Merry Christmas :)
Alone In This House
Chapter Four: Santana
"Y'know, I think that the first time I've ever heard her apologise and seem like she actually meant it." Quinn said, astonished, as she stared down at a slumbering Santana.
Rachel shook her head, as if she couldn't believe that had all just happened.
"Well, she was drunk wasn't she? I'm sure she didn't mean it, thought it was nice to have the...illusion, of an apology." Rachel said, though Quinn saw that she was purposely trying to keep the disappointment from poisoning her tone.
"She'll kill me when she finds out i've told you this but, i'll let you in on a little secret about Santana." Quinn said and Rachel looked an appropriate mixture of intrigued and cautious.
"When she's drunk...she tends to tell the truth. She likes to pass it off as just being drunk but everything that comes out of her mouths after she's had a few drinks is how she truly feels." Quinn said, looking down at the girl on the couch as if she might be able to sense she was telling someone her secret and pounce on her any second now.
"Really?"
"Yup. She doesn't like anyone knowing because she thinks it'll ruin her badass image." Quinn couldn't stop the small chuckle that escaped her lips. "So she'll tell you that she was just drunk but don't believe her."
Rachel's brow furrowed, dipping in thought. Then she turned to Quinn with a grin that could be considered evil.
"So a year ago when we were at a party and she told me she thought I was hot and that she would 'totally do me', that was all true?" Rachel said, barely being able to hold back the laugh that seemed to burst from her.
Quinn nodded, squashing down the slight feeling of jealousy with minimal effort, surprisingly.
Rachel just burst into a laugh and Quinn couldn't help but giggle along with her. It felt nice, laughing like this with Rachel, like they were friends, like all the shit that had happened between them, all the stuff Quinn had done to her didn't matter.
"I don't mean to be rude but what exactly is she doing here? I'm guessing you didn't invited her here so she could pass out on my couch." Rachel said after her laugh had died down.
"Since I have to go I invited her so you two could hang out tomorrow." Quinn said glance over at Rachel before looking back at Santana. She knew this would take a bit of convincing of both sides but she didn't really want Rachel to be alone right now.
When Quinn turned her attention over to Rachel she almost flinched at the expression of bubbling annoyance and slight anger that was on Rachel's face.
"While I appreciate the concern Quinn, I can take care of myself for one afternoon. Despite the fact that I've given you reason to believe that i'm slightly mentally unstable i'm not an invalid. I don't need looking after." Rachel seemed to get more and more worked up with each work that escaped from her mouth
"Rachel-"
"No, Quinn. I don't know what you thought. I've been on my own for three years and you cant just swoop in all of a sudden and fix everything. You can't just shove person after person at me and expect it to be a permanent solution. Who would you have sent next? Brittany, or maybe Puck? Eventually you would have run out of people Quinn." Rachel's voice sounds pained and angry, every word hitting Quinn like a slap to the face. The way Rachel spits out her name bites into her skin like a rabid dog, teeth painfully sinking into her flesh.
"Rach, I wasn't-" But she cut herself off, realising that she sort of was. She figured if that she could get someone to hang out with Rachel, the girl wouldn't be swallowed by her grief.
She lowered her eyes, not being able to meet Rachel's gaze.
"I get that you feel guilty or whatever Quinn and that's making you feel like you have to spend time with me but you don't okay?" Rachel's voice had quickly gone from seething anger to bitterness.
Quinn's eyes snapped up to meet Rachel's and she was surprised to find that the girl was almost in tears, a thin sheen of wetness causing her eyes to glisten in the dim light of the Berry's living room. The sight pulled forcefully on her heartstrings, straining them until someone could play a beautifully bitter-sweet melody on them.
It's was like a light suddenly turned on, illuminating Rachel's true fear with brilliant clarity.
She instantly took a step forward, wanting to be close enough to touch, to comfort but Rachel instantly took a step backwards in response.
"Rach, no, god no. It not like that at all." Quinn said, finding herself begging for the second time in two days and not giving the slightest damn. She just needed Rachel to understand, understand that Quinn wasn't just trying to push her off onto other people.
