Disclaimer: This author, theworldsgreatest01 does not own Inuyasha.
A/N: Still no prologue...the author of this story is just so transfixed with going further into the story without giving its origins, which the writer finds very boring, as you well know. No hard feelings, it will come soon, as do all good things. They come to those who wait. theworldsgreatest01 hopes you enjoy this chapter anyway.
Chapter Five: Feelings
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Chichi-ue pulled me aside immediately after breakfast as discreetly as possible, catching my awareness by clearing his throat and bestowing a serious stare upon me that, since childhood, meant we needed to have an important man-to-man talk. I was instantly stricken by a small anxiety attack. It has been exactly ten weeks since the incident with Imoutou-chan and every day from that night she has not said one more word to me than needed. The only time she has come close to a conversation with me is in battle, but other than that, she has barely even looked at me longer than ten seconds. I have yet to digest it all. She hasn't called me Nii-san in ten weeks. We don't talk anymore in our solitary escapes from the world; I feel as if I've lost a part of myself…and I have no idea how.
"What exactly happened between you and Kikyou-chan?"
Those were the first words that left Chichi-ue's mouth after we traversed into a grassy plain far away from the others and settled on a log in the middle of the area, most likely dragged there by villagers that quickly grew exhausted and simply left it there. Once the question was left in the air, I realized that I had absolutely no answer to give him except, "I don't know."
He cast an inquiring look, one that bore through me and made me experience an intense guilt. I truly had pondered what went wrong that night, but I have been unable to draw any conclusions. I hoped the wisdom of my father would suffice. His eyes shifted toward the sky and as he spoke, he raised his eyebrows.
"If I can clearly recall, Kikyou's haori was untied when we arrived on a most questionable scene…"
I felt my face gain that familiar temperature. Chichi-ue grinned and I knew it was because I reminded him so much of Haha-ue. "Nothing happened! She untied it herself." I muttered.
"Really?" Chichi-ue leaned forward and drew his brows together in confusion.
I did not know why she had done it at the time, it seemed so…unreasonable. What did she want to show me? I want to understand her, yet it is easy and difficult all the same. Its interesting. There are moments when Imoutou-chan is completely translucent to me, and then there are the times when she is as solid and impenetrable as steel. And cold like it as well.
"Yes…I--um, we…"
"Kohaku." I looked up at Chichi-ue and he calmly asked, "What is happening between the both of you?"
What is happening between us? So much goes misunderstood, so many mixed messages. How and when exactly did it become so complicated? That night when we were cleansing our wounds, underlying emotions that I've struggled to suppress suddenly leapt to the surface, as if responding to her…but I don't want to feel those things. I reason it with the possibility that I've begun to feel that way toward my Imoutou-chan because we spend so much time together. So I wonder whether it is for the better if we cease being so close. I certainly did not welcome the things I felt then. I feel so perverted just thinking of it. How could I have had those thoughts?
"Recently I've noticed the two of you going off all on your own. Before the incident. I hope you weren't doing anything thoughtless…were you?" Chichi-ue reclaimed my attention. He had always taught me to think before my actions, because they can have painful results. I know he would be disappointed if he discovered that I had done anything foolish and reckless.
"No." I looked down at the grass threatening to consume my straw sandals along with my feet. "We would just…talk."
"About what?"
"Any subject we could come up with. We…only wanted to escape from everything for a while. I listened to her and she listened to me. I liked it." I proceeded to lift my downcast head up and grin at my father. He returned it serenely, nodding. "I think…"
Light, ivory clouds merely grazed the sky above our heads, meaning the night skies will be even clearer. Small birds navigated through the air so easily that it appeared they were floating and creating the illusion of flight. It was captivating, and my sentence hung in an abyss for a stilled amount of time, I was so taken by the image. "…it brought us closer together."
Chichi-ue observed me with the same intention that a father would his son. I knew he wanted to know more about this, seeing the impact it had upon me. And he did.
"Did anything out of the ordinary happen during those 'talks'?" he asked, placing his hands inside his sleeves.
I hesitated before answering. "Yes. But, it wasn't completely serious…nothing to be concerned over. First, we talked about--fears. Then, about her." I looked into his eyes, to show him how mature I was in discussing this. "I told her she was beautiful…and she-she…she hugged me."
