Growing Pains

by theworldsgreatest01

Nearly 2 decades have passed since the original Inu-tachi defeated Naraku. Since then, Inuyasha and Kagome had a daughter, Miroku and Sango a son. Now, the Inu-tachi are back in another journey seeking a new enemy & this time their children must fight too

8. Sparks

Disclaimer: theworldsgreatest01 does not own Inuyasha and has no wish to.

Author's Note: theworldsgreatest01 is quite aware of how long this chapter is, and that is why this author asks you to please forgive the creative spontaneity with which they went about writing this chapter. The creativity put into it is one of the reasons why it took so long to write, aside from its incredible length. But this author can do nothing but plead with you to endure it, because they put a lot of thought into this and would appreciate, well, some appreciation. This author decided to have another chapter reserved for Kohaku-san simply because they could not stop writing for a second about this new pairing and the intrusion of Kikyou-chan would not have been treated kindly. But rest assured, although this chapter has been dumped in sentiment, this author believed that Kohaku-san should at least have a chapter where he is able to thrive in all his bashful, admirable glory. So here it is, and this author hopes you enjoy reading it as much as they enjoyed writing it.

Chapter Eight: Sparks

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Sayuri-san. As I whisper her name in the darkness of this room, with the gentle breathing of Chichi-ue, Shippou and Inuyasha filling the expanse and adding to the quiet ambience of night, my mouth moistens much more than usual. I think of her, and my palms obtain a dewy texture. I envision her, hear her voice inside my ear, singing that poor village lullaby, and my heart beats stifle the song. Her face, I remember, was flawless and soft. She has a small nose, olive skin--lips with a light pink shade…not that I was fully analyzing only that aspect of her! It is a feature of her face, so, naturally I will take note of it. I have done the same with her eyes…her iris swathed in that blue of the sky after the rain. Hm. I see it everywhere I look. I shortly forgot the tainted memory of her body and I am merely left with her song and her eyes. Sayuri-san. A beautiful name. But what exactly do I feel toward her? I admire her. I enjoy the thought of admiring her. I enjoy everything about her, and I haven't even gotten the chance to see her smile yet. Or introduce myself formally to her. All I have to show is a small, brief encounter where I flattered her and ran off. I want to speak to her. Oh, I wish I had such courage! I wish I knew why I feel this way!

I look to Chichi-ue. His mouth is slightly open and his mind deep inside of a dream. He once told me, "The people of this earth move along as they are taught to. They see what they see and learn what they hear and consume and dispense. But, as dull and obvious as we all are, there will always be a time in our lives when we have turned from a corner and are met with the oddest sensations in the presence of another, and we will stop and ponder this and ask, 'Why do I feel this? What is this feeling?' Every intellectual has asked this same question and explored this inexplicable phenomenon, seeking the answer, wanting to understand that feeling that causes them to feel like there is a purpose in life other than what they once set out to do. Something that gives the world a splendor that they had never known until then. Until seeing one person that, from first eye contact, made them feel that feeling of worth, of, something greater than worth and they asked the ultimate question, 'What is this?' And they have driven themselves insane wondering, is this love? Is this happiness? Is this what I have been waiting for my entire life? And, in the end, they always fail to find the answer. Because, for some reason, they found that they were unable to go on trying to rationalize the concept and rub it raw of all its layers of complexity because they found that the more they tried to add reason to it, the less significant the feeling became. You see, Kohaku, what they discovered was that it could not be simplified for their minds or explained because it would get boring and loose its meaning, because they tried so hard to find out its meaning. We simply accept the fact that it is, because if we were to try to find the reasons for why the sun is its most brilliant after the rain, or why a child smiles or why is love what it is, we are left with scrolls upon scrolls describing why, but all that information has already disenchanted us, and left us with a confusion that asks why we even asked why in the first place. Some things, you can't ask why. You cannot dissect a feeling that great. But we are all fools, Kohaku. And yes, when I came to that point in life and felt that sweet feeling I frowned and wondered, 'Why am I feeling this? I have never felt it before so why now? What is it?' And the same thing happened to me as I tried to figure out the reason for that, and then, you become lost in your thoughts and the person before you blurs in the wake of such nonsense.

"You will also come to that point. And you will ask the same question. And no, it might not be love. That might not be the person you end up waking to every single morning of the rest of your life. But--in that feeling. If you happen to feel that feeling in the presence of that person, you can never rule out the what if! And that is why we have that feeling. It is a signal to dream. To either look to the future or bask in the present. It is our own signal that we all feel as humans…to dream with that person. And enjoy that feeling. Because…it is your own what if. And that is the only question you have no need to ask, but your fate does. All you can do is feel it. And hold it to your heart. Hold that person to your heart. No one person is alike, and you most likely won't get the same feeling you felt toward every person you feel it toward, but if that person made you feel that way, chances are, they are special. Special in your heart. So you can never forget them. Because they will always carry your what if."

I was moved by what he told me, and I recall that he entrusted this information to me at the age of ten winters. And I am doing exactly what he advised me not to do. I thought. I think too much. I wondered, and asked why. But all I have to know is that I feel that extraordinary feeling that Chichi-ue described to me, and it is toward Sayuri-san. I close my eyes and lay my head against the wood of the wall behind me, where I sat and thought in the near-silence, contemplating her. So I will seek her, throw caution to the wind, and explore this…what I feel. If only saying it were as easy as my carrying out this decision!

I woke up later than everyone else, due to the late hour I went to sleep, and when I walked into the entrance room I observed the lack of Imoutou-chan admonishing me for being lazy and rude. My hair was in disarray, which earned me a comical grin from Chichi-ue sitting at the low table in the entrance room and finishing a bowl of steamed rice with eggs. Kagome stood close by, most likely chatting with Chichi-ue while she folded the sheets and Haha-ue shouted from the women's room after she closed a door. "I saw it on his lips with my own eyes, Miroku!"

She appeared in the doorway, hands on her hips, not noticing me standing across the room from her. "And we have your overly-amorous, hereditary nature to thank. Now our only son is going to be a womanizer!"

Kagome laughed discreetly and glanced at me. So the incident from last night still remained fresh in my mother's memory. I hung my head in embarrassment when Chichi-ue cleared his throat and Haha-ue looked at him as he pointed in my direction. "I assure you, my love, that our son made a clear mistake and is very virtuous; he simply made a short turn to temptation for a moment, but there is no mistake that he is indeed repenting for such discrepancies. And if you are not soothed by my words, ask him yourself."

Her wide eyes darted to me. I had no need to see her to know this. With Haha-ue, you are capable of feeling her stare, it is so effective. "Kohaku…"

Why did I have the thought of her apologizing when it was a fault on my part for retiring for the night at such a late hour and allowing my Haha-ue to see a rouge on my lips that could only have come from a woman? Yet, I felt so hurt upon discovering the disappointment she held of me. I had not the slightest desire to become something she would not be proud of.

Chichi-ue stood and walked toward me. "I, on the other hand, am very delighted our son has finally branched out his social circle. And accomplished so much so quickly." he flashed a kindly albeit mischievous grin and winked.

I hastened to veer the subject away from myself, Kagome titled her head and smiled at me in a sympathetic tone. This embarrassed me all the more. I had no time to delegate the subject, and blurted out, "Where is Imoutou-chan?"

"Kikyou? She took off into the village. Said something about getting fresh air." Kagome answered, thankfully.

"Ah." I said, and embarked in the opportunity for my escape. "I think I'll go and look for her!" Haha-ue did not interrupt, but I noticed when I looked fleetingly at Chichi-ue, his mouth was open and prepared to verbalize an unnecessary comment and I proceeded to exit the small hut without delay. What I heard after me was not a strange, uncomfortable comment, but a puzzling one.

"I trust that you will run into Sayuri-chan out there!"

Sayuri-san. The mention of her name caused the hairs on my head to stand on end. I wanted to further investigate the reason for such an outburst, but I was already outside and loathed to go back into the sad, little hut and the tables be turned against me in the presence of Haha-ue, Kagome and my Chichi-ue. While I stood outside the hut, ambivalent on what to do or where to go, for I had only used Imoutou-chan as my scapegoat, my mind became spontaneous and reminded myself of last night. I had whispered Sayuri-san's name for hours! Sure, it had been nighttime, but I should have been more careful! Any one of them could have been feigning sleep and listening to my words in the dark! And it is a possibility that Chichi-ue was the other soul holding my secret. My heart pulsed in fret, my hands shook with dread. At first, these bodily signals were in the face of Chichi-ue holding information I haven't even shared with Imoutou-chan, yet, the cause for my reactions unexpectedly shifted when I began to pace the ground where I was, then picked my head up and saw her at the Akashi bun open store, running errands perhaps.

My insides melted. Its her! It is Sayuri-san! My mind shouted. My breath caught and I actually smiled from the mere good fortune of seeing her; I could care less whether she saw me or not. Sayuri-san! I leaned to one side in order to see her better. She bent down to retrieve a roll of bread from a woven sack and squeezed it to test its softness. A tiny chuckle rose in my throat. She stood, handing it to the merchant--the girl was not there today, it looked like her father--her mouth moved slowly and she nodded while explaining what kind of bread she desired. The merchant obviously was well-acquainted with her and grinned a lot, rose a finger telling her to wait, then brought out a golden-brown loaf of bread. Sayuri-san smiled--Sayuri-san smiled! I finally saw her smile! I sighed at its genuine sincerity. Her eyes closed and her lips spread wide in delight. Her eyes opened an inch and the blue of her iris struck me, and she handed the merchant the okane, accepted the bread and more words were exchanged, her smiling all throughout their intermittent conversation. At last, she waved and walked in a direction which was further into the village.

I was filled with the desperate need to follow her, but I hesitated. I don't want to seem lecherous. I probably still lurked in her suspicions radar from the incident last night, and her catching me in the act of spying on her would definitely not bode well. I stood there staring at the ground and frowning. She was walking further into the village, and there were the odds that she wouldn't be able to see me amongst all the commotion, and if she did, then..then…I would just have to introduce myself and make her believe I am not a womanizer or a pervert or any other category she might have wondered about classifying me under! I swallowed, my throat dry, and pursued her.

The village women were everywhere, almost. I ignored their stares and looked over the crowds of people to locate Sayuri-san again. I am still unable to believe how these women were interested in me! Yes, I am aware that the other places where we rested, the women there were…odd, and admitted they were attracted to me, but there were only a few at those times, but in this village--it's the whole village! I found her. After my avoiding getting run over by an ox-cart and snaking through the clusters of people, I saw her ahead of me, moving as fluidly as if she were water. It looked like she floated in her own space, she was not a part of her surroundings, no, she wove in and out of the people so gracefully, while I collided with several men and tipped over a crate holding oranges. Watching her movements, unfettered by the turmoil around her, I felt like I was watching something magnificent and monumental. Why didn't anyone else notice the sing-song in her voice? The way she casually negotiated prices with charm and ease and forced the seller to conform to her smile? Her humming the theme to a play from long ago? She stopped at a stand selling fruits and looked over the harvest. A pear caught her interest and she spoke to the merchant, pointing to the fruit. The merchant waved a hand, supposedly giving her permission to try it. Sayuri-san licked her lips, an action that burned my ears, and bit down onto the pear. It was ripe and was fully saturated, and flooded over to seep out from the corner of her mouth, the juice sliding down to her chin. And she looks even more charming, chewing the pear and raising the hem of her kimono to wipe away the liquid like an innocent child, her eyes wide in delight and nodding along with the merchant. She ended up taking a dozen of the pears, then continuing on.