"I don't want to spend time with because I feel bad for you or guilty...well, I do feel guilty but thats not why i'm here. I just...i just want to spend time with you." Quinn said and she tried to push all her emotions into those last words, hoping that Rachel will be able to hear the truth in her voice.
Rachel just looked skeptical for a moment, her arms cross tightly over her chest as if it would defend her from whatever blow she was expecting. Her eyes darted over to Santana for a moment and Quinn could see the unasked question.
"I just asked Santana to come here because...i just thought you might want company, I dunno, I just didn't want to come back to find you like you were yesterday." Quinn's voice dripped with the dread she felt every time she fought about the night before. Images of Rachel crying, broken bitter sobs filling the room flash behind her eyelids and made Quinn's skin crawl with angst.
"Rachel, I- I don't know what to do to show you that i'm being genuine." Quinn's voice had lost all its fight now, her shoulders slumped in defeat. Her tone was laced with the desperation that she was currently drowning in.
Frustration started to rising in place of her sadness and Quinn felt her HBIC façade fall seamlessly back into place. She didn't mean to do it, it was just what Quinn Fabray did, when she was cornered, when she wouldn't- couldn't show her true emotions she retreated behind the mask of Quinn Fabray, Head Cheerleader, Head Bitch In Charge, Ice Quinn, the girl everybody feared.
"God Rachel, you just want to start drama don't you? You beg for attention like some lonely, wounded puppy but when I give it to you, you just get pissed off at me. You should be grateful that I would even think about hanging out with a loser like you."
As soon as she said the words she instantly regretted them. They tasted sour on her tongue, just like always and she wished that she wasn't like this. The looked Rachel gave her practically cut her heart in two.
Silence enveloped the room, suffocating Quinn with her own anguish, her words ringing out into the emptiness. It was like she could hear every second tick past, slowly, until finally Rachel spoke.
"I think...you should go Quinn." Rachel's words were deflated, without a single hint of the usually Rachel Berry fight.
"What? Rach- I'm sorry, I didnt mean-" Quinn's heart stilled in her chest.
"I know you didn't Quinn. I know you don't mean the things you say but that doesn't make it okay, not if were going to be friends." Rachel said, meeting Quinn eyes and it was all Quinn could go to not collapse under that gaze. Those eyes that were so lonely but so guarded and cautious.
She want so much to just show Rachel just how much she cared for her, to just grab the girl and kiss her and love her until she trusted Quinn. But she couldn't. She was scared of the rejection that would probably follow. Even thought she knew Rachel would probably let her down easy, comforting words and careful smiles, but she still couldn't even bare the thought of it.
"I still think you should go Quinn. Our friendship is new and therefore fights like these are inevitable. So I think we should take some time to cool down." Rachel said, nodding to herself as if to encourage that it was the right decision.
Quinn thought it over for a few moments. In all honest she fully planned on come straight back over tomorrow after she had been to morning service but she realised it probably wouldn't be a good idea. This was going to take time, Quinn knew that from the start but she just hoped that if she spent as much time as possible with Rachel it would speed it up slightly. She realise she couldn't just force herself into Rachel's life and that would be exactly what she would be doing if she didn't listen now.
"Okay..." The one word was small when it came from Quinn's mouth. "Call me in a few days?" She asked looking up to Rachel with hopeful eyes.
Rachel nodded slowly. "I'll call you." She clarified, making obvious that she would when she was ready and Quinn just nodded in response.
Her eyes flickered back over to Santana and she let out a sigh.
"I guess I'd better take her home." Quinn said, not at all looking forward to lugging the stupidly drunk girl out to her car.
"No. I'll take her home tomorrow when she wakes up." Rachel said with a tone that Quinn knew not to argue with.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, Quinn. It'll be much easier to get her home in the morning when she's sober and i'm sure you have to get home to you mom."
Rachel was right on that. Her mom had been blowing up her phone all day and apparently the text Quinn sent saying she was with a friend hadn't been enough. Questions like are you going to church tomorrow all the way to have you been kidnapped were sent.
She pulled her phone out and send her mom a text telling her that she was coming home now.