I was blushing again. "It didn't mean something…I know it. She was simply appreciative. That's all. And then, that night…she cleaned my wounds for me. The ones I was unable to reach. On my back."
"How did she know that you had wounds on your back?" I glanced at Chichi-ue in shock, unable to speak. Of course, I had been the one who removed my garments, but I was worried what he would think if I told him. Yet, I had the pretense that he wouldn't be too upset.
"I took off my robes in front of her…"
He coughed aloud, and sputtered, eyes widened to capacity, "What??"
I immediately had to rethink my words, obviously I hadn't stated things lucidly enough and Chichi-ue heard what he heard, which must have been he believed I got completely naked in front of my Imoutou-chan. "No! I meant just down to my waist! Not all of my robes!" I shouted, hoping he would listen and agree that I had made a simple mistake.
I think he fully translated my blunder, but he chose that moment of respite to tease me mercilessly. Chichi-ue has been the source of fun in our ragtag family since even before I was born, and although some of his jokes reference toward uncomfortable subjects, I welcome them with the closeness of an appreciative son. He is the perfect father and I'm positive he is the greatest husband in the world to my Haha-ue, he treats her like he would be unable to live without her, as if the entire universe revolves around her, like she is his only source of light on this pitiful planet. I hope I will one day be able to find a love equivalent to the one my father and mother share.
He adopted the visage of stern intentions once again, after catching his breath, and sighed before asking gingerly, "Why would you do that in front of her?"
"I wanted to show her that she has nothing to be afraid of. When we talked frequently, she was avoiding vulnerability, and I was trying to show her that it was okay for her to be weak sometimes…"
"Because of course, you were always vulnerable yourself during those long conversations, weren't you?"
One could almost feel the sarcasm saturating from the question. I reached my hand behind my head and gently scratched at an itch I couldn't quite pinpoint. Was I truly as unguarded as I wanted Imoutou-chan to be? But, then again, she is the one having difficulties showing her true self, behind her meager façade of pride and strength, not me. I have no problem admitting that I am weak and that I'm not as strong as I should be when facing this journey, I can admit that I might be afraid of the constant life and death situations. And as for being absolutely open with her, well, I've tried, I did that night, but she pushed me away, claiming I was insulting her intelligence and integrity. All I ever wanted is for her to know we are closer than she thinks, and we can confide in each other whatever we are unable to tell anyone else. I want to be her Nii-san, the one she turns to when all else fails.
"She became angry when you attempted to get her to open herself to you," Chichi-ue said, as a gust of wind blew wisps of dandelion's seeds about us. "and as you were trying to do so, she grew frustrated with you and threw a blunt object at your head and caused you to bleed?"
I rushed to correct him. I didn't want him to capture the wrong impression. Imoutou-chan was not that impulsive, even though she very well can be if she wanted to. "Not exactly. She did become comfortable near me, and then…she asked me to clean the lacerations on her back. She--untied her haori and dropped it down to her lower back. Needless to say, her bindings covered all but her upper back, yet the slashes cut through some of the bandages, so, most of her was…er, revealed."
Chichi-ue's voice grew near-silent when he asked with concentration on his face, "And you did it?"
"Yes." I swallowed against my suddenly dry throat.
He shifted in his seat, the brushing of the fabrics of his robes against the bark sounded louder than ever in my ear. "Kohaku, you felt something while you were close to her. Didn't you?"
"I can't explain it. I-I--she, I was--" my downcast gaze sought his once more in desperation. "She's my Imoutou-chan, and I want to keep it that way, but--but I can't stop the way my breath shortens when I'm near her or my quickening heartbeat and I don't want to feel these things but I do! I just don't know why!"
As I stayed in a frozen position, my nails digging into the wood of the log, my eyes shut, I felt a hand grip my shoulder. Looking up, I saw my Chichi-ue's tranquil smile, rivaling that of Buddha.
"Now, you know how Kikyou feels."
