This is the old chapter 8 and no I'm not sorry.

- Chapter 9 -

Ginoza

Ow… My head…

The intense pounding in my head is the first thing that greets me as I regain consciousness. My vision is a bit blurry when I opened my eyes but they quickly adjust this time when compared to earlier but the lack of lighting is definitely helping-.

A sudden dread takes over my core as I feel my stomach churn and my heart skipped a beat when I realized that I'm now lying on a soft mattress and that I'm no longer on that cod hard table and my wrists are no longer being restraint by the thick leather straps but never the less they are still wrapped in bandages and I can still feel a light throbbing from the cuts I had caused myself when I had tried to get out of my restraints earlier.

With a sudden freedom in the strange sense, I can't help but feel an ever growing anxiety within me and it only keeps getting bigger and bigger by the passing seconds. I know for me this can't be good and I should try to flee for my life and yet I don't dare to move a muscle, not that I could do so even if I wanted to.

My body isn't listening to my mind; it doesn't want to move no matter how many times I keep telling myself that I should I just can't. I'm completely frozen in place and I have to take in deep breaths to help calm myself down but even doing that is extremely difficult right now while my mind keeps racing in my head.

From what I can see by only shifting my eyes to look around as much as I can without moving, I'm no longer in the same room as before and only that alone is enough to make me feel even more uneasy as the old fears from earlier quickly starts to creep up on me again.

The darken room doesn't help to make me feel any better but after a few minutes I can finally move my limbs. The strength in my arms have somehow returned as I slowly dare lift myself unto my knees as I shake my head in hopes of fully waking myself up but it did little good. The only thing I got was the shock of realizing that I'm no longer wearing anything anymore when suddenly I get shoved back down hard unto my stomach.

I try to force myself to get up again but every time I try I just get more pressure shoved onto my back by a large warm hand and I feel another starting to touch my inner thigh sending shivers down my spine.

"Every part of your body Nobuchika is as soft as a baby's."

Panic suddenly took over my body as I tried frantically to get away, to turn around, to crawl out of his grasp but to no avail I just couldn't fight him no matter how hard I tried and the more I struggled he just added more of his weight onto my back until I just couldn't move anymore.

His hand slowly trails from my thigh to my lower back all the way up to my shoulder. Applying pressure while the hand pressing in the middle of my back trails to my other shoulder as he shifts his body to cover mine as he applied more pressure on my shoulders making me sink a bit further into the mattress.

No, I don't want this. I know what's happening, what he'll do to me as I feel my eyes starting to burn and all I can do is nothing as I'm forced to lie still. I can't stop him and that's the most frightening part and yet somehow in any minute Kougami will show up and stop him, he'll beat him up like he always does and everything will finally be over but I know he won't.

I feel his chest pressing against my back, his legs wrapped around mine to prevent me from kicking out of his hold and his breath onto my neck followed by a sudden sharp pain. The same as before and I know that he's biting me again but this time the pain is more intense as I feel something warm drip down my shoulder. It has to be blood, my blood mixed with his disgusting saliva.

His tongue sends more shivers down my spine and every touch he does just wants to make my skin crawl.

I want him off me; I want him to stop touching me! I want him to stop, to just get off me and to stop but no matter how I keep struggling under his weight, I can't escape nor does he stop. Instead it fuels him to continue more and more.

I think my mind is going crazy, nothing is properly function and everything is spinning out of control as I try to scream but I can't find my voice to do so. To scream for him to get off me, to stop but I can't. All that comes out of my mouth are only pathetic and embarrassing whimpers.

"Let me hear more of that sweet voice of yours." He whispers into my ear, his breath sticking to my skin as he presses a solid hand unto my back and then I feel a sudden rush of intense pain throughout my body as if I was being torn in two, as if I'm being strangled the breath out of me.

His hands quickly shift places from my back to my hips as his fingers dig into my skin causing further pain as he starts thrusting into me without any mercy sending more waves of jolting pain by the second with each thrust.

