-:-:-:-:-:-
See, I never want to sing again
La la la, like a butterfly
-:-:-:-:-:-

The charm on Draco remained silent through the rest of September. It became obvious that the boy had finally developed enough subtlety to not speak directly of his plans to anyone. In October, Severus decided to cast a different charm, one which would alert him if Draco was in mortal danger. This charm, too, would need to be renewed weekly, and Severus was diligent in its application.

Which was why it disturbed Severus so greatly when Katie Bell, a Gryffindor seventh year, was cursed by a necklace so expensive that only a Malfoy could buy it. The necklace was also so dangerous that the charm should have alerted Severus if Draco had even been in the same room with it.

He had no time to worry the details-immediately after Argus Filch had brought him the cursed necklace and told him the barest of details, Severus was urgently summoned to the hospital wing, and had to work feverishly through the afternoon and night to counter the dark curse on the girl. He simply refused to let the curse progress-not after having failed Dumbledore; not when the cost of having failed Dumbledore was so high.

It took every bit of his magical prowess-and quite a bit of assistance from Poppy-but by morning the girl was stable enough to move to St. Mungo's. The curse had been neutralized; all that remained was for the girl to recover from the damage it had already caused.

He went to his rooms, ready to collapse in his bed and sleep the day away-luckily it was Sunday-but before he could even remove his robes, there was a knock on his door.

It was Minerva. She didn't wait for him to say anything-indeed she didn't even step in the door. She just said, "Severus, I know you'll likely want to get some sleep, but I just wanted to thank you for saving Miss Bell's life. I just met with Mr. and Mrs. Bell, and I'm...it's because of you I was able to tell them their little girl would be okay. Don't worry, I didn't tell them that-I know you're a cantankerous old coot." She nodded. "Thank you."

And she hugged him. It was blessedly short. And then she turned and left.

Severus only slept for a few hours, and when he woke, he worried about the problem with Draco. How had he got that necklace into Miss Bell's hands, and how did he think that would help him kill Dumbledore-especially given that Dumbledore was currently away from the castle? Was Miss Bell supposed to deliver the necklace to him upon his return?

If that had been the plan, it was desperate and bumbling. Hopefully the boy did not think it a masterstroke of subterfuge.

But Severus was missing several parts of the story, so he decided to go to lunch in the Great Hall. Thankfully, Minerva was there.

"I need to know everything that happened with Miss Bell," he said to her, as he helped himself to some stew. He was hungry-he hadn't eaten since lunch the day before.

"It's good to see you, Severus. I'll tell you everything I know, but be warned, a good bit of it is from Potter."

"Potter was there?" Of course Potter was there.

"Of course Potter was there," she said. "Along with-"

"-Weasley and Miss Granger-"

"Weasley and Miss Granger, yes, of course."

And Minerva told him about how Miss Bell and her friend Leanne Timmons were at the Three Broomsticks, and Miss Bell went to the bathroom and when she came out, she insisted that they go back to Hogwarts early, saying that she needed to deliver something. Miss Timmons later thought that Miss Bell had been put under the Imperius Curse, but Minerva thought that unlikely. The Unforgivable Curses had got quite a bit of press, but the Confundus Charm was far more prevalent. (Severus tended to agree.) After they left the pub, Miss Bell and Miss Timmons argued, and the necklace fell out of its package. Potter and his friends reported what happened afterwards.

But how had Draco done it? Had he stooped so low as to lie in wait in the ladies' at a pub, just so he could Confund an unsuspecting girl into being a courier?

Minerva kept talking. "You'll be happy to know that Potter has reverted back to baseless accusations."

"Oh?"

"Yes-he insisted that Draco Malfoy was behind the curse!"

"Really." It should have surprised him that Potter somehow knew, but it didn't.

"I've been needing to talk to you about Mr. Malfoy for a while, Severus. Something is different about him."

"How do you mean?" He was absolutely noncommittal.

"He hasn't turned in two assignments for me. I gave him a stern warning the first time, but when he didn't turn in the second one, I gave him a detention."

"I will speak to him about it."

"I'm sure you will. By the way, he served his detention with me yesterday-he wasn't even in Hogsmeade-but when I told that to Potter, the boy still insisted that Malfoy was responsible for what happened to Miss Bell! I've never been so exasperated with him. I felt quite a kinship with you at that moment, Severus."