I remained in hot pursuit, yet not too close, and saw that she had stopped again, at a kimono shop. The garbs were astonishingly elegant, considering the poverty rampant in this village, and Sayuri-san seemed to be taken by all of them, her hands running over the fabrics in longing. Then, a sad expression passed over her face for the space of a second, one that crushed me, and not because she had revealed it, but because of the way she hastened to cover it with a false smile. And it appeared so genuine, but I could not forget the pain that settled onto her countenance before she quickly rid herself of it, for the sake of appearances. The lady selling the kimonos offered her one to try. Sayuri-san refused, then went on her way again.

She was leaving the village. I was confused by this, yet I continued to follow as she walked toward the woodland area, over the steep hill with its golden grass. She started to run, suddenly, and I was perplexed by this all the more. What was she running from? I picked up my pace to keep her in my sights. She ran directly into the woods, hitting low branches out of her way as she went, and as I ran after her, she cut a sharp corner and disappeared. Maybe she saw me from the corner of her eye? If that was the case, she was trying to escape me, and I was pursuing her, which didn't look well to anyone who happened to be observing this. But what if I'm wrong? I have to find out for sure! To be definite. So I cut the same corner and came to a small clearing where a polished boulder laid, and Sayuri-san, who held her head in her hands just seconds ago, sat up in alarm and looked at me.

What does one say when they run into the person they listened to bathing only a night ago? "Er, g-good afternoon." Is it the after noon already? I felt very awkward standing across from her, so vulnerable.

She cleared her throat and stood up. "Um, hello."

I had no idea what to say next. Of course, my mouth did the job for me. "I-I didn't follow you, well, I mean--I did follow you here, but not when you were in the village--what I mean to s-say is that I-I-I was already on my way to the, uh, here, where we are now, these woods, I was already here when I saw you running and-and I wanted to be sure n-nothing serious happened, so-so- I followed you here, which is why I am here."

Sayuri-san held her elbows in her hands, her arms crossed over her chest. "Thank you for your concern. I-I'm fine."

She lifted a languid hand and placed her fingers against her lips. I was enchanted by that simple action for some reason. I clenched my robes inside my fists and rocked back and forth from my heels to the balls of my feet in my waraji. "I'm Kohaku. I-I know your Oji-san…my family and I are-are staying in your house. Y-your great-uncle is a v-very generous man."

She avoided eye-contact with me. "I know…when I went back home from last night everyone was---haven't we already met?" Sayuri-san asked, her hand falling away from her face.

I stalled my answer for a while, not wanting to broach the subject. "Y-yes. I suppose. Er, uh, last night-last night…"

"You bumped into me at the lake." She rose her head and looked at the exact time I looked up and into her eyes. She spun around to turn her back to me, which left me dumb-founded. No one has ever done that to me before. I saw her head cocked to one side. "Y-you were coming from behind a tree after I was done--"

"I wasn't meant to be there at the time!!" I shouted, startling her.

I spoke to her back and found that it was much easier. "I wanted to go to the pond and--and your friend came, so-so I hid because she was anxious about meeting me, and I didn't want to meet anyone, so I hid and I was going to leave but you got undressed--" Her body twitched upon hearing this. "And I didn't want you to think I was-was peeping, so I waited until you were done and tried to get away, but then--"

"You bumped into me."

"Y-yes."

Sayuri-san spun around again, to face me, and her cheeks were splotched with a red color, especially her nose as if she were going to cry. With her nose with that unusual red stain on it, I felt an unsuppressed desire to embrace her. "Y-you saw me?" her voice shook uncontrollably.

The answer was clearly yes, but I foresaw the consequences of the truth and how much it would upset her. I resolved earlier that I had no desire to upset her. So I lied. "No."

She swallowed, and folded her arms, evidently in an unconscious attempt to protect her modesty and preserve her vulnerability. "Are you sure?" I nodded. "But you heard me…didn't you?"

"Heard you?" I played the fool, hoping she doubted her own recollections of the night. "I don't understand."

She squeezed her lips together. "You heard me sing, I know because, because before you left, you said…you said I had a nice voice."

"Oh. That. Well, I did…I'm sorry."

I took a glance at her to recognize how short she was…although, she would be since she is two years younger than me. She was shorter than Imoutou-chan, I figured that she would come to about my shoulder if we stood side by side, while Imoutou-chan stands up to my nose. Her hair was indeed brown, but had a fullness about it, shimmered in the sunlight, and stopped at her shoulder blade. Those light blue eyes remained downcast, and an ache in the pit of my stomach willed for her to at least look at me, if I was too cowardly to look at her!

"You're the one who Asuza-chan was talking about. You're the apprentice monk. Kohaku-san?" she inquired, warily.

The way she said my name…it sounded like the missing notes to a song. "Yes, yes I am…but I hope she doesn't lavish such attention on me. I don't like it much."

To this, she caught my sight with her iris, reading me perhaps. She blushed. I blushed. We found common ground, and she smiled but took care to drop her gaze when she did so.

"She-she said, you are the most gorgeous man in Nihon." she giggled. "What do you think about that?"

I enjoyed the release of the tension in her voice, and thought of taking a risk and stepping into her boundaries. My palms moistened. I made two complete steps and closed the distance between the two of us, if only by a few inches. She did not move away.

"I-I actually don't think she-or any of the women in this village-are being realistic." I mumbled, then remembered Imoutou-chan's theory. "Are there any youkai possessions with these women?"

I had been serious when I asked this, but Sayuri-san laughed. Hearing it made me want to throw myself into a river by accident or hit myself in the head with my own weapon, humiliate myself over and over if only to hear the laugh again. "They are all very normal humans, I think." Her expression became thoughtful. "How come you don't like all the attention?"

She finally asked the question I have been waiting for, and I was prepared, actually, elated to tell her. "B-because…I don't want to be the person th-those women go to in desperation, to feel loved when no one else loves-loves them, or be the catalyst in their tasteless acts to be recognized by someone of the opposite sex…I-I want to be a regular man but with his own special quality, of course. And-and I want to find someone who notices it, no matter how small it-it is and then, then I will know that they are that person I have been seeking all my life."

After pouring out my emotions to a woman I had just met, I felt an odd impression of a bond between Sayuri-san and I. She was the one I wanted to tell this to, the only one who knows now, and she responded in kind. "Wow. That's very profound." she said, softly.

"I think you'll find that person soon enough, considering--but Asuza-chan told me you were already betrothed to someone!"

"I only told that woman, Mieko-san, that…so she would-would leave me alone…" Sayuri-san giggled. "Well, I can see why she was so lavishly throwing herself upon you. You are very charming…"

She let down a layer of her guard by saying this, blushed, and spun around on me again. I decided to be the one who mustered the courage to step closer, for two bashful souls in one place leaves silence in shyness. "I-I think you are-are more charming than I can ever hope to be, Sayuri-san." Her arms moved rhythmically . She was kneading her fingers. "And your Oji-san said you're a strong woman. You carry so many burdens, but take it all in stride with a smile. I-I guess you can-can say I admire you."

Her breathing echoed around us. "My Oji told me all about you…you and your family and friends. Your journey." She strode over to the smooth boulder there and sat on it, her back still facing me. "All of you are so strong!"

I walked over to where she sat, but instead of sitting in the direction she was, I sat the opposite way, next to her, but my body faced the entrance to the clearing where I stood moments ago. She faced the numerous trees behind me. She smelled wonderful. Like lilies. And that isn't a casual statement either! Albeit clichéd, it is nonetheless true. My heart proceeded to seek freedom from my chest. Both of our breathing patterns were ragged, as if we had run across the world and back.

"Uh, you must already know about the past of my parents…"

"Mhm. They defeated the hanyou Naraku." She sounded very innocent. The manner in which she said, "Mhm." One would expect a child to say such a thing and in that tone of voice; soft and quiet.

"Yes. But, when they thought all their troubles had washed away, my Imoutou-chan and I were born."

"You have a sister?"

"Er, not exactly…she is my closest friend, the daughter of the comrades of my parents, and we grew up together, so..I address her as my younger sister."

"Oh."

"Yes. I was born first, and two years later, the day my Imoutou-chan was born, things went wrong. It is said that our fates were written by the gods when they dismissed one of their greatest lords. We have no idea why the gods would do such a thing, but our lives were determined by our fates on the days we were born. The lord they banished, his life is somehow linked to ours in a way. We think he made an attachment to us while we were still being created by the gods, to our souls, because he knew he would be banished from the kingdom soon. So, on the day I was born, he gained a soul form on the land of mortals. I am meant to represent his spirit, his chi. Then, on the day Imoutou-chan was born, he gained a bodily form and assumed life in this realm. She represents his force and strength, the body. Well, after Imoutou-chan was born, he knew he had to do away with us both."

"Why?" she asked, stricken, and I was surprised to know she was listening so intently.

"Because since he placed himself within our souls, we are somehow a part of him, and if he wants to reign in this kingdom of earth, he cannot have any links to him in any other mortal. He cannot hope to succeed in his plans while we still have life. And we cannot achieve peace while he roams the land of the living. It is all very complicated."

Sayuri-san shifted in her seat. She turned and looked into my eyes, our faces closer than I had expected. "So you are seeking him to destroy him?"

I nodded, unable to speak.

"What are his plans?"

"Who knows…" I rose my head to the sky above and shrugged. "He is evil and capable of many things. But we are all sure that all he wants is more and more power. And he will be able to realize this only if he eradicates my Imoutou-chan and I."

"Why didn't he do away with you both when you were infants?" she asked, angling her body more toward me. "Weren't you both helpless then? He had the perfect opportunity."

I grinned. "We had our parents. And they weren't going to allow anything to happen to us. Maburoshi was not strong enough to defeat them all, so he fled. Now he only sends servants to try and do away with us, and is in hiding trying to find the power to defeat us."

"Hm…" Without warning, she moved around the boulder in a half-circle and sat next to me the correct way, side by side and both of our bodies facing the same direction. My heart leapt in her presence. I felt the feeling. "It seems to me that you have more burdens than I do. You have to rid us all of this powerful fallen god and I have to run silly errands and cook and clean. I think you are more troubled than I."

I wanted to know more about her, and even though I might be stepping over a tight boundary, closing the emotional gap between us was far too tempting. "Your Oji-san feels sorry for the life you could have…the life you give up everyday to stay with him in his solitude. And you deal with it all so cheerfully. In the face of where you could be--who you could be with right now--"

She sniffled. I felt horrible to bring back such a terrible subject. Why can't I just keep my mouth closed? "My Oji-san has sacrificed so much for me…w-when my parents died, he took me in and cared for me. He fed me when there was not enough food for us both. H-he has given me too much for me to simply turn away for a more sensible life…I owe him my life."

