Chapter 1: Carys
"I love the wild," Jana and I sit on a cliff edge overlooking a deep valley. "Every night under the stars, every night with you." I look away from the beautiful sight and turn to the even more breathtaking sight next to me. "It was hard at first, learning to hunt, and not having all the human things I took for granted. And I miss the human world, but I'd miss you more if we were apart."
"I'm so in love with you," Jana kisses me. "We can always be together now." She glances at her phone that she keeps hidden from the rest of the pack. "We should get back to camp, my father will be worried about us." She stands up, reaching her hand out to me.
I've felt like a different person lately, I'm so much happier, even though I still have nightmares about my parents and sometimes wake up screaming. The pack get angry at me sometimes, but Ceri treats me like I'm her own cub, she and Gerwyn would never let anyone hurt me.
Sometimes I hear my mums voice, when I'm hunting or fishing on my own, just things I remember her saying to me a lot. She called me 'Cherub' when I was little, so I hear that a lot. And there's a lullaby she used to sing to me when I was a baby, sometimes I hear that when I get stressed. It's Welsh, so I have no clue what it means, but I like it. Even if it does sort of creep me out that I can hear her singing when I'm alone. I know it's not real; I think it's just my brain's way of coping with the drastic change of environment. And I guess you could say I've been through a lot of trauma.
We walk hand in hand through the moonlit forest. The pack have relocated to Wales for spring. I thought Jana would be sceptical about staying in the wild, but she never seems to give a second thought when it comes to being with me. She always makes sure I'm happy, she says my happiness is her only concern and when I'm happy she is too.
Once we arrive at the camp, there seems to be some kind of commotion going on, and I can smell someone else here. Some of the pack are crowding around the fighting ground. Jana pushes past them, pulling me along with her, we stand beside Gerwyn. Ceri is next to him trying to calm everyone down, I see a Wolfblood I've never met before. A blonde woman, no older than twenty-five, blonde, bouncy hair and fancy human clothes. She seems strong at first glance, perhaps an Alpha of her own pack. She doesn't back down or submit to Ceri, no matter how much the pack goads her.
Ceri turns to Jana and me. "Jana, take Carys back to the den," she tries to block my view of the woman, but I push past her, and take a sniff. I know who she is right away, I can smell it.
"It's her isn't it?" I ask Ceri.
She sighs, "Yes, Cariad. Your sister," Ceri is emotional, that's why she can't get control of the pack like she normally does. She then turns to Gerwyn who comforts her, reminding her just how strong she truly is. I grab Jana's hand. She looks at me.
"Quiet!" Jana shouts. The pack complies, they respect her just as much as they did when she was Alpha. "What's your name?" She asks the blonde. Approaching her.
"I don't answer to your kind, where's my sister?" She asks, her eyes turning yellow. She has a London accent, almost similar to Rhydian's. "I know she's here; my instincts are strong." She starts walking in my direction and I back away. "It's you. My name is Ava."
Jana walks to me, taking my hand again. I don't say anything, I don't have the strength to deal with this right now. I only just got used to not having a family anymore.
"Why did you come here?" Jana asks her.
"I told you, I will not answer to you," she growls.
"Yes, you will," I say quietly, refusing to look her in the eye. It's not that I don't want to know her, after all, she is family. I just didn't expect her to show up on my pack's territory, I don't think I'm ready for this.
"I came to find you," She steps closer to me, "I could feel it -" she grips her chest. "- in here, I could feel it when he died. I followed my instincts, they lead me to a village in Newcastle, Stoney Bridge. I talked to people, I found Rhydian, one look and I knew he was my brother. He told me about you, that you had gone into the wild, near Wales. Why are you living like this Carys? There's so much more to the world." She takes another step towards me but I only back away more, pulling Jana with me, I stand slightly behind her. There's something about Ava I don't like, I have instincts too, and they're telling me she's bad news.
"Give them privacy," Jana says to the pack, they unwillingly return to their work. They may not be human, but they can't look away when a family drama unfolds. They find it entertaining. Like my life is natures' soap opera. Ceri and Gerwyn remain where they are. Jana looks at me. "Shall I leave you?" She whispers.
"No, stay with me. We'll go to the den." We walk to the tee-pee that Ceri lets Jana and I share. It's big enough for us all to sit. You'd need a chainsaw to cut the tension.
"I'm sorry Ava," Ceri says. "I was so young, too young to -"
"I have no time for your apologies," Ava cuts her off, "You're 24 years too late. And I didn't come here for you," She snaps at Ceri.
A fire is lit beneath me. "Don't talk to my Alpha like that," I snap. "Why did you come here?"
"For you. When I found about you, all I could think of is how much you must be hurting. I'm grieving too."
"You're grieving? He was my father; you didn't know him. And I'm doing just fine, I have a pack."
"When he died, I felt like part of me had died too, so I know better than anyone that you're not fine."
"You don't know anything about me. I can't be mad at you for that, I know, but how dare you come here and tell me what I'm feeling?" I stay strong, yet calm. I don't think I would have the confidence to be speaking like this if it wasn't for Jana's hand wrapped around mine.
