Disclaimer: I don't own Harry's Wonderful World or Middle Earth. They unfortunately belong to their rightful inventors.
a/n: to Raggedygal I could not resist temptation!
Chapter Fifteen. The Peanut Gallery
Harry pushed his long fringe out of the way and tucked it behind his tapered ear. He glanced sideways to the two twins who uncharacteristically looked dizzy from their sudden departure from Middle Earth.
"Gandalf isn't too good with getting the location, is he?" Harry quipped jumping out of a pile of manure laid out for Mrs. I-can-gossip-better-than-Petunia-next door, prize rose garden. "Admittedly he got closer than last time. That's my house there."
"Sickening," Elrohir murmured treading carefully out of his pile of manure.
Harry craned his neck sideways and glanced at the Dursley's house. "Yeah. Not very imaginative are they?"
Harry's musings and the twins time to find their bearing was rudely interrupted by Mrs. I-can-gossip-better-than- Petunia, screeching in a voice that would have made Harry's aunt proud. "What are you delinquent freaks doing in my pile of manure…!" the furious neighbour shrilly yelled waving a long handled broom over her head.
"Delinquent?" Elrohir screwed his nose in disgust.
"Freaks?" Elladan agreed with the same amount of incredulity before turning to face the irate human being. "I have you know that I am the son of Elrond," Elladan told her matter-of-factly.
"Er… Elladan?" Elrohir murmured. "I don't think the human is impressed."
Harry silently agreed without glancing behind at either of identical uncles he took off trailing cow manure of the immaculate lash green lawn. Elladan and Elrohir exchanged looks and decided that they too would be wise to follow their nephew's lead. They ran.
Unfortunately Mrs. Gossip (as Harry affectionately called her) was so infuriated that she followed, still swinging the broom above her head in lethal ire.
"Quick, this way!" Harry hollered. "I don't think Mrs. Too-many-cats will mind if we pay a visit."
Unfortunately for Mr. I've-got-lasher-lawns-than-you, Harry decided to take a short cut to Mrs. Figg's house, a kindly of squib that had been looking after Harry secretly. Much to his horror, Harry jumped his white picketed fence followed by two identical humanise creatures and straight through his neat pile of grass clippings.
"POTTTTEEEERRRR!" Mr. Lawnkeeper screeched as Mrs. Gossip followed both Harry and his uncles over the fence. He too joined the scramble to throttle Harry and his companions senseless.
"You know you've been missed when they send a welcoming committee," Elrohir huffed indigently as Harry rounded a corner sharply and to his eternal horror crawled under a hole in a fence.
"You've got to be kidding me," Elladan muttered dryly. "I'm not a run away dog."
Sighing and hoping that Elrond could not see them wherever he was, Elrohir followed wriggling in the dirt. Elladan at this point was undecided whether or not to follow but as Mrs. Gossip and Mr. Lawnkeeper followed by Mr. Lawnkeeper's charming bull terriers Elladan decided he would risk the dirt thank you very much.
Fortunately Elladan was able to wriggle under the fence, not before kicking the bull terriers square in the nose, before he was caught by the welcoming committee. Harry and Elrohir waited for him and grabbed his arms to pull him threw, complete with a bull terrier which was holding onto Elladan's pant leg for grim death.
"This way," Harry huffed heading to the back door and knocking Beethoven's famous symphony on the glass.
"Hello?" Mrs. Figg obviously startled by the threat of the bull terrier's yaps to her prize kitties was already halfway to the door.
"Mrs. Figg, it's Harry Potter. Can I come in?"
"HARRY?" Mrs. Figg slid the door open in a hurry as she did so half a dozen moggies darted for cover inside, much to the disgust of the twins. "Where have you been?"
"Not now, Mrs. Figg," Harry gabbled pushing his way through the door and ushering the twins after him. "Could you perhaps contact McGonagall?"
"Yes, please," Elladan said his teeth glinting madly as he grimaced. "We have a message to deliver to the wizarding world from our father."
"What message?" Harry demanded.
"Now, now, now don't get your bowstring in a knot. Ada just wants to send complementary words to the world that has failed you," Elrohir said in what was supposed to be a soothing voice. Harry was not convinced.
"I'll floo her," Mrs. Figg argeed somewhat reluctantly. "You can wait in the lounge with my cats for herto arrive. You know the way Harry."
Harry watched as the old lady huffed out of the room and beckoned the twins to follow him to the lounge. He took a seat before he was assailed by at least three cats vying for prize position on his lap. "Yes, yes hello Timmy," Harry muttered at the old grey tabby, who truth be told was nothing but a sook. "And Mr. Tibbles and… whatever your name is."
The twins snickered only to find that when they sat down, Mr Tibbles' attention turned to them. Harry smirked behind his hand as the motley coloured cat purred, preened, licked and rubbed himself over the bewildered twins.
"Harry, where have you been? You've had the whole wizarding world in an uproar?"
Harry glanced up at McGonagall who was wearing her customary green tartan robes. "My grandfather wished to speak with me," Harry said glancing up at his old head of house, knowing that McGonagall's keen gaze would determine almost instantly that he no longer belonged to the race of mortals.
As expected McGonagall froze; her thin determined lips pinching into a tight line of grim disapproval. "Sweet Merlin what have you done?" McGonagall demanded in her sternest teacher voice.
"I chose the life of the immortals," Harry explained twisting his fingers around so that he caused a little pain.
"My father was an elf from another world," he continued when McGonagall made it clear she wasn't going to say anything more. The truth sounded weird voiced while sitting in Mrs. Figg's moggie infested lounge. "I chose the path of the immortals." Harry glanced up into the face of his head of house, not realising that he was looking for her approval.