"My condolences." Curiouser and curiouser. He needed to visit the Three Broomsticks to see if he could find any clues there. It would be better than confronting Draco directly.

He visited the pub in question that afternoon. It was mostly empty, which meant that he could talk to Rosmerta without many interruptions. She greeted him with a smile.

"Severus, I don't often see you in my pub these days. What brings you?"

She didn't see him in her pub almost ever. He was surprised she remembered his name. Still, she had an open mien befitting a barmaid, so he decided to use it. "Sad business, I'm afraid. Did you hear about the girl who was cursed yesterday?"

"Yes-I overheard some students talking about it. They said it was spooky, the way the girl levitated like that! Is she going to be okay? Did you find out how it happened?"

Severus gave her a very broad outline, mostly true, and he couldn't help it if she inferred some details wrongly. "The reason I'm here is that the girl was cursed right after she left the Three Broomsticks-"

"No!" Rosmerta interjected.

"-Indeed she was, and her friend said that her behavior changed after a visit to the restroom. So I have an odd request: I'd like to see your ladies' room."

She looked at him oddly. "You always did have the strangest requests, Severus. What are you hoping to find?"

He could not remember ever making any request to the woman. Perhaps his reputation preceded him. "I'm hoping that I'll know it when I see it, Madam."

"Certainly. Follow me."

She led him to the ladies', and knocked on the door, yelling, "Anyone in here?" When she was met with silence, she pushed open the door and turned to Severus. "All yours," she said.

He closed his eyes and stepped in.

He wasn't being modest-he found it easier to sense spell residue without needless sensory information. Dumbledore was better at this, but Dumbledore was indisposed-off on another errand whose details he did not share with any of the staff. By the time the headmaster returned late tomorrow, any spell residue remaining would be unreadable even by him.

So Severus cleared his mind and tried to reach out with his magic. He felt something, something almost sour. Like something had been wet slightly too long. (Something like a bathroom in a pub?, he asked himself sarcastically, but it was different from that.) It was almost like...how a meeting with the Death Eaters felt, sometimes, afterwards.

After an Unforgivable Curse had been cast.

He snapped his eyes open, certain. The Imperius Curse had been cast in this bathroom.

He was furious when he returned to the castle. Had Draco really managed to cast an Unforgivable? At the age of sixteen? Severus knew from experience that a sixteen-year-old who could successfully cast an Unforgivable Curse was a danger to himself and everyone around him.

And how had he managed it?

It didn't matter. Severus returned directly to his rooms and started to modify yet another Monitoring Charm-one that would alert him if Draco even attempted to cast another Unforgivable Curse. The charm didn't take long to work out-it helped that Severus knew exactly what he wanted it to do. He cast it on Draco at dinner that night.

The charm didn't activate all term, but Severus kept renewing it every week.

Draco stepped aside for the first Quidditch match of the season, Slytherin versus Gryffindor. Severus would have liked to skip the match in favor of following the boy around the castle, but then he would have been as transparent as the boy. Dumbledore wasn't even at Hogwarts, having gone on yet another of his mysterious excursions, so Severus couldn't imagine what Draco was doing.

So he went to the match and sat by Minerva, but he was so distracted that even she noticed. In deference to his mood, she spent the match chatting with Filius, who sat on her other side.

Severus spent the match thinking about Draco: about how he'd managed to cast the Imperius Curse at all; about how he'd been able to do it while having a rock-solid alibi; about how he could have possibly thought this convoluted plan could lead to Dumbledore's death; about how he hadn't seemed at all perturbed that his actions very nearly led to the death of a girl.

Since the incident with the necklace, Severus had asked Draco twice more to meet in his office. Had Draco asked about the purpose of the meeting, Severus was prepared to tell him that it was about his Transfiguration homework. But Draco had just nodded. Of course, he hadn't come to either meeting.

Dumbledore hadn't been worried that Draco would succeed in his task-he'd been more concerned with whatever collateral damage the boy would inflict while trying to accomplish it. And now it seemed Dumbledore was correct.

