"Leave me out with the waste,
this is not what I do
it is the wrong kind of place
to be thinking of you
it's the wrong time
for somebody new
it's a small crime
and I've got no excuse
Is that alright? Yeah
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright? Yeah
If you don't shoot it how I'm supposed to hold it?

Is that alright? Yeah
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright with you?

Leave me out with the waste
this is what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
to be cheating on you
it's the wrong time
But she's pulling me through
It's a small crime
and I've got no excuse
Is that alright? Yeah
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright? Yeah
If you don't shoot it how I am supposed to hold it?

Is that alright? Yeah
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright with you?
Is that alright? Yeah
give my gun when it's loaded
Is that alright? Yeah
If you don't shoot it how I am supposed to hold it?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright with you?
Is that alright? Yeah

~9 Crimes by Damien Rice

"I don't know what is worse. My sister screwing with the fucking King of Spain and you are laughing about this."

"It is funny! You should put that the other way around. Your sister is screwing up your plans because for once she is convincing the King not to take orders from anyone, including from you and fuck whoever he wants."

"He can fuck whoever he wants! He is the fucking King of Spain, Naples, and the second most powerful man in the world after his cousin. He has been fucking whoever he wants, and screwing up behind their husbands' backs for years since he was still in the school room."

"Don't get too upset about this Christoph."

"I have every reason to be upset Daniela! I have been working for years for this alliance and that … that … woman has to ruin everything."

"You are one to complain. You said that we would be out of here within a year once you convinced your brother to give up his claim-"

"Daniela." He warned then opened the door to make sure that all their servants were gone. She however ignored him and continued on talking.

"-to the Portuguese crown. That was four years ago. I am about to have my second child and you are still squabbling with your brother over trade routes."

"He is not my brother and yes I will continue to squabble until he stops stealing from Spanish galleons."

"That is never going to happen. If I learned one good thing from my mother is that the English are too proud and they will never admit to stealing even when everything points to that. You will have just as much luck having your sister admit to fornication with your King."

"Don't call her that here."

"Oh yes that is right. There might spies lurking around every corner." She chuckled and waved her hand dismissively. "Relax Christoph. Even Knollys' servants aren't stupid enough to spy on us after everything they've heard of you thanks to your father's infamous reputation."

"Don't remind me." He sighed and sat on the bed. Daniela sat next to him. "I just want both our countries to be in peace. Is that too much to ask? My father always said be weary of the Tudors. They are great and terrible –he said."

"What did your mother say?"

"She didn't have much of an opinion on them. She wanted me to stay out of politics and pursue a career in the church. Can you believe that?"

She could. Christoph's mother was a very devout woman and despite the nature of their relationship, she and Chapuys wanted both of their children to grow up as good, devout Catholics. Christoph was the embodiment of that dream. He was the perfect altar boy and never missed a school lesson, and at his father's meetings with the most important diplomats, he was always there. Attentive, silent and observant. His parents were very proud when another one of the Emperor's diplomats came to his state in Antwerp to ask him for his advice regarding an important mission; Eustace was just about to give him advice when his son took the words right out of his mouth. The Emperor's diplomat was so impressed that he told Eustace that his son was a true prodigy and he should take after his position once his term was over. Eustace was against the idea at first but when he saw how devoted Christoph was to her, and probably overheard him tell her that if he could, he would be like his father but he was afraid of telling him because he wouldn't approve; Eustace started to tell him about his old days at the English, Spanish and Imperial courts.

"Good thing you didn't follow your mother's wishes then."

"I guess so. Daniela I know I promised you many things and believe me, I want to make them come true but this is who I am. I promised my father that I would never disappoint him and I intend to honor that promise by keeping his memory alive and the only way I can do that is by achieving what he never could: perpetual peace between both nations."

"Oh Christoph …" She put her hand on his cheek "your father knew that was impossible. It is best you let things take their natural course. If the King is as wise as you say then he will heed your advice but if not, then let it go. Your job here is done as far as I can tell."

Christoph wasn't convinced by Daniela's words and the following morning he went to have a private audience with one of his informants. To his surprise not once or twice, but the King of Spain had actually visited his sister's chambers for more than two times a day and was seen coming out at early times of the day by few of her maids. He paid the man twice in silver and added extra so he could bribe her maids.