I was surprised by his insight, and the way he sorted things out so easily while the frustration threatened to force me into pulling the hairs from my own head. How is it possible that it could seem so knotty to me, and so simple to him? Not only is he not angry or disappointed, but he also is reasonable with my dilemma, carefully explaining everything to me…through my own emotions. She feels the same as I do. It would be easier for me to decide just what it is that we both feel if he gave me one more hint, though… "When she turned to me with her haori untied, I was scared and…mad. Mad that she--I didn't want to…she was going on about how it shouldn't bother me because I'm her Nii-san and…and--it shouldn't have but it did, and I felt like she was encouraging it…I-I couldn't deal with it all, so I told her… she didn't understand. And I turned my back to her so I wouldn't see…and then, her breathing got heavy, as if she was going to cry…so I was about to turn around to see what was wrong, but before I was able to do so, I felt the alcohol bottle hit the back of my head and--I was a fool to think she was crying…er, she was actually more angry than I was."
Chichi-ue chuckled beside me, taking his hand off my shoulder to place it inside his sleeve. "Well, you should have expected that much. Kikyou-chan is very much like Inuyasha. Too bold to show any inhibitions.
"But, to be honest with you, Kohaku, it is all your fault that she is refusing to talk to you and your relationship with her is severed," he humbly announced. I frowned. That's not right. I was trying to protect her. When he saw the tumult within me translated onto my face, he elaborated. "My son, surely you cannot deny that you sent mixed messages to her the entire time you two have been bonding more. Your conflicting feelings were affecting Kikyou as well. She only went along with whatever you felt, what you did, since she always secretly looked toward you to decide what was right and what was wrong. Then, when you began to gain unfamiliar emotions, she was as well, and as you were confused by them, she was just as confused by the messages you sent out toward her unconsciously. And when you turned your back on her and deliberately told her she didn't understand, you basically announced to the world what she denied to see within herself. She doesn't understand what she is feeling just as much as you aren't, and for you to say that she didn't understand while you clearly don't…well that was not exactly fair."
His eyes trailed along the horizon ahead of us, dreamily. "You know she is insecure about the age gap between you two and the distance that is constantly getting in your way and growing persistently, and it is all new to her…she has been around you ever since she was born, if I am correct. And you solidified the fact of that by giving her the idea that you knew more than her about how she felt than she did. It hurt her when you created an even larger obstacle for her to climb to reach you, and left her alone in her confusion. It is new to her, the emotions revealing themselves, and she was afraid of them, yet she wanted to explore them, and she assumed you would do the same…but you didn't. You made her assume you thought her tasteless and vulgar, and the hurt worsened, so she lashed out at you for…ultimately, leaving her in a state of excitement, confusion and pain."
My mouth hung open in astonishment, reviewing each and every word my Chichi-ue said, staring at the forest bordering the plains we retreated to while I processed the new-found information. Then I regained control over my senses, and asked, still looking into the distance, "Chichi-ue…what do I do? How do I make these feelings go away?"
And he slowly stood up and grabbed the shakujo that had lied idly next to him on the log while we talked, the familiar instrumental sounds it made while the gold rings slid and touched each other calming me into a sense of security, and I automatically knew what needed to be done before my father ever spoke a word, the solution reaching me from a realm beyond, that sought to make everything right again. He looked down at me and smiled, saying, "This is something you must deal with on your own."
I came to my feet as well, breathing in a deep gust of air. He took two steps back toward where everyone else was waiting for us to return before stopping and looking over his shoulder at me, smiling wide in good spirits.
"Just remember this, Kohaku. There is no right or wrong answer to this. Only chance. You take a chance, whatever it may be, and hope it was for the best. Know that I believe in you and support you fully and sincerely."
It meant a great deal to hear such sagacious advice from my father, and to know that he trusted me without doubt, trusted my integrity as a man…it motivated my decision all the more, and my admiration for him grew, if possible.
And as we walked back to our little ragtag family, Chichi-ue ahead of me, I looked back at the log in the middle of the plain, where it was left alone and forgotten, far from those that understood it. Somehow, I felt that it had finally found its purpose in the world, and it had been waiting for me to realize it as well. That log was the thing that passed down a father's advice to his son, and later that night, it would be the catalyst of bringing a brother and sister back together after a wait that seemed like forever.
... ...
As predicted, the night sky was celestial in its beauty, clear and lucid as the crystals that suspended the moon on heaven's plate, shining down on all of us as we sat in a circle around the fire before us, blazing and hopeful in my eyes, even though my situation looked far from hopeful, with Imoutou-chan sitting as far away from me as possible, next to Inuyasha and Kagome. Shippou-san sat near Chichi-ue, Haha-ue and I, boasting about how he should have never joined up with them on the journey they went on before I was born to defeat Naraku, saying that if he hadn't, he would be relaxing in some old grandma's house because she wanted to adopt him for his cuteness and lovability, although I'm certain that lovability is not a strong suit of his when he calls Inuyasha an idiot when he roughhouses him.