"You're so tight Nobuchika, I can barely fit." He states and I can't help but feel like he's mocking me, making fun of what he's doing to me.

Pain, I can't bare this pain anymore! It's unbearable! I want him to stop but he doesn't and instead he just continues to thrust even harder causing even more pain as I feel warm liquid starting to drip down my thighs and I can't hold in my screams anymore.

I didn't want to give in to his satisfaction, I didn't want him to hear me in pain but I can't take it anymore, I just can't do it and all I can do is scream in pain as tears start rolling down my cheeks begging him to stop. Begging him to let me go but he doesn't answer and instead for an answer I received his disgusting moaning as he intensifies his thrusts sending more waves of pain throughout my body.

I bury my face in the mattress, trying to silence my cries when I feel a hand grasp at my neck pulling me backwards forcing my body to stand on my knees while his other hand presses against my chest as he continues to thrust and moan into my ear. Like he's doing on purpose, that he wants me to hear him clearly to further add to his torments upon me.

"That's right let me hear more as I imprint myself into your purity." He pants into my ear before sucking on my neck and slowly going down to my shoulder taking another bite into my skin as I let out another cry.

It hurts; it hurts so bad, I can't take it anymore. The more he thrusts into me with such force the jolting pains only keep on increasing and now constructing my airway with his hand I can barely breathe and yet for some reason my body is getting hotter and hotter. I feel like I'm suffocating inside.

He brutally forces me back face first into the mattress, holding my head sideways as he moans into my ear and his thrusts are becoming faster and harder until I feel something hot fill me inside.

He slows down his last thrusts before coming out, violently turning me around and although I want to fight him, to try and push him away from me I no longer have any strength in me to fight back right now. Breathing is already hard as it is and it's all I seem to able to manage at the moment.

My body hurts, I never thought it was possible to hurt this much. Everything hurts and yet I feel hollow inside, I don't know why. I'm angry but my fear overtakes the anger and I know I should fight but I can't do it. Why? I keep asking myself the same question over and over again as more tears roll down my cheeks and yet I can't move. I want to but I can't, I'm afraid… This man scares me.

His dark eyes locked on to me, starring like he's a predator and I'm the prey with a sick grin on his face before pressing his lips onto mine forcing his tongue into my mouth and all of a sudden my reaction is to try and push him away but to no avail as he simply just grabs my wrists and pining them next to my head before pulling away from my mouth, liking his lips with his eyes still locked on me.

"Thank you Nobuchika for giving me your virginity." He tells me with another grin plastered on his face.

He releases my wrists as he hoists my legs up and waste little time entering me again, thrusting with even more force than before sending even more pain through my body all over again and my reaction was immediately to try and push at his stomach but that did little good to stop him and only made him chuckle at my pathetic attempt to get him off me. Instead he seemed to rather enjoy it that I had touched him to further disgust me out as he continued to torture me.

What he had said, thanking me for having given myself to him that I gave him my virtue… I didn't give it; he took it against my own will. No matter how much I begged him to stopped, he didn't stop. Just like he's doing right now, it's humiliating and with each thrust he does I hate myself for not being able to fight him; I hate myself for being so weak…

I feel so weak… It could be because of all the blood he took from me before and maybe from all the pain he's caused me within the few minutes since I woke up but I can't stop this man. I can't stop him to protect myself and all I can do is shut my eyes and cry out in pain for what felt like forever until he finally came again and got off me.

I opened my eyes rather beaten as I watched him casually walk away to a wooden chair in the corner, taking some clothes off of it and then placing the fabric next to me before taking a seat on the chair and just watched me. His eyes starring with intensity and at that moment I could have sworn they looked like that of a hungry wolf stalking its prey.

"Put it on before I attack you again, you're so irresistible." He tells me as he licks his lips like an hungry beast and although I don't have the energy to barely move I somehow managed to sit up and grab what he gave me which looks like an old patient's robe in my shaking hands putting it on as fast as I could while he watched.