He waited until she was alone in her chambers so he could have a private audience with her. When he entered her chambers uninvited, she smiled. He expected her to be angry, even frustrated but instead she was happy, giving him a smile that largely resembled her brother's.

"So, you've seen us."

"I have and so have your maids." Her smile remained, plastered on her face as if she was the goddess Eris, Discord, herself, ready to cause more havoc. "What do you expect to achieve by this, my lady? Do you think that idle threats will work against me this time?"

"And what do you mean by idle threats, Excellency or should I say … little brother? We both know that the real reason why you hate me is because my face reminds you of your true lineage."

"No, your face disturbs me because it reminds me of the arrogance of you and your whole lot." She chuckled at that. "Laugh all you want but you and I both know that the King will never choose you over your better half, a true Princess born and raised, not a bastard born out of common clay. A woman who has probably been in every bed in London."

"And what if I have? Are you going to stop me from having a little bit of fun before I die? Because I assume you come here to give me an ultimatum."

He took a step further and squeezed his fists. How he wanted to raise his hand against her, the way his father nearly had when he mistreated one of their servants. In spite of being well off, his parents had always tried to teach him and his sister that just because of their father's station in life (and their secret lineage) that didn't make them special. "The world doesn't owe you anything. You make your own luck in life and if you can't give others the same respect you want others to give you, then you are not deserving of what you have." But Elizabeth FitzTudor who had everything handed to her, even when she was married to that lowlife Carey, grew up with no sense of decency or self-respect.

"Contrary to what you think of me, my lady, I don't threaten women, even high-born women who pretend to pass up as decent people but are no better than the painted whores at the back alley in London's best brothels."

"Your father would have known all about them wouldn't he? I am sorry, did I strike a chord there. I just hear all kinds of stories about him, my favorite is that he was not afraid to shove his cock and stab any young maiden he could come in contact with. Makes sense, given that he sired two bastards well into his old age. The only way he could do that is if he was fucking since he was twelve."

"You know nothing about my father. Your father if you were woman enough to admit it. If he were here, you would not be talking in such vulgar manner."

"You are right, I wouldn't, but thank god he isn't. He is six feet under, his corpse rotting and being eaten by the worms and probably burning in hell for everything he did." She said, feeling invigorated by every word she said as she watched the Spanish Ambassador's mouth twitch and his eyes harden in anger. "The King of Spain will be mine and there is nothing you can do about it. I am simply taking what is mine just like my grandfather did."

"We will see about that. Henry VIII took whatever he wanted but he sent his country into endless wars. If you really intend to become his Queen then be ready to live with the consequences because I can assure you, nobody in Spain will see you as a goddess and revere you as this country did with his late Majesty. They will see you for what you are: a common whore!"

"Just like my mother then. A whore who slept with every man."

"Don't you dare-"

"And let that bastard Ambassador sheath his sword inside her while her husband lay dying in St. Omer, fighting wars that were not his to fight."

"If you ever speak a word about my mother I swear to God I will-"

"What? What will you do. Stab me too?" She chuckled madly "Take me in your strong man arms and drop your seed on me? I know you want to, I have seen the way your eyes linger at me. You want to know what it is like to have this bitch, to insert your male organ into me and have handsome yellow haired babies, perfect, royal ..."She said, putting a finger on his lips which she withdrew when he took a step back. "Your eyes don't lie ... little brother."

"Go to hell. I am glad that my mother left this country because you and your family are nothing but a plague upon this Earth." Christoph said. "Mark my words my lady, the King can visit you all he wants, he can promise you the world but even if you achieve everything you set for yourself, he will never give you his heart because my master as my father's late master cares for nobody but himself."

"That's because he has never met his true love."

Now it was Christoph's turn to laugh out loud. "True love? God help us all, you are truly delusional. There is no such thing as true love in royal marriages my lady, it is all about political alliances, plain and simple. The King will never –I repeat- NEVER give his heart to you. He will NEVER love you, NEVER worship you, and NEVER marry you because he dear sister is a King and you are a bastard and Kings do not marry bastards!" With those final words he left, slamming the door behind him.