"I'm sorry," She bows her head. "I just want a relationship with you, I want to know you and Rhydian. I have been without a real family my entire life." Ava shows us her vulnerable side. I take a deep breath.
"Well, I can't go back to the human world yet, at least not permanently." Not that I want to go anywhere with her. "I have to wait until I turn 16. So, if you really want to know me, you'll wait. But you can't stay here."
"Then I'll go back to the village, we can meet whenever you want."
"I have one condition. If you want my respect, you will show respect Ceri and hear her out, she's my Alpha." Ceri gives me a broken smile.
Ava sighs, "Fine." She turns to Ceri. "I'll need time, but I'm willing to talk, for my brother and sisters sake." Ceri nods.
"Thank you," I smile. "Jana and I are going back to Stoneybridge to visit our old pack tomorrow. Go back tonight and Rhydian and I will meet with you then. The three of us can sit down and talk."
"Okay, thank you. That's all I ask." We all exit the den and see her off. Ava tries to hug me but I extend a handshake instead. Just as she turns to walk away, I pull her back.
"Don't you ever come here again, not unless you're invited by Ceri."
Gerwyn looks unhappy. Not about the handshake, about the fact I'm letting her try and befriend me, and the fact that she's here. He's barely said two words to me in the months that I've been with the wild pack, I think he's still angry at what my dad did to Ceri when they were teenagers.
"Gerwyn, go and hunt with Alric and Aran," Ceri says. He may be the Alpha male, but Ceri's the one who's really in charge around here.
I watch as Ava runs off into the distance. Jana and I are still holding hands. "Do you want to go for another walk before we go to bed?" She asks.
"I think I need to go on my own, I need some time to think; to process all of this." I don't look at her, I just start to walk off. I hate brushing her off like that but I just need a moment alone.
"I don't think you should go alone, it's dark and you don't know these woods as well as I do," Jana gently pulls me back.
"I won't go further than the big tree, I swear. I know my way back from there." She lets go of my hand and I head off through the camp.
She doesn't like it when I'm out in the woods by myself, it's not that she doesn't trust me or that she thinks I'm incapable of looking out for myself. She just worries, and I know it's only because she loves me. I worry just as much about her when she's out hunting with her father. I sit down against our tree; we always sit under it; we've walked there every day since the pack moved to Wales. It's the biggest tree for miles, in both width and height. I've been drawn to it since the moment I saw it, the way it stands out from the rest, the way it doesn't follow the rules of the world around.
Everything good always comes to an end, but the bad stuff never stops. As soon as I'm content, the world pulls the rug out from under me and I find myself in the middle of yet another family dilemma.
There was a brief moment in the weeks that followed my dad's death where I started to wonder if I was better off with a family. There'd be no one to lose, but then I'd truly be alone. I didn't want to become a bitter old wolf with no-one left to love me. I'm not thrilled about Ava, since Ceri told me about her, I have been curious. But I can't help feeling like something is going to go really wrong. The whole thing is just incredibly jarring.
Right now my instincts are telling me to be careful, telling me not to trust her. At least not until I talk to Rhydian about this. Speaking of which, I'm anxious about talking to Rhydian anyway. Obviously, I still consider him a friend, but he wasn't that friendly last month. We sorted things out when he gave me all that advice about telling Jana that I love her, but now we have this sudden new sister and I'm worried that if things go wrong with Ava, he'll blame me again. After all, if dad and I hadn't come to Stoneybridge, he wouldn't have been shot and Ava never would have turned up out of the blue.
I try to clear my head as I start to pace circles around the tree. Jana must think I'm mad for having such a special connection to a tree. Maybe it's something to do with the fact that I'm close to home, my old home. I was nervous about coming back to Wales, but I knew it wouldn't be like it was before if we're living in the wilderness.
We've been away from Stoneybridge for a few months now. Winter was hard, but we visited Stoneybridge before the pack moved on and it was nice to spend the night in an actual building with actual central heating. It's not long until I turn sixteen and Jana and I can go back and finish school, get jobs and start a proper life together.
I concentrate on everything around me, in this pack, we're not supposed to use Eolas or Anceon until we're 16, the age that the elders consider us to no longer be cubs, but something inside me was telling me I needed to use Eolas. I crouch down, feeling the cold dirt beneath my palm. It's only a moment into it when I saw something that I knew was right in front of me, without Eolas. This large clump of rocks and boulders is opposite our tree. I knew it was there, it hadn't especially stood out to me before, but I always knew it was there. I stand up and walk over to it, it's dark out but the moon and stars give me enough light to make out that it's not just a clump of rocks, it's a cave that goes underground. Sort of like a giant rabbit hole. I climb down inside, and a rush of emotion blows through me, and I know immediately what this place is.
I panic but I don't move, I can't. It's pitch black in here, but I know where I am. Without seeing, I know. I can feel her here with me. She's the reason I found this place.
"Anceon..." I hear a very faint whisper, but I can make out her voice. It's clearer than when I hear her calling me Cherub or singing to me. After all the death and destruction that has followed me, am I finally losing my mind? "Carys, use it." I hear her again. My mother.