Disclaimer: I don't own Harry's Wonderful World or Middle Earth. They unfortunately belong to their rightful inventors.

Chapter Sixteen. The Trouble with Twins

Harry found himself curled in a comfy armchair in the Granger's sitting room. Now that he was back in the 'real' world he found himself homesick for Imladris. Unlike Elladan and Elrohir, who were acting like elflings away from home for the first time, Harry did not find this world interesting or entertaining. In fact he found himself bored and frustrated that the monotony of the world had not changed without him (excluding the war of course).

Harry had chosen the sitting room because, a) Ron was not in it to annoy him and b) neither were his uncles.

A curt knock on the door broke Harry's reverie he blinked slowly and glared at the door as if the hunk of wood had committed the offence. Nevertheless, the door opened anyway revealing the red head of Ginny Weasley – his ex – girlfriend.

"Fred and George are here," Ginny announced from the door way.

Harry's only response was to groan aloud.

"That's what everyone else thinks," Ginny told him gravely. "Not another set of twins!"

"At least Fred and George are human you should be able to handle them," Harry muttered darkly.

"And you should be able to handle your uncles," Ginny quipped with a grin.

"Do my ears really look that terrible?" Harry asked suddenly changing the subject. He gave his tapered ears a quick jerk with his fingers self consciously.

"Bah don't listen to Ron's babble," Ginny replied lightly waving her petite hand in dismissal. "You should know by now no one pays him any mind when he is in one of his moods."

"He's moodier than a belrog on heat," Harry muttered shaking his head.

"Er… sure… not going to ask about that one," Ginny murmured to herself wondering what exactly was a belrog and what the problem was with them in general. It had been the fifth time in a couple of hours the trio of elves had commented someone was like a belrog and it didn't sound too much like a compliment.

Hermoine was considered a belrog with an orc bone. McGonagall was as a belrog with a tooth ache. Mr. Granger was compared to a belrog who had a scrape with the belrog slayer and had to explain to Melkor what actually happened and she was likened to a temperamental belrog at that time of the month.

Harry snorted indigently and shook his head bring Ginny out of her musings. "No. Don't ask," he suggested. "It only give you a headache."

"Already have one of those; honestly your uncles!"

"What have they done now?"

"You mean apart of joy riding the vacuum cleaner…"

"Hey that's not fair. Ron joined them…"

"Ronnie is not exactly mature," Ginny pointed out as if the fact was simple.

"True," Harry muttered.

"Experimenting with Hermoine's hair drier…"

"You realise they will want to take it with them despite there being no electricity in the Last Homely House. They're certain the wisdom of their father could get the 'great wind blower' to work."

Ginny sighed. "I'm trying to be serious here… oh and Elladan or was it Elrohir getting their long hair stuck in the mixer when mum was making cookies."

"Come on that was funny."

"Not to mention duelling with chocolate sauce in the kitchen, fishing in the goldfish pond and chopping the head off Mrs. Granger's prize chook for dinner!"

"Well they haven't been too bad," Harry conceded wisely. "At least they plucked, gutted and cooked the chook for Mrs. Granger."

"Yes but an open fire on the porch?" Ginny asked exasperated.

"But will you ever forget Mrs. Granger's face when they proudly presented the chook?"

This time Ginny did laugh. "No. I'll never forget that! Anyway Fred and George are here you better save us oh great Saviour!"

Muttering darkly to himself the whole way Harry pulled himself from his comfortable and quiet place in the arm chair. Striding over to Ginny's side he grabbed the top of her arm, making her yelp and dragged her from the room.

They were too late.

The sets of twins had already met and were staring at each other from the corner of the room. Elladan and Elrohir were both sporting long purple fat tongues. Harry suppressed a groan as Elladan tried to say something to him and nearly gagged on his tongue. Elrohir just pointed in the general direction of Fred and George accusingly. Fred and George were looking quite pleased with themselves.

"You better fix them up," Harry suggested leaning on the door frame ignoring the snickering Ginny. "My uncles have a famous temper when it comes to pranks."

"What!?" Ginny shrieked. "Steal your hairbrush?"

Elrohir glanced at Ginny as if this was indeed a gross misdeed.

"That and much worse," Harry conceded. "I don't want to see two naked twins running about the place."

Elladan was rather pleased how the colour suddenly drained from the red haired humans' freckled cheeks.

"Fine," George muttered. "We'll fix the creatures."