Philip took off his red feathered hat. He had promised Elizabeth that he would visit her tonight, later than usual after his dinner with their Majesties and his betrothed, Princess Victorian. He was anxious to tell her all about it. There weren't many people he could confide in –except his dear friend, the Prince of Eboli and Christoph (at times) but the latter tended to take things too seriously. Lizzie –as everyone called her- became the only person he could really vent his frustrations to. She was calm and attentive. She never lost her patience, even when he became angry at the end of every narration and told her in his usual seriousness how he was growing tired of her niece's endless attempts to get him interested in her.

Tonight was going to be no different. Lizzie loved her niece. He could tell by the way she spoke of her with such respect –more than any other royal family member- and said that he could be very happy if he still went ahead with her brother's betrothal agreement and made her his Queen. Philip told Lizzie that he had no doubt that Victoria would make a great Consort, but he wasn't convinced that she would make a good Queen. There was too much rebelliousness in her like her father which could die down once she became a mother to his children, but it would all be exorcised from her. In contrast, Lizzie was a mature woman, older than her niece, but younger than him and already proven herself to be fertile and if it wasn't for her unknown father, she would have made for a better candidate than Victoria.

But when he entered her room he heard crying and he forced himself into her bedchamber where she was sprawled on the bed, her head buried in one of the pillows.

"Lizzie, what is the matter."

"It is Christoph. He was here. He said …"

"What?" He demanded, ready to wrap his hands around his ambassador's neck. He was well aware of Christoph's parentage as Eustace Chapuys had confided in him when he visited him a month before his death. At first he didn't want to believe it but when he finally saw his cousin, he realized everything that old man said was true. So he felt even angrier as Lizzie started to relate everything her brother told her.

"That sniveling-"

"No, Philip. He's right … I am a whore. Just look at us. What future could we have together? You are a King and I am a … I am a bastard. It would never work."

"All Kings and Queens descend from bastards. The Trastamaras, our ancestors descended from a bastard as well and yet he saw an opportunity and became the first King of his dynasty to rule in Castile and his descendants later ruled Aragon and later on united both kingdoms and look at us now. Here we are. Just because your parents weren't married, doesn't mean you are hindered by their sins. The fact that you captured a King's heart makes you even greater than all the Princesses and high-born women of your generation."

"It is true what they say about you."

"Oh really?" He asked amused, raising an eyebrow. "What do they say about me?"

"That you are a true romantic and have a way with words than no other person, or other King has."

"Well they exaggerate. I do ascribe to what I say. You are beautiful Elizabeth and I wouldn't want another woman to rule by my side but you." He kissed her and with that erased all her doubts.

"I hate this country, I do, I really, I really do."

Daniela put her hand on his shoulder.

"Why is she doing this? What does she think she can gain with this?"

"I don't know, a crown maybe?"

"She will never marry him. The King needs to marry a royal Duchess, the sister of a ruling Duke, a Princess, a Dauphine, not a … bastard!"

"Christoph you are overthinking this too much. So what if the king wants to be happy for once? She is your sister, you should be supportive of his decision."

"She is not my sister Daniela. My duty is to my master, the King first and foremost. Not to her."

"Have you ever stopped to think that your sister is hurting deep down because your parents abandoned her instead of taking her to Antwerp? That this is her way of manifesting her frustrations?"

"So I am supposed to go easy on her because she has abandonment issues? People love their King because he can put duty above love unlike his father, grandfather and great-grandfather. This alliance can the thing that finally brings peace to years of unending strife between England and Spain since the King's grandfather divorced his first wife. And she is standing in the way of progress because she wants to play Queen. What qualifications does she have to be Queen? She is a nobody. A Whore!"

Daniela rolled her eyes. "Christoph you cannot seriously be calling your sister a whore. What is your mother if not your father's mistress?"

"My mother was a decent woman who taught her children well, that thing, regardless of what you and the King think, is not my sister and not equipped to be Queen of the most powerful nation in Christendom. I won't allow it." He said, feeling more determined and bolted out of their chamber.

Daniela rolled her eyes again after her husband left the room, locking the door behind him. It was clear that this was getting them nowhere and his schemes would get him nowhere. I have a bad feeling he will regret this in years from now.

And she wasn't wrong.

The King of Spain was a lusty man like his ancestors, but he was also an understanding one and once he saw something, he was convinced he had to have it by any means necessary. He had picked Elizabeth as his Queen, and he was just as determined as her enemies were to bring her down, to make his dream come true.