"Happy birthday." I said, spontaneously.

"What?"

"Happy birthday," I repeated. "Kagome told me it is a phrase people in the West use. It is another way of saying, 'Otanjou-bi Omedetou Gozaimasu' it is your birthday, is it not? Happy birthday."

She was astonished. "Who told you I was born on this day?"

"Your Oji-san. He says you should go to the festival in celebration of it."

I watched her tilt her head and the sadness show through her façade. "Oh. The festival of Moving Water. Do you know of it?" I shook my head. "Well, it is the festival we have in order to pay tribute to the inordinate amount of water our village is graced with. We get most of our food from the great river and bathe in the fresh water of the pond in these woods."

Her words became lower when mentioning the pond and bathing. "But I can't go. I have too much to do, and-and everyone who has asked me to attend, well, I already assured them I wasn't going, so I can't go alone and--"

"If you want, well, I-I can escort you…" Sweat fell from my brow and slithered along my temple. Sayuri-san observed the rivulet then shifted to stare into my eyes. We both ignored our blush, and were content to envelop ourselves in each other's gaze. I want to drown in them, those pools of beauty, suffuse myself in her innocence, in her sorrows. "…Sayuri-chan." I whispered, my mouth and throat dry. Then I had the thought of what it would feel like to kiss her, to feel her soft, tender lips against mine, have her sing that lullaby while I kissed her…and to hold her in my arms. To keep her safe. I've never had thoughts like these before…

"Why are you doing this, Kohaku-san?" she whispered back, her voice piercing my soul.

"Because you are not ordinary." I replied. What I meant by that, I didn't even know. I still have no idea. The words basically left me, like I had been practicing them all along. "Because when I look at you, Sayuri-chan, I see something I can't describe. Will you go to the festival with me?"

She looked fallen--taken--and nodded. "Yes, Kohaku-san. I will, but…I still don't understand why."

"Its okay. You don't have to."

The day is sweeter now, the air is crisper in my lungs, the sun brighter. I had finally confronted my disorders, I faced my feelings and now, Sayuri-chan and I are going to the festival as a couple. Wait. Not as a couple, really…more of a pair. Yes. A pair of two members of the opposite sex going to a festival together. Nothing more and nothing less. I think. Maybe it is more…I hope it is more…well, something within me does. And I am giving her the chance to enjoy herself, something she probably hasn't done in years, and celebrate her birthday with her. With Sayuri-chan. The woman who holds my what if. I mean, she holds a part of my feelings, I suppose. My chest is filled with so much good fortune and happiness! I've never felt this way before! It feels good. Sayuri-chan. She is truly special and I want to discover her so much, with a yearning that scares me at times. Perhaps I am rushing to fast into things…or not fast enough. What if one of these crazy village women try to blackmail me in a compromising situation that Sayuri-chan happens to walk in on? What might she say? What would she think? Aargh. Too many thoughts. I should just believe in her. In her judgment. If something like that does happen, though, I might lose my chance to know her personally. Not, not that personally! As in…sexual intercourse! B-but as a person. As Sayuri-chan. I should stop analyzing things so much. Chichi-ue says I am like Haha-ue. I think too much about a thing. I am ambivalent. I am rational rather than impulsive.

"Kohaku!"

"Yes, Haha-ue?" I answered, breaking my trance while watching Sayuri-chan place a new sheet on the floor. She furrowed her brow and blushed from across the room.

"Inuyasha asked you a question. Don't be so rude." she admonished.

We stood huddled together in one corner of the room so Sayuri-chan would have space to set down the slip of fabric. Inuyasha grunted. "Hmph! He's too busy mating with that girl with his eyes to pay attention to anything anybody's saying!"

Sayuri-chan blushed and the heat shot to my face. Inuyasha can be unnecessarily blunt at times. "Uh, uh, I-I-I'm not--"

"Hey, listen kid, I don't give a damn whether you're a virgin or not cause of this girl. All I wanna know is where the hell my daughter is, alright?? And she's always hangin' around you, so you should be able to answer my question!"

Our group needed to diverge, as Sayuri-chan signaled with her hands, and I went off with Inuyasha and Haha-ue to one corner of the room and Chichi-ue and Kagome went to the other; Sayuri-chan awkwardly smoothed out the sheet as our conversation ranged in earshot of her. "I haven't seen her all day, Inuyasha-sensei." I replied formally, hoping he wouldn't degrade her or I any further.

I was horribly wrong. "Whaddya mean ya haven't seen her all day?!? All the two of you do is hang around each other, you've done it since you were kids, and now that you've found yourself a little mate you can't tear yourself away from ogling her chest for one second to look around for the girl you call your 'Imoutou-chan'?"

I happened to be perspiring greatly, when all of a sudden, Sayuri-chan came forward. "Excuse me, Inuyasha-sama…Kohaku-san insisted to me that Kikyou-san sometimes needs her own space, and though I objected that he should go and look after her, he told me in confidence that she does not appreciate being treated as a child and can take care of herself efficiently. And contrary to what you believe, Inuyasha-sama, Ko-Kohaku-s-san has not once ogled m-my chest. He is a very virtuous young monk."

Hearing her timid voice reasoning with the boldest and brashest one in the east was unusual, but I admired the strength in her stance, leveled by a dose of uncertainty, and the resonating calm in her speech. She was defending me. My Chichi-ue broke the silence. "Ahem. Kohaku, you have such an admirable woman. So much frailty, yet so much spirit…and beauty beyond all expectations. Take care not to lose her." My cheeks burned. She hurried to walk away without another word. I have…a woman? Is she mine? In my heart it feels so…but we've only known each other for two days, one if you count from a formal introduction. Inuyasha folded his arms.

"Well, if you're too much of a woman yourself to have a woman fight your battles for you, I'd prefer if you didn't hang around my kid at all. Maybe she does need some time away from you, anyway." he grumbled. Kagome stroked his arm and sighed. "I'm sure she's just fine. You know how she is."

"Whatever." Inuyasha barked, exiting the hut after Kagome.

I stood and glanced at Sayuri-chan biting her bottom lip in contemplation. Then I remembered my parents watching me in earnest. Haha-ue was going to say something, but Chichi-ue halted her by reaching behind her and…well, I don't like to think about what he did next, even though I have a perfectly clear notion as to what it was. He whispered in her ear, not discreetly, I might add, and she turned to look in his eyes. They have a peculiar way of communicating using just their ocular instruments, and it has always fascinated me, how strong their bond is that they wouldn't even need words if they were to go mute or deaf one day.

Haha-ue looked at me in a frighteningly maternal way, as if she were craving for me to run and embrace her or be the small child she held in her arms so many years ago. "Your father and I are going to look for supplies. We start searching again tomorrow, you know." she said.

"Okay, then." Chichi-ue tried to lead her out of the hut without making it too obvious, but she made it very difficult. "I suppose you're staying here then. The both of you. Sayuri-chan. Kohaku. We'll be right back so…if you plan on doing anything that might take a long time to complete, we'll probably barge in on you two, so--just letting you kno--"

At last, Chichi-ue had managed to get her to leave, and in spite of the discomfited air left behind by all of them, I walked over to Sayuri-chan at the opposite end of the room. She immediately turned and looked up at me, fretfully. "I don't have a kimono."

I grinned and felt one side of my mouth go up higher than the other. "What? Are you naked again?" I laughed.

Her eyes widened and she became very flustered. That happened to be the worst joke in the history of hilarity. I am known to make inappropriate jokes for no reason. My Haha-ue says I inherited the spontaneous humor from Chichi-ue but lacked his disturbing finesse. Of course, I told her I hadn't seen her undress, which was a lie, and that comment had most likely made her doubt my sincerity. Even so, she spared me the humiliation and went back to the subject at hand. "I meant an elegant one. To wear to the festival…I'm so sorry, Kohaku-san, but I didn't plan on going, so I didn't save any money to buy one…"

"Oh. You don't have to worry about that, Sayuri-chan!" I was filled with a sense of significance as I said this. After our long conversation in the wilderness and her acceptance of my proposal, I quickly went off to the marketplace in good spirits and went to the kimono stand. The merchant was still there; and old woman with her wiry gray hair pulled into a tight bun. I excused myself and she blushed, frightening me. She did not hesitate to tell me how handsome I was, but I interrupted her by asking about the time Sayuri-chan was there and the kimono she looked at with such yearning. The old woman was a gossip, for she asked so many questions about how long I had known her and what she was to me, but in the end said that she had not looked at one kimono; she stared with a longing gaze at three different ones. I could care less, if it made her happy, so I liquidated my entire savings that I had been building up since the age of five and bought them so she could have the convenience of picking and choosing, although it was quite strange that such a village which appeared to be rampant in poverty could have kimonos that cost so much…

I retreated to the men's room and slid open the door to the closet. There they were, wrapped in that special paper, and I smiled as I entered the entrance room and handed them to her. "I have that taken care of." She frowned and took them, not understanding. "I bought all the ones you looked at…because I wasn't sure which one you liked best, and you could have a wide selection…" When she saw them folded neatly and stacked one on top of the other she gasped.

"Kohaku-san…I can't--"

"I bought them for you, Sayuri-chan. Today is your day and you should look the way you feel." I looked into her eyes with a seriousness that compelled her. "Choose whichever one you like."

She smiled and smoothed a hand over the silk. "I-I really like the…the white one."

"I think it will be perfect." I offered. "Do you have any things you have to do…to get ready for tonight?"

"Well…" She raised her forefinger to her cheek. "It is tradition for the women to bathe in the river that gives us food and water…and cleanse my body of all impurities, then I can dress, and it is also tradition that you and I meet at my home, then we go to the location of the festival together."

Truly, I sensed no tainted virtue within her, so I was confused that she would go through the trouble of purifying what was already pure, but I acquiesced with her village's tradition. If that made her feel a part of everything when before she longed to be included, I bent over backward to make sure she received what she desired.

I still imparted this information to her, nonetheless. "Really? I-I don't think you need to cleanse yourself…your aura holds no impurities whatsoever."

Sayuri-chan. She smiled most peculiarly. "I should begin preparations now…When the sun sets, you can meet me here."

"But what will I do?"

Her head drooped at an angle. "Hmm. The men needn't do much, or anything really. In this village they simply come together in small groups and converse about the occasion and who they will be escorting. The elder men set up the decorations."

"Oh." I knew no one here, and did not have enough courage left to be in a social setting where I was completely unknown, so I ruled that out from my options. Then, I glimpsed the white kimono peeking out among the others she held against her chest in that wrapping paper and had the greatest idea. But, Sayuri-chan had no clue as to what I thought about, and she made conclusions of her own as my eyes were in perfect alignment with her chest.

"Kohaku-san…?" she ventured, her tone unsure.

"I-I'm sorry!" I replied, which only gave evidence to her assumptions. "I-I mean…I wasn't, ogling you or anything lewd. I was looking at your kimono."

She was wary. "Ok…thank you for these by the way. You really didn't have to."

"I wanted to." I managed to make her eyes dash away from my face and to a corner of the house where it appeared to be very fuzzy and unnatural. "I should leave you to your duties. I'll be back as soon as the sun sets."