And Severus had sworn, multiple times, to keep an eye out for the idiot child-to protect him to the best of his ability. It seemed his abilities were sadly lacking. All these months, and he wasn't even sure how Draco had managed the one thing he'd certainly done. His Monitoring Charms were the epitome of his accomplishments so far, and those had been useless.

Not that anyone was keeping close tabs on Severus. Even Dumbledore spent more time away from the castle than he did in it, these days. And yet the old man still refused to tell anyone where he was going.

Severus sat contemplating these things in the cold Quidditch stands for what seemed like hours, until Minerva finally turned to him and shook his hand. "Better luck next time, Severus," she said.

"Oh, we lost then?" he said.

She lightly punched his arm. "No, you lost. Come have tea with me."

But he declined. He went back to his rooms, alone, and wondered why he didn't save himself a lot of worry and kill Dumbledore now. Perhaps he could even get the barmy old man to agree to the plan.

Severus didn't see Draco outside of classes until the night of Slughorn's Christmas party.

A Christmas party. Slughorn was a master manipulator-Severus was shocked to find himself in attendance. (Slughorn had told Severus that several high-level potions suppliers would be in attendance-"and you were always very good at potions, m'boy! You really can't miss this opportunity-you may never see ingredients of this caliber again!" Still, he didn't exactly know why he'd come.)

Severus spent most of the party doing his best to melt into a corner, until Slughorn dragged him over to talk to Harry Potter, of all people. Potter looked at least as uncomfortable as Severus felt, especially when Slughorn praised his potion-making abilities. Potter looked everywhere but at Severus.

If he had been the least bit interested in solving another mystery, he would have pursued that shifty look. But then Argus Filch arrived, dragging Draco in by the ear-almost as if to remind Severus of his prior commitments. Well, he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth; now would be a fine time to have a private chat with Draco.

But the boy had learned to Occlude. Draco's Occlumency was clunky, but effective enough-it showed all the brutal elegance of Bellatrix, who had certainly been the one to teach the boy. Severus could break through Draco's defenses if he wanted to-but then, so could the Dark Lord, and it was not in Severus's best interests for the Dark Lord to learn how skilled he was at Legilimency.

And damn Bellatrix to the pits of hell anyway. She was the one who practically insisted that Severus take the Unbreakable Vow, yet she taught Draco a form of magic that prevented Severus from keeping his word.

There was nothing for it. He let Draco go.

With the arrival of the Christmas holidays, the castle emptied of almost all students. None of Slytherin House remained, so while Severus had duties to attend to at Hogwarts during the day, he was free to return to his home in Spinner's End every evening.

He took the opportunity to make duplicates of all his favorite robes and toiletry items, storing one of each at Hogwarts and Spinner's End. After all, there might not be time for him to properly pack his bags after he murdered the headmaster. He congratulated himself on his foresight and pragmatism, even as he hated himself for it.

He hated Dumbledore for it as well. But that was a bit more complicated.

One evening a few days before Christmas, Narcissa visited him unexpectedly. Thankfully, she did not have Bellatrix with her. Her visit was short; she didn't want anyone to realize that she was gone. She had only come for an update on Draco.

"He's acting so withdrawn," she said. "Tell me how you've been helping him."

"Draco is making it impossible for me to assist him at all. I haven't even been able to discover his plans. You may rest assured that he has finally learned subtlety."

She slapped him-not terribly hard, but it was quick and he hadn't expected it. "How is that a good thing, Severus?" she demanded.

He rubbed his cheek, knowing that it was best to just take the hit when it came from Narcissa. He said, "Because Dumbledore has not yet realized there is a plot against him. Draco is safe as long as this remains the case."

She made an odd, choked sound, and nodded. "But he must also be making progress-he has a meeting with the Dark Lord tomorrow-if he has nothing to show for his task-he-" she clutched both of Severus's arms. "Have you been summoned by the Dark Lord to make a report?"

He hadn't, but he was sure he would. He didn't say anything, and Narcissa correctly interpreted his silence.

"When you are summoned, will you tell the Dark Lord that Draco is making progress?"

That was a very dangerous request to make. The fact that she was making it to him meant nothing good for Severus. Had she made his role?

Even if she had, she was throwing Draco's lot in with his. He suspected she wouldn't be a threat to him-unless he didn't protect Draco.