Behind the King's mask of kindness there was also an intense darkness that very few saw. Those that didn't, underestimated him, while the others mistook it as something they could curb by pandering to him. Neither side realized how devious the King of Spain could be, how good he was at manipulating people, framing them, and bending them to his will. If he wanted something, he got it. Plain and simple. He played the role of the merciful king when it suited him, and gave out a helping hand to those who believed they needed it, and when it was time to get rid of them, Philip would turn their back on them by sending his spies to have them turn their backs on him first –giving him the perfect excuse to dispose of them.

Elizabeth wasn't stupid. She knew what kind of man she was marrying when he proposed to her, and what kind of havoc would rain on her once he placed the crown he promised her on her head. But did she care? After everything she had been through, begging for love in a cold environment where all she got was a brute for a husband and two brats she could barely stand; she was going to take his offer and wash herself of any moral compass she might have.

"My mother had my father. My father had my mother, and my grandfather had as many wives as he wanted. And my brother got to sleep with the richest heiress in Portugal under her dying husband's nose. I deserve my fair share too."

She figured, after everything her family had done, this would probably not be the worst thing in history. As soon as she brought Philip a healthy son, then they could negotiate with her brother to marry him to one of his youngest daughters. Perhaps Virginia, she was the more beautiful of the lot, or even Eleanor. That would put her sister-in-law's mind at ease, and stop her husband from sending their youngest daughter to Germany.

Everything would work out in the end. She was certain of it.

While Lizzie was busy talking to herself, and the King was playing the role of the good friend to the King and Queen and his betrothed; Cecil and the Marques of Pembroke discussed the new bit of information they received from their spy.

"So the King's sister intends to have the King's seed bring fruit so she can soil on our Majesty's plan for perpetual peace?" Cecil mused aloud, passing the letters he got from the Countess' drawer to her aunt.

Elizabeth Tudor-Dudley couldn't believe what she read. "That ungrateful bastard!" She tore the letters and tossed the bits and pieces to the fireplace, watching the flames consume them.

She had raised Lizzie all on her own along with her brothers after the Lord Protector lost his life in her brother's reign. She was the last person she expected to betray them.

"You have to admit it my lady, she is rather ambitious as yourself. I would have never have expected it out of her. Her Majesty perhaps, but not her." Cecil said. "We will have to move fast. If the King of Spain intends to make her his queen then he will announce it to the King during the celebrations, possibly tomorrow during the joust. We must avoid that at all costs. We can afford our nation being ridiculed by a lover's game."

"Do not call it that Lord Burghley. She is not his lover, I don't know what she is but she is not his lover."

"Well she must be since they are found in each other's arms by her servants every night."

"She is just a silly idiot who thinks she can best us. Us! True loyal Englishmen who have dedicated their lives to serving the crown. If she wasn't my niece I would strangle her right now."

"My lady I am sure that can be arranged." Cecil said with a chuckle.

"Be serious Lord Burghley, if this gets out it will make all of us the laughing stock of Europe, not to mention that it will create a war between both our countries. A war that my nephew can't afford."

"Your love of your nephew is duly noted Madame, however we must inform him since this concerns him and I trust you will agree, he will know what to do with his ungrateful sister."

~o~

Another good night and another good morrow. Or at least, that is how it would have felt if she didn't say his name out loud. "Mmm Philip .." She moaned as she felt a soft hand on her naked shoulder. She wanted him inside of her again, she was pretty sure that his seed had taken root and if he told the King his decision to marry her, she could tell him of her suspicions, fueling his excitement and his determination to make her his queen.

Unfortunately the response she was expecting from her beloved wasn't what she got at all. Roughly handled and forced to stand up, she shouted "Philip what is the meaning-" but got cut off by her brother whom she saw in front of her once she opened her eyes, along with her aunt, Cecil and Walsingham.

"Henry." She breathed. Oh no. How had he found out? "Henry, I can explain-"

Henry slapped her and she fell to the ground clutching her cheek, groaning as Henry took her hand once again and forced her to stand up.

"You miserable bitch. Do you have any idea of what you've done? You've made me and my family the laughing stock of Europe! Never, Never! Did I expect you to do to me."