Her head moved slowly up and down. I smiled and strode away from her to the door, which I found hard to do for some reason. She looked so touching there, the kimono held in her arms, short and bashful. Beautiful. I almost wanted to stand there forever, just watching her, from a distance, intangible. Not of this world. Not mine. Not anyone's.

The sun had only just come over the horizon and I was left with an extravagant amount of time until it disappeared in the distance, but I already had an assignment to occupy my free time, and that was my search for a bed of lilies within the woodland area of the village. I entered the underbrush of that sanctuary Sayuri-chan--according to my observations--sought as the place where she escaped from the din of her everyday life. A chill permeated my bones from the cold winter air, and I could see my breath condensed before me, floating in the air then dissipating. My robes weren't thermal, they were very loose in fact, and as I held my arms for warmth, shivers traveled over me in small, little earthquakes. The morning air was extremely cold. I wouldn't be surprised if it started snowing soon.

No one else dared to go out in the woods where I trekked in earnest, peering at every single flower that survived the harsh weather in the hopes the one I was looking for would reach me in good fortune. Most of them were dead, but I believed in the lilies, for they are the favorite flower of my Haha-ue and she assured me they were strong in nature's misfortunes. Its pure white petals would match Sayuri-chan's kimono just right, and in my mind the vision of it tucked gently behind her ear on the backdrop of her hair as she smiled was so enticing I didn't care about the numbness of my toes exposed to the cold. Damn the waraji I am forced to wear! But if I could do at least one more thing to make the day of her birth perfect, I supposed it would be to enhance her flawlessness so that she would be able to shine among the other women in the festival. A simple thing that she would immediately make rare and priceless.

Ah! I found it, far off and growing at the base of a tall tree that looked naked without its leaves. I admired it for a while, the only one, managing to get through all the harshness of winter and I was slightly broken-hearted to have to cut its life short after all its trouble and its miraculous survival up until this point. But things had to be done, so I clapped my hands together in prayer and thanks for the blessing and asked for forgiveness in taking the life of this small plant. Having done this I bent down and held the delicate stem between my two fingers and pulled it with care. It broke at the slightest bit of strength I put into plucking it, and I smiled at the way Sayuri-chan would look with it adorning her. Or the modesty she would show by telling me over and over that I didn't have to go through such trouble to get it.

Holding the flower in my fingers, I stood and wondered where Imoutou-chan was. Amazing it is, how things have changed for us so suddenly. Only days before I followed her because that is the way its always been, and she went after me in that order, even though she would never admit she does. Now, I am able to be away from her and it does not bother me that she is not by my side, or I by hers. Perhaps it is because I would much rather seeing Sayuri-chan there beside me. Not saying that she has replaced Imoutou-chan; I just see them in different ways. Imoutou-chan I see as…well, my imoutou-chan. Sayuri-chan I see as…a woman, I guess. A woman that makes me feel differently from the way Imoutou-chan does. Imoutou-chan makes me feel needed, significant and at home. Sayuri-chan makes me feel a spectacular mix of emotions…she causes my heart to beat irregularly when nothing is wrong, my palms to obtain a dew for no reason, my chest to swell with her song and burst forth in wonder of her magnificence. Of course, considering such a description, anyone could see that Imoutou-chan and Sayuri-chan are two different entities in my heart.

I can't explain the feelings I have toward Sayuri-chan yet. Am I infatuated with her? It feels strange to admit it, to say it outright in my thoughts, or to recognize it. She is so special! So ephemeral! How can anyone not be infatuated with her? One can think that the both of us feel the same way, the frequent blush on her cheeks and the involuntary smiles she lets break free; we're both too shy to admit it I suppose. So, what can I call this, what we are doing? Circling around each other, afraid to brush together, caution to touch--as a moth hovers over the bright flame of a candle at night.

"Oi! Kohaku!" Once again, I am interrupted while deep in thought, but as I searched for the culprit, I saw a rust-colored ball of fur floating in the distance astride the illusion of a small horse of some kind; it soared at a rapid speed coming toward me, Shippou's laughter filling my ears…and in a split second his face was one inch from mine. I didn't flinch during this nerve-rattling act; Shippou has a habit of being as care-free as possible in times of rest. "Shippou…" I mumbled from the lack of space for a breath between us. "At least now I have your company to pass the time."

He relented and in a puff of smoke the false horse disappeared from underneath him and he landed on the ground below me. Even though Shippou is decades or maybe centuries older than I, it is confusing that he only comes up to my knee. He practically raised me, and Imoutou-chan as well and still he looks like a child compared to us. A fur-lined vest over his kimono was all he had covering himself before; after he vanquished the toy horse he rode on I was amazed that he was able to create a small robe to drape around himself. While I stood hugging myself to merely keep the warmth in my body from draining away with the breeze. "What the heck are you doing out here?" he said, glancing at the flower clenched between my frozen fingers. I don't think I would have been able to let it go if I wanted to.

Does he still not notice me shivering uncontrollably? "Oh, I thought about enjoying this good weather we are grateful to have." I replied.

Shippou grinned mischievously. "Miroku said you and Sayuri-chan are going to the festival tonight. Is that flower for her? Well, I guess she's your woman then, huh? You're a regular Miroku the second huh?"

"No--she isn't, I'm not-"

"The legacy of the great womanizer Miroku-houshi-sama continues! Bwahaha!" Shippou cackled, throwing his hands that were no larger than a mochi up to the sky in exaggeration. He is known to add drama to non-dramatic things to add excitement to everyday things.

He looked at me as if he just noticed I was standing there. "Sango told me to give you something if you acted foolish and went out here in that." I shifted a shoulder, and this surprised me because I thought I was as stiff as the trees around us. "You don't look too good."

"R-really? I-I-I d-didn't notice…" I stuttered.

"Guess I'm not done baby-sitting the both of you yet." he said, reaching into his pocket and throwing an acorn into the air. It made a loud popping sound and smoke surrounded it. When the dust settled, a light blue haori with mediocre patterns stitched upon its surface and made of a thick wool settled onto me. "Inuyasha's going crazy because he can't even keep an eye on his own kid, but I know where she is…" he placed a hand on his chin. "…and judging from the way she's making connections, I'd say she's adapting to this village just fine."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, shoving my arms into the short sleeves of the haori.

"That's none of your business. I don't go running to Kikyou and telling her how you're buying expensive kimonos for some girl and picking flowers for her." Shippou blew into the air and watched the vapors floating in front of him. "All you need to concentrate on is your new woman. Kikyou's handling herself…or letting someone else handle her; whatever it is."

He gave me a sideways glance. "Why should you care so much anyway? Ya know, she's getting to be pretty mature--despite the numbskull's blood she's got runnin' through her. Ya don't really need to keep tabs on her. She's not bothering to keep tabs on you."

This was true. I was befuddled to know that she formed a companionship with someone as I had, and so early. So quickly. Which is uncommon for her; Imoutou-chan is not a very sociable person because she is never given a chance, but to have the knowledge that she was preoccupied with one of the villagers…made me curious. Anyone would be! It shouldn't come as a surprise!

"To mellow out your obvious confusion, it isn't a female she's started talking to."

Something within me rekindled and my head snapped down at Shippou's smirk and his head moving from side to side. "She's been…speaking to a man?"

"Yup. Uh-huh."

"One of the villagers?"

He thought for a moment and continued to shake his head. "Nope. He looked like a drifter. Strong one. Tall…" To illustrate these descriptions he acted them out with his own body. To emphasize hieght, he stood on his toes and reached up with his arms above his head. "Ladies' man type smile…" He proceeded to attempt a sly grin. I was amused at how he achieved the sparkle on his teeth. "Handsome," he placed both his fists on his waist and puffed up his chest. "with black, messy hair that looks perfect either way and really, really dark eyes." Finishing the charade, he titled his head to me. "Tall, dark and handsome. Basically every sappy romantic girl's dream."

"Every lovesick woman's dream? Then what could Imoutou-chan possibly want from him?" I asked, dumbfounded. Absentmindedly, I tucked the flower inside my robe as neatly as possible and folded my arms.

"Even if she sure doesn't act like one, Kikyou's still very much a girl. And as much as she'll try to fight it off and act tough, she can make a solid exterior but she'll still melt on the inside for guys like that. Unconsciously, you know? It's just the way girls are. Don't you know anything?" Shippou sighed, closing his eyes. "She's drooling over him and just doesn't wanna admit it."

Imoutou-chan? Drooling over a complete stranger? I wanted to believe him…well, not entirely. But I truly did. I know her far too well to think of her groveling over a wanderer whose good looks and cocky smile get the best of him. Not that I'm assuming anything, yet based on Shippou's interpretations, I could suspect this much. Wait. I have changed. A lot has changed. It's been a day since I've even see her. A complete day. Who can say with confidence that she hasn't changed as well? That she hasn't found her way without my help; that she hasn't found an interest in someone like I have? No…it isn't possible. Not Imoutou-chan. I know her enough.

"So, what about Sayuri-chan?" Shippou snickered. I blinked.

"What do you mean?" I despised the blush that betrayed my shaking voice. The mere mention of her name brought chills to my arms! Or maybe it was the cold…

"You like her." He threw his pale green eyes with a mischievous glint upon me. "You like her a lot. Don'tchya?"

I was about to answer him when I noticed that it was darker around us. The sun had all but disappeared into the horizon and the skies were awash with scarlet, orange and golden hues. Afternoon. Dusk. Already? I've only been talking to Shippou for a few minutes! --I think…Wait! Sayuri-chan! I looked to him and the amusement on his face. If the flower and my simple inadequacy hadn't given me away, then surely the rapid change of my expressions so quickly dropped a significant hint.

"Thinkin' of Sayuri-chan aren't you? You're gonna be late. She's probably been waiting forever!"

Panic set into my body when he said that. I pictured my…I mean, Sayuri-chan…waiting for me at her doorstep, watching the other ladies and young women walk past on their way to the festival in beautiful kimono and with their escorts proudly showing off, her broken smile, that fake smile that hid the intense dissapointment underneath as she deduced I just lost interest in her, as any male would…I can't even bare to think about it! Taking one last anxiety-ridden look at Shippou's devious smirk, I dashed from him at breakneck speed, out of the woods and toward the village. The sun's going down had a curious effect on the weather, as I found it slightly warmer as I ran, past the crowds of people dressed in their finest clothing, and considering the scarcity of the area I can believe by what I saw that Sayuri-chan would be the center of attention with her ensemble.

Oh, how relieved I was to not see her as I did in my vision, painfully doubting my arrival as she sat at her stoop, and before I had time to think of my actions--she could have been getting ready and in a state of undress, for Buddha's sake!--I burst into the hut sweating and panting.

Kagome, Haha-ue and Sayuri-chan all were present in the entrance room and jumped at my appearance. Sayuri-chan sat on a cushion which protected her knees from the wooden floor that might as well have been green than brown; Kagome stood behind her and held her gathered hair up to the nape of her neck. Two elegant kanzashi protruded from Kagome's teeth clenched upon them; one was stuck in Sayuri-chan's hair, and Haha-ue was stationed next to Kagome, holding more hairpins that were all different colors. They all looked bewildered and startled by me standing there and an awkward moment of silence passed until Haha-ue graciously broke the ice.