My trembling fingers gave me trouble to button up the robe but after a few minutes it was properly put on and although he's still there, with this on it helps to make me feel less vulnerable and yet it's just something that can be easily ripped off. This robe won't protect me…

He gets up and walks slowly towards me and I can't help but back away, my back against the cold wall but never able to look away from him as he reached for a chain that was hooked against the wall near the bed and cuffed my left ankle before grabbing the back of my head, pressing his lips against mine and with the other hand he squeezed onto my jaw to force me to open my mouth just so he could force his tongue into my mouth again.

I felt like I was going to be sick as he kept circling his around mine a few times before pulling away and with that he got dressed, got out from this cell closing the barred door behind him and left the room with a small black box, leaving me to my own in this darkness.

The pounding in my head mixes with my aching body and I'm left here starring at this godforsaken room which has clearly been prepped for a while now. A single room but divided with iron bars and on my side there has been an added bathroom for me to use but with no door to hide and on the other side of the bars is a bed, a dresser and a small night table.

Exactly how long have I been held captive here? I don't know. It feels like I've lost track of time a long time ago. I've lost track of time when I was getting my blood taken out of me, I would lose conscious here and there and every time I'd wake I'd feel more and more disoriented and now I'm just lost and after what just happened I don't know what I feel.

Dirty… I feel dirty…

I get up from the bed as I quickly try to run towards the bathroom and not a moment too soon as I start throwing up in the toilet and then a second time as I pant to regain my composure for a few seconds. When I no longer feel nauseous I flush the toilet and drag my feet back to the bed that is stained in fresh spots of blood on the white fitted sheet. Not far from the blood I can see some whitish substance and I have to stop thinking about it as my nausea tries to come back but nothing comes up.

I crawl to the corner of the bed, before burying my face into my knees as more tears come. Something I never wanted to do ever again and yet I can't stop them from coming. All I want is to go home. I want Dime to wake me up in the morning like he always does and I want everything to be how it used to be.

His disgusting moaning is all I can hear, it's stuck inside of my head; even though he's no longer here I can still hear him and I can still feel him touching my skin.

No matter how hard I tried to struggle to free myself I just couldn't, I'm just not strong enough… He's bigger and stronger than I am, I just don't stand a chance against him no matter what I do.

With that second bed in here I know he'll sleep right there later when he'll come back. He'll be watching everything I'll do and when I'll sleep… He's going to force himself on me again and again and just the thought of it scares me. I'm not sure I can bare it next time. I'd rather have my blood extracted from me than this, getting beaten up would still be better than having that man forcing himself on me.

It hurts, when he entered me it felt like my whole body wanted to rip apart. I hated every bit of it and yet… I… I came… I hated it all, it was so painful but my body didn't react how I felt. I'm disgusted at myself for what my body did and all I want right now is dad. I'd give anything just to be able to talk to him. I need him…

I lie on my side, my back against the wall holding my knees closer to my stomach but it didn't help to reduce the pain, only the coolness of the wall helps a little to sooth the pain on my back.

He seemed so proud to have violated me, proud that he was the first to do what he did to me… Does that really mean that I'm no longer pure? My grandparents were highly religious and after mom died, I had to live with them so I had to conform to their rules. Not that it was anything extreme but grandmother had made me vow that I would not lie with someone until I married. That the act itself was sacred and should only be shared by two individual until death… It wasn't my fault, I know that but it doesn't remove this pain.

How is my hue right now? So much for trying not to get it clouded for all those years… If it looks like how I feel it must be pretty bad. I can just imagine what other people would say, to hear about me. Senior inspector Nobuchika Ginoza having become a latent criminal just like his father, it was to be expected but no with my luck the dominator will go into eliminator mode and that will be it… At this rate death would be better than this but I don't want to die for something so stupid.

It doesn't take long for the exhaustion to start taking over; all I want to do is sleep and never wake up again. My eyes start to get heavy as I try to fight it but what's the use and I just give in…

There I have modified the infamous chapter of the fic. I think it came out better than the old one. What do you guys think was it good enough? lol

No I'm not sorry for this one lol.