"Henry, please you are hurting me. Brother, let me explain!"

"Oh so it is brother now? What about the times you were complaining about how I mistreated you and demanded more land from me, even though I had already given you enough. No other King would have given his sister that much power, especially one who was born out of wedlock and shame."

At this, her eyes flared and she forgot about her nakedness or the fact he was still holding her arm, and squeezing tighter, leaving his fingerprints on her skin. ""How dare I? How dare you?! You have always been worried of not being strong or great enough like our grandfather and you should be because you will never be like him! You will go down in history as another Henry VIII want-to-be, and I will be remembered as the Consort of the most powerful man in the world, a man with such wealth that you can only dream of. Yes Henry, me. The bastard, the whore. I will be the one who gives him children, healthy sons and they will live on and rule for many years while yours will probably die."

"You whore!"

"Yes Henry, I am a whore. I am everything they say but this whore will get to be a Queen just as our mother dreamed she could be. You gave me nothing but chains. You and my aunt forced me to marry that no good cousin of hers instead of Edward, the man you knew I was meant for. You ruined my life!"

"Is that what you really thinking I did sister? Well congratulations because your ungrateful brother will now make it up to you. Aunt tell her what we have in store for her."

The Marquis of Pembroke stepped in. She handed Lizzie a robe and waited until she put it on so she could tell her the 'glorious' news. "His Majesty and I have been discussing with his master spy Walsingham and Lord Burghley about your desire of marrying the Earl of Hertford all those years ago and we see no reason why you shouldn't marry him now."

"What?!" This couldn't be true. It couldn't. "No, I refuse it!"

"Cheer up sister, this is what you always wanted, wasn't it?"

"But he's married-"

"Which is no longer a nuisance given that Katherine Grey died last week." Her aunt said. "You will have to wait at least a year before his mourning period is over, but given how much you and Edward were attached …" she smiled a sardonic smile "I am sure we can make an exception."

"No! No, I won't allow it! Henry, you can't do this to me. I love Philip, you must let me marry him."

"Must? Who said this was anything about love sister? Philip is his own man, he wants what he cannot have. You are just another luxury toy for him. Believe me, he will discard you just as he easily discards his other women once he tires of you. I am doing this protect you."

"Some protection." She spat. "How can you be so cruel to someone you claim to love?"

"This is not about you sister, it is about the country. Philip will marry my daughter, the alliance will go on without you to hinder it and you will marry your childhood sweetheart. Everyone gets what they want, everybody happy." He gestured to her maidens. "Dress your mistress, she will be traveling to Coldharbour where she will stay until I see fit to call her again. See, sister? I am just looking out for you."

"You miserable bastard!" She raised her hand at him but he caught in mid air.

She flinched as he squeezed tighter. "Don't do that. I am reasonable as I can be but I have my limits and believe me when I say this, you do not want to overstep them." He let her go and left the room with the men, leaving only his aunt and her maidens in the room.

Lizzie looked pleadingly at her.

"Don't even think about it. I raised you to be better than this. You spat in the face of everything this nation stands for. You do realize that you could have caused a war? Is that what you wanted Lizzie?"

"No."

"Then what did you expect you would get from this?"

"I … I …"

"What?" Bess asked sharply.

"I just wanted to have something. Someone to love and cherish me. You have no idea aunt what it is like to be a bastard, to have everyone laugh at you, mock you. My husband raped me, he forced himself on me every night and day and when I begged him to stop he would just laugh, spit on me and tell me that I should take it. I just wanted to be part of something special for once." She was in tears.

Bess shook her head and laughed. "Sweet girl, poor summer child." She said, and her voice calmed Lizzie at first because it was sweet and gentle like she remembered when she was a little girl but then it turned vicious and cold and Lizzie tried to back away but her aunt held her down, grabbing both her arms and digging her nails into her skin as her maids washed her with wet cloths.

"You don't get to fall in love with whoever you want! Haven't I taught you nothing? Happiness is the one thing we women, especially us royal women cannot have. You want to cry, you want to shout because everyone was mean to you? Nobody was kind to me after my mother got her head chopped off. I had to survive from the table scraps my former servants ate from the dinner table because suddenly I wasn't royal anymore, and it was your mother who brought me back to court, but as a reminder of her kindness. She never cared for me. I had no one to speak for me but myself and I got to where I am today thanks to that. By accepting my lot in life, and taking what I was given and making something of myself. Instead of crying and blaming everyone else for your misery, you should rejoice because if this was any other King he would have killed you by now."