"What's happened to you?" she asked, eyes wide.

I gulped a considerate amount of air. "Er--I thought Sayuri-chan was already prepared and I was late on Shippou's behalf."

Kagome smiled warmly, which looked odd with two kanzashi sticking out from between her lips, like antennae on a bug. "Well, she's just getting her hair done now…We couldn't decide on what style, so we're running a little late." her voice sounded more odd than the way she looked, because her speech was impaired by the kanzashi.

"Oh." I said, and stole a glance at Sayuri-chan while Haha-ue and Kagome weren't paying attention. Because they stood so close to her, they blocked a full view of her and I was only able to see her face. She returned it and shyed away, and her reaction caused my stomach to burn within. "I shouldn't be here now, while she still isn't ready…"

When I looked away from Sayuri-chan, I was met with Kagome's empathetic smile. She had seen the exchange between us.

"There's no need for you to go, Kohaku. Once she's done with her hair we'll just go in the next room and deliver the finishing touches." Haha-ue said.

"But-" I stuttered. My eyes shot toward Sayuri-chan again, and the sight of her exposed neck caused my breathing to shorten. How could they allow me to be here while she was practically bare?

"There. I think that looks alright." Kagome exhaled. Stepping back, she suddenly blurted out, "Oh, that's right! Kohaku can't see you yet, it'll ruin the surprise!" And with that, she blocked my view by moving in front of Sayuri-chan, then whispered to Haha-ue. I felt out of place in a room full of whispering women and was thankful when Kagome and Haha-ue moved toward the door of the next room, bunched together to prevent me from seeing Sayuri-chan completely.

"She'll be out in just a second!" Kagome called over her shoulder as the three of them left into the women's room.

Now, as I stand alone, I can feel the intensity of my nervousness. The increasing anticipation of her unveiled beauty is so great that I can barely contain myself! And then, to escort her to the festival. To stand beside her as her escort, and be seen as a couple. To the festival of course! Not couple as in couple…yet it seems to be just the same, right? I want her to be…what? What exactly is it that I want her to be? With me? I have to sigh to think of it. Why does it have to be so confusing?? On so many occassions, I daydream of holding her. Embracing her. And it feels wonderful in my fantasies, but to think about acting upon it in real life…I hesitate. Damn it all. I am a man! Men should be indifferent to such things! It should come natural to us! Sometimes I wish I could have inherited Chichi-ue's suave demeanor. Then the ability to exact those desires would come natural to me as well, and I wouldn't have a care in the world. My thoughts switch back to my conversation with Shippou earlier and his description of the man Imoutou-chan has found interest in. I bet he is easy-going, smooth-talking and suave. Why does Imoutou-chan even find him attractive at all?

"Okay! Here she comes!" Hearing Kagome's voice disturbs me from further condemning her daughter and the panic returns…I can't say that I've missed it in its absence. I get sick to the point of almost vomiting from how long its taking her to come before me. Damn the anticipation, damn my moist palms, damn my overzealous heart! And as I continued to denounce myself in every possible aspect, the one who I admire for their flawlessness appears and even the angry voice in my head hushes at her presence. Anyone would, she looked amazing.

A celestial glow emanated off of her very being; the pure ivory hue of the kimono draped around her caused her whole body to look like a cloud, unreachable, elusive and captivating. Its slight resemblance to a furisode struck me and the pressure of this night seized my heart. Her eyes were compelling. Instead of the soft blue I frequently saw, sapphires alighted her iris and seized my breath, inundating me completely where I stood, feeling like a peasant in the same room with her and dressed in the old, worn unflattering robes I wore. The scene depicted on the hem was just as impeccable, as it featured the tail feathers of a snow white nightingale--which cannot be seen in reality of course--traveling up the maemigoro area where her thigh and hip are located, where the wings with light blue trimmings spread halfway, as if in preparation for flight, showered with--lilies!--falling from a nonexistent sky, and finally, at the breast, the torso of the bird twisted at an angle led up to its head at her right shoulder turned to one side, like it was bowing; demure and benign. As my eyes traversed upward from this scene and was met with hers and the softness of her rich skin tone, a searing blush settled on her cheeks, a diminutive smile broke free and her head lowered as the nightingale's. I wondered why when I looked distractedly to Haha-ue emerging from behind Kagome, who raised an eyebrow and patted her lips with one finger. I didn't understand this at first but then I took it as a disreet message regarding me, and I just realized that my mouth had been hanging embarrassingly open the entire time and when I closed it, my tongue was completely dry.

"So? How does she look?" Kagome asked artlessly, bringing her fist up to her mouth in an attempt to hide her grin.

I was wordless. How could anyone describe this? Her? Astonishing, brilliant, immaculate, breathtaking, more beautiful than life itself….I swallowed. My throat was dry as well. "B-Beautiful…" I said, and my voice was hoarse.

Sayuri-chan lifted her head to me at this, and her eyes seemed to allow me to see into her soul; the same look Imoutou-chan gave me when I told her she was beautiful months ago. Her eyebrows were titled as if she were going to cry, but instead her lips parted only slightly, as if to say something genuine, yet she was interrupted by Kagome's outburst.

"Oh, the both of you look so good together! Kohaku and Sayuri. And she looks so pretty! This will probably be a night the both of you remember for the rest of your lives!" she exclaimed, clasping her hands together. She then glanced out of the only window in the hut. "Okay, Kohaku…now that you've gotten a good look at her, the both of you should get going before it gets late!"

I nodded and saw Haha-ue sigh. She looked concerned and strenuous, but the only thing she did was mouth the words 'be careful' to me. Be careful? Of what? But before I could ask her what she meant, Kagome started to push Sayuri-chan and I out of the doorway. "Let's go, you two! Get a move on, you don't want to miss everything!" And like that, we were shoved out onto the village sideway and into the cold.

Waves of couples poured from their houses, as in my vision where Sayuri-chan waited disenchanted with my late arrival, but she stood beside me, silent as she observed the men and women passing by us, some-well, most of them-outright staring at us, then whispering to others and soon everyone who passed by looked at us in amazement. I recognized Sayuri-chan's friend Asuza-san among them, her arm linked with a man. She spotted us and glanced wide-eyed at Sayuri-chan, who looked sheepishly back at her. Asuza-san glared in return and continued to walk along with the others, to our right and toward the well-lit area in the center of the village entrance. I looked down at Sayuri-chan at my left. "Should we go now?"

She kept a hundred-yard stare straight ahead of her. Her hair sitting atop her head bothered me for some reason, partly because of her bare neck open to my less-than-virtuous gaze, and then how much more stunning she would look with her full, shiny brown hair down and contrasting the white of her kimono. I wish it weren't so frowned upon for a woman to do such a thing! "Yes. I think its starting now. And the sun is almost down."

She was correct. The heavens were now dense with scarlets and crimsons mingled with pale yellows, like it was bleeding, but cheerfully, and this was only because the flames that the villagers had set on torches added this effect to the skies. I stepped into the wave first and she followed, her steps sure and precise. Everyone around us spread in different directions to give us an ample amount of room, and I felt strange because of this, being the center of attention in a group of people I don't know. Sayuri-chan was just as uncomfortable, I guess, judging by the uneasiness which she clearly conveyed on her brow when the stares of the other couples became all the more obvious. Whispers floated around our heads while we walked and I saw her look up at the sky in frustration; she could take no more of it and neither could I, so I carefully placed my hand at the small of her back…meanwhile my heart responds to this as does she…her head whipped around to me but I kept my eyes ahead and moved her forward through the crowd at a faster pace, if only to get away from all the gossip nonsense. We gained considerable speed as I excused my way past the astonished faces of women and I thought we would emerge to our destination unscathed when Sayuri-chan was suddenly snatched from me.

I heard her yelp, and my body tensed--a demon! Maburoshi! But instead it was something else equally as troubling.

"Asuza-chan!" Sayuri-chan gasped, her arm held tight by the red-haired girl.

I watched from the corner of my eye as she leaned close to Sayuri-chan and I heard her whisper loud because there was so much commotion that she couldn't have whispered even if she wanted to. "I can't believe you, Sayuri-chan! I ask you to introduce me to the houshi and you go and show up with him to the festival?!"

"Asuza-chan…" Sayuri-chan replied, hurt. How compassionate she is! "I didn't mean to…it just turned out this way. I didn't mean for it to happen, in fact, I wasn't even going to come if it weren't for Kohaku-san inviting me."

At the mention of my name I tried to walk along as if I hadn't heard a thing in case Asuza-chan decided to turn her attentions on me, yet I failed miserably.

"So, your name is Kohaku-san..?" the girl slyly drawled, sidling up next to me.

"You must be Asuza-chan's escort…I'm Sayuri, its nice to meet you." Sayuri-chan stated at the man who glared in my direction then looked quizzically at Sayuri-chan.

"Why, y-yes it is.." I said. Why won't she just leave me be? All I want is to be with Sayuri-chan! At the festival that is! Not for eternity, of course!

"Of course it is. You're every bit as handsome as the rumors say you are. And don't be modest and say you're not…"

As I tried to drown out the advances of the best friend of the woman I am escorting, I was filled with the urge to jump up and shout at the sight of the festival lights ahead. Finally! The crowd we were all traveling in branched out like a funnel, couples went in separate directions, enchanted and excited all at once by the hanging paper lamps illuminating the area along with the torches placed at different sections of the area, multiple game stands were set up everywhere, their owners coaxing women along and boasting that even the fastest man in Edo wouldn't be able to catch the koi fish that swam at the bottom of a wooden box in one try. An instrumental group stood by playing old traditional tunes that added to the ambience of the night. I wanted to tell Sayuri-chan how amazing it all looked, how she ever thought of missing such a fun event. I glanced to my left--gone? Sayuri-chan had all but vanished.

Asuza-san… She isn't going to ruin this night for her. It is the day of Sayuri-chan's birth, her day, her night to be seen as someone worthy in the eyes of others. And I will not allow anyone to take the spotlight away from someone who deserves the world and more. So I searched through the crowd that came from the inner streets of the village where I had lost her in the sea of people, since she couldn't have gone far. I spotted her next to a sweet radish stand with Asuza-san chatting her up incessantly. At first, I was eager to march up to her and begin our night together, a night I have waited so long for, but I rethought my actions. My curiosity peaked. What does she say about me when speaking to her friends? I wanted to know how she felt and I could only do so while she was uninhibited and conversing with someone familiar to her.

I ducked behind a group of four friends laughing at the koi swimming around in the crates and stealthily moved on the other side of the radish stand, perfectly concealed.

I came in the middle of their conversation. "…thought you said you would! But why did I rely on you? Now I'm stuck with the most boring man here." Asuza-san sounded terse.

"I'm sorry, Suza-chan…I didn't mean for it to happen this way, it just did. He offered to take me. And I accepted. What was I supposed to do? Outright reject him?" Sayuri-chan said. "And Yasunari-san isn't boring…he's just…reflective."

A brief silence passed. "So…" I heard Asuza-san inquire over the noise of the festival activities. "You might as well tell me what he's like."

