Time for Chapter 2. Chapter 3 will be hopefully up at the latest on Epiphany, so that the whole story will have been concluded before Christmastide's over. Happy New Year to JessieBess! May 2016 be a joyful and lucky time for you, dear :)
Dublin, Christmas 1919
Sybil was very excited at the prospect of having a child with Tom, but she had to admit that pregnancy was sometimes terribly exhausting. When they woke up on Christmas morning, everything initially seemed fine. They stayed in bed for much longer than usual, reading some of Tom's recent articles, cuddled together and exchanging kisses between each piece. Subsequently, they had a peaceful breakfast without the usual worry that Tom might be late for work, and finally they set out for church where they were to meet the rest of the Branson clan.
It was only midway through the Mass that Sybil began to feel nauseous and pregnancy sickness started to take hold over her day.
It wasn't the first time that she experienced those symptoms, but this was her first Christmas with Tom as a married couple, which made her feel heartbroken and disappointed, and she regretted that she was pregnant for the first time. Perhaps if they had conceived a little bit later, she could have spent her first Christmas with her husband without feeling weary and aching?
To make matters worse, they had promised Mrs. Branson that they would attend her annual Christmas party, where Sybil was to be introduced to these Branson family members and friends that she still hadn't met. Tom had told Sybil multiple times how important that event was for their whole circle, and Sybil really wanted to be a part of that community. Of course, most of all, she wanted to be part of two communities and still maintain a connection with her own family and some of her friends, but she understood too well that that wouldn't be so easy, especially after her father had not attended her and Tom's wedding. Sybil hoped that he would come round one day, but was too grown-up at that time to know that this might not happen, at least not to an extent that she wished for. She chose to believe the best in her family, but was well aware that the outcome might be the opposite.
As such, they needed to focus on gaining acceptance in Dublin at that moment. They had decided not to make any mystery out of Sybil's background because it would come out later anyway and it was best to fight for full acceptance from the start. Sybil had to give up her old friends, so it was high time to make new ones.
The new Mrs. Branson hoped that all her ailments would pass before Mrs. Branson's party, but there was no improvement of her condition. She knew that no matter how hard she would try to force heself to go, she was too weak and vomited too often to attend the event without terrible discomfort and causing a disruption. The only sensible course of action was to stay at home and spend Christmas day dividing her time between the bathroom and her and Tom's bed. She didn't, however, wanted to deprive Tom of his family's and friends' company. She knew very well that Tom had not seen many of them for years and was very much looking forward to renewing their bonds. The young woman resolved that she would tell Tom to go without her; she expected that he would insist on staying with her, but Sybil was determined not to prevent him from participating in an event that was of such great importance to him.
She was awoken from her reverie by the sound of her husband's footsteps - Tom had finished eating his dinner in the kitchen and came to see his poor wife, who had been unable to consume anything.
"How are you, love?" Tom enquired as he approached the bed and sat on the side nearest to Sybil. "I've brought you some biscuits and water, I know that it's not a proper Christmas meal, but I'm afraid this is the only kind of food and drink that your stomach can muster."
Sybil smiled weakly at him, relishing in his caring personality, before asserting, "Put it on the nightstand. I don't think that I'm ready to eat anything yet, but I'll for sure try in an hour or so. "
Tom's face wore now an even more worried expression than when he had entered the room, but he decided not to say anything and simply took his wife's hand in his in order to squeeze it comfortingly.
They sat in silence for a while before Sybil spoke, "Tom, you need to go to your mother's Christmas party. You shouldn't just give up on it because of me."
Her words startled Tom. "Sybil, you must be joking. How can I leave you in such a condition?"
"You know very well that it is nothing abnormal or dangerous. I won't die if you're not with me for just a few hours."
Tom gave her a small, tender smile in response and reached out to gently embrace his beloved. "Sybil, darling, what vow did I take on our wedding day? Didn't I promise that I would be with you in sickness and in health?"
"Yes, you did. But you won't be abandon me if you leave me at home for just one evening. I can manage," Sybil tried to convince and assure him of what she thought was right.
"But darling, I take all my vows very seriously. Didn't I promise you once that I'd wait forever? You saw that I was well on the way to fulfil this oath," Tom teased his still newlywed wife.
Sybil chuckled. "I can't quarrel with that. It's pure truth, but still... you haven't seen some of these people in a long time..."
"And I have NEVER spent a Christmas day with my wife before. Yes, we did steal some moments during previous Christmases, but it's not the same. Now we don't need to hide and always have that fear in the back of our minds that someone might discover us. Now we don't need to part in the evening, but I'll be able to fall asleep with you in my arms. It is important for me, and I don't want to miss it. '
Sybil coughed softly to hide that she was moved by her husband's words. "Tom, I do feel the same, but I don't want to put a wedge between you and your family."