"You've been there?" McGonagall asked cautiously sending a quick glance at the twins who were mysteriously behaving themselves.
Harry nodded. "My uncles, Elladan and Elrohir."
"Pleasure madam," Elladan stood regally followed by his brother. They bowed fluidly before sitting down.
"Don't mind them," Harry muttered wryly. "They are worse than Fred and George."
Elladan and Elrohir had no idea why the stern witch suddenly looked a tad peaky.
"Charmed, I'm sure," McGonagall managed under the new revelation before turning to Harry. "Miss Granger and the Weasley's are most anxiously waiting for you at the new headquarters."
Harry nodded before McGonagall surprised him with continuing. "Is there an elvish name that I should address you with? I know your father had one."
Harry was stunned. "You knew?"
McGonagall smiled thinly. "James Potter was smart… sometimes too smart for his own good."
"Elrossë," Elrohir supplied. "His name is Elrossë."
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The new headquarters turned out to be the Granger's residence as it wasn't an obvious choice and Professor Snape had no idea where Hermione Granger actually lived. Needless to say Harry was immediately assailed by a busy head of hair.
"Harry. Oh we were so worried. You disappeared without a trace and we thought that somehow the wards on 4 Privet Drive had failed and that Voldemort had captured and tortured and killed you or something worse and no amount of researching could tell me where you had gone and I was so worried and Ron has been a complete berk and we're loosing the war and I was so worried and Ron is driving me insane with his ranting and I can't get my Summer homework done on time so that we can go after Voldemort. Oh and I've been so worried."
"Did she even take a breath in there somewhere?" Harry heard Elrohir ask Elladan.
"No, I believe not," Harry commented wryly. "Calm down Hermione. I just took an unforeseen adventure holiday from out of this world."
By this time Hermione had time to calm her frazzled nerves and took a step back to survey the third of the Golden Trio that had gone missing. Her large almond shaped eyes took in Harry's apparent longer hair and his physique.
"You're taller," Hermione commented. "Did you take a growing potion? Oh, Harry strictly speaking you shouldn't be brewing anything this summer. Especially a growing potion. I read about them in our third year. Something could have gone terribly wrong."
"No. I didn't take a potion," Harry said patiently ignoring the snickers of his uncles. "Where's Ron I only want to have to go through this once?"
Hermione sighed in a long suffering manner and lead Harry up the stairs.
'
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To be expected Harry couldn't break his news to his friends without a spectacle. He opted for leaving the room to leave Hermione in her research tizzy and Ron to his ranting that it wasn't fair that Harry got pointed ears and was abandoning him after all they had been through. Secretly Harry was glad when kind, dear Ginny had punched Ron's lights out. Unfortunately he was now sporting a shiner where his ex-girlfriend had turned on him for daring to scare her like that.
Needless to say the twins found the whole situation quite ludicrously funny that the grandson of Elrond was floored by a small red haired witch. That was until Ginny floored them both before stomping out of the room in tears.
"Are all humans insane?" Elrohir muttered resting a steak to his face which Mrs. Granger had kindly given him. He passed it two Elladan who then pressed it to his right eye.
"I thought you were the exception," Elladan commented dryly.
"Harry I found something interesting in: Imaginary Beasties of Britain!" Hermione called from her upstairs room.
"Lovely!" Harry called back sarcastically.
"Do you want me to bring it down?"
"Can I stop you?" Harry muttered watching as Ron entered the kitchen ignoring him and went to the fridge.
"Imagine being called a beastie," Elrohir huffed to Elladan.
"We are the first born at any rate," Elladan sniffed in reply. "And we are sooo much better looking. Although that she-human that punched your lights out was a looker."
"Hey that's my sister you're talking about," Ron glowered from his station by the white refrigerator box – his favourite muggle invention.
"And that is just wrong," Elladan muttered as Ron drank out of the milk carton.
Ron snarled at the elf which was ruined by milk dripping down his chin. "Think you're so much better than me now, Potter?" Ron slammed the fridge door and sauntered out of the room.
Harry buried his head in his hands. Where had it all gone wrong? He thought maybe he shouldn't have started with 'hey guys I'm no longer human – heck I'm not even mortal.' Maybe he should have gone with: notice anything different about me? At least he didn't have the stupidity to mention to Ron that his grandfather was an elvish lord famed throughout the land – that would have definitely done their friendship in. Ron could only handle so much at any given time.
A moment later Hermione entered the kitchen with the damn book. Harry almost forgot she was in research tizzy. "Here you go…" she said shoving it under Harry's nose.
"Elves while very beautiful…"
"Prissies!" Ron called out from the other room making Hermione roll her eyes.
"Beasts, are not famed for their maturity." Harry finished the sentence and glanced up at his uncles.
"Don't look at us," Elladan muttered. "We're royalty."
"Oh great so now you are some elvish kind of princey thing," Ron stormed through the kitchen for another carton of milk.
"Ron don't that's disgusting," Hermione whined watching in pure disgust as Ron gurgled down the remains of the milk. Ron slowly wiped his mouth with his sleeve an exited from the otherside.
"Trade the good milk with sour milk," Elrohir suggested helpfully. Hermione looked like she could have punched his lights out if only she could figure out which twin had spoken.
"Yeah I suppose I am," Harry returned finally loosing his temper. And slamming the book shut. "Honestly this book is a load of orc dung: I'm mature."
Hermione was traumatized that Harry would dare insult one of her books. She wrenched it from his grip and ran out of the room.
"You've got no hope with she-elves," Elladan muttered darkly shaking his head.