I find myself at your door,
Just like all those times before,
I'm not sure how I got there,
All roads-they lead me here.
I imagine you are home,
In your room, all alone,
And you open your eyes into mine,
And everything feels better
Lydia stared up at his window. She didn't want to do this, but she knew that she had to. It was time. She was going to be going back to school tomorrow, which meant one thing. She wouldn't have another chance to do this.
Slowly, Lydia went inside, knowing that Stiles was alone. Scott was with Kira, Isaac was with Derek and Braeden, and their parents were doing date night.
I have had a crush on you since the third grade.
Lydia, run!
And I know, that somewhere inside that cold, lifeless exterior, there is an actual human soul.
You're going to go with someone else. Him.
Get off your cute little ass and dance with me now.
I think you look beautiful.
You look beautiful when you cry.
It's just some stuff I bought. For your birthday.
She took a slow breath and knocked on his door.
and right before your eyes,
I'm breaking, no past
No reasons why,
Just you and me.
This is the last time I'm asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I'm asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye.
Stiles pulled his door open and blinked in surprise. "Lydia." Slowly, he moved aside so that she could come inside. He couldn't help but be reminded of when this had happened so long ago, of the time she came to see him after the lacrosse game.
"I want to talk." Her voice was shaking. "I want to know why. I want to know why you loved me so much, why you saved me on the field, why you never told me, and mostly, why you ended it without the bullshit. I just want to know why."
Stiles raked his fingers through his hair and slowly shut the door. "I... I don't even know where to start."
"Pick a place."
"When my mom was sick you came to see her. You talked to her and you talked to me a little bit and then you hugged us both. When you left, I told my mom that I was going to marry you. She told me she was glad she got to meet you. I liked you before that but that was... That was the moment that I knew. I knew that I was going to marry you. I knew that I was going to spend my life trying to make you happy and I knew that I was going to live a life worth living because of it. You were all that mattered."
Her eyes filled with tears. "Then why did you leave me?" Her voice sounded so small, so sad, so childlike, that it made him want to cry himself. He looked away from her, unsure of how to answer. "Why, Stiles? Was I not as good as you imagined I would be? Was I more bitchy? Not as good at kissing? Did a future with me not satisfy you?"
"No! Of course not!" Stiles stared at her, brown eyes wide.
"Then why?!" She was nearly screaming, tears finally spilling over and onto her cheeks. "Why did you abandon me?"
"Because I got scared! I was afraid of how much I loved you! I was always so focused on the idea of finally getting you to date me that I never stopped to wonder if I could handle it ending so I decided it would be easier to do it sooner!"
"It didn't have to end!"
"Everything ends!" Stiles grabbed a handful of his hair, a couple tears falling from his own eyes now. "I couldn't watch you die like he did!"
"Like who did?"
"My dad! I couldn't watch you waste away like he had to watch her!" Stiles took a deep breath. "I would picture you in that bed, hooked up to those machines, begging to go home, asking who we were, not knowing your own kids- our kids-, dying in front of them. I couldn't do it!"
"What made you think I was going to get dementia?"
He shook his head, staring down. "I had nightmares about it every night. I knew that... You were with me. I'm not exactly a good omen."
"Are you serious? Even if it was a guarantee that I would have died at thirty with you, I would have done it!"
"I wouldn't have let you! I love you too much! I couldn't watch it happen! Okay? I couldn't imagine actually being able to live happily ever after and riding off into the sunset with you! I thought I was going to lose you!"
"You did lose me!"
"Thanks for pointing that out! I know that! You've made it very clear!"
"Then why are you still fighting?"
"Because you're worth it! Even if I lose you! You're worth it! I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you! You're everything to me! You're everything I could ever want! All I want is to keep you safe and let you know you're loved. You're my everything! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I fucked up! I'm sorry I took your choice away! I'm sorry I convinced myself you were my mother! But I love you! And I want to fix it! I want to be with you! I need you to forgive me someday because I can't imagine my life without you! I just- I want to know that you still love me."
Lydia covered her mouth with her hand and gave a small sob. "I love you, Stiles, of course I love you. I will always love you. I couldn't stop if I tried, which I have done. I haven't dated all year because I couldn't get over you. I haven't been able to convince myself ever that I could stop loving you. I know I never will."
Stiles looked up, real hope creeping into his heart. "So give me a chance."
"I can't. Trusting is hard for me, Stiles. Okay? And I trusted you!"