"Well...I guess I'm going then." Quinn said, looking over to the clock that read just past ten at night.
"Bye Rachel." Quinn said once she had reached the door and turned around to find Rachel stood in the doorway.
"Goodbye Quinn, I'll call you in a few days and we'll do something." Rachel said as she surprised Quinn by stepping in and wrapping her arms snugly around her waist. Quinn responded instantly, wrapping her arms around the girls shoulders.
"Rach? You okay?" Quinn asked quietly, practically a whisper, right into Rachel's ear, when the hug lasted a second more than what was normal for a goodbye hug.
"I'm fine Quinn." She said, thought she didn't let go and seemed to bury herself further into the embrace. Quinn let the silence of the night wash over them for a moment, knowing that Rachel had more to say.
"I'm just...Thank you for spending time with me Quinn. With the exception of our little fight just now, I've really enjoyed your company." Rachel pulled back but still held Quinn closely, looking up with deep brown eyes that just seemed to peer into Quinn's soul. In that moment she felt like Rachel could see her, could see how her heart beat Rachel's name, how thoughts of her were engraved on every inch of Quinn's soul, how Quinn's body yearned from Rachel's touch.
"I'm happy you were here." Rachel said and her words literally made Quinn's heart soar with happiness, it beating wilding in her chest.
For a moment they just stood and just were, soaking up the meaning of Rachel's words, what it meant for them, to them. For the first time in three years Quinn felt a night spark of hope.
Rachel's head cocked to the side after a long moment.
"You called me Rach." She said.
Quinn's eyes fell away from Rachel's
"Sorry." She said.
She felt slender fingers graze across her jaw down to her chin were they stilled. Rachel lifted her chin, forcing Quinn to meet her eyes.
"I didn't mean it like that." She said softly, as a smile just as soft gracing her lips.
Quinn just reflected her smile, a nod following it.
Rachel slipped out of Quinn's arms and instantly Quinn missed the warmth of the other girl.
"Goodnight Quinn."
"'Night."
The door closed softly in front of her and she let out a sigh. She turned and made her way down the drive to her car. She got in and slammed the door behind herself, gripping the steering wheel with a little more force that natural.
She felt the urge to bang her head on the steering wheel but pushed the it away just in case she accidentally caught the horn with her forehead.
She looked over her shoulder into the back seat and caught sight of her cheerios duffel bag, still full with pictures of Rachel and her fathers. She decide that she would hold onto them for now.
She put the key in the ignition and twisted it, listening to the car sputter to life. She pulled out of the driveway and with one last reluctant look at Rachel's house she sped away in the direction of her own.
Quinn reached her house fairly quickly. She got out of the car, taking the duffel bag with her and putting it in the trunk where it was less like that her mom could find it. Not that her mom usually goes rummaging around in her car but...just in case. She walked up the pathway to the place she called home, though it hadn't felt like one in a long time. She made her way up the few steps and stopped at the front door. She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath and them pushed her way into the house.
Once she was inside her eyes instantly swept the rooms. Knick knacks lay on the side tables around the large living room and in the entry way. The house was big an spacious, too big, too spacious, especially now that it was just her and her mom. Everything looking perfect, from the finely polished wooden floors, to the pristinely fluffed pillows that lay neatly on the couch. The stained oak furniture gave the place a sense of class but combine that with the vases and china cabinet and everything just looked pretentious.
Her eyes landed on the stairs and she only hesitated for a second before moving to go up them, attempting to make her escape before she was even caught. But after only two steps she hear her name being called.
Well, almost her name.
"Quinnie!"
With a sigh she turned around and made her way back downstairs.
She found her mother in the kitchen but unlike two years again instead of nursing a glass of wine she was flicking her way through a magazine. Quinn couldn't help but smile.
"Yeah mom?"
"No need to look so antsy Quinn. I just want to chat, is that a crime now? A mother just wanting to talk with her daughter?"
"No mom." Quinn said, trying her best to sound annoyed, like a proper teenager should, as she slipped into her seat.
"Good." Judy said, a smile on her face.