"Un…he's very complex. But modest…and profound. He's good with-with words…"

My heart tumbled at this. She thought I was good with words!? While Imoutou-chan complains how tongue-tied I am.

"Isn't he attractive?" Asuza-san gestured.

"Y-yes…" I barely heard Sayuri-chan answer after another small silence. My ears burned. "B-but he's troubled…he's not in a position to be very carefree. If you look in his eyes….there's so much sadness. Its almost frightening. Such a broken…it-its hard to explain."

I could tell from the tone of her voice that she wished to change the subject. I wished for her to change it also. What does she mean by that? Sadness in my eyes? I looked down at the ground.

Asuza-san cared little for this. "I don't know what you're talking about anyway. What does he say to you? What does he do?"

"I-I don't know…he speaks to me like any other person. He-he hasn't tried to be flirtatious…or anything. He's…nice. I think I can trust him. The things he says, the way his voice sounds, the way he uses his eyes and is hesitant…it can make someone feel like he is a comfort or a sanctuary despite his own tragedy." Sayuri-chan's words made me experience a pang of overwhelming emotion. I wanted to appear from behind the stand and embrace her and shower her with all that I am unable to say. She is so insightful and…I can barely describe her!

An agony in my chest; my heart, the desire to open it to her is so fierce, and still I am hesitant. Should I be so careless with it? Allowing a woman I have only just met such easy access to it? I am lost. I have no idea what to do. Life should be easier than this. There should be a manual or scroll that lets one who refers to it know what to do in situations like this, how to handle the heart. Yes, it should be called, "The Care and Maintenance of the Mortal Heart". Maybe one day an old man on his deathbed will write it, after his own trials and tribulations, so that he might be able to stop another young man from making the same mistakes. Perhaps, if there is no one by the time I am seventy winters, I will pursue that goal. But for the moment, there is no such thing and there is only reason. Still, I can't figure out what reason I should take as my own!

Tonight. I hear her voice on the other side of the stand, and I have the strangest feeling that I must reach her and this crude wooden barrier separates us. The longing to touch her surfaces and I am unable to. It torments me. I need to hold her. So where is reason now? I always use it, turn to it when I think there's no other way. But tonight, can't just one night be dedicated to forgetting reason? I remember Chichi-ue once told me to never forget to live in the moment, no matter what position you are in in life or what you think. Because they come so scarcely in time, in such side intervals that one has to sieze it when they see the opportunity. You can't ever forget to live. Tonight, I believe is my moment. It is our moment. Simply tonight.

I'll throw caution to the wind and live. Explore. Find it. Find what I've been searching for all this time. A reason to forget reason.

The strings of the koto strum a tune I discover to be awfully familiar. Coupled by the refrain of a flute, I know the song. Before we began our search for Maburoshi, when we all still resided in our respective villages, on special nights when the moon showed her full face Haha-ue would bring me out from bed and into the field while everyone slept. Then she would wake Chichi-ue and have him bring out a koto and strum a song she called, "Fate of Young Souls" and she said that it was based on a tale of a couple that is devasted by news of the man being sent to war. The woman resolved that he must go, to defend his family's honor but doesn't understand why they send children to war.

You might not understand this, but to further explain, the woman always saw every man that went to war as if he were a child, and would picture them as small children in armor too big for their small bodies. She does this because she believed that no matter how old we are, we remain children, even through the scars and sorrows of life, she believed that all people are only as old as they look on the outside but on the inside there lurks a child that cries for its mother and father and happiness. It truly is a touching story. Ultimately she holds firm to the fact that we all forget ourselves too quickly, and are forced to fight pointless battles and go through difficult trials in life simply to try and rid ourselves of the small child within.

So, as Chichi-ue would strike up the tune, not at all bothered by being awakened in the middle of the night I might add, my Haha-ue would teach me the dance routine that went along with it. It was a beautiful sight to happen upon--a father playing a touching refrain on the koto while watching his wife effortlessly and majestically move her body like water to the song in the moonlight, as Haha-ue is an incredible dancer, and his son awkwardly trying to mimick her in the male routine, their shadows dancing along on the grass. And since the age of five I was whisked away from bed at erratic times and taught to dance the routine until I turned fifteen and had memorized the dance long ago. By then I was already as tall as my Haha-ue and we could properly execute every move with our bodies in perfect alignment. Then Chichi-ue would ask to cut in, as he had learned the routine from watching us for so many years and as I sat and watched them and played the koto as well as he, I felt moved by my parents portraying their emotions so freely to each other and from their love the dance achieved what it lacked if danced with a partner for which you shared no deep connections with and the beauty of it was magnified even more.

Now, as I hear it again I am filled with nostalgia for those days of peace and I instantly have the need to grab Sayuri-chan and have her dance it with me, to feel her body against mine, to see if we will be able to do the same thing my parents did, to see if we would be able to give the dance the touch of feeling that was rare and priceless.

"…he kisses you. What're you going to do then?" I heard Asuza-san say as I abandoned my thoughts.

"…I-I don't know." After I heard Sayuri-chan say this I took a deep breath and walked out from behind the stand, unable to supress my smile. It wasn't because of the topic they were discussing of course, it was because I was releasing all the sorrows and pain of life. I wanted to be a child again. Not thinking about how she feels or my feelings toward her or about the future or anything. Just smiling and hearing the song of the young souls, the notes passing through my body and rejuvenating my spirit.

Both Asuza-san and Sayuri-chan looked shocked to see me appear from thin air, but I focused on Sayuri-chan. On her eyes and her, her everything. She looked beautiful. I angled my head so that I might hear the music better. "Do you know this song?" I asked her. She listened to it for a while, as if just taking notice of it, and smiled as well.

"Yes, I do. It is the 'Young Souls' tale." she said.

"What? What is that?" Asuza-san rudely intruded in our conversation.

Sayuri-chan did not look like she was bothered by this while I was rather annoyed. "It is the story about the two lovers and the man has to go to war and the woman is sad that he has to go."

I immediately interjected before her friend asked another question. "Do you know…the dance?"

Sayuri-chan caught on to my motives and became demure when she shyly answered, "Yes…I learned from a friend."

My nerves got the best of me as I readied my next question, my true nature unable to be suppressed for long. I inhaled and caught her scent of lilies and I was calmed by them. I reached out to her with my right hand waiting for her to place herself in the palm of my hand, allow me to guide her, to be her solace.

"Will you join me?"

Asuza-san stood in a completely alternate background. All I saw was Sayuri-chan. Her cheeks inflamed and my mind was turned inside-out, my arms burned at the sight of her teeth biting down upon her lower lip. She caused the blood to race in my veins at break-neck speed with that one gesture, imagine if she did anything more than that! And I was taken when she delicately placed her hand in mine, putting only the slightest bit of pressure on it, if any at all, like she was giving me her heart and saying to me, 'Be careful with it. Don't break it, because its so fragile, Kohaku…'

I wanted to respond and say I would never hurt her, because she already meant so much to me, and I was her protector. Keep her safe from harm, keep a smile on her face. Those were my duties. And they were responsiblities I wanted, I realized this as I led her to the center of the festival in front of the musicians playing the song, and looking into her eyes revealing everything to me, we took up position, and I wanted to be her guardian. I wanted to be the man on whose shoulder she laid her head and relaxed her body against, the one she trusted with her heart. The battle for my own mortality seemed so insignificant then, when compared to the importance of preventing a single salty tear from staining her cheek. She should never have to cry alone in the woods.

Smiling, I reached up and gently plucked away the kanzashi that held her hair up. I was amused at the shock on her face as I did this, her eyes wide and her mouth slightly open. But it was worth seeing those waves of honey-brown silk cascade down upon her shoulders and the few strands flying and settling on her face. Vulnerability. Its what I want most. And what I fear most.

"Koha--"

"Wait." I stopped her, and reached into the folds of my robes to gently clasp my hand around the flower still there. I pulled it out, hoping it wasn't damaged, and was glad to find it still flawless. Flawless as the girl in front of me. No, actually, she isn't flawless. No one is. She is scarred by a weary life, yet I am attracted to it, attracted to pain…because of my intense desire to heal it. Slowly, I breathed in and brushed the hair from her face; her expression softened into one of empathy, and I smoothed the hair on one side of her head to tuck it behind her ear along with the lily I placed safely there. I stepped back to look at her and she briefly held her head parallel to mine. The white of the lily brought out her stunning oceanic eyes, my insides melted. Then she lowered her head as if she were bowing like the nightingale etched into her kimono. When will she realize that I am dealt the heaviest of blows from being denied the view of her beauty?

"Now I don't think there is anyone here tonight that can even compare to you." I stepped closer to her, in the position of the first string of the dance, for the music had started over because they knew we were going to dance to it, and mumbled this. She sucked in a breath.

And it began. The koto was strummed by a suitable hand of talent and our bodies flowed to the sound, I turned to one side facing away from her, spreading one arm to the night sky ablaze with the light of the fire from below. Subsequently, she would be behind me, spreading both her arms out to me as if calling out for me to stay, as did the woman in the story to her lover. The flute chimed in with its heartbreaking melody, the cue for me to face her and shift my footing countless times, like I am tripping over my own two feet and I saw her whish in front of me her arms angled perfectly outward, then her hair lifting as she spun around to my back. My gestures would become stronger now, my fists would clench as I extended my arm to the sky and threw my torso to be aligned with the ground. Here the man is assuming the woman does not understand the ways of war and is being disobedient by complaining, therefore making it harder for him to part from her. Now Sayuri-chan moved closer to me as the tempo of the song picks up in rapid yet fluid movements, conveying the woman's desire for him to see through her eyes, and here she exacts the same powerful strokes with her body to close the distance between us until she stands with her face inches away from mine.

Her breathing is leveled and controlled. Her eyes hold mine with such potency and emotion, I stare back at her with an equal amount of concentration. Then she lifts her hands between us, her palms shown to me and her fingers spread, and gradually lowers them, her hands so close to running over my face and chest but not doing so, and this shows the barrier that the woman sees between her and her lover, a wall she wishes to tear down. One of her fingers accidentally come into contact with my lower lip and I lick them both out of reflex. This action compels me…I stand obedient with my fists at my sides but in all actuality I want to take her hands and run them myself across my chest, to feel her touch, to feel her. Having her so close to me caused such a strong effect that I could barely contain myself. And I raise my hand as close to her face and she did mine, ready to caress her cheek but at the last minute I pull away. I could have sworn I saw a pained look on her face that was all too real; I move in the motions of the song and koto, lift my hands to the sky, as if looking at them in frustration, then violently take them back down so I may have a better view of them. Here, the man shows how he is trying to comprehend his lover's way of thinking, but he cannot. Sayuri-chan then makes her way toward me in elegant twists and turns, the fluidity and chance of life, and kneels close to the ground at my feet behind me, my arm glides before my body as I turn to look down at her while she brings her hands to her chest. This is where the woman shows how she sees him as a child inside, as she sees herself as one, and Sayuri-chan brings herself upright but rises with her arms pressed tightly together and undulating like her body, in waves like the growth of a plant. The woman is showing how we grow and wish to rid ourselves of our childishness. Seeing her body exact the move so perfect makes me want to collide against her and hold her to me because I see the woman in her! Sayuri-chan is the woman not wanting me to go to war, to fight this battle, wanting me to stay with her forever, and I am the man who is too naïve to see her desperation! And I do want to stay. This land and the seasons pass and during those times there is so much turmoil and sorrow, and she gives it light and beauty with her dance, her innocence of the child within her. This crude armor encasing me, damn I wish I could shed it from myself. Go about life not caring, being one of these villagers…seeing her in that state, the being not from this world as I had pictured her before, it hurt me and at the same time dazzled me. Using her body as her own, with a grace that can rival Haha-ue's, well, it was surprising to see that she was capable of this, after deceiving me with her constant blush and modesty. This woman that moved to the moon in front of the world, she seemed like another person, but still Sayuri-chan. Only, an uninhibited version of her. And I felt privileged and honored to witness it.

