no doubt pining for his ridiculous puppet. It was obvious Crane hadn't even noticed the man following him like a shadow.

"No Tin Man?"

Two-Face scoffed, "Freeze can bust his own ass out. Not like he ever sticks his neck out for anyone but his popsicle girl. Besides, getting him into that damn suit is a hassle not to mention the fact that he might decide to ice us all on a whim. This is not an equal opportunity escape, damn it."

"Hey look. If it isn't Hugo Strange." Two-Face announced as he saw the man jogging down the road ahead.

Edward rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, "He's such a pompous asshole."

"Ew, I don't like him. He gives me the willies." Harley rolled her eyes. Apparently she wasn't the only former psychiatrist that had ended up going bat-shit crazy. Literally.

Two-Face said sarcastically. "I can't flip my coin since they confiscated it. Gee, what should we do about it?"

"Hit the gas." Ivy grinned evilly.

"Gah!" There was a yelp as he flew over the windshield.

"Wheeee!" Harley sang and clapped.

Two-Face slowed down as someone else caught his eye. "Oh wait, I gotta detour for this mother…" Harvey swerved off the road and chased an inmate in a circle on the nearby lawn. He laughed and shouted out the driver's side window. "Ha! Take that Calender-freak!" He did a mocking impression of him, "Thirty days past September, April, June, and-"

There was a loud thump as they ran him over.

Harvey shook his head as he muttered under his breath, "Killing people on holidays! Even we have standards you sick son of a bitch." He pulled the vehicle back onto the road and resumed driving.

He pointed out to the nearby field. "Hahahah! If it isn't our good friend Mr. Taylor!" They all grinned as they drove past the orderly; his lower half was frozen in a block of ice. No doubt, at the courtesy of Mr. Freeze. "I guess something is gonna shrink up…" Security guards were trying to break him out of the ice with the butts of their assault rifles, but they were also tasked with defending themselves from the lunatics running all over the place. It was utter chaos as inmates poured out of the facility and darted in random directions across the vast lawn with the alarms blaring in the distance.

"Stop, Harvey!" He slammed the breaks immediately.

Ivy opened the door again. Harvey laughed as he honked the horn playfully, "Welcome to Arkham Asylum's complimentary shuttle service. At Arkham we treat our patients right!"

Scarecrow chuckled and clapped his hands excitedly. His eyes were huge and dilated. "And now we have Glinda! Isn't it wonderful, Aunty Em?!"

"Hi Zatanna!" Harley chirped. Ivy released a breath she'd been holding. They could finally get this show on the road.

"Wow." The raven-haired woman's jaw dropped open slightly. She glanced around in awe as she sat down on the bench beside Ivy. "When I heard there'd be a carpool I thought Edward was joking…" Zatanna was difficult for them to contain because of her magic abilities. So they had to keep her heavily doped, but thanks to Harley's pilfered meds she was able to take a counter agent. She was still exhausted, but with a little rest she would be able to cast spells again.

Two-Face glanced at the blond and asked, "Is he still talking about the Wizard of Oz? He does realize he can stop doing that, right?"

Harley explained, "It's just a side effect of the meds I gave him. He probably won't remember most of this."

"Ah. Cause if he calls me Aunty Em one more time I might have to bust his head open."

Zatanna leaned over and sniffed Ivy. "Ivy, you smell like a bouquet of flowers."

"At least one of us does." Ivy directed a glare towards Wesker.

"Ew..." Harley said.

"What's that smell?" Edward asked.

"Well some of us weren't allowed in the showers this week." Wesker justified.

Harley rolled her eyes, "Ugh. Ivy grow us some Potpourri or maybe cut one or somethin'."

Ivy's eyes glowed green and the car was filled with a fresh citrus smell."

Two-Face asked, "Hey, can you do 'new car smell'?"

"Shut up." Ivy made a mental note that they were finally turning onto the main road that led to Arkham. This two-lane road would eventually take them to the main highway and Gotham.

Feeling pretty good about their escape, Harley started mashing buttons on the radio.

"Hey, I'm listening to security communications," Two-Face was in the process of protesting when he was interrupted by Cindy Lauper's voice blaring out the speakers.

Harley, of course, had to sing along. "Girls just wanna have fun! That's all we really waaaaaaaaant!"

"Pammy. We respect you," Harvey referred to his personalities, "But if she doesn't shut up, we'll have to kill her."

Ivy snapped at the blond, but Harley was so loud she didn't hear her. "Harley, please turn the radio off!"

"Girls just wanna have fun! We just wanna, we just wannaaaAAAAAAAh…"

Zatanna said quietly to Ivy, "Um, she does realize this is a prison break and not a trip to Six Flags, right?"