Judy Fabray was by no stretch the best mother in the world, but she tries. She tries so much and Quinn couldn't help but be grateful. After not having her mother in her life for what possibly was and will always be the hardest nine months of her life she was just happy to have the woman back in her life.
"Now, where have you been today?" Judy asked, her voice hold none of the accusatory tone that usually accompanies that question. It wasn't a 'what trouble have you been getting up' to kind of question. It was just her mother being interested in her life.
"Just hanging out with a friend." Quinn said instantly realising how amazingly good but also heart clenching bad it was to refer to Rachel as a friend. It was a reminder of how far she had gotten but also of just how much further Quinn wanted things to go. Quinn wanted much more than just friendship and that word was just a remind that didn't have it.
"A friend?"
Quinn looked up into her mothers curious gaze and felt something stir inside her that felt close to panic. Her first instinct was to lie. But then she remember that all her old instincts had gotten were was a shit-load of nothing so she tried something that never used to do.
"Yeah, her names Rachel. Rachel Berry." Quinn clarified.
"Berry? The girl with the two fathers?" Judy asked and Quinn founded herself fearing the unidentifiable tone that her mother was using.
"Yes. Is that a problem for you mom?" Quinn asked, a challenging tone to her voice.
Judy seemed to think for a moment before just smiling and shaking her head.
"Of course not Quinnie." She said in a sweet voice.
"Good. Because I really like her." The words left Quinn's mouth before she could even think about and she just hoped that Judy didn't read to much into them
Judy's eyebrows furrowed for a moment a Quinn's heart stopped beating all together but the next second the expression vanished and a smile replaced it.
"That great, I'm glad you're finding friends that aren't Brittany or Santana."
Quinn prickled slightly at her mothers words, instantly jumping to the defence of her two best friends.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Quinn asked.
Judy seemed slightly taken back by Quinn's forceful tone of voice but recovered quickly.
"Nothing Quinn. You know I love those two as if they were my own daughters. Its just that you've had the same two friends since elementary school." Judy said in a very motherly tone.
Her expression soften and she look down at Quinn with loving eyes.
"I know how hard it is for you to open up to new people Quinn. I'm just glad you're giving this Rachel girl a chance."
Its more like she's giving me a chance. Quinn thought rather bitterly.
"Okay?" Judy asked when Quinn didn't say anything.
"Yeah...yeah, sorry for getting all defensive." Quinn said.
Silence fell over the small kitchen and Judy returned her attention to her magazine.
"Can I go now?" Quinn asked to which she just received a nod in response.
She practically ran from the kitchen and darted up the stairs but again a voice stopped her before she could barely get anywhere.
"And Quinn, I'll be wanting to meet this girl sometime soon since you like her so much. Maybe you could invite her for dinner sometime." Judy's voice echoed Quinn's head, bounding violently off the wall of her conscious.
Something in her mom's voice made Quinn's skin itch uncomfortably but she pushed the feeling away, yelling back an okay before carrying on up the stairs.
She made her way up to her room and shut her door behind her. Her first thought was to text Rachel and after a small moment of hesitation she pulled her phone from her pocket.
To Rachel:
You didn't say I couldn't text you. Hows Santana? still passed out i'm guessing. When she wakes up can you show her this video?
Rachel closed the door behind Quinn and made her way back into the living room where Santana was sprawled unceremoniously on her couch, grasping onto a blanket beside her for warmth.
Rachel knelt down beside the couch, looking into the girls face. At this moment, right now, she looked so peaceful. Right now she wasn't Santana Lopez, big, bad, bitch of McKinley. Right now she was just as flawed and broken as everyone else, just trying to scrape by.
Before Rachel had ideas, now it was glaringly obvious. Santana Lopez was terrified of coming out. She's scared of how people will react, of the laughs and the stares and the whispers. Rachel thought that at one point Santana had been ready, that any day she would have seen her and Brittany walking down the hallway hand in hand, exchanging soft kisses at one another lockers, gazing unabashedly at each other.
Rachel herself didn't really see what the big deal was. But then again people had been laughing and staring her whole life. By now if she couldn't learn to deal with it then she probably would have gone off the deep end.