The flute sounded like it was crying. Sayuri-chan held her stomach then released it, expressing the woman and her interpretation of the child leaving its mother, as men do when they are born and when they pass on to the next life. I had to repeat a certain movement over and over again, which involved me raising my hands to my face and then pushing them out on either side of me, suggesting the man was trying to block the truth of the world from his mind, closing it to his own lover. But she wouldn't relent to this, in her great need to reach him she, or Sayuri-chan, would run over to his back and I lightly gasped to myself when I felt her back press against mine, and I extended my arms for the most important part of the dance; she did the same. Our arms aligned with each other and the backs of our hands touched, our arms moving slowly upward. She rested her head on mine and I relaxed, even going so far as to closing my eyes for the moment when our arms reached the space above our heads and we stopped to flip our hands over, so that our palms pressed together and our fingers interlaced.

I clenched her hand tight in mine, not too hard, but enough to show her how strongly this affected me, what I felt in that position. Our arms slowly went down but I savored it, knowing the next manuever would be all the more intimate. The intimacy. If I had been doing the same thing with someone other than her, it wouldn't be the same. There wouldn't be the rush of sensations and the tingling washing over me if it were anyone else. Only Sayuri-chan. The time came for the transition, the koto dying out and the flute assuming its solo. And in one swift motion, we both turned in a half-moon style to face each other as we had done earlier but this time we both raised our hands in front of each other starting from the bottom, and we pressed our palms together again. I looked into those eyes, those eyes…and lost myself in them. She did not look in some other direction, nor did she allow her gaze to shift for one second at the crowd that gathered around us to enjoy the spectacle. No, she kept her eyes on mine and I saw the flames behind her pupil, the passion for life and love and art.

It was the sense of touch. As we rose our hands up, my hands analyzed everything about hers, the smooth texture of her skin, the narrowness of her fingers and the moisture on her palms. I wanted to feel something. And I felt her there, her hands on mine, feeling the things I use to hold and touch. But that one particular sense was heightened then and there. While I stared into her iris and blocked out the noise of our surroundings…all I felt at that moment was her.

I think we disregard our hands too much. We use them only as mundane tools, given to us so that we may be able to function in life, a necessity, and they would be missed if they were gone. Although, when I think of it, we just go about our days using them and don't wonder about how many things we use them for, they are simply there, we assume and we don't pay much attention to them. We take them for granted. But what people don't realize is that our hands are almost the most sacred things on our body. Our hands are what we use to caress our loved ones, to clasp our parents clothing, to hold our infant children for the first time and many times after, to feel things we see that we must know the contours and textures of. The sense of touch. If you were to brush against another while walking, it would be a form of intimacy with another being. Of course, not the most emotional, still, it touches you. It has an effect on your skin. To feel a complete stranger, to come into contact with them in the closest act. And this is what is accomplished through the hands. A person can find their soul mate by clasping hands with them because it is the second closest form of bonding with another soul. Yes, the first form would be intercourse, but if one can consider it closely, it can either be an act of pure primal urges or an act of the most purest love. With touching another person's hands, there can be no other reason except the deepest level of understanding because no one can receive sexual pleasure from holding someone else's hand. They can only immerse themselves in the satisfaction of their sense of touch…their desire for contact, for pure intimacy with that being.

Our fingers laced together again when our hands reached our heads. We stayed that way forever…or it felt like it. As the pitch of the flute languidly got lower and lower our one final move in the routine was for me to release her hands and turn from her one last time, as in the story where the man refuses to see through the woman's eyes and goes off to war anyway, but the both of us remained standing there, our hands clasped together, staring. I saw in her eyes the hesitance and the doubt of whether I was going to let go and complete the dance and when the cue for this came, her hands slacked because she thought I would go on, and when I didn't she said nothing. Her hands tightened in mine again and the flute went on to end its solo in its sad, wilting tone.

The song ended and suddenly a wave of applause erupted all around us along with cheers and receptions. Only then did we break off such a personal act in public and became aware of where we were, Sayuri-chan slid her stare from me to the people clapping for us, unconsciously lifting her fingers to her mouth. She knew as well as I that we had shown a lot of ourselves to each other and it was a slight bit embarrassing to have so many people make a spectacle of it. Everyone hadn't been interested in the festival any longer and abandoned their activities to watch us. Hm, I hadn't expected anyone to pay such attention to us, or me for that matter while dancing. It was unsettling. We remained standing there in front of the musicians clapping along with the others. I didn't know whether to leave or anything, and to do so I would need to lead Sayuri-chan through them, which would be incredibly uncomfortable. But after that, I longed to be alone with her, to address what just happened between us. As I looked over the spectators I saw Haha-ue in a stunning light plum colored kimono and a touched expression on her face, Chichi-ue beside her and looking impressed. Inuyasha looked directly back at me among faces I didn't know, he had seen it as well and appeared to be contemplating me, Kagome adorning a dark blue kimono smiled at me in a maternal way. The village headman pushed through the crowd, I glimpsed him from out the corner of my eye, a slim middle-aged man with ruffled, shaggy black hair and a simple cotton yukata on. He came up to Sayuri-chan and I.

"Sayuri-chan!" he directly addressed her and she bowed in reverence, I think to hide the discomfort her face showed. "That was simply amazing! Such genius! I had no idea you, little Sayuri-chan, could dance so brilliantly! As talented as a geisha!! Incredible! And your monk friend! Houshi-sama!"

He was loud and deliberate and in my current state I found him intolerable. Yet I dealt with it, not wanting to embarrass myself or Sayuri-chan. I bowed to him first, then he returned the favor. "For a monk you move so fluidly! Your gestures were magnificent! I almost shed tears along with the women while watching you!"

Yes, that was all fine and flattering, now leave me so I may go about my life! "Thank you. I don't deserve such praise." I replied, hoping it would end there.

Ah, it did not! "Sayuri-chan, your suitor is some catch. Not what I would expect from you! Well done! So what shall I see from you two in the future?"

She said nothing, the crowd was dispersing from around us, thank Buddha. The headman laughed. "Sayuri-chan, you and your modesty! Well, you two enjoy the festival! Most talented young ones here--" Like a fool, I thought he was going to walk away when he turned his back to us, but then he just whirled back around. My face fell. "--and Sayuri-chan! I expect to see you performing in more of our events! Now I know your secret dancing abilities and I plan on letting all of Nihon see them as well! You don't want to be stingy with your gift do you?"

Sayuri-chan opened her mouth to protest and was cut off by the man's raucous laughter. It displeases me whenever I witness a situation where a woman's opinion about her own business is waved off like a bothersome fly in the wake of men. Sure, it is custom and women are meant to be tight-lipped and silent in our presence; it is the way of women. I abhor it. Women should be entitled to do as they please. Really, what is the difference between us other than anatomically? Nothing. We men make senseless rules to control, because it is what men desire most, control over something. And women, since they are normally the weaker sex, are stuck dealing with the blunt of their own falsely influenced inferiority. That's why I appreciate and marvel at strong women like my Haha-ue and Kagome, and especially Imoutou-chan. Sayuri-chan was probably being obedient, obeying the laws taught to her by society that she had learned since childhood. 'Women are to be seen not heard.' It disgusted me to see her judgment thrown aside and being forced to do something she didn't want to. I wanted to rise to her defense if she wasn't able to.

She must have sensed this. As the muscles in my arms tensed for preparation, she placed her hand gently on my bicep. When I looked at her, it was like she was silently begging me to relax and let it go. I looked at the headman. "Alright then, I suppose you two would like to go on about your own and enjoy the night!! Go on! It is the festival! Go and play now!" he guffawed. This time, he walked off and left us standing there.

Everyone had left the circle that was around us before he showed up and spread back out to different areas of the festival. She stood awkwardly holding her wrists and looking around at the people laughing and rotating to different novelty stands.

This was my opportunity, our opportunity to talk over the intense session we had just engaged in. A chance I wasn't about to miss so carelessly. What had occurred then, it was something that couldn't be ignored. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end from looking at her, being so near her and not being able to reach out and…wait. Those aren't my thoughts! They couldn't be! I'm not like that, I'm the one who stutters and is nervous around women!! Not one who openly bathes in their innermost desires, who narrates and contemplates their fantasies while in the presence of their object of affection. No! but--maybe --yes. Maybe she is my object of affection. Wrong again. She can't be considered as an object either. Rather, the light in my eyes at the moment. Now, that is phrased better.

I looked at her when I heard the breathy sigh above all the other clamor. She returned the gesture and I leaned closer to her, the heat of such a move stifling me.

"Would you like to go somewhere else…with less noise?"

"Um," she hesitated, biting her lip again in contemplation. How can she manage to be so enticing with such simple movements? "Yes."

With that simple word of agreement from her we began walking out from the festival area, on the same path we had tread to come here in the first place, in the direction of her home since it was the only place we could go that was away it. My hand twitched toward hers dangling childishly by her side, but then I thought twice of it and withdrew lest I do something socially unacceptable. It is in bad taste for a man to violate a young woman in such a manner, when she is unmarried and they have only been acquainted for a short period of time. I had no desire to shame her, or dispoil her name, so I kept to myself of course. We walked silently admiring the scenery of the village at night, awash in the flickering shadows cast from the flames of the torches far behind us now. She gazed all around with a languid smile and I did too, mirroring her whimsical delight.

Soon we were far off from the village and the dirt beneath our feet turned to the golden grass of the plains leading to that prominent hill and then ahead of us, the woodlands. I saw her look toward them from the corner of my eye and the warmth that settled in her expression, one of relaxation that the place where she sought comfort from daily life lied, waiting for her--always. Yes, that would give her reason to relax. To know that something in this world was solid and sheltering, unchanging, forever offering a sanctuary that she can run to whenever she pleases, and it will always lie in wait for her, without doubts. And then I found myself feeling the same when we entered the depths of it, traversed through the first row of bare, leafless trees and went on the same trodden track that has been worn from the continuous passage of feet and geta and all types of things.