"I understand that! Just please! Let me earn it back!"
"Stiles, you can't earn this back! The trust is broken! It's gone! It is gone! It's over!"
"No!" His voice ripped from his throat, sounding as broken and hollow as he had felt the last year. "Lydia, no! Please. Please, let me try! I can do it. If anyone can earn trust, it's me! I did it once before, I-"
"Exactly! You already did it! And you blew it! Stiles, I can't do this anymore!"
"If you love me and I love you then I don't understand why! Lydia, I love you. I have always loved you! I have faith in you and faith in your abilities and I know what you deserve and I know I'm not it but I can learn! I have years to mature and develop and I'll never be my best self if I don't have you to teach me!"
"You have to stop depending on me! You always have and it's too much, Stiles! It's too much! I can't be everything you want!"
"All I want is you! Let me prove that!" His desperation was so present in his voice that he knew she heard it. She had to.
"I don't know that you can. Maybe we don't have the same red string." Lydia's voice was small.
"What the hell does that mean?" he asked, nearly flinching at the cracks and breaks in his voice.
"Stiles?" She looked at him. "Please. Just kiss me. Just one last time."
"This isn't goodbye," he said slowly. "Not really. I'll see you at breaks and-"
"Stiles," she said with a shake of the head. "It is goodbye." Before he could say a word, she kissed him.
And his world stopped and started all at once. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer, his brain starting to shut down temporarily. Questions of why it was goodbye and what he could do and if she wanted him all melted away as she became his entire focus. Lydia Martin. He was holding Lydia.
As her fingers found the hem of his shirt, he raised his arms and she pulled it off. Her lips instantly found his again and she deepened the kiss hungrily, as if it was what she needed to keep living. He urgently pulled her closer as his hands started to pull her dress up. It fell to the ground and he slowly laid her on the bed as she began to work on his belt.
All he wanted, all he needed, right in this moment was to be Lydia's. And right then it felt as if he was, as if he could be again.
Right before your eyes,
I'm breaking, no past
No reasons why,
Just you and me
This is the last time I'm asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I'm asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye
When Stiles woke up at three in the morning, he felt confused as to where his clothes had gone and why his bed felt warmer than usual even though his comforter was discarded on the floor. But then his eyes found Lydia's sleeping form, her hair spread out over her back, her arm slung across his chest.
He felt a small, disbelieving smile slide across his face as the memories came back to him. He kissed her head softly, still unable to believe it. She was here. She was really here. She smelled like wild flowers, like her, like home. He slowly let out the breath that he had been holding for the last year and rested his head down beside hers, tightening his arms around her.
For the first time in forever it felt like he had a chance, like they could be together. But they would talk about it more in the morning and, if things continued to go right, they would have forever to talk about it.
This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong,
This is the last time I say it's been you all along,
This is the last time I let you in my door,
This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore
Oh, oh, oh,
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Lydia woke up early, the sun hitting her face from the open curtains, shining into the blue room. But her room wasn't blue. She slowly looked around and remembered. Stiles. She looked at his sleeping, smiling form and slowly slipped out of bed, careful not to wake him.
She pulled on her clothes from last night and leaned over, kissing him as softly as possible on the lips before pulling back and getting dressed.
Then she bent over his desk and scribbled a note that she left in her spot beside him.
This is the last time I'm asking you,
Last time I'm asking you,
Last time I'm asking you this
When Stiles woke up again he was alone. His hand flew to the side of the bed where Lydia had been but it was empty and cold. He slowly sat up and looked around. Her clothes were gone and so was her purse. Slowly, he looked at the place where she had been, feeling like a cold block of ice had been inserted into his stomach.
There was a note. He grabbed it and read it hurriedly.
Stiles-
I love you. I'll probably always love you. And last night was amazing.
But it doesn't change anything. I meant it when I said goodbye, Stiles. It's over. I'm going back to school today and when I come home for breaks, I'll hang out with the others separately.
We did alright, Stiles. We tried to go back. But we can't. And the only way to move forward is to say goodbye.
So last night was the last time. The last time together, the last time arguing, the last time of saying goodbye.
I will miss you. But this is for the best.
You'll see that someday.
Goodbye.
-Lydia
This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong,
This is the last time I say it's been you all along,
This is the last time I let you in my door,
This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore
A/N: I'm so sorry for this chapter! I hope you guys don't hate me too much! Only two chapters left! One and then the epilogue. Any guesses as to what the songs are?