Rachel reached out an brush a few stray locks of hair from Santana's face, almost laughing to herself about how if the girl was conscious right now Rachel would have a face full of fist.
In that moment she thought that Santana look beautiful. Unaware of the world around her, content to just slumber away, drifting around in nothingness. She looked for peaceful, so real.
At McKinley high no one was real. Everyone put on a face, even Rachel. She put on the face of Rachel Berry, future broadway star, self-centred and slightly crazy when her place on the stage is threatened. But she had to be that person, otherwise she would get walked all over and wouldn't get anything she wanted. Santana had to be the scary badass, she had to scare people away before they could see her. And Quinn had to be the HBIC. The one everyone feared and looked up to. The one everyone thought was on top of the world, that she had it all, the popularity, the looks, the confidence, everything. When in reality she had nothing. Rachel could see that it didn't mean anything to her because whenever someone had just delivered a slushy to her face, or Quinn was walking down the hall, HBIC smirk firmly in place, Rachel could see, in her eyes, how hollow she was.
There was something Quinn wanted above everything she already had and Rachel had no idea what it was.
Rachel shook her head, realising that to ask the question what does Quinn Fabray want most in the world is like asking what is the meaning of life.
Maybe one day Rachel herself would ask her.
Rachel stood from her crouched position, grabbing the blanket and draping it over Santana, watching for a moment as the girl buried herself further into its comfort.
She walked away from Santana, leaving the girl to slumber away, hoping that she doesn't freak out when she wakes up. She when into the kitchen, making herself a snack, a bowl of fruit, before making her way upstairs.
She placed the bowl down on the her bedside table and stepped into her en suite bathroom. Once she had brushed her teeth, flossed, had a quick shower, washed her face and change into some comfortable sleepwear she stepped back into her room and practically dived into her bed. She lay there, relaxing into her bed and simply enjoying the warmth of being safely wrapping in her blankets.
That night she slept well. Usually her sleep is restless, ghosts of people who are no long here invading her mind and preventing her from sleep. Usually she would wake up panicked, as if she still had a chance, if she just moved quick enough, to stop them from leaving. But every morning the reality crashed into her that there was nothing they could do.
This morning was different and for one glaring reason.
She woke up to the side of a head of black hair cascading down tanned shoulders.
"Santana what are you doing in my bed?" She didn't really mean to say it, because if Santana was asleep she didn't really want to wake her up in hopes that she could avoid whatever undoubtedly awkward situation was about to fall. Well it was going to be awkward for her, that's for sure.
But unfortunately no god had listen to her wants and Santana flipped herself around so she was facing Rachel.
"Sup Berry." She said casually, that Santana smirk in place.
And god did it look sexy. Santana, with her infuriating smirk and her slightly messed up bed head was probably one of the best things to ever grace Rachel's eye sight. Her caramel skin that looked like it felt like velvet, red lips that just screamed kiss me, those eyes that seemed to see right pass every wall you put up. There was no denying that Santana was hot.
Rachel had always know she had been attracted to girls and if anyone asked she would tell them that. She wasn't ashamed of it but didn't exactly think it was anyones business either so she chose not to broadcast it. But while thats true she's always been fine just to watch from a distance. To her the female body was like art, something to be looked at and not touch, something beautiful and breath taking but something you could never have.
Well that rule applied until now. Maybe it was because she had never really been this close to a half naked girl, where the possibility of her just reaching out and stroking a hand through their hair, down their neck, down their collar bone, down to their chest, down, down, down, was very real. Or maybe it was just Santana.
But she restrained herself from doing any touching, even as her hands twitched at her sides, because she was sure that it would only end with a knife in her throat.
"What are you doing in my bed?" She repeated her question when it became obvious Santana wasn't going to answer.
"S'more comfy than the couched." She said lazily, stretching out her whole body with a yawn. The action sent Rachel's sexual frustration to an all time high.
Rachel rolled herself out of bed, figuring that staying there any long could be damaging to her mental and physical health.
"Why are you half naked?" Rachel asked forcing herself not to look back as she walked into the bathroom.
"God Berry, what's with the game of twenty questions. Its too early for that shit." Santana groaned from the other room.