"It is impossible to lie to the Dark Lord, Narcissa," he said carefully. She narrowed her eyes at him, and he continued, "But I will tell him what I have guessed."

He was summoned to the Dark Lord's side late the next night. What he reported was mostly the truth: that he suspected that Draco had already made one attempt on Dumbledore's life that had failed, but there was no proof that Draco was behind the attempt; that Draco was secretive with any additional plans he may have; and that Severus was willing to wait to see what Draco could do before he himself stepped in to take over the task.

As his story matched the one that the Dark Lord had no doubt already seen in Draco's mind, Severus was allowed to leave the meeting quickly.

When the students returned in January, Severus had a minor fit of responsibility and renewed all the Monitoring Charms he'd ever put on Draco. They all remained silent. The boy continued to elude him; was disrespectful to adults (going so far as to embarrass all of Slytherin House by not paying attention to the guest speaker in Apparition lessons); and sat out every single Quidditch game.

Dumbledore continued to leave the castle regularly, without telling anyone his whereabouts. On the rare evenings he spent at Hogwarts, he was generally unavailable because he was meeting with Harry Potter. The first time Severus spent significant time with Dumbledore all term was in late February, when the headmaster invited him on a walk through the grounds. The men were silent as they walked through the Forbidden Forest until they reached the edge of the anti-Apparition wards. When they got there, Dumbledore instructed Severus to cross to the other side, then turn to face him. The younger man did as instructed, and watched as Dumbledore cast a complicated spell. There were no visible effects from the spell, but when the headmaster was finished casting it, he bid Severus to step back through the official boundary of Hogwarts grounds. As he did so, Severus felt a warm tingling sensation settle around him, almost like a scratchy blanket.

"There," said Dumbledore. "Can you remember this spot, Severus?"

"Yes, of course. Why? What did you do?"

"I ensured that you have a portal that will always allow you entrance to Hogwarts, no matter what other wards may be set in the future. I trust you'll make proper use of it."

Later on, when he was alone, Severus would allow himself to be staggered by the gesture. When he was young, he never even had a key to his own house-if the door was locked and no one was home, he was expected to either wait for one of his parents or else crawl through a window. And now Dumbledore had just casually guaranteed him access to Hogwarts for all time.

But now, Severus was only concerned with the immediate ramifications. "Is this...so I can meet with the Dark Lord?"

"Certainly not; I'd prefer for Voldemort to remain ignorant of this feature. This portal is for you, in case you ever have need of it."

Severus nodded; he couldn't think of any other appropriate response.

On the way back to the castle, Severus thought about the trust Dumbledore had shown him, and the trust he still denied. He couldn't help himself; he asked Dumbledore directly what secrets he had shared with Potter. The headmaster deflected the question, citing his reasons for not sharing every detail with him...and then reminded him of his promise to commit murder...followed by an insinuation that Severus wasn't doing enough to watch over Draco...and concluded the walk by asking Severus to stop by his office later, so he could impart the truly bad news.

And bad news it was.

Severus was used to not getting what he wanted, and his consolations could barely be called that. The woman he loved was dead, so he consoled himself by protecting her son who had been fathered by the bully who made his teenage years hell. It was the only thing he lived for.

And it had been for nothing. Dumbledore insisted that Harry Potter had to die. Everything Severus had been led to believe-everything he'd risked his life for-was empty. Everything that remained on this earth of Lily Evans would soon be food for worms.

And Severus, of course, had to be the one to inform the boy of his fate. He immediately saw the problem with that plan: the boy would not believe him, not unless he stripped away every one of the walls he'd built up to protect himself from the cruelties of the world. He would have to expose his true self to the boy-his regrets, his loves, his failures.

Dumbledore, no doubt, thought this was all to the good. 'Healing,' he'd probably call it, or some such bullshit. He probably wanted Potter to know all of Severus's secrets-he'd given Severus the Pensieve for the Occlumency lessons last year, after all. Severus could never shake the feeling that Dumbledore had somehow planned for the boy to intrude on his memories.

Dumbledore. Whom he would have to murder in the next few months.

So, first he'd murder Dumbledore in cold blood, then somehow convince Little Lord Blunt Instrument that Dumbledore had told Severus to tell him that he had to die so that the Dark Lord could die.

Severus was so fucked.