I liked to think of the Tower as my home, that is, until I met her. She was the light the Traveler could only dream of creating, the only thing that kept my Darkness at bay. She was what I fought for, the one thing that kept me going in a relentless fight against forces much stronger than the one man army I was. In moments of danger, I found myself praying to the Travelver that I might see her again before I should die again, for good. Some fates just couldn't be corrected for.
She thought of me only as a loyal servant, a Guardian whose Light had pushed the Darkness back toward whence it came. To her, I was no more than a ghost, a reminder to others that her will was one to be followed without question, to be heeded without protest. To her, I was just another pawn. But to me, she was my world.
I sought to protect her kingdom from those who would see her end. I could not protect her from anything but the ravenous Wolves who had betrayed her court, her trust. I hunted them down with a fierce hatred that frightened Ghost, and spurred me onward. Ever questing, following orders, carrying out bounties, I was blinded by her countenance. Her voice came to me in moments of triumph, praising my deeds. Only I could ever hear her. She was never really there.
Kalimar called this obsession, called it idiocy. I called it love. It was this love for the Queen of the Reef that forged a friendship with her emissary, Petra, a friendship that would prove with time to be a strong bond, as loyal as Variks himself. The Fallen had purred with pleasure upon my visits, paraded me about after I had triumphed over Skolas, Kell of Kells. After that, I was untouchable. I was invincible. My armor was colored to represent the very web Mara Sov had spun, upon which my heart was captured, upon which she feasted for sustenance. For her, I was a pawn. For me, she was my sun, my moon, and all the stars in between.
Poetry wished only to be as beautiful as she was, her words as though they were made of honey and venom all at once. She poisoned me slowly with her song, and I was left wanting more. Nothing would ever be enough.
Her brother's eyes pierced my skin, left burning welts of hatred. He knew, oh, how he knew of my unrequited love, and how he hated me for it. I knew I was not worthy. I never would be. But the hope that I would prove useful kept me going. Her needs were all I had to satisfy, her wants and whimsies my very command.
I had forsaken the Traveler for her. I had forsaken the very thing that had brought me back, the very thing that kept me breathing in a world that could have left me rotting in the cold. But it was all I could give. I had nothing left, only my ragged breaths as blood poured from my wounds. My ghost would haunt the Reef, I told the little light, who hovered and pestered me with its blinking and chatter. "Nonsense, Kiralyno. You're going to make it," it said, "I've sent for help. You won't die on my watch." But I was determined, watching things grow dim as the world folded in on itself in grey, fuzzy knots. Everything was a haze of regrets and dreams denied. I clamped my hand tighter around the pain, throbbing and hot. Blood soaked my gloves, and all I could see was her face. Send a transmission, I whispered, to the Queen's emissary, outer asteroid belt. Vestian Outpost. I'm dying, I thought, I'm dying and she will never know. It was almost too much to bear, as I coughed and spluttered and fell to the floor. My eyes grew dim as the Captains circled around me. Ghost was hovering close, relaying my message. Tell her. Tell her now, before you're gone for good and all you've done is history. Make it tangible. She will know.
Tell her, I whispered to Ghost, tell her it was all for her. Everything I did, everything I would have done... was for her. Tell her that her face gave me hope, her voice gave me reason, and all the poetry of the Golden Age couldn't describe my love for her. Send it, marked urgent, I coughed, clenching hands grabbing for the last strings that held me to this world. Send it, Ghost. Send it, and get out of here before the Fallen capture you. The strings wrapped around my wrists like veins, tying me to a world in which I couldn't survive without her. I tugged on the strings.
They broke.