He wouldn't be so foolish to think such things again. To believe that he could have her and have her completely. It had taken so long to admit it, but he loved her. He loved Carol.
But not more than a few weeks after finally getting his shit together and telling her it was over. Living a life with her, rather than the side by side existence they'd had for so long, enjoying her being close it made him happy. He couldn't recall ever feeling like that before.
And now it was ruined. She was dead. Gone. Killed. Not a Walker. Never had a chance to see her rise up again. Dead at the Governor's hands.
This was his fault. He shouldn't have let her go. Shouldn't have let her fight. But he loved her. She wanted to go, to hold her own and he let her. He let her because he loved her. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to do what she wanted to do.
He wasn't even there. Didn't see nothing until her body had started turning cold. That was the worst bit. Didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Get to look at her one last time. Get to tell her he was sorry. Make her last minutes better than they had been.
She bled out. Alone. In pain. He could see the tears that had dried on her blood stained cheeks. That was the worst thing.
Never again would he find someone like her. Never again would he let himself love someone. Because he killed her. He failed. He was dangerous. He didn't deserve her. Anyone. He would hurt them.
It was ruined. She was gone. He was at fault. She was perfect. She was whole. He ruined her. Because he loved her.