"Yeah right, if you hadn't met up with us you ungrateful little punk, you'd probably be leftover bones from some youkai's dinner!" Inuyasha shot back, grabbing at the beef hanging above the fire and checking to see if it was done, then savagely biting into it, waving the stick it was on in front of Shippou's face to represent his bones, I suppose.
Kirara stood up in my lap, disturbed by the loud cackling and laughter coming from everyone, her ears now at attention, but she took a glance around and seemed annoyed that it was only a false alarm and went back to curling up into the ball she was in before all the calamity stirred her, purring as I stroked her fur to let her know it was okay. I looked across the fire at Imoutou-chan, who, besides myself, was not laughing. She actually didn't even give the semblance of a smile as she sat there, concentration etched onto her face as she examined her mother's bow and arrows, every now and then placing her enhanced spiritual energy into them so that they illuminated slightly with an ethereal glow, but soon flickered out afterward and her frustration showed through her increased grip on the weapons. Before long I would have to ask her in my honest and most apologetic tone of voice to take a walk with me; the pressure of the long awaited moment building up inside of me. I expected she would ignore me, to which I would continue to plead with her until she became so aggravated that she would turn around and punch me in the nose, knocking me unconscious. But then again, she might just scowl at me and walk away and I would get the message without having to be hurt in the process. But I will go along with my plan, even if she decided not to talk to me, at least I could say I tried. And I'll keep on trying, no matter what, until I get my Imoutou-chan back.
While eating my meal for the night, I couldn't stop my erratic breathing as the time for action grew nearer and closer, my Haha-ue came up to me once to ask if I was all right and I reassured her that I was just fine and maybe it was the smoke from the fire that irritated me a bit. I had to catch her alone and without everyone else around, and Chichi-ue offered to assist me with that, joking that he would somehow find some reason to keep Inuyasha and Kagome out of the way long enough into the night that they would have to turn in to bed, and after that he could easily find a way to keep Haha-ue at bay. I winced at the thought of just what he was referring to, but I am glad that he was so eager to help me, since I'm going to need all the help I can get.
I suggest that Imoutou-chan is going to retreat into the wilderness around us to practice, as she has been doing in her free time since she cut all connections with me whatsoever, and I think that will be the best time to ask her for her patience and benevolence. I smirked outwardly at how naïve I can be, as to use benevolence and Imoutou-chan in the same sentence…it is quite far-fetched. All I can do is hope she'll humor me at least.
When Chichi-ue caught my eye and his immediately darted in another direction, I didn't realize that he was signaling me until I noticed how quiet it had become; the silence of exhaustion from so much conversation and laughter had settled on us; and followed his gaze to Imoutou-chan leaning towards Kagome and saying she was going off on her own. I watched her get up and walk into the forest as Inuyasha shouted, "Be careful, don't let your guard down!" and she waved a hand in reply.
I know there is a rule to pursuing another to be alone with them discreetly, but I really wanted to get it over with, to say my first words to her in weeks, so I hastily stood up in front of everyone, not thinking or remembering Kirara quaintly sleeping in my lap, and she growled after being unknowingly dropped to the ground for no reason, which drew more attention to myself and caused Haha-ue to berate me for treating Kirara so poorly, and Shippou, Kagome, Inuyasha and Chichi-ue stared in confusion as I stood there underneath the eyes of everyone I know, the pressure of it all causing me to blush mercilessly. Now they really knew what my purpose was, and I could barely form a complete sentence to explain myself.
"I was seeing if the--er, tr-trees, s-s-said…uh, fire."
That didn't even make any sense! I can't believe I'm a complete fool, so much so that I am unable to speak correctly! I saw the puzzled look of Haha-ue as she was most likely wondering why her son was speaking gibberish, the confusion of Kagome as she tipped her head to the side at me and asked, clearly audible, "Um, Kohaku…what?"
