Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly
Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all
Stiles rolled onto his stomach and hugged his pillow, looking out his window. This is what you wanted.
No, it's not. I never wanted this, he'd wanted to say. He wanted to explain but he'd already explained. It had done nothing except make things worse. Whether he'd wanted it or not, he'd already caused it. He couldn't turn back the clock.
His phone rang out beside him and he lifted his head, barely, to look at it then dropped his head back on the pillow. He was too tired to answer it. He didn't want to pretend to be alright. It wasn't all right. He'd hurt her so much worse than he'd even thought. He slowly let out a breath and thought back to a time long, long ago.
"Stiles, look at me. Look at me. Stiles..."
Fuck. He pulled the covers over his head and burrowed further in his bed as his phone started ringing again. It was really over. She would never kiss him again, never hold him through a panic attack, never run her perfect fingers through his hair. They were over.
His mind rushed through so many things that he would miss. Things like her giggle, her smile, the way she would bite her lip before motioning for him to come closer, the feel of her skin, the smell of her hair, the way she said his name...
The door opened and Stiles groaned. "Go away," he muttered, tightening his grip on the covers. "I'm not hungry."
"Oh, yes, you are." Scott sat on the bed next to him. "Open up."
"No."
"Let me rephrase. Open up or I will kill you and cook you in my werewolf oven."
Stiles peeked over the top of the covers. "I'm not amused."
"But you're looking at me." Scott held up a container of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. "It's time."
"Do boys do that?" Stiles reluctantly pushed himself into a sitting position.
"I don't know." Scott opened it and handed Stiles a spoon. "But we are men. And men are not afraid to cry into their ice cream." Stiles gave a small smile despite himself and pushed the spoon into the ice cream. "Kira told me. How bad was it?"
"She hates me."
"You know that's not true." Scott took a bite of ice cream. "She loves you."
"It doesn't matter. She doesn't trust me." Stiles stared at his spoon. "I used to be the one person she'd cry in front of. Now she... Now she..." He thought of Lydia pushing herself away from him on the grass. "I really messed up."
"Yeah." Scott nodded. "You did. But you know what? You can come back from it."
"Please," Stiles scoffed.
You are safe!
Not with you.
That was the worst part of the whole thing. She wasn't safe with him, it was true. He was supposed to protect her, not abandon her. He told her over and over that he wasn't going to go anywhere. He was going to protect her. He was going to take care of her.
"Stiles..." Scott put a hand on his shoulder. "You're shaking."
"I'm so stupid," Stiles whispered, tears welling in his eyes. "I should have fought harder for her last night."
"So... I have a question," Scott said quietly. "Why is it too late?"
Stiles looked up at him, his mind and heart going a thousand miles an hour.
Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head
In burning red
Burning, it was red
"Do you feel any better?" Kira rested her chin on her hand.
"Yeah," Lydia said, sipping her milkshake. "No... No. I don't." She leaned back against the booth and stared at the diner door. A part of her wished he'd come in but she wasn't sure why. She wouldn't change her mind. It wouldn't make the pain stop to see him. It was in no way a good thing to happen. But she still yearned for it.
"Did I do the right thing?" she asked before she could stop herself. When Kira bit her lip instead of replying right away, Lydia grimaced. "Maybe I don't want to hear this."
"I don't know," Kira said slowly. "I understand why you did it. But Lydia... He does love you. He's always loved you."
"That's not enough."
"I know. There's more than love. There's friendship, for example. Which you have," Kira said gently. "And memories and a bond that can't be broken." She bit her lip. "You know... There's this thing in mythology. It's called the red string of fate. It's a string that connects two people. The string can tangle but it will never break. It's, well, their fate. There's this old story that goes with it that this little boy found an old man sitting with a book. The boy asked him what he was reading. The man told him that it was the book of marriages and that all he had to do was take one red string in his bag to connect two people and destine them to be together. The boy did not believe him, so the old man took him to the village and pointed out a young girl. He then told him that that girl was going to be his wife someday. The boy was angry because he was young and planned on never marrying. He threw a rock at the girl and ran away. Years later, the boy was now a man and was to be married. It was an arranged marriage so he had never met her. When he lifted the veil, he realized that she was absolutely beautiful but she had a small decoration over her eyebrow. He asked her about it and she removed it too show a scar. She told him that the scar was from a little boy who threw a rock at her when she was a child. So, despite all odds, the old man was right. They were married. They were soulmates."
Lydia furrowed her brow. "That's sweet, Kira, but I don't get the point."
"I just..." Kira pursed her lips for a moment before continuing. "There's an awful lot of chance with you two that I don't understand. He fell in love with you at eight years old. That's insane, Lyds. That is... That is a kind of patience and dedication that I could never understand. He chose you at eight."
Lydia shook her head. "Okay. And?"
"Then you two just happened to fall into all of this werewolf stuff together. He happened to find you on the lacrosse field, he happened to find you crying in your car, he happened to be the one to take you to Jackson. You happened to find him in his panic attack, you happened to know to go to Eichen House, and you happened to be the one to pull him back from that tub when he was looking for his dad. There is so much chance."
"I get that but that doesn't mean soulmates is the..." Lydia trailed off, her mind sticking to one thing in particular that she had said. "Jackson found me on the lacrosse field."
"What?"
"Stiles wasn't there. Jackson saved me on the lacrosse field that night."
"No..." Kira looked confused. She had to be confused, to think that it was Stiles that saved her. "Stiles saved you from Peter, Lydia."
"No," Lydia said, getting frustrated. "It was Jackson. Stiles was with Peter."
"Yeah," Kira said. "He was with Peter to save your life. He agreed to go with Peter so he would leave you alone. He called Jackson to come get you. Stiles found you, Lydia."
Lydia stared at her for a long moment, little details from that night starting to come together. You want to go look for Jackson.
Lydia! Lydia, run!
She took a deep breath. "Oh."
"Why didn't you know?" Kira asked slowly.
"I don't know," Lydia whispered. "No one told me."
"Well, you can ask them," Kira said, looking up.
Lydia turned and stared as Stiles and Scott came in the diner. "I don't want to talk to him and he sure as hell won't want to talk to me," Lydia said quietly, biting her lower lip.
"Really? Cause they're coming over here," Kira whispered.
Stiles led the way to their table, looking Lydia right in the eyes. When he got to her, he said, "Here's the deal." He put his hands on the tabletop and leaned forward. "I love you. I know this is my fault and I know I made a mess of things but I refuse to accept that we're over. We're not over. I will not let you go. I will not ruin this. I love you so much it hurts and I will make sure that I can show you that you are loved every day. So I'm back to fighting for you. I'm back to the way things used to be. I will chase you until the day I die if I have to but I'm not letting go. That's all I had to say. I just wanted you to know. I'm taking this back to the start." He slowly pushed away from the table and walked out the door. As he passed her, Maria gave him a grin and a thumbs up. Scott kissed Kira on the cheek before jogging after Stiles.
"I don't know what to do," Lydia whispered.
"That's okay," Kira replied. "You don't have to yet."
Oh, losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
'Cause loving him was red
Yeah, yeah, red
We're burning red
And that's why he's spinnin' 'round in my head
Comes back to me, burning red
Yeah, yeah