This is me praying that

This was the very first page

Not where the story line ends

My thoughts will echo your name

Until I see you again

These are the words I held back

As I was leaving too soon

I was enchanted to meet you

"I don't know what to do! I love her, I will always love her, I am never going to stop loving her. And there is so much hurt there that I don't know if we'll ever be able to have what we did. What if we can't be friends again?"

"Well," Edgar said slowly. "Are you sure you want to be friends? Or do you want to be lovers?"

Stiles fell silent. "I want both," he said finally.

"Sounds to me like you had it."

"I did." Stiles paced his room again and exhaled slowly. "We're slowly getting there. We've been home about two weeks now and every time something gets uncomfortable I walk away then I come back and reintroduce myself. It's sort of like a do over."

"Not a bad idea."

"The first time I reintroduced myself I told her I'd been too chickenshit to talk to her. I have been. I'm still a chickenshit when it comes to Lydia. I don't know what about this girl makes me such a coward."

"That's called love," Edgar said. "It makes you smart and stupid, brave and scared."

"I just… I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to have this… this thing with her. All I know is how to love her. It's all I've ever done. I've never had to act like I didn't before. I don't know how."

"I think you just need to talk it out."

Before Stiles knew it, he was talking. "When we were eight, I really noticed her. And she was perfect. All I could see was her perfections back then. I loved her hair, I loved her eyes, I loved that she knew all the answers. I loved her sass. Oh, she was sassy. If the teacher's told her to do something she'd make a face before doing it. But she wasn't trying to make them angry or belittle them. They loved it, just like they loved her. It was adorable. And then… We lost my mom." His voice broke.

"She had frontotemporal dementia. I was with her when she died." Stiles fell back on his bed. How had the conversation gone here? "She… She had a really hard time near the end. So did we. She forgot stuff and she was angry and she was confused and she wasn't sleeping and I'd find her sleepwalking and… It was awful. It was… It was awful. And then there was this angel at school with the same color hair as my mom, who was just so… so sweet. She was not always the gentlest of creatures but when she wanted to be she sure was. Once we found a hurt bird in the playground and no matter how much the teachers yelled for her not to mess with it, she wanted to help. She carried it to the nurse of all people. And she found me crying more than once. She rarely said anything but she'd sit with me… And she'd just be there.

"My mom was our second grade teacher. So Lydia knew her. She even had her mom take her to visit her at the hospital. I was there when they came. And when she left, I told my mom that I was going to marry her. My mom… She told me she wished she'd be there for my wedding. I told her she would. I don't know if I meant in spirit or physically but… I do know that my mom just smiled at me and told me at least she got to meet the girl. I know she was kidding but for me she was giving her blessing. And… I don't know. I just knew. It was Lydia. I always knew. I watched her date other guys for what seemed like forever. And somewhere along the way, I finally got on her radar. And she came to me when she needed someone. I was more than happy to be there. When her boyfriend moved to London and her best friend was in France, I just… I stepped in. It was natural for both of us."

Stiles slowly let out a breath. "I could not believe it when I finally got her. And the first time I heard her say "I love you"? I thought I was going to die. I love her so much. I can't do this. I can't not be with her. I can't lose her again. I can't stand that I hurt her. I… I hate it. I hate…"

"Okay," Edgar said gently. "It's okay, Stiles. Just breathe."

"I miss her so much. It hurts. It's been an open wound all year that refuses to heal. I can't do it."

"Then get her back."

"It's not that easy. She… I can't do that to her."

"Why exactly is it that you think she needs to be away from you?"

"I just do."

"Well, personally, I think you need to get over it. You need to go get that girl. When you decide to listen to me, let me know and I'll give you a hand."

Stiles closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, wishing it was that simple.

The lingering question kept me up

2 AM, who do you love?

I wonder 'til I'm wide awake

And now I'm pacing back and forth

Wishing you were at my door

Stiles rolled on his side and looked at the clock. 1:30. He groaned and rolled over. This sucked. Why couldn't he sleep and why did he want a milkshake so damn badly? He sighed and got up. There was no point fighting it.

He was blinded by bright light as he turned into the kitchen. He blinked several times as Melissa looked over. "Hey, sweetie. Sorry. I just needed a milkshake."

Stiles grinned. "I am so glad you live here."

"Same thing?"

"Oh, yeah." He got to work on his milkshake.

"How is it being home?"

"Excellent. I missed it. Honestly, Maryland's nice and all but… I'd rather be here. Like a lot."

Melissa smiled softly. "Why don't you transfer?"

Stiles hesitated before replying, "Don't tell anyone but… I'm thinking about it."

Her eyes lit up with such hope that Stiles, once again, regretted the move. But he'd needed it and everyone had understood and supported him. "Really? Honey, you know we'd love to have you closer… Of course, it's your decision. We will support you in anything."

"I know." He hopped onto the counter and swung his legs. "Melissa? Can I get your opinion on something?"

"If it's that shirt you wore home, I don't think you want my opinion," Melissa teased, handing him the chocolate syrup. Stiles laughed as he poured it into the blender.

"No. Well, that's actually useful. But no, that's not what I was asking. I was more wondering if…." He broke off and bit on his lower lip. How could he ask this? He didn't deserve the answer and even with it he probably would never act on it.

"If I think Lydia would take you back?" Melissa's eyebrows rose slightly, knowing she nailed it.

Stiles looked at the tiled floor. "I guess. I mean…. I guess I still stand by what I did but… Part of me can't help but wonder what if… What if I tried. Could I ever get her back, could I ever get her trust back?"

"Honestly? I think so."

"You do?" He looked up, more surprised than he'd even expected to feel. "I hurt her badly. I… I was the one she could count on, you know? I wasn't supposed to hurt her. And with the way that I chased her…."

"Stiles." Melissa crossed the kitchen until she stood in front of him, her hands on his shoulders. "You loved her. You still do. There is nothing wrong with you. I still think there's more to your decision than you let on."

"No," he whispered. "I just thought she deserved more."

"How did you come to that conclusion?" she asked. He stayed silent. "That's my point. There's something there. Something else. And someday that's going to come out and it's going to help. She's going to know you didn't just abandon her or that you just wanted to be free for college."

"She doesn't think that does she?"

"Sweetheart, she's a young girl. All women have insecurities like you wouldn't believe," she said gently. "Anything's possible."

He shut his eyes tightly, wishing he could just shut it all out. "I never wanted her hurt…"

"I know."

"I miss her. I miss her so much. I wake up in the middle of the night and all I can think about is her smell on my pillow or how cold it is without her. And it's like… It's like missing a part of my soul. I mean, I won't be one of those people who say I can't live without her. I can. I proved it this year. But it's uncomfortable, it's an ache that won't go away. I worry about her, I want to be with her, I wish I had done something differently, I replay every conversation we ever had. So, yes, I can live without her. But I'm tired of it."

"I know…" Melissa pulled him into her arms and Stiles's forehead came easily to rest in the crook of her neck. "I know, sweetheart. It's because what you've found is 100% real, honest love. And I know it hurts. But remember that as much as it hurts, it can make you that much happier."

"I should have married her," Stiles whispered, his voice cracking. Melissa's hand stroked his hair soothingly as she rocked them both back and forth gently. "I should have married her…"

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else

Please don't have somebody waiting on you