I swallowed and looked at everyone, noting Inuyasha's frown, angry at how foolish I am. I caught Chichi-ue's pitying stare and decided it was best for me to just be on my way, so I carefully but quickly walked around the circle they were sitting in and kept my head down until I was on the path Imoutou-chan had treaded just moments earlier, and only then did I stop to register the embarrassment of what had occurred. How could I have been so idiotic? I let my head fall back and looked at the sky in humiliation. Feeling a soft ball of fur curl around my ankle, I glanced down and Kirara cocked her head, sitting back on her hind legs and meowing.
"I'm sorry for dropping you, Kirara. But I suppose you were satisfied to see me humiliate myself in front of everyone." She meowed again, then proceeded to nudge me with her nose. "Was it that bad?"
Her answer was quite clear as she looked at me, sniffed the ground and walked ahead. Obviously she wished to change the subject. "Well, is that Imoutou-chan's scent you've got there?" Her purr I took as a yes. "Good. Oh, and thank you for not rubbing it in."
I put faith in her as she led me through the thicket, snaking through low-hanging branches and trudging through a sea of fallen leaves that looked impossible to have come off the branches on their own, and analyzing them as I followed Kirara allowed me to see the lacerations and slashes through a few of the twigs, clean, precision sharp cuts, evidently Imoutou-chan had been practicing on these innocent trees. Eventually, I thought, Kirara would catch a stronger scent trail from her, if she hadn't gone too far, and I whispered a small word of encouragement to Kirara, pleaded with her…and I finally heard the soft, yet clearly audible sounds of an arrow slicing the air two different ways. Kirara must have heard it as well, her ears standing on end and a delighted meow coming from her upon her knowing that she had successfully found whom she had been looking for. And I was just as delighted as her, if for a single second, because as soon as I was filled with the courage to call out to my Imoutou-chan, my mouth open, an arrow came soaring in my direction. I saw it coming in the distance, a bright, diamond shaped glint far ahead of me, but I had no idea it was actually directed at myself until it came closer in the space of a heart-beat, aimed at my forehead, and my innate ability to automatically react to dire situations was the only reason I twisted my waist, sending my upper body completely to one side and narrowly avoiding the arrow, seeing it pass one centimeter before my eyes and cut the first layer of skin on the bridge of my nose, sailing off until it collided into the trunk of a nearby tree. If I had moved a little later, I'd be dead.
So Imoutou-chan still was in no mood to even see me or hear me, in fact, she wanted me dead. Very far from taking a walk with me. But I have to at least try to talk to her, and I can't run away for the mere fact that she tried to kill me, so after regaining my composure and urging Kirara to relax; although she was unable to, for she was riled by Imoutou-chan's attempt to injure me, yet at the same time she was loathe to attack her; I wanted to proceed.
"Now, now, Kirara. It's okay." I whispered, and the hairs on her back settled, her stance returning to normal. After taking several steps and not being assaulted by a barrage of projectiles, I decided to walk in the direction from which the arrow had come, hearing the dull noises of impact into bark, and as I peered around the trunk of an oak sapling, I saw her. The look of deliberation, her poised stance, muscles tight with anticipation, as compelling a warrior as any man could ever hope to become. Her fingers gripped at the arrow straining against the taut string of the bow, her knuckles pale as her fist clenched the bow and it attained that supernatural aura once more; at the exact moment it did she released it, and it appeared so lyrical to me, the flow of her body movements, her fingertips releasing the arrow, her form suspended in time as it soared before her and hit its mark, the celestial embers burning the tree-bark and expelling. She didn't move for a long spell of quiet, in the same position until I came forward from my hiding place, drawing in a deep breath and standing a few feet across from her with Kirara scratching behind her ear with her hind leg. But I stayed still as she did, determined.
Suddenly her eyes shot toward me, anger brewing within them at my presence. She did not allow them to waver, even as her stance shifted and she stood gripping the bow in her right hand and her left hand indolently at her side. Narrowing her eyes slightly, she acknowledged me with contempt. I didn't let that stop me. Something inside me burst forth to show its face to her, dancing at the sight of her, and a piece of the gap I felt was restored. I longed for more, and unwound my tense shoulders.
"Imoutou-chan…Hi." I said, with renewed confidence.
She failed to answer for at least five minutes; I felt her eyes on the cut at my nose. Contrary to what I thought, she did not turn her back to me or glance away and resume whatever task she wanted to do next before I interrupted, she didn't ignore me either. Actually, she scowled and spoke her first words to me in weeks.