"Hey I'm one of those 'creatures.' Don't you dare stare on me or the boy-who-lived who became the boy-who-became-the-elf looses his temper. Ron is enough for one day; Hermoine is driving me insane with books about elves which I'm sure is talking about house elves – because I certainly don't have a craving for cleaning and Ginny." Harry glanced apologetically to his ex-girlfriend. "Is on her last tender hooks. Beware or she'll gobble you up like a belrog who hasn't eaten for a century."

"Hey Harry you're no longer human!" Fred cried.

"Nice observational skills, human," Harry snapped back. "Now. Fix."

George muttered something uncomplimentary under his breath and waved his wand about to fix the two irate identical elves.

Harry watched in rapt fascination as Elladan and Elrohir's great giant purple tongues slowly began to shrink. From when the hulking tongues were small enough for Elladan to spew abuse at his tormentors he was until he nearly gagged again.

"Aren't there any respectable elves in this world?" Elrohir demanded once his tongue had stopped shrinking. "Meeting so many men is making me nauseous."

"I could introduce you to a house elf," George offered.

"Already had that kind offer," Elladan scoffed. "We elves are higher beings than you simple minded foolish barbaric human beings."

Harry rolled his eyes. He had heard all this before. Elladan and Elrohir were determined to give him all the good points of being an elf and the bad about being a human when he was trying to make up his mind. They had accidentally left their list on Harry's pillow for him to find on the morning he promised to make his decision. Harry had read their list and ended up in fits of laughter. It was better for comic relief than a pro – con list.

Hermione chose that moment to appear with her nose in yet another book.

"We should introduce her to Erestor," Elrohir whispered.

Elrohir's whispered voice was enough to snap Hermione into the real world. She glanced up from her book at glanced up at the twins.

"You two must be a freak of nature," Hermione told them seriously. Elladan looked ready to throttle someone.

"How so?" George asked winningly.

"No where are their any records of elves producing twins."

Harry fought valiantly not to roll his eyes and lost. "We're not from his world," he told Hermione gently as he could.

"And we'll have you know that we are the second generation of twins in the family," Elrohir stated sternly.

"But it says here…" Hermione argued pointing her long slender finger at the pages of her book.

"Humans aren't all knowing," Harry chided between gritted teeth. "And elves in the world I've lived for a little while were created many, many, many years before the race of men."

Hermione blinked and stared stoically at her book. Harry wasn't quite sure how one so intelligent could not get it through her skull.

Elladan and Elrohir had decided their time of welcome had expired and left without another word, leaving Harry with his human being friends.

"What has gotten into you two?" Harry demanded waggling his finger under the nose of the Weasley twins.

"Our dominion of pranking kings was threatened…"

"We retaliated to protect our kingdom."

"And retain our crown."

"The laws of pranking are universal."

"They understand."

Harry shook his head said. "Pranking those two is like waving a red flag in front of a belrog and chanting please kill me, please kill me… I have a death wish… a wish to die young and meet Mandos."

"Who?"

"What?"

"Never mind," Harry sighed heavily. "But you know you have declared war?"

"Of course," Fred chimed.

"That was our aim," George reiterated.

'

'

'

The war of the twins did not take long in manifesting itself in the usually peaceful Granger household. In fact Fred and George were rudely awakened (with the rest of the house) finding out what cruel and unusual torture elves could come up with.

The Weasley twins' early morning screams of outrage and pain was only the beginning of the mornings events. Used to strange, abnormal and horrendous sounds from the notorious twins, only Mrs. Granger went to check on the magical mischief makers herself.

Fred had found woke to find his bed created into a giant ant farm. Elladan had even supplied a wooden sign above his head with elvish runes for good measure. His arms and legs had been covered with a sweet sticky goo and their were great, big ants crawling all over him biting and crawling their way around his limbs. Unfortuantley as soon as the sleep left Fred's usually fog infested early morning mind, he realised his hair had also been coverted into an ants' nest.

It was only a few moments later he was kicking and screaming. Unfortunately for George a long piece of twine was neatly wrapped around Fred's ankle. When Fred began to kick his movement pulled off one of the legs of his bed. The three legged bed wobbled and then toppled over, with George still groggily complaining about the noise his twin was making. That was when he realised that a bees' nest had been placed under this bed and said bees were not happy with their rude waking call.

The Weasley twins' looked quite a sight. Fred drenched in honey kicking, squirming and screaming and George running around in circles with Queen Bee and her minions buzzing and biting.

That was how Mrs. