What Love Is
By Semerket
Chapter 13: Date Night
They managed to keep a low profile at the restaurant- 'low' for them, anyway. Ivy didn't care what kind of restaurant so long as it was inappropriately expensive. Ivy had worn an elegant midnight green dress that went well with her impossibly green eyes. She had also hidden her green complexion for the evening. It wouldn't do for the police to crash their date before dessert. Harley had surprised her with a scandalously sexy black cocktail dress, with a crimson trim. Of course, money was no option when you had a male waiter that could be convinced that dinner was on the house.
The restaurant that Ivy selected had turned out to serve mostly Italian and seafood. Ivy had opted for a Caesar salad and Harley had ordered everything with a 'funny name.' The dinner date had gone remarkably well and even managed to be romantic. The only thing that could have made it more romantic was if they had sucked spaghetti together like a couple of cartoon dogs.
Then it was off for the second portion of their night: the Iceberg Lounge. Ivy's goal was to make Harley feel cherished and appreciated tonight. Oh, who was she kidding? This wasn't just about a night on the town to make Harley feel good; she could have achieved the same effect with a box of crayons and a slide whistle. This was about providing a visual confirmation that Harley was indeed hers now.
After leaving the restaurant, it had been a small matter for Ivy to draw in an unsuspecting limo driver and kiss him.
There were two entrances into the Iceberg Lounge. There was the main entrance in the front of the establishment that faced the street. This is where a long line of people, desperate for entry, waited to get in. Most of the Oswald's rogue clientele used the 'other' main entrance, or as they liked to call it, the 'real' entrance, which was cleverly disguised in a large side alley. The only way a person would notice a door is because two of Penguin's henchmen were always standing guard outside.
"Stop here." Ivy commanded her love slave.
The driver immediately followed her command as he pulled up and let them out. "Park across the street and wait for us."
"Anything for you, Ivy." He said dreamily.
Turning her attention back to her date, the redhead extended her arm to her companion. "Shall we?"
Harley latched onto Ivy's arm happily. Mistah J never took her anywhere nice unless they were going to do something nefarious there. Ivy and Harley approached the two henchmen. They were both wearing tuxedos and looking horribly out of place in the filthy side alley.
One of the henchmen bowed slightly and addressed them, "Good evening ladies. Welcome to the Iceberg Lounge. Mr. Cobblepot will be delighted to see you." The other one held open the door as they walked inside. The 'real' entrance led directly into the Lounge's VIP area, allowing his high profile clientele to bypass the first level and any unwanted media attention. Most of them did have active arrest warrants after all.
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"What do you mean she's here? Right now?" Oswald listened to his bouncers from the speaker phone in his office. "Damn it." The small, shockingly homely man continued, "Tell Mason to make sure that her usual table is available and in pristine condition- and for God's sake make sure there are no paper napkins this time! The club is packed tonight and the last thing I need is for Poison Ivy to start proselytizing." He rolled his eyes.
"Yes sir, Mister Cobblepot."
Oswald scurried about his office, trying to make himself more presentable for his guests. Ivy was a recluse and rarely appeared in public and as a result her presence had at times been highly sought after by Oswald when he wanted to draw attention to his club.
The voice emanating from the speaker was hesitant, "Uh, I don't think she'll be doing much of that tonight, Boss."
Penguin straightened out his bow tie in front of a mirror. "Why is that?" He asked without turning towards the sound.
"She's gotta a date this time. A real hot date."
"Some poor unwitting fool, no doubt. Did she kiss that Bruce Wayne fop and drag him here to pay for beverages?"
"Uh, actually she's with Harley Quinn."
"And?"
"I mean with Harley Quinn."
Oswald put on his top hat and snorted. "Joker's little dodo bird?"
"Well, I don't think she's his bird no more…"
"Why?"
"Camera three, Sir."
He glanced at the security feed on his computer monitor. His jaw dropped open as he saw that Poison Ivy was in her usual booth and locking lips with The Clown Prince's parakeet.
Oswald squawked with glee. "Ahahah! Yes! I'm on my way. Get them whatever they want. Free drinks! Just keep them here as long as possible!"
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"Ooo, a Cosmo." Harley told the waiter as she smiled happily.
Ivy purred, "I'll have a glass of Merlot."
He blushed and bowed politely as he disappeared to get their order.
"Harley!" The blond perked up at the familiar feminine voice.
"Kitty!" She got out of the booth to give Selina Kyle a hug. "How have you been?"
Selina chuckled. 'Better than you' she thought. "Good, and yourself?" She always managed to keep herself out of Arkham. Though in all fairness, Selina wasn't crazy enough to be sent to there in the first place; she would just go to prison if she were caught.
"I'm doin' great." Harley beamed.
"You look great!" Selina said sincerely. She had been worried when she heard about the accident several months back. It had been on the news for quite some time.
"Thanks, you look nice too."
"Pamela." Selina offered a polite smile.
"Selina." Ivy said politely. There was an awkward pause.
"Congratulations."
Ivy raised an eyebrow.
"About you and Harley, I mean." Selina quickly explained.
Ivy was genuinely surprised by the sincerity of her support, "Oh, well thank you."
The raven-haired woman grinned mischievously, "I hear you gave Batman a run for his money during your escape..."
She grinned too, "Yes, it was one of our finer moments. I don't think even he could have imagined that we'd be able to successfully work together."
Selina laughed. She had listened to Bruce's brooding about the ordeal for nearly a month, and for him that was the equivalent of sobbing uncontrollably into her bosom. "So I see. Well, it was nice running into you ladies, but I have some business I need to take care of." Selina winked and excused herself.
After she left, Ivy chuckled, "More like rob some poor fool blind." Selina mentioned on one occasion that she often frequented the lounge so that she'd have a suitable alibi should the need ever arise.
"Mhmm." Harley's attention zeroed in on the waiter as he gave them their drinks and moved away from their table. She took a tentative sip of the bright red beverage. Her eyes lit up, "Yummy."
Ivy took a sip of her glass and put it down. She had never been much of a drinker what with her abnormally high tolerance to alcoholic beverages and all things poison, but that didn't stop her from indulging every now and then.
After chatting for several minutes their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of a short, rotund man in a suit and top hat. He had an abnormally long pointed nose and was wearing a monocle, which only served to make his appearance more humorous.
Ivy tried not to grimace when she offered him a cool greeting, "Oswald."
He tipped his hat and bowed as much as his ridiculously small round body would allow. "Why if it isn't Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn! Such a pleasure!"
"Hiya Penguin." Harley smiled.
"And hello to you too, Miss Quinn." His smile looked more like a leer as he addressed the blond. "It's always a delight to find a lovely bird such as yourself in my establishment."
It took a great deal of effort to keep Ivy from rolling her eyes at his insincere flattery. "How have you been, Oswald?" Ivy asked out of politeness.
"Business is booming thanks to your well-timed hiatus from the birdcage. It's difficult to cater to a demographic that has the unfortunate habit of ending up in prison."
"I can imagine." Ivy said dryly.
A large, hulking security guard wearing a crisp black business suit tapped Oswald on the shoulder. Penguin spun around in annoyance as the large man leaned over and said something to him. Ivy couldn't make out what he was saying over the din of the club.
Oswald grimaced and his face flushed a furious red. He turned his fake smile back on, "My apologies, but I have an important matter to attend to. Have a pleasant evening, ladies." He hurried after his security guard and disappeared beyond the bar area.
"Thank goodness." Ivy sighed in relief.
"Yea, I was hopin' he wouldn't hang around too long." Harley chuckled.
The lounge was so loud and boisterous at this hour that it was hard to hear Harley talking. There were some costumed rogues sprinkled about, but there were also other 'shady' types that frequented the lounge. Some, she could tell were mafia, there were also henchmen, sidekicks, corrupt officials. Or in other words: Gotham City's finest scumbags! She had managed to make eye contact with Two-Face, who offered her a grin. He was sitting in a booth on the other side of the room between two beautiful women to match each of his personalities.
Ivy had just barely finished off her wine when another glass was suddenly set in front of her. "On the house, Miss." The waiter explained politely before leaving. Ivy picked up the glass and eyed its contents. "That little bugger." She muttered, referring to Oswald. Well, if he was offering free drinks to keep them there longer, then who was she to complain? Harley seemed to be enjoying herself well enough.
Three drinks later…
"Yea!" Harley said louder than necessary, "And then it was like I was gonna…"
The blond was interrupted by a loud commotion near the doors. Ivy immediately perked up. They both gave each other mischievous looks. "I think it's time for us to leave, dear." Between Penguin's earlier nervousness and the sudden bustle of activity, Ivy's cop sense was tingling. She smelled a raid.
"Yea… someone's being followed by the…"
EVERYBODY FREEZE!
Doing the opposite, everyone got up and stampeded towards the doors, while Harley, Ivy and several other rogues made a beeline for the hidden backdoor.
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"That was a lot of fun, Red." Harley kissed her gently after they entered their hideout. "I always love getting away from the cops!" It had been a perfect evening: dinner, drinks, and a huge adrenaline rush to punctuate their outing.
Pamela blushed, "I'm glad you had a good time."
"I'm gonna take a shower."
While Harley was in the shower Ivy turned on the news just to make sure there wasn't some horrid development in the GCPD's manhunt. She blanched; it was far worse than she could have imagined.
Joker had escaped.
Ivy heard the water stop running. She couldn't tell Harley! It would just worry her. If Ivy was honest with herself she'd realize safety wasn't the only thing she was worried about. She couldn't help it; Harley had abandoned her too many times. Ivy would just keep this to herself for now. She cut the TV off and made her way up stairs.
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A few nights later…
Joker strolled in through the front doors of the Iceberg lounge wearing his trade mark purple pinstripe suit. He was grinning ear to ear as he made his way over to the bar. It wasn't very crowded because it was a Sunday. He felt a twinge of satisfaction as the staff avoided eye contact, clearly uncomfortable in his presence. Good.
"What can I get you tonight?" The bartender asked carefully as he tried to pretend that he wasn't speaking to the most dangerous and unpredictable lunatic in Gotham.
Joker cackled, "I'll have a Bloody Mary! Well, I'd rather it was a Bloody Harley, but I'll make due." He smiled so pleasantly it was frightening. The bartender nodded and went about making his drink.
"Ah, if it isn't the illustrious Professor Crane." He said with mock cheer as he noticed Scarecrow sitting at a nearby table, trying to hide himself behind a large dessert menu.
Crane rolled his eyes. Damn, he should have left earlier. "I see you finally found your way out of Arkham." He winked at the clown.
Joker felt the dig. They had all left without him a several weeks before. Not that he cared, as if he needed these chuckleheads to bust him out of the slammer. Clearly, he didn't. "It was only a matter of time."
"Of course." He said in a patronizing tone that grated on the Joker's nerves.
Two-Face was sitting at the other end of the bar near Clayface. They were both going out of their way to ignore him.
Joker suddenly had it in his mind to exact revenge for the thrashing he'd received in group therapy. But Two-Face wasn't Batman. He carried a gun too and knew how to use it. Besides, that would be a violation of Penguin's rules and it wasn't worth having to find a new bar. Harvey was also closest to that plant slut. Maybe ugly knew where he could find them.
"Harvey Dent! My favorite two people."
"What do you want, clown?"
Joker grinned evilly, revealing his spoiled teeth, "I know you spent an awful lot of time chatting with dear old Poison Ivy."
Harvey just stared ahead and took a sip of his drink. It was so tempting to off this freak. "And?"
"And I thought you might know where I could find her?"
"You want Ivy?" He started chuckling. "Or are you just looking for your ex-girlfriend?"
Joker bristled. Ex-girlfriend? Who told him that? Did Harley say that? No, she wouldn't. She was stupid, but not that stupid.
Two-Face caught his expression and knew what he was thinking. He let out a bark of laughter. "I don't know where they are. But I can tell ya where they ain't." He had a knowing grin on half his face as he cast a glance at an empty booth in the back.
Clayface, who was in a manageable human form, snickered. Crane started laughing too.
What the hell was so funny? He made the jokes around here! "Something amusing?"
"Nah, not really." Then Two-Face couldn't resist, "Except the fact that Harley was swappin' saliva with Pammy in that booth over there a few days ago." He added, "I mean, she was pretty much crawling down Pammy's throat."
Basil guffawed. "Here, have a drink on us."
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Joker was seeing red. Harlequin red. He hated that bumbling bimbo! Despised her! How could she do this? Joker had never felt more humiliated in his life. Even being busted by the Bat was less embarrassing, but to be rejected by a woman that barely possessed the intellectual capacity of a snail?! AAARGH! He had to get out of here. He needed to go for a drive; it would help clear his head. He pulled out his gun and opened the passenger side door to a BMW. He aimed the gun at the driver.
Before he could even open his mouth, the driver who had recognized him instantly, jumped out of the car and ran. The clown pouted. He at least wanted to kill someone. He scooted over into the driver's seat and took off even angrier than before.
He sped down the road and ranted, "That fucking plant bitch! I'll spray her with weed killer. And Harley you stupid blithering whore! I'll kill you! I'll kill you both! Arggghaghagghghgh!" He had a crazed look in his eyes.
Music.
Music was said to have a calming effect. He flicked on the stereo and found a radio station that was actually playing music. It had a good beat so he turned it up.
'Somebody told me you had a boyfriend that looked like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year-'
"What the hell is wrong with music these days?!" He slammed his finger into another key to select a different station.
'I kissed a girl and I liked it-'
"I'll KILL YOU!" He started ramming his fist into the stereo in a fit of rage. His preoccupation with the radio made him forget about an important field of responsibility. He glanced up in time as he went skidding off the road and straight into a tree.
He shoved the door open and limped out of the totaled vehicle. His nose was bleeding from the impact of the airbag.
"You plant bitch! You think you're so clever with your fucking trees! Well take this!" He emptied his clip into the trunk of the large tree. "I hope you feel it, Pammy! Can you feel it? You stupid slut!" He cackled maniacally as he took out his frustration on the unassuming pine.
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A week later…
"Wow, I haven't been to the Gotham City Zoo since…" Harley happily lapped away at the remnants of her vanilla soft serve cone. "Well, since forevah."
To say that Harley had been surprised when Ivy suggested they go to the zoo that morning would have been an understatement. They were both dressed in casual attire and Ivy had dumped her green complexion as usual. The redhead had still opted to wear a straw hat and sunglasses, more to hide her identity than to actually block the sun though.
The redhead seemed to be moving through the park with purpose, much to Harley's annoyance. They were passing the best exhibits.
The blond whined. "Red, why are you walkin' so fast? We're passin' the elephants."
Ivy stopped and turned around. She replied cryptically, "Sorry, Harl. I just thought there might be something that you would find interesting over this way."
"More interesting than elephants? Ooo, monkeys." Harley grinned with childlike glee, "I love monkeys!" Her blond pigtails bounced along with her as she trailed along slightly behind Pamela. She wore them low today because she was wearing a red baseball cap. She grabbed Pamela's hand and allowed the redhead to lead her to an isolated enclosure.
This part of the zoo was mostly empty as it was still early in the day and it was towards the back of the park. It was also going to be a scorcher, and most guests had stuck to the more shaded areas. Ivy, however, was happy to soak up the sun. It was nearly impossible for her to actually burn. Who needed sunblock when you had photosynthesis? It paid to be Nature's Chosen Protector.
Harley walked up to the glass of a very large enclosure; they weren't able to see anything at first. A lot of the animals had been difficult to spot on account of the heat. There was a large sign that said 'do not hit the glass.'