"What are you doing here?"
It wasn't what I had been hoping for, but it was a rather…generous start. The creatures of the night moved around us, and I took care to note this, in case a certain demon discovered that Kohaku and Kikyou were actually alone and seemingly unarmed and jumped on an opportunity to gain the non-existent omnipotence that Maburoshi had promised them if they happened to do the impossible and exact our death. It may seem intense but I have gotten used to that sixth sense. Other than that, my full attention is upon her, her glare, the anger pouring forth from them. It felt like I had traveled into the past for a while and it was the beginning of our siblinghood once again. Except that the anger was pure and undeterred, and the scoff she gave after my response was not only mocking, but swift and hurtful. "I have no where else to go."
The scoff left her and cut through my defenses with a painful swing. She turned away from me and walked over to the tree she had been practicing on. I watched silently as she rubbed the stripped area where the bark had apparently been burnt away. Kirara sounded off in the darkness, urging me to press on, not to give up or be discouraged, and I thanked her for it and her large capacity to easily comprehend human situations.
Imoutou-chan is waiting for me to make my move, somewhere deep inside, begging me to make things right again. Or, she could be holding herself back from really killing me and inwardly scolding herself for missing the first time. Whatever she happened to be thinking, I sufficiently disturbed them by awkwardly saying in a small voice that seemed foreign to me, "I-I want to talk with you, and I'm asking, well-er, um, b-begging for you to walk…with me, pl-please."
She froze, her chest rising and falling in slow repetitive motions and her stare engrossed on her hand flat against the trunk of the tree. An owl perched high above us left in a tumult of flapping wings and falling leaves.
"Why should I waste my time on a person like you?" she sneered.
Why should she waste her time on me? After what I did to her, how much pain I caused her, why should she put faith in me again, at the risk that the same thing might happen once more? I didn't have an answer to it, after so much reviewing over what I would say or do, my mind went blank. I want her to trust me. But I just have no idea why she should.
"I don't know." I answered. "I…well, there's-there's--I…" I sighed and looked into Imoutou-chan's eyes, allowing her to feel my anguish. "Please."
Imoutou-chan glanced at me briefly, then quickly shifted to Kirara to resist. Her hand clenched into a tight fist against the tree and I knew within myself that I had penetrated some aspect of her reasoning as the rapid eye movement signaled her ambiguity on whether or not to accept my plea. My heart sank as she hastily turned away, uncertainty riddled in the two steps she took to further expand the distance between us, my shoulders wilted and the breath I had been unconsciously saving escaped its prison inside my lungs as she walked farther without a word, and I turned as well in the other direction, defeated.
"Come, Kirara." I groaned at the nekomata who called after Imoutou-chan in a small cry. She doesn't want anything to do with us anymore, Kirara. And I am the one to blame.
And then the sound of bare feet treading upon dried leaves stopped. I adjusted my course and saw her standing there, a silhouette in the night, and heard the shaky breath that stirred the air. She reluctantly walked to me, eyes downcast and darting to wherever I was not.
"Fine." she said, and I could hardly suppress the off-kilter grin threatening to break across my face.
My spirits soared amongst the gods as we walked toward the grassy plain, my mind focused on the deserted log that would bring us together, everything had a certain significance, the sky, the moon, the ground we treaded upon. I was instantly appreciative of all that surrounded us, not even Imoutou-chan's preoccupied expression could dampen my mood. I took note of her unsure countenance, absorbed in watching Kirara chase after an insect that feared for its life, then switching to obsess over the intricate design of heaven's plate, and then analyzing the texture of the ground and continuously repeating the act.
Thankfully, we reached our destination before the silence of our excursion became uneasy, and when I caught a glimpse of her tentative appearance changing into a stricken one, I was confused until looking out at the expanse before us. The stars from above shone down onto the surface where we stood, making it seem as though we floated on an endless celestial sea, the infinite blades of grass harboring a neon tint of blue that shone crystalline in both our eyes. I looked at her again, and feeling as though the gods had rearranged the aspect of space and reality for this night, I led her to that log drifting along in the oceanic vastness surrounding us, pristine in its newfound beauty.