Bess let her go and threw her hands in the air as more tears fell down her niece's cheeks. This girl was impossible. She was throwing everything away, and for what? Love. What stupidity. Her mother had lived by that motto and it got her nowhere. You made your own luck in life, and the only reason why things had not been good to her niece was because she was an idiot who didn't know how to use the few tools she'd been given.

It's no wonder why my sister landed herself in that mess. She found it ironic. She always feared that Henry would be the one who mirrored his mother more but it turned out it was Lizzie.

Bess couldn't help but be saddened by this. She loved that girl, defended her when nobody else would, and even fought with her cousin, Carey, when she found out that all of the allegations against him were true. I should have never have done that. I only made her weaker. Love had made her weaker. It had made her dependent and wicked. If Bess had only left her to her own devices, then Lizzie would have learned how to defend herself and not become the plotting witch she was now.

This was going to make the King of Spain angry for sure. From what little she had interacted with him, she had learned that he was not a man to mess with. Like her father if he saw something he took it. And if his infatuation with Lizzie was as strong as she claimed it was then it would be difficult to convince him of the wonders of marrying Princess Victoria.

Inside the King's study, a lonely figure waited for Henry IX to arrive. He had been waiting for years to see the face of his firstborn son by his one true love and when he finally saw him, a grown man, not the boy who had visited him on Annency, he was overwhelmed. But those feelings soon ceased once his son told him that he wanted nothing to do with him and turned his back on him. Eustace didn't leave him. He couldn't. For some odd reason fate had placed him here, in the land of the living and as much as he wanted to leave he couldn.t

There were some perks of arguing endlessly with his son however. He got to see his younger grandchildren, especially Princess Eleanor who was always getting into trouble with her brother when they played hide and seek and snuck into his study.

Eustace couldn't believe his eyes when he saw her. She was so beautiful. And not just for her appearance but her kindness as well. She had Mary's naivety as well. He wished that his lover was here with him so she could see her granddaughter. She would be so proud of her.

He didn't know how to feel about his eldest grandchild, Princess Victoria. He rarely saw her. Henry didn't allow her to come to his study because he didn't want Eustace to see her, but he could tell that she was already as wise and feisty as her grandmother, Queen Katherine of Aragon.

Eustace perked up his head. He thought he heard her and opened the door but he just saw her with her back turned against him, talking to her best friend Lettice Knollys (also known as her father's whore).

"So you think that he really likes me?" Victoria asked her.

They must be talking about Philip, but he was soon proven wrong by her friend's response.

"Of course he does. Did you see how he winked at you when the King was too busy not paying attention at you? I am telling you, your cousin fancies you."

"I don't know Lettice. I think he is cute and he would certainly make any girl happy but my father wants me to marry the King of Spain, and I must obey him. He is not just my dad but my King as well."

"I know but you make royal duty sound so boring. Look at me, it is always a party when I am with your dad."

Eustace already didn't like Lettice. Judging by the tone of voice his granddaughter was using, she was being cautious, not revealing too much about herself, or how she felt about her cousin. She's just like her mother and her mother. If he could only reveal himself without scaring her and tell her this, and also tell her many other things, but Eustace knew better so he just continued to listen to the two young women behind the door.

"He is my cousin. They both are my cousins. But Philip is a King and I will do what is asked of me if needs be."

"Ugh there you go again with royal duty. You should loosen up once a while. It's not like you are going to see him again day and day out. Kings rarely visit their wives, except your father and even then, he is still with me because your stepmother does nothing more than moan and moan about how this is not ok, this is bad. If you really want some freedom, try out your cousin and then say your goodbyes and marry the King. Voila! Problem solved."

"I would never do that to my husband."

"Why not? He will do that to you, you know that. He is just like his father."

"I know but that is not the person I want to be."

"Suit yourself, you will leave all the handsome men to me then." She said and the two walked away.

Eustace was impressed by the way his granddaughter handled that without being too defensive. If he could only reach her, his stay amongst the living wouldn't be so terrible.