There was no time to bury him. No time to even weep over his body. No sooner had Merle's legs crumbled underneath the weight of the Walkers, flesh torn from his flailing limbs, Rick was yanking him up to his feet, pulling him away from the backs of the horde.
"No!" Daryl cried out hoarsely, attempting to prise Rick's vice-like fingers from his waist.
"C'mon Daryl, it's too late, we gotta get out of here!" Rick's voice was smoky and choked, suffering from too much ingestion of the smoke canisters they'd released.
"But, my brother!"
"He's dead!" Rick roared at him and a second later, Maggie was there, pulling him by the back of his vest.
But Merle wasn't dead. He was crying out in fucking agony and as Rick threw him into the back seat of the car, he could still hear the screams. Could still hear them as they pulled up to the prison gates.
Maggie and Michonne got out first, leaving just him and Rick in the car and Daryl had to lean forward, press his palms into his eye sockets, just to stop the desire to vomit, to sob and scream.
Merle had been alive. All this time. And he'd only gotten ten minutes with him. Ten minutes of what? Nothing. Just fear and unanswered questions.
"He did it to save you." Rick cut through the deep breathes he had to take with the whispered words.
Daryl's lip curled in disdain.
"What the fuck would you know 'bout it?" He snarled, throwing the back door open and storming out of the car, as fast as he could with his injured leg, dragging his crossbow behind him.
It was agony, to make the angry walk into the prison, ignoring Glenn and Carl's looks of confusion and act as though he didn't give a fuck what they thought. Fuck them. Fuck the lot of them.
He was going in to get the rest of his arrows then he was getting out of there. He was going hunting and right at that second, he didn't give a fuck if he came back.
He ignored the old man and Beth as he got in and in the corner of his eye, behind the bars of the block, he spotted people who hadn't been there before. They called out at the commotion, but he paid them all no mind, not even when Hershel made a comment about looking at his leg.
"Daryl, where are you going?" Rick called out as he made the fence, jogging towards him. "Brother…come on."
"Only brother I had is Walker food." Daryl grabbed Rick by his shirt front, practically spitting the words into his face and he let go quickly, pushing the other man back. "Get lost!"
He turned his back and he heard the other man's footfall on the gravel and he hobbled towards the fence, fingers fumbling at the cable tie holding it together.
A minute later, he could hear gravel crunching again and he whipped around. " I said fuck o-" The word died in his throat upon sighting Carol, staring him down a few feet away, the baby clutched tight to her breast.
"Daryl…" Her eyes were wet, her lip trembling.
"Get inside." He ordered her, turning away once more. He couldn't stand to look at her. She looked devastated and it was enough for his eyes to sting.
"You too."
"What is it with you people, huh?" He yelled at her and the baby let out a cry at the noise.
"I'm sorry about Merle. I'm so, so sorry." Carol took a step forward, reached out for him with her free hand and he jerked away from her, stumbling into the fence.
He shook his head. "Just leave me alone." He muttered.
He jumped when her fingers curled around his shoulder, tugging at him. Forcing him to look at her. The last thing he wanted was to look at her. For her to lure him in the way she always did these days, with soft gazes and uncertain smiles, kind words and warm touches. He didn't want his anger to disappear. Because after the anger, there would be sadness. Tears and pain. He didn't want to feel those. He never wanted to feel anything other than anger because that was all he could handle.
"Daryl. You can't go out there." She told him gently, her fingers trailing down his arm, over the grime, sweat and blood, to stop at his palm, sliding her fingers between his and squeezing tight.
"What? So Rick gets t'go crazy when Lori kicks it, even though he didn't even speak t'her all winter an' you wanna start on how you did after Sophia?" He tugged his hand away and ignored her hurt look, yanking the cable free and pushed his crossbow through the gap in the fence, gingerly getting his injured leg through first.
She threw her hand out to stop the wire closing, from separating them. "You going to make me bring the baby out there? I will. I won't let you go." The words weren't quite the threat that she meant, but Daryl had no doubt that she was serious. "If you need to yell at someone, I'm here. If you want…whatever you want, I'm here."
"You gonna bring him back?" He asked, mocking her. "Got some superpowers I don't know 'bout?"
She ignored his tone, poked her hand through the gap and tugged him.
"Get your leg fixed up. Get some food and water in you. Then if you still want to go, then go."
He could feel the anger ebbing away as she spoke and he knew that was her intention, to stall him enough so he ran out of steam.
The baby let out another wail, a short sharp cry that he already knew that meant she wanted feeding. Give her another minute or two and she'd be yelling the place down, dragging every Walker for miles to them.
It was the last thing he needed. With his leg all fucked up, he needed stealth rather than speed, but if he was already spotted, then it was a worthless attempt. So he would let her think she had won him over and didn't resist as she tugged him through the wire, watched him tie it back up carefully.
She stood behind him, baby in one hand, his crossbow in her other and he took it from her and lead the way in.
Merle was dead.
The thought hit him like a tons of bricks. Merle was dead because of him. He died so Daryl could live. He stopped in his tracks, limbs trembling.
"Hey."
"He's gone. He threw himself at the Geeks, so I could get outta there." He murmured into the air.
"I know." Carol drew her bottom lip into her mouth, reached out and put her hand on his chest.
"He was brave."
The tears he was desperate to avoid broke free, tumbling down his cheeks and he wiped them away fiercely.
"And he loved you. To do that…he must have loved you more than anything."
"It's my fault." He told her in a shamed whisper.
"No. Merle made his own decision. You know that. You knew him better than anyone but even I know that Merle would never have done something unless her wanted to." Carol tugged on his shirt to get him to fall in line with her and he submitted with shaking legs.
"Here." She leaned into him, wrapped her arm around his waist, trying to help him along. There was no way he was going to let her, especially when she was carrying the baby, but he let her think he was using her as a crutch, it was soothing to feel her warmth against him.
"We're gonna get through this. I promise."