"You won't. We live in Dublin now, there'll be plenty of time to meet all the people that are close to me in due time. What's more, they would never forgive me if I left a pregnant woman alone and something happened to her. What if you fainted and hit you head?"
Sybil couldn't deny the truth behind his words. Not only did her heart want Tom desperately to stay, but yes, there was also no use in opposing Tom's more pragmatic arguments. She smiled at her darling husband and leant into a kiss.
"Do I take it as a yes? Tom enquired as they parted.
Sybil merely took his hand into hers and squeezed it affectionately. Tom understood what she meant without further exchange of words.
They did not have have many activities to choose from since it was best for Sybil to stay in bed. Though truth be told, Tom felt pretty relieved to be able to stay in bed for most of the day because he really needed some proper rest from the usual busy working days. Firstly, Sybil showed Tom a letter that she had received from Gwen before Christmas. Tom was happy to hear that their friend was advancing in her career, and Sybil made a decision to bake gingebread cookies based on the recipe that Gwen recommended to her in the letter.
"I only need to feel better to stand in the kitchen for so long," Sybil bemoaned her unhappy situation.
"You know very well that I'll help you. As you're well aware of, I'm not helpless in the kitchen, and I think that I can tackle gingerbread cookies quite well," Tom suggested with a wide grin on his face.
Sybil accepted the offer with a grateful smile.
Then they needed to decide what to do for the rest of the evening.
Since they had read together all of Tom's recent articles in the morning, they opted for fiction that time. They chose to re-read James Joyce's Dubliners, one of their favourite books, which Tom had recommended to Sybil back when he had been a chauffeur and his wife one of the ladies of the house.
"I would like to re-read it now that I live in Dublin. It'll be interesting to read about the places that I've been to myself"," Sybil justified her choice.
"Excellent idea. I want to hear your opinions also now that you've visitied some parts of my hometown," Tom promptly agreed.
Thus, they again lay embraced and devoured stories together, at the same time exchanging reactions, views or even completely loose comments.
The young cuple didn't have time to read the whole book, so they only focused on their favourites stories. Ultimately, they started reading the story that both of them liked most - "The Dead".
"I love how it's centered around a traditional Irish party set during Christmastide," remarked Tom contemplatively.
"Well, at least I'm reminded of what I've yet to experience," replied Sybil in a similarly thoughtful tone.
"Yes, my sweet. Drunken neighbours, curious aunts and acquaintances asking you about your political inclinations and determining how much of a patriot you are."
Sybil chuckled softly. "You know... that's not so different from parties at Downton. Everyone there just seems... pretending that it's not what they're doing. But they do."
Tom simply nodded and placed a small kiss on her forehead.
It was Sybil who resumed the conversation again. "At first glance, that Gabriel Conroy guy reminds me of you a bit. He writes for a paper, he married a woman his family didn't approve of at first..."
A smug grin appeared on Tom's face. "I love how you said at first glance, my darling. Because despite this superficial similarities, we're very different people underneath."
"Well, he doesn't seem to be as interested in the Irish cause as you and writes for conservative papers, which are more pro-English. That's definitely not like you."
Tom mused for a bit before answering, "I didn't only mean that. I meant.., well, I feel keenly, as you know my darling. I feel strongly about my country and ideas for once, yes... but I also feel strongly when it comes to people that are close to me. I identify more with Mrs. Conroy's former lover because it would be so like me to walk in rain just to see you and then get sick and die, as funny as it may sound."
Sybil reflected on that for a moment. "Well, your waiting for me for so long at Downton was pretty unreasonable... you could have gone to Ireland earlier and already changed your job and started your life out of service... you could have started so much sooner..."
"I don't regret this, love, not in the slightest. Actually, from a pragmatic point of view, your coming here to marry me is just as unreasonable."
Sybil giggled and kissed Tom's cheek fondly. "Because what's the point of living if you don't feel strongly?"
"None, and that's the point. In my interpretation of the story, at least. I love this line: their children, his writing, her household cares had not quenched all their souls' tender fire. Yes, I know that Conroy later realises that he's actually emotionally restrained and pretty much spiritually dead, but for us let us it be true forever," Tom murmured as he took Sybil in his arms again and nuzzled her hair lovingly.
"Should I take it as another promise?," Sybil whispered into her husband's ear.
"Yes."
"I know that you're good when it comes to keeping promises, so I trust you."
"I know you do. And judging by all that's happening now, difficult times are ahead of us, but I'm sure we'll weather all the storms together and be always as much in love as we're now."
(..) Dear, all benevolence of fingering lips
That does not ask forgiveness is a noise
At drunken feasts where Sorrow strips
To serve some glittering generalities:
Now, more than ever, we distinctly hear
The dreadful shuffle of a murderous year
And all our senses roaring as the Black
Dog leaps upon the individual back. (...)
W.H. Auden, In Sickness and in Health