Thankfully, the song ended on its own. Two-Face slammed his fist into the radio. It would probably never turn on again.

"This is really great, guys!" Harley chirped, oblivious to everyone's irritation. "We should celebrate our escape! Party at Pengy's! C'mon let's go!"

"I'm glad you're enjoying this, sweetheart." Scarecrow chuckled. Red and blue lights began flashing behind them as a voice boomed over a loud speaker.

[Stop the vehicle!]

"Harley, this isn't a party." Ivy chastised. "And I'm sure Oswald would be mortified if we showed up at the Iceberg Lounge in our Arkham attire." There were several plinking sounds as a few bullets ricocheted off their armored security van.

[Pull over and stop the vehicle!]

"We could make it a themed party!" Harley said excitedly as she leaned out the window and returned fire until the security vehicle chasing them swerved off the road and flipped.

"Well at least we'll make it easy for him to bust us all at the same time." The Ventriloquist whined.

Two-Face spoke up, "The same time? We were going toss you at him, Wesker. That'll slow him down."

"Yea, for two seconds maybe," Edward muttered.

Twenty tense minutes passed in silence as they now sped down the vacant two-lane highway. They could taste their freedom. It was so close and yet so far away. They were away from Arkham, but they all knew how quickly that could change. There was nothing to see outside the vehicle except for the dark silhouettes of trees moving past. As soon as everyone began to feel more and more safe, they suddenly heard a sound on the roof.

*BaDump!*

Harley quailed hysterically and tugged on her pigtails in dismay, "Oh, no! It's B-Man on the roof! He's gonna get us!"

This naturally sent everyone spiraling into a panic. Two-Face blurted, "What? Where?"

Zatanna shushed them and said, "You hear that?"

They all answered in unison, except Harley who was too disappointed. "Hear what?"

"What are you talking about!?" Edward hissed nervously. "I don't' hear anything."

"Oh, no! I knew this was a bad idea! I knew this was going to end badly," Wesker worried himself in the corner.

Scarecrow was just grinning away, completely oblivious to everyone's distress. Definitely the meds.

The others started to glare at Ivy. She would get the blame if this went bad even if it wasn't her fault and the escape had gone off without a hitch so far. "What? He was bound to show up at some point!" She crossed her arms, "Besides, everyone knows that Batman is in love with me."

The banging happened again. "Are you sure it's Batman?" Two-Face asked. "He isn't exactly known to knock."

"Harvey, hit the brakes," Ivy commanded.

He slammed them and everyone jolted forward slightly. "Gah!" A voice shouted as someone rolled off the roof of the van and onto the road in front of them.

Two-Face smirked, "Oh, never mind! It's just Hugo Strange."

They all took a collective sigh of relief.

Two-Face continued, "Ha! He was hanging onto the roof." Hugo Strange ambled towards the van with his arms outstretched.

"Finish him?" Ivy glanced around for consensus.

Two-Face chuckled, "Nah, if the old bird can survive that we might as well give him a ride."

They opened the door and Two-Face said, "Hey man, no hard feelings. Here, have a diet coke." Reaching into a cup holder on the driver's side door, he tossed him an unopened can of warm soda.

He was quite frazzled and battered. Hugo failed to notice the coke and it bounced off his arm and rolled across the floor the van. He had leaves and twigs stuck to his body. Sitting down stiffly, he said slowly, "I'm not sure… what happened..."

There was an awkward silence as no one bothered to fill him in. The ride into mainstream Gotham was relatively uneventful save for a few dozen patrol cars shooting past in the opposite direction, no doubt heading to Arkham to help clean up the mess.

"Hey this was great. We could all team up to take down the Bat!" Scarecrow declared from out of nowhere.

Ivy grumbled, "Someone's feeling an inflated sense of confidence."

"We just got out of Arkham. Not really in the mood to go back." Edward patted him on the shoulder sympathetically.

"Glinda?"

"Perhaps another time…"

"Dorothy?"

Ivy said seductively, "Harley and I are going to be busy."

"Can we go to the carnival?" Harley asked Ivy innocently.

"This is a carnival."

"Red…"

"Maybe. I'll think about it."

Harley crossed her arms. That usually meant no.

"Crap, I see the Batmobile!" Two-Face cursed as he recognized the distinctive car in the rear view mirror. Sure enough, it came blazing past.

Harley turned in her seat to look at the raven-haired magician. "Zee?"

Zatanna mustered her strength and prepared to cast a spell, "Here we go! Torpelet ot thfif teerts yella!"

And just like that, the entire van vanished and reappeared in a hidden alley miles from the Bat.