I took my place on the surface of the log first, Imoutou-chan suffused in the miraculous sight and quietly sat down to my right, her body directed away from me, a common sign that she was uncomfortable. Kirara settled at our feet, curling into a snug ball of fur after mewing respectively. The meow must have meant something, although I began to question my sanity, I was interpreting a neko's yawn of satisfaction and dissecting it to figure its contents in an effort to assist me in my current situation, but she is curiously intelligent for what it is worth…While I reasoned with myself, I saw Imoutou-chan shifting in her seat and her ocher eyes turned upward, observing the stars rather patiently, I might add, but in a stir of a moment's rest I caught the telltale twitch of her eyebrows into a brief yet all too visible frown, and the intolerant sigh I knew all too well that expressed her annoyance.
Abandoning the unimportant question of the balance of my mind, I rushed to calm her irritation. "I-Its beautiful out this night, isn't it?" I stuttered.
"Whatever." she replied coolly.
I could no longer fend off the inevitable. "I'm sorry." I said in my misery, leaning forward on my forearms resting at my knees.
"I--I thought that…us being closer to one another would b-be the best thing to do in our sit-situation, but as I put a façade before myself, making myself believe that I--" Kirara's side swelled softly with her breathing and relaxed ever so often and for some reason it intrigued me. "I believed that I was--we were equals in each others eyes. Cast to the same fate. And yet, I created an illusory void by unconsciously thinking of you as I saw you then…bold and only understanding the ways of battle, hiding yourself from others to protect and preserve. And I put myself above you in that sense, and-and when I said you didn't understand…I was only trying to protect my--"
"In other words, you acted like a stupid, dumbass, fucking piece of shit."
Imoutou-chan's rigid voice rang out in the darkness, cutting my speech short and causing me to look at her, flabbergasted. She eyed me intently and continued in the inflexible tone she had started in. "You don't understand. You don't understand. Well, you know what, maybe I don't understand. I don't understand you or this or most of the things that happen in this stupid life but there are a lot of things that you aren't even close to understanding about me, and I never, ever rubbed it in your stinkin' face." She stood and towered over me. "I'm nobody's charity case, and not everyone needs your high and mighty wisdom, especially me. So just to make this clear, you're lucky I even considered speaking to a rat like you, who's soo enlightened and soo morally correct, that thinks he's too good to drift along the land of us mortals. While I was alone, I had a damn good life without you in it, and I could very well go on the same path, and--and I hope you know that not once did I miss you. Okay? I didn't miss anything about you, in fact I was glad I didn't have to deal with your bullshit anymore…"
I was struck by an intense guilt at the strain of her voice struggling to keep its stiff tone, yet involuntarily changing to an unsteady one that wobbled at times. I kept my eyes on hers as I said, timidly, "I missed you."
She paused and held me in her iris. Her eyebrows lifted and fell at her attempt to maintain composure, her anger clearly overwhelming her. "What's happening? Why doesn't anyone explain anything to me? Everything I say in my head to sort out my thoughts doesn't make sense! And its your fault! You messed it all up, saying you wanna be closer and we need to stay together through all this crap!"
Sitting back down, she looked at me with all solemnity. I cleared my throat, reminding myself of Chichi-ue. "I just wanted to be your Nii-san and be there for you. But, I began to feel things that I didn't understand as well…and I--"
"How do you think I felt? With these stupid feelings, feelings, feelings!! And I didn't know what they were, or how to get rid of them!" she shouted, keeping her eyes to the grass in front of us being blown by the wind. I was somewhat surprised that Chichi-ue had been correct on all facets, and shocked at the spur of the moment in which Imoutou-chan poured her emotions out to me, that in a small sense she had been experiencing the same feelings as I. A deep connection, one I am unable to describe surfaced between us, inundated us in the solace of a final true understanding.
"To tell you the truth, I don't understand any of this as well, any of these…but what I do know is that we can't get rid of them. We can only continue on in life and hope that in time, we do learn to understand those feelings, ultimately make the choice as to what to do with them, and hope that it was for the better."