"Sorry Santana but when I wake up with a half naked girl I'm usually curious about how she ended up there."
"Usually? This something that happens a lot Berry? Waking up with half naked girls? Didn't know you had it in you." Rachel could practically hear the smirk in her voice.
Rachel just chose not to reply to that. Instead she busied herself with brushing her teeth and washing her face. The act of routine calms her down, puts her into a familiar state of mind. Its a routine she does every morning, without fail and right now its the only constant in her life. It calms her, gives her something to cling to. Wake up, brush your teeth, wash your face, workout, chase your dreams.
"Anyway, you got lucky. Usually I'd sleep naked but I decided to spare you."
The voice broke her from her thoughts. Santana wasn't part of her routine, neither was Quinn now that she thought about it. But maybe she could make a new routine.
Rachel waked back into the room to see Santana, still clad in just her underwear, stand in the middle of the room looking like she had no idea what to do. When she saw Rachel she bit her lips and looked like she was contemplating something.
"Can I use your shower, I feel gross." She said after a minute. She looked totally out of her element, that nonchalance that was present in her very essence two minutes ago had vanished like smoke in the wind.
"Yeah, sure. It's just in there." Rachel said, pointing over her shoulder to the bathroom she just came out of.
"Thanks." Santana mumbled as she slipped passed the door slamming shut and the locks following a second after.
"Towels and hair products are all in there, use whatever." Rachel said through the door. There was no reply but she was sure Santana had heard her.
Rachel went downstairs and pottered her way into the kitchen. She went about making herself breakfast, vegan yoghurt with sliced up banana, and then sat herself down on the couch.
She didn't really know what to do. So she just sat there slowly making her way through her breakfast. Usually she would be practising a song, beating out heartfelt lyrics in her bedroom but she couldn't really just ignore Santana to do that. TV never really interested her and while she did have an affinity for film she didn't want to commit the two hours right now. After all Santana may just come downstairs and decided to leave, which was probably likely, then she could go practice.
So she just sat there for a few minutes, spooning mouthfuls of her breakfast in her mouth. Actually it tasted really freaking good. The rich, creamy yogurt was amazing and then combined with that burst of sweetness when you got a piece of banana. It was amazing. She almost want to moan when dropped the next spoonful into her mouth.
Then she noticed her phone on the table next to the couch, a flashing light telling her that she had gotten a new text. She felt a surge of happiness at that. Getting texts wasn't something she was used to and her annual text income, her ATI, seemed to be on the climb.
She knew it would be from Quinn. Quinn had really been there for her through her little episode in a way that Rachel never thought would be possible. She had always know there was something sweet and kind beneath Quinn's steely HBIC gaze and now that Rachel had seen it she wasn't sure what she'd do without it.
Her reaction to Santana this morning made her think about Quinn...in that way. Quinn was incredibly beautiful, it would take a blinding for someone not to realise that, but now that Rachel knew what a amazing person she was underneath it only made her that much more beautiful. Now she practically glowed with a beauty that was ethereal, divine, angelic. Beauty just rolled off the girl in waves and Rachel couldn't resist getting swept away.
But then Rachel shook her head, snapping herself out her thoughts. Quinn wouldn't want her like that. Santana wouldn't want her like that. So she just stop thinking about it. Quinn was barely a friend. Santana not even that.
Her friendship with Quinn was something that she would cherish. They had flipped from hating each other to friends so quickly it gave her whiplash but at the same time it was just an amazing feeling. Yesterday they had just spend all day lounging around and Rachel couldn't think of any better way to spend a day. After watching Funny Girl they had gone on Netflix and watch a sting of movies, one after the other, just randomly picking from the recommend section once on had finished. Most ended up being terrible and they spend most of the time no focusing on the movie and just joking about how terrible the acting was or how horrible the plot was.
She picked her phone up and unlocked it, opening up her texts. Just like she expect she had a text Quinn from Quinn. She felt a small tingle of guilt when she realised it was sent last night. She quickly opened the text and scanned over it. That first line already bringing a smile to her face.