"Over there, Harl." Pamela pointed towards several mounds of fur that appeared to be relaxing in the shade towards the back of the exhibit.
"Oh, what are these?" Harley banged on the glass and said loudly. "Helloooow? Over here furballs. Come out where we can see ya!" She could see some activity in response to the noise she was making.
One of the creatures came over to investigate. Harley paused as her brain processed what she was seeing. It wasn't a wolf. "It's a hyena!" Harley glanced at Ivy. The redhead was smiling at her. The blond had a confused look on her face, she didn't understand. "Red?"
"Look closer."
Harley studied the spotted thing. It wasn't particularly remarkable for a hyena. It looked a little fat actually. Then two more came over to investigate. Harley's heart froze. She would recognize those grinning faces anywhere. "Oh, my god it's the babies!" Harley shrieked excitedly and clapped her hands. The two hyenas immediately recognized her and leapt towards the glass. The fat one seemed to lose interest and headed back over to the shade where the others were lounging.
"You're okay! They're okay!" Harley burst into tears and pulled Ivy into a crushing embrace. Ivy held her while she shed tears of relief. After a moment Harley pulled away and studied Ivy critically. "How did you know?"
Ivy shrugged, "I did a bit of Googling. Then I made a few phone calls to confirm that they had indeed made it to the zoo. They were kept at a sanctuary while they recovered from the accident, but the zoo wanted more hyenas so," She smiled, "Here they are."
Ivy's efforts were rewarded with a searing kiss. "I love you, Red," she said adamantly.
"I love you too, Harl."
Turning away from Ivy, Harley put her palm on the glass. She smiled as they pawed at it excitedly. "So now we gotta get them out of here!" Harley said.
"Harley…"
"It'll be no problem, Red." She grinned mischievously, "These keepers won't know what hit 'em!"
"Harley." Ivy crossed her arms.
"What? You can just kiss somebody, right?" Harley was bemused. This was why they were here. Right?
Ivy came over and placed her hand on Harley's shoulder. "Harley, look at them. Look at where they live now." They were in a vast enclosure that resembled an African plain as best it could.
"Yea?"
"They're happy here, Harley. They have everything they need: food, space, companionship, veterinary care…" The blond frowned, "We're criminals. Our lifestyle-"
"No!" Harley crossed her arms and backed away from the redhead and glared.
"Harley, you know I'm right. It's better for them if they remain here for the rest of their lives."
Her eyes were getting moist. "But," She glanced at them. They were staring at her expectantly. "But they're my babies, Red."
"It's for the best."
Harley snapped, "Easy for you to say! Would you leave them behind if they were your plant babies?"
"I know it's hard. But sometimes when you care about someone…" She glanced at the mangy slobbering buggers, "Or something… you have to let it go even if it makes you unhappy."
"When have you ever done that?" Harley was pacing. Red was notoriously self-centered.
Ivy felt her cheeks heat at the implication, "I let you go all the time!"
Harley felt ashamed. She plopped down on a nearby bench. She put her head in her hands. Under her care they had been in a car accident. "Yea… you're right, Red. It's safer for them here."
Ivy sat next to her. "And remember, Harl. You can come visit them at the zoo whenever you want."
"Yea… I know. I just got so excited, ya know?"
"I know." She remained seated as the blond got up and went back over to the glass.
"Okay, guys. So this is your new home now." They stared at her curiously. "And I'll stop by every now and then ta see ya." She kissed her palm and pressed it against the glass. She was rewarded with excited pawing. "You be good now." She turned on her heel and walked away without looking back. Ivy got up and followed her.
"Are you alright?" Pamela linked arms with her.
She sighed, "Yea. I'm okay. After what happened I suppose I should just be happy they're alive."
"And they're happy, Harl." Ivy emphasized. Ivy glanced back. She could tell they'd gone back over to the shade with the others.
"Yea." Harley suddenly grinned, "Now I wanna see those monkeys."