I let her enter the clearing where we first met formally before me, and followed behind her. Sayuri-chan sat upon the same polished boulder and sighed, apparently weary from the long walk and the dance we had taken up a mere hour or so earlier. I smiled, sitting down next to her, both of us facing the same direction. The heat failed to travel here from the village. It was cold, and we were able to see vapors in front of our mouths with each escaped breath. She shivered briefly, and I immediately got up and set to gathering small sticks and branches, anything that would set fire, but not spread. She didn't question me, only sat there and propped her arm at the elbow upon her knee and held her chin in her palm, watching me absentmindedly. All was quiet except for the frost crackling beneath my waraji; I held a small bundle in my arms and knelt down in front of her to place them as close to her as possible, so that she would feel most of the warmth, and retrieved two splint rocks from the folds of my robes. And then my favorite part of the process came. Most people wouldn't pay much attention to this simple, seemingly everyday act, but every time I did it, something inside me burst with childish splendor upon doing it, and still to this day I have no idea why my face lights up to do so.

Maybe the reason is the anticipation. The knowledge of the what might be, what is to come, but must still be initiated and it looms ever so precariously on the edge of existence. And despite my meager being, I am the one who brings life to it, I am the one who, after the patience and waiting, will be the one who creates the brazen force which has the power to destroy a whole village, yet is still the source of comfort and the answer to the chill in the marrow of frozen bones. And there I knelt, hitting those two splint rocks together, mouth tilted in eager delight, a sharp resonating snap ringing over and over through the trees and bark and every living thing: waiting for sparks.

There. I saw them in the shadows of a moment. They leapt from the stones, heeding my calls, pushed by the force, and rained down upon the scraps of firewood that lay in the dirt. They smoldered. Again. I remember the time when Haha-ue first taught me how to start a fire--I felt guilty to learn how to do such a thing, to create such a monstrous thing. And yet, when she bent down over me in that dark, damp cave, and held my trembling hands in hers, the two rocks between my fingers, and carried out the action while still allowing me to do it as well--I was afraid. What if it went out of control? What if it hurt Haha-ue? What if I killed Haha-ue with my own hands in hers, by creating myself the instrument of her death? All these thoughts ran through my head at the time, drowning out her rhythmic words of soft instruction. Then, I was surprised when the questions blended together, so I was unable to tell which was which, and all that I heard was the sound of the mineral of the rocks colliding with each other--all else was silent. And I caught it, the sparks, the premature parents of the flame, jump from their hiding place and seemingly extinguish into the driftwood set before us. My heart lept with them! I grinned fully and completely, I saw them appear in the space of time of a single heatbeat and it felt magnificent to witness it. It was as if the sparks had set off in my mind, in my heart, deep inside me, a special happiness that I hadn't known until then, until seeing the small, tiny vulnerable beginnings of a flame. And even greater was my new happiness when on the second try it suddenly burst forth in all its wonder and strength, no longer vulnerable, and lashed out at me in angry strikes. Haha-ue quickly shoveled dirt in her bare hands and threw it upon the flames, taming them, hushing them, her children. Her creation, she was showing it that she was its mistress, and that they should obey. It did, and the cave we sought solace in lit up and shadows danced upon its walls. I looked toward the sillhouette of her I had seen earlier and realized she was awash in golden hues, my Haha-ue, smiling at me.

At the second action they were thrown again from the friction, the sparks fled from the surface of the splint rocks and toward the branches, they landed, sizzled. The single strip of bark among the pile cracked. I bent closer to where the faint lines of smoke billowed up and blew three consecutive times, and with that, a paltry and miserable flame materialized underneath my nose. I cautiously shifted a stick and snatched my hand away from the blazing fire that erupted, a scarlet orange glow that barely showed any honor, but fought valiantly as it could to gain it. There wasn't even a need to tame it, for it was already tame. Small, but practical. I was content with the adequate lighting it provided and the heat it fed my toes, feeling it soak gradually into my skin, causing the bumps along my arms to recede. I stood up and glanced at her. She still said nothing, gazing into the fire. Detached, her mind appeared to be somewhere else far from where we stood, and I respected her silence. I sat down beside her and looked at her from the corner of my eye while she was lost in herself. I hadn't meant to stare, but I saw how the fire danced in her iris, mingled when her eye kept still with the tender blue, but swathed the color when her sight dashed about her point of interest, trembling against each other they were, crimson and azure and gold. Her features were more subtle in the refined light of the fire, smooth and delicate, like if I were to reach out and touch her cheek, its surface would be sensitive to my fingertips. Her eyes unexpectedly shot to me and I lost composure. She knew what I was doing.

My face burned as she angled her body toward mine. Her hands lay at opposite sides of her, she was leaning all her weight onto them, they were her support.

"Have you been enjoying yourself?" I asked quickly, keeping eye contact.

She let a smile slip, no doubt unwillingly, and this caused a fluttering in my chest. Trying to clear it up, but failing miserably she looked at the ground and said, "Yes."

The crackling of the fire filled the awkward silence that preceded her answer. A ruffling of her kimono shifting against the smooth stone surface of the boulder and I watched her lean forward and stretch out her arm, careful to hold the hem away, and swiftly dip her hand into the flames. And they embraced it, protecting it, intertwining with her fingers; then she snatched it back as spontaneously as she had placed it there and I was surprised that her hand emerged unscathed, even flawless one would say, and she resigned to holding it over the fire, teasing it; every time it rose to try and envelop her she rose her hand higher. This simple act caught my rapt attention. My eyes found their way to her lips, and they parted, moved in strange ways but fascinating movements, and her voice filled my ears.

"This will probably be the only thing that will happen to me in my life. You…will probably be the only thing that happens in my life." her words drifted in the air. She eyed the fire, I eyed her lips bathed in that gold shadow.

"Your Oji-san said that you had suitors…why didn't you ever answer them?"

"Because…" she dwelled, and went on, "…I don't want--I didn't want to feel…what its like. You know, when its cold on a night like this, and you're very cold, and you suddenly find a blazing fire like this one…and you see it from far away, and once you get close to it, you're so cold…that you immediately plunge your frost-bitten hands into it, and right then, it goes out, just like that…I suppose that's how I feel."

Her hand grazes the fire once more, then pulls away. "Why would I want to feel something like that, reach out and touch an opportunity to have a family and a husband, and then have it go away as soon as I do? Why just have a taste of it when you can't have it all? Why even bother?"

"Then why don't you? Take it all? Your happiness, what you deserve?"

Sayuri-chan pulled her hand away and held it in her lap, her head lowered as she observed it, as if it were alien to her, something she had never seen before. "And my Oji? What is the use of having an empty happiness when the one who gave you everything must wallow in a corner and suffer alone? Would you claim a happiness at the expense of letting the one you love slowly drift away by themselves?

"It was meant to be this way." Her head lifted and her eyes caught me, her pupils twisted in despair and pain. "I could never be happy while my Oji is sad and alone. So I am to stay with him so we can both be unhappy together. Its better this way. We are both alone together."

I kissed her. This is all I can say, because it happened so suddenly, I can hardly explain how it happened. Only, I can say that after the last word of her sentence, "together", everything went dark, and I felt a moisture against my lips, the soft texture and plumpness of hers, the brief resistance of her teeth, as her mouth had been slightly open. The warmth of her filled my form, I heard the sharp gasp that escaped her, the trembling of the breath from her nostrils on the tip of my nose. But mostly warmth. My eyes closed, all I saw was nothing and all I felt was her. My lips left hers for a moment, but not even the air had the time to come between us before I pressed them against hers again, and with equal reciprocation she molded her mouth to mine.

My body dripped with heat traveling to my face, arms, chest. This was the first time I really felt it. A kiss, I mean. A real one. It was a welcoming sensation that was peculiar but perfection all the same. I thought it lasted forever, when we finally parted, I thought the fire would have died out by then, the sun would have been breaking against the twilit sky to reveal a new dawn. But I still heard the crackling of the fire and when I opened my eyes shadows were still cast everywhere about us, quivering as ardently as Sayuri-chan's breathing.

Her hair was draped over her eyes, yet I was able to see them staring directly into mine in surprise, mingled with the deep feverous longing of the passion that had yet to subside. My body was leaning towards her, which caused her to angle backward. Though I must point out that she did not slide away from me, she had merely moved back, allowing my frame to loom over hers. While my addled mind noted all this, my eyes remained on hers, and I felt all the innocence they portrayed, the ignorance of a child who just discovered something forbidden and adult.

We said nothing. I had no idea what to say, and judging from the way she stared, she was at a loss for words as well. So, I simply took in the sight of her, and I resolved to do this for a very long time until her voice penetrated my hearing.

"Kohaku-kun…why--what is this? Why are we-you…doing this?"

I looked at her in all my adolescent naivety. We were both young souls, experimenting with it, an inexperienced teenage boy and girl hiding away in the woods together and discovering what we had never known before in front of a small kindling. I blushed. And a foolish, ungainly smile covered my face.

And without a word, I lifted my eyebrows and silently mouthed a constantly uttered phrase.

"I don't know…"

A/N: Yes, of course this author realizes how much of a sappy romantic this chapter makes Kohaku-san out to be. But one must not forget that it is mostly his character, being preceeded and brought up by a great romantic as well. This chapter mostly excluded Kikyou-chan because she is out on her own business and this author feels that it is about time that she is present not in her older brother's shadows all the time. She does have a life of her own. And that is why the next chapter will be dedicated to her, precisely. And this author also apologizes for the length of this chapter as opposed to all the others, but they really wanted to close it solidly, due to the fact that the next chapter would be Kikyou's and the second fact that this author is completely fascinated with this couple and the character of Sayuri-chan. And if you, reader of this chapter, can get past the sentiment and fluff perspiring from it, theworldsgreatest01 believes that you too will guiltily fall in love with this awkwardly adorable pairing as well.

In Case you didn't Know:

The name Sayuri when written in kanji can also mean "lily" or "reason", hence her kimono being decorated with them and the lily Kohaku gives her to put in her hair.

The title of the story is called, Sparks, as is the title for a song by an alternative "very heavy soft rock" group called Coldplay, which has the same name. This chapter was ultimately inspired by the song's beautiful melody, its touching use of vocals and its equally beautiful lyrics.

The phrase that Kohaku thinks of, "It was the sense of touch", is coined from the lines of Don Cheadle in a favorite movie he stars in called Crash, which feautres another amazing score by Bird York called "In The Deep", a song this author placed on repeat while writing this chapter, especially during the scene where Kohaku and Sayuri dance. It has a wonderful effect, so this author recommends that you readers, if it comes to the point where you like this chapter enough to go back to that scene, listen to it while reading that part.

If it isn't already common knowledge, this author can also say that the character of Sayuri closely resembles the character of Sayuri in the popular novel, Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden, in which the character of Sayuri in his novel had piercing blue eyes as well. There is a hint at the resemblance in this chapter when the village headman praises Sayuri on her dancing abilities and says, "As talented as a geisha!". In the novel by Golden, the character Sayuri was a famous and beautiful geisha.

Finally, the reason why Kohaku makes such a big fuss over Sayuri-chan's neck, which doesn't really seem like such a big deal, is because for men in Japan, the neck of a woman is the most erotic part of the body, much like American men and a woman's legs. This information is also featured in Golden's book, if you have read it.

P.S. All the above mentioned authors, movies, songs, music groups and actors are in no way affiliated with this author in any way whatsoever.