She opened the video that was attached and saw that it was from last night. A video of Santana asking Rachel what she thought about her sexuality and then the hug she gave Rachel followed by her apology that seemed half genuine half like she couldn't give two shits.
"What's got you staring so hard Berry." Santana said before snatching the phone from Rachel's hand.
Rachel watch Santana's face as the video played. It went from confused, then it softened slightly, something akin to happiness shining in her eyes, then her expression hardened, like stone and the video finished.
Rachel expected shout and swearing. She expected threats and demands. But to her surprise Santana just threw her phone down on the couch and took a the seat furtherest anyway from Rachel.
Rachel gather another spoonful of her breakfast and dropped it in her mouth, the flavours exploding on her tongue all over again. She stayed silent for a minute figure that it'd give Santana a chance to say anything if she wanted to but after it became clear that she had nothing to say Rachel spoke up.
"Thank you for the apology yesterday Santana. I admit the delivery was a little lacklustre but I still appreciate it."
"Don't flatter yourself Berry. I was drunk, I didn't mean any of that." Santana said and Rachel could hear the anger rising up in her tone.
"Quinn's informed to not to believe you on that front Santana." Rachel said casually as she placed another spoonful in her mouth.
"Bitch." She heard Santana mutter and Rachel couldn't strife the little laugh that followed.
Santana and Rachel looked over at the same time and Rachel felt that now was a good time as any to say something heartfelt.
"It really mean't a lot to me Santana, what you said." Rachel said and she watched as Santana's expression melted into something much softer, seemingly giving in the to fact that she couldn't wiggle her way out of this one.
Santana's teeth clamped down on her bottom lips and her brow furrowed in thought and after a moment she spoke.
"I meant it." She said, quite and small as if she didn't know if she should be saying this or not.
"I know you did." Rachel said with a smile.
A moment passed between them, through the silence, when Santana's eyes met Rachel's, sometime indescribable passed between them. Rachel felt warmth spark up inside her as she was face with something she thought she'd never see from Santana, honesty. This now, just like when she was asleep, she looked real, like a real person with a real beating heart, instead of the untouchable ball of fire and wrath that she was at school.
"What are you eating?" She asked after a quick moment, barely a second. Rachel knew she was just trying to change the subject but she didn't mind, knowing that if she tried to force more out of the girl she would just get pushed back.
"Vegan yoghurt with banana. What some?" Rachel ask holding out a spoonful to the girl.
Santana seemed hesitant for a moment, probably weary of the word vegan. She was probably expending some bland sludge and looked as like she was going to say not but then her eyes met Rachel's for a second and she just nodded.
Rachel couldn't help but think Santana was cute as she accept the spoonful. She watched as the girl savoured the flavour and the swallowed and it seemed like she was trying not to show just how much she liked it.
"Good shit Berry." She said and Rachel had to swallow her laughter.
"Want me to make you some?" Rachel asked.
"Na, it's good but nothing beats a sausage and egg McMuffin from the glorious golden arches." Santana says as she gets up from her spot on the couch.
Rachel couldn't help the disappointment she felt as Santana walk towards her door. She didn't know what she had expected, but obviously it was something or she wouldn't be feeling like this.
Maybe she was just caught up in the feeling of having someone else around that she had tricked herself into somehow believing that she and Santana were somehow friends but of course they weren't. Santana practically hated her guts and openly announced that fact whenever she got the chance.
"You coming Berry?" Santana asked as she walked out the door, leaving it open for Rachel to follow.
She was momentarily stunned into silence.
"Oh." She said before a massive smile took over her face.
She grabbed her phone and her keys on the way out, locking the door behind her and shooting Quinn a text telling her that she was sorry didn't reply last night, that she had just missed the text and hoping that she enjoyed service today.
Then she joyed Santana on the pavement and the girl lead them off down the street in the direction, Rachel was sure, of the nearest McDonalds.
"What are you smiling at Berry?" Santana asked sounding her usually level of annoyed.
"Nothing Santana." Rachel replied innocently, flashing her smile at the other girl.
I don't know much about small american towns but surely they have McDonalds, right? See you guys in three months ;)