I glanced up at the sky to welcome the illuminate stars dotting the sky as crystals on a navy backdrop, clusters dazzling in their beauty and magnificence. The moon displayed her full face through the twilight and struck a nerve within my spirit, lifting me untamed toward what might be, enveloped in the supernatural aura it provided. And I looked to the one beside me, observing my actions and bearing into me, her ebony hair and the soft angles of her face highlighted by the wraithlike sapphire glow of the stars. The auburn of her iris appeared swathed in a cerulean hue, and as her eyes shook over my countenance, the colors mixed and mingled into each other, rendering a breathtaking sight more brilliant than anything I have ever seen in the world.
"Nii-san…" she whispered, and smiled. "I guess…I'm kinda…glad that you're my big brother."
With that said, she became flustered, and it was almost not visible in the night, but I glimpsed the rosy pink forming on her cheeks. A blush! She blushed! I rushed to address this, after years of intolerable teasing for my frequent uncontrollable blush, but was interrupted when my Imoutou-chan moved closer to me, her body pressing against mine, allowing me to feel her warmth, and gently laid her head on my shoulder. The fresh, forest scent of her hair rose up to my nose and engulfed me in a pleasant feeling, one that I welcomed, that filled my heart with a happiness I hadn't known until now, and I looked up at the sky again with a genuine smile.
"And you are my Imoutou-chan. I am so proud to be your Nii-san…and I hope it always stays that way."
We resided as we were for at least an hour or so when Kirara suddenly awoke with newly restored energy and stood at our feet, meowing respectively. Then a scene from our childhood became vivid in my memory, Imoutou-chan frowning when I asked her if she wanted to take a ride on Kirara and waving a hand in dismissal, stating with boldness, "I don't need to ride on some neko! I can find something better to do than get a birds eye view of the same trees we see every day."
"Hey, Kirara," I ventured, her ears automatically perked at the sound of her name. "what do you say to taking Imoutou-chan and I on a quick flying trip?"
Imoutou-chan sat up and I watched as Kirara voiced her delight, taking stance and suddenly being engulfed in bright, crimson flames, the small kitten gone from sight and once the blaze was extinguished, a massive nekomata with shimmering fangs protruding from her upper jaw taking its place. I stood and walked up to her, scratching her neck and eliciting a purr of contentment, which was my way of thanking her for allowing me to mount her back. I held out my hand for Imoutou-chan to grasp onto; she gave a false scoff and smirked. "Well, I guess I've got no where else to go."
I grinned at her irony, capturing her amazingly small hand in mine and helping her climb onto Kirara behind me. And we took into the sky that had seemed so unreachable before, Kirara's strides moderate and graceful yet powerful and immediate at the same time, causing Imoutou-chan to grasp my robes to prevent her falling off. The wind rushed through my ears and blocked any hopes of hearing sound, my hair and bangs blew from my face, the dampness of my eyes disappeared. Even though I have seen the ground below me from the altitude we happened to be at the time, it never looked so clear before, the air was pure and crisp to my sense of taste.
Soon, as our time in flight grew, so did Imoutou-chan's exhaustion, which surprised me because I usually am the weaker one, and I was absolutely wide awake with energy; but I did not complain or give a start when she rested her head on my back and drifted off to a realm of dreams and possibilities. In fact, I glanced back at her gentle quiescent face and smiled to myself, then looked to the horizon brimming over with new light and knew I would never be as filled with inexplicable emotions as I was right now.
A/N: Interesting...this chapter was intended to delve further into the conflicting emotions for both Kikyou and Kohaku, even though it was from Kohaku-san's point of view. This author also wanted to show how these two teenagers still turn to their parents for support, and such parents guide their children in the right direction, but in Miroku's style of parenting, he does not control. He allows Kohaku-san to make his own choice, after he led his son to the crossroads and that admirable quality of the monk was what this writer was trying to express. Sango, Kagome and Inuyasha will get their turns in brandishing their parenting skills later on in the story, because this author believes they should not be excluded save for a few parting words only because they have already gone through their teenage diificulties. theworldsgreatest01 seeks to include every single character as contributing to the growth of these special two. And so, Kohaku-san and Kikyou-chan reach amends...but closeness can not only bring familiarity, but romance as well. And...jealousy, of course. We do have the daughter of Inuyasha here. And even though they both are only connected on a sibling basis, one does not believe that when Kohaku-san begins to get attention from the opposite sex, that Kikyou-chan will be able to share...or will she be having her own time to "find herself" in the arms of another. One must wonder how Kohaku-san will react...theworldsgreatest01 thanks you for reading! Please review. Please!