Chapter 11

I'm not sure why, but I've never been in here, but when I look around, this room is distinctly Peeta's. I can feel his presence, as though he's going to stroll through that door at any moment. Peeta's clothes are strewn about, leaving a trail to the bathroom, where he's left the cap off of the toothpaste. I remember his conversation with Caesar during our first games, and turn on the shower. I leave it on his setting, allowing the room to fill with his unique scent, sweet with a hint of spicy, his scent enveloping me like a warm embrace. I shut the bathroom door, and quickly strip my clothes and stand under the water, letting the scalding water wash away the makeup, and the tears.

I catch my reflection in the mirror as I step out of the shower. I've lost some weight, but a small pooch has begun to appear where I'm growing our pearl, his final gift to me. My reason to carry on. I wrap myself tightly with a towel, braid my hair, and make my way into the bedroom.

I pull on a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants that were discarded over a chair, and I can't help but smile at the memory; it's what he wore to my room the night before the games.

His closet is filled with clothes I recognize, and I lovingly touch the sleeve of the suit he wore to the Quell interview. Could he have suspected that there was truth to his words about the baby? My fingers continue running along the tidy line of sleeves, until they stop at one I've never seen before.

I gasp, and try to choke back fresh tears as I see a beautiful tuxedo. It's the perfect shade of grey to enhance Peeta's blue eyes, cut to compliment his broad shoulders, a pattern of flames embroidered onto the body and sleeves in an iridescent thread, and there is no doubt in my mind that this was made by Cinna for the wedding.

Cinna, too good, and too talented, for the fate that was given to him. I wonder what he'd think, if he could see me now, so broken without Peeta. Somehow, I think that he'd understand, and that he'd find just the right thing to say, probably about how excited Peeta would have been about the baby, and that if there's a heaven, he's certainly watching me and our baby.

There's a light rap on the door, and when I open it, I see Darius motioning for me to follow him. He leads me to the table piled with food, and Effie in her usual seat. I hadn't realized I was hungry, but the sight of the food makes my tummy rumble. I take the seat opposite of Effie, and motion for Darius to join us, but he just blushes and shakes his head. The past 24 hours seem to have bonded Darius in a way that I would not have expected, and Effie chatters on about Capitol gossip throughout dinner, but never mentions anyone I know, there's no news about the other Victors, or my family. The crying and full stomach leave me tired, and Effie excuses me from the table.

I pad back down the hall to the bed I shared with Peeta, and smile as I see that Darius has set up a cot just outside my door. It appears that someone has put my spile, pearl, locket and parachute on my nightstand, and for some reason, they bring me great comfort. I open the locket, set it on my nightstand so that I can see my mom and Prim and Gale. It's getting late, and I bet that Prim is already asleep, my mom is probably sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea. I wonder if she's thinking of me. She wasn't always the best mother, but she was an excellent healer, and there are so many questions I wish I could ask her.

I summon an Avox, not wanting to wake Darius. The red haired woman comes to me, and I request something I should have requested long ago, a book about pregnancy.

I decide not to skip anything, and read in wonder about the changes that have already begun within my body. As I read about fertilization, I can't help but feel thankful that I'm not having twins. On occasion women would have twins in 12, but often, it ended in sorrow for the family. Having a baby was occasionally risky for a woman in 12, having twins could be a death sentence.

For the first time, I feel thankful to be in the Capitol. The trauma of the games, and my subsequent depression, could have cost me my baby, but thanks to the Capitol, Peeta's daughter is still healthy. A bundle of cells dividing. My eyelids begin to droop as I read on, fascinated by the magic of it all.

My door flies open, banging noisily against the wall, snapping me out of my slumber. I reach for a weapon, and my fingers make purchase on the cool metal of the spile. I hold it between my fingers, the sharp end pointed at the intruder. I am momentarily blinded by a bright light, and as my eyes adjust, I hear a blood-curdling scream, and the sound of bodies crashing into the floor.

I peer over the edge of my bed to see a blonde woman pinned beneath Darius. "Well, I never...", she screeches, and I am started to find that the blonde is Effie. Darius must have come to the same conclusion, because he has hastily risen to his feet. He is blushing to the tips of his ears as he extends a hand to Effie, hoisting her to her feet.

Without the colorful wigs, and the strange makeup, Effie is quite beautiful. Her pale skin highlights the blue of her eyes, while her delicate features are classically beautiful. Her long nightgown looks like something Madge might wear, white cotton trimmed in lace, and I am amused to find that she is barefoot. She shifts her weight so that she can cover one foot with the other, while wrapping her robe tightly around her small frame, a light flush coloring her cheeks.

"I... I... I heard you screaming, and when it didn't stop, I thought there was something wrong.", she stammers, her eyes concentrating hard on the floor.

"What?", I ask.

"On the train. On the train, you would scream, but it would always stop after a moment."

"Oh, Effie...", my vision blurred by tears threatening to fall, "Peeta. Peeta always came to me. Why do you think we started to share a bed? It was his only chance at a full night of sleep. We guarded each other from the horrors of our dreams."