CHAP Allen Story 2

I truly reflect on the day that I spoke on Norman Graves' behalf as the first day I assumed the role of the man that I would become. It's almost as if I shed my slimy skin from the man I was to become a political figure by default. Immediately, I found that people came to me with difficult quandaries. They citizens of vault 52 began to look to me to be their political consult when faced with dilemmas from the Overseer's regime. Undoubtedly, my dirty laundry came to the surface very quickly. The overseer made sure that my previous lifes' sex scandals were common knowledge among the people, but he was too late. It actually took a little longer than I had expected for all of my little starlets to congregate and discuss my infractions. I received a lot of hate from many people for about a year. Over the next few, the sins were forgotten by most. The only people I have yet to receive the luxury of forgive or forget from are my daughters. Callie seems to only be angry because Tilda is, but I feel searing hate every time I look into her beautiful blue eyes. I realize that I deserve nothing less from her, but somehow I assumed that she would eventually let it go.

In the year following entry into the vault, I organized support groups for the children and developmental studies. As these meetings begin to attract attention from their success, soon adult groups were formed. From that point, I was cemented as public enemy number one by the overseer. Every conflict, shit duty, and generally dangerous task had me involved somehow. He was very careful about this. He couldn't outright make me the low man on the totem pole for Vault Garrison or anything like that without being obvious about trying to eliminate me. I don't want to believe it, but the few discussions that I have had with people I am close to about my current status in the vault have assured me that if the overseer were to kill me, I would be a martyr and a hero and most likely spark a revolution. I didn't want that. All that truly means is lost lives. At least it made political assassination the task at hand for the overseer rather than true assassination.

There is only one arrow the overseer has in his quiver that he hasn't fired at me yet. He has the records that show I did not purchase a seat in the Vault for Olivia. He has indirectly threatened to reveal this to me, but to date, he probably knows this is not controlling me; he is just waiting until Callie is a teenager to ensure maximum devastation to my family when the information gets out. That is why I have to rip of the bandage so to speak. I can only pray that this will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I will likely lose Tilda if I haven't already. I have to disclose it to group as well. My little "faction" will look at me like the scumbag that I really am. That I can deal with. I don't want the hate my daughters feel for me to finally consume me.

As Tilda began to pierce the borders of womanhood, many of the vault's educators and medical personnel tried to help her and the other girls her age. Tilda would not let any of them close. I had become close to Tina Calloway. Close as in confidant. Within that first year, while I was still trying to maintain a façade of the deeds I had done and the six young women whom I had coaxed into my bed before all of this. As the truth came out about me, my shame was deep and noticeable. The only person whom I felt truly understood that not everything is black and white about it was Tina. As we began to form a true friendship, she confided in me that she had a fierce sexual appetite she had to hide. I did too obviously. The very night of the confession, we rendezvoused in the belly of the vault in the cryo-locker. I thought I needed young impressionable women, but once I had a taste of Tina, I was cured of that need. She started by studying Norman Graves in his pod, and before long she had me smashing her against it. Her passion was white-hot. It was exciting again, like when you feel the hot wetness of touching a lady part for the first time. I was sure that this would be a one-off and I would be back on the hunt for such a thing, but it wasn't. It wasn't long before it was no longer a secret. Many people thought it was a pairing that made everyone safer. I was simply thankful that the girls already knew and trusted Tina. She had become their confidant long before we were public.

So as we announced our union, it was met with joy rather than suspicion and side-long glances. Granted there was the occasional teenage angst ridden altercation, but I was correct in my original projection that this much change would ease the transition of life without Olivia for the girls. Seeing this evidence first-hand drove my guilty thoughts to think that the only difference to my actions would have been the distinct possibility that Kelly Graves would have made it into the vault and Norman would have likely simply been executed. Then again, I still would have worn the blame somehow for the fate of the girls' savior in their eyes. I think the distinct difference would have been in me. I would not feel that Norman Graves' kindness met by my lack of regard for my wife and my slimy sex driven manipulation of young ladies.

I basically rehearsed what I would say to the girls to Tina. She was quite the realist. She told me to expect the kind of anger that cuts you to your soul, but the sooner that the wound is made, the sooner it will heal. She did have a point. The longer a secret festers, the worse it becomes when it is exposed. I asked her to be present when I told the girls. She refused. She again had a valid point. She didn't want to be associated with that despicable part of me, and she didn't want the girls to associate her with that either. She also reminded me that it was better that they confide in her than run into the arms of some boy or man here in the Vault. Worse yet, reveal another weakness for the overseer to exploit.

I asked the girls to return to our quarters to discuss an important matter. As could be expected, Callie was there on time and in a wonderful mood, where Tilda was late and irritated with needing to be there in the first place. As Tilda joined with a general "make this quick" kind of attitude, Tina began to make her exit.

"I'm going to go to the mess. Would anyone like anything?" Tina asked the girls.

"Aren't you going to stay here so Dad can tell us you're going to be our new mom?" Asked Tilda with her arms folded.

"Tilda, honey, I don't think we're quite ready for that." Tina said with a painfully forced smile.

"Then what the hell is this?" Asked Tilda.

"Language!" I said.

Tina shot me a glare of warning. I knew she was right. I was about to lose my authority when I confessed.

"I'm going to stop by my quarters for a while after I eat. I'll be back later." Said Tina as she exited the sliding door.

"Tilda, Callie, there is something important I need to tell you about your mother." I said.

"You mean other than the fact that you were cheating on her, right?" Said Tilda.

"Tilda Shush. Let him talk!" Said Callie.

"He doesn't need your help ruining our lives, Callie, if you understood what was going on, you'd be just as mad as I am." Said Tilda.

"Maybe I would if I was a teenager like you, but I do understand and I am plenty mad, I'm just able to deal where you're not." Said Callie.

"If you're able to deal there is no way you could possibly really understand what's going on." Said Tilda.

"Both of you, just let me say what I'm going to say, there will be plenty of time to discuss this later. Just let me get it out before I talk myself out of it." I pleaded.

With this appeal they both listened attentively as they both assumed this would be earth shattering.

"I didn't purchase your mother a seat here in the Vault. I used her seat as leverage to get several girls that I was having an affair with passage into the Vault. I know it was the most horrible thing I could have done. For that I am extremely sorry and I have grown past the person who committed that atrocity. I hope in time that the two of you will grow to forgive me. I thought about telling you it was her choice or that she was terminally ill and didn't want me to purchase her passage so that you could have it. Maybe that would have been a victimless crime, but with the overseer vilifying me like he is, the only ammunition he has against me is the truth. If I tell it to you, perhaps it will be better than finding out without me telling you." I explained.

The girls sat silently as he absorbed what I had said. Callie's face began to wrinkle and cry in heartbreak as Tilda's became hot and red with rage. Callie let out at whimper beginning to cry as Tilda lost her composure.

"I Fucking Hate you! You are the fucking slimiest piece of shit! So you're saying if Mom hadn't have been gunned down out there that she would have burned waiting outside heartbroken and betrayed!" Tilda Shouted.

"Yes, Tilda, that's basically what I'm saying." I said calmly. "I deserve to be hated for it, but I hope that one day you will forgive me."

"How could you do that to Mommy, Daddy?" Callie Pleaded.

"All this time I could blame the world and the cruelty of those trashy assholes that gunned them down for us not having our mom. Now I find out that you killed her! You may as well have pulled the trigger yourself but you're too fucking cowardly to do that!" Tilda Shouted.

"Yes, Tilda, it was cowardly and horrible. If I could take it back I would. I would gladly give up my seat now for hers. I am not the person I was when I made that choice. I can't take it back, but you deserve to know the truth." I said.

"Come on Callie, we're getting out of here." Said Tilda.

"No, I will move into Tina's quarters for a while. She will move in here." I said. "Will that be enough space for you?"

"If you were buried six feet under the vault, or a thousand feet under hell it wouldn't be enough space!" Said Tilda.

"I hope you change your mind one day. Until then, I will send Tina here." I said as I quickly made my exit.

Tina was just outside the door with an arm full of towels.

"It probably could've gone better." I said.

"No, you want her to let the hate out now. If she holds it she will always carry some of it." Said Tina. "I'll talk to you after they're asleep."