Chapter 4: Choices

"Kiba I….I…I'd love to be your boyfriend." I stammered as a fake smile was plastered on my face. Why did I just say that?! I was going to say no but then my big mouth moved on its accord and now I'm gonna be my friend's boyfriend! I can't live on like this! I'll die a liar and then the Earth is going to explode! Ok…maybe the Earth WON'T explode but…it's just as bad.

"Really? I…Thanks!" Kiba exclaimed as he kissed me once again. I felt tears threatening to leak at any moment but I tried to hold it back. I have no one to blame but myself. I chose to say yes, and I chose to not tell him the truth. This is all my fault.

As Kiba released me, I tried to find an excuse to get out of this situation.

"Kiba, I have to…go somewhere." I quickly said. I hadn't found an excuse so I just tried to avoid it all at once.

"Oh, ok. But, can I go with you?" he asked.

"No!" I hastily exclaimed. But quickly added, "It's somewhere I have to go alone. Sorry, I'll talk to you later." I quickly walked out of the restroom and ran down the hallways and turned corner after corner looking for the school's back exit. Once I finally found it, I shoved it open and ran to the park where I sat under a tree and poured my eyes and soul out.

Why did I start to cry? I'm not sure. No, wait. Actually I know why I started to cry. I was ashamed. But not of someone else, I was ashamed of myself. I didn't have the guts to tell someone no. I didn't have the guts to stand up for myself. I'm just a weak, pathetic, bitch. Nothing more than that, I was a disgust to human kind.

~~Time skip~~

It has been a month since I became Kiba's boyfriend. Nothing really changed between us. But things defiantly changed for me. I always had a nag of guilt deep within me. It's been a month, and I still don't have the guts to break up with Kiba.

It's also been three weeks since Sasuke came into my life. He was like a little black ray of hope that has taught me that life isn't that bad. Although he acts all cold and he can sometimes be a bitchy bastard, he's a nice guy deep down. How do I know this? Take this for example, yesterday it rained and this morning the ground was very slippery and I slipped and fell. I asked Sasuke if he could help pick me up but he refused to help me. How did this bring me hope or help me in any way? It taught me that you don't always need someone's help for every single thing you do in life.

But he can also be a bitchy bastard when he just plain down ignores me. I mean, I'm fine with him ignoring me. After all, I don't want history to repeat itself. I don't want him to fall for me like Kiba did.

But maybe, he isn't the problem, maybe it's me. I guess I like it that he isn't like Kiba or anyone else I know. He doesn't give me any sympathy like everyone else. He just ignores my life problems and talks to me like I don't have any issues. He also isn't afraid to speak his mind. I guess Kiba also wasn't afraid to speak his mind but…Sasuke speaks his mind in a mysterious yet straight forward way. I guess that doesn't make any sense but it makes perfect sense to me.

But I'm not the only one to blame! He is also partially the problem. I mean…just look at him! He has such pale skin and such dark eyes and it contrasts so well, and his hair appears to be so soft. His face is just so symmetrical. How do you expect me to not try to keep him away?!

But it isn't like I like him…I just want to keep him at a distance.

Today is Saturday so Kiba is coming over today in a few minutes. I quickly finished fixing my bed sheet as I heard someone snicker.

"What are you laughing at?" I asked Sasuke as I fixed my pillow's position.

"You're working so hard to impress a human." Sasuke said as the word human rolled off his tongue with disgust. He always speaks of humans as if they're a bad thing…I wonder why.

"Well, I have to tell Kiba something important so-" I started to speak but was quickly cut out by a new voice.

"What do you need to tell me?" I knew this voice well enough…TOO well. It

"I...well…I have to…break up with you. I can't do this anymore! I can't fake what I don't feel!" I hollered out. I saw tears swelling up in his eyes. I saw him try to fight back his tears but they ended up bursting out anyways.

He ran out of my room and I just stood there. I can't believe I just broke up with Kiba! He must be so devastated! I hurt his feelings…I'm such a bad person!

I collapsed onto the ground as I felt tears roll down my cheeks. I brought my hands towards my face as I started to sob.

"Sa…Sasuke…" I called out.

"Yeah, what do you need?" he replied as he kneeled down in front of me with no expression what so ever on his face, as usual.

I…I don't know what to do…please, tell me. What should I do?" I asked. Sasuke had also kind of become my mentor, he always gave me advice when I asked for it. But he wasn't like the usual mentors who just told you to do the right thing and all that crap.

"Hn…he seemed kinda sad. I say you just live your life like nothing happened. I mean, you cleaned your room and made food and he didn't appreciate it. It's his loss not yours. But if you really feel bad…just explain everything to him next time you see him…try to make him feel better." He replied after very careful consideration. His advice always made me feel better yet worse at the same time but I knew he spoke truth.

I stood up and whipped away my tears. I finally had the guts to tell Kiba the truth. I should be happy. But first I need to calm myself down…sketching will do the trick. But next time I see Kiba, I'll try to explain things but I'll also apologize for misleading him…maybe things will work out just fine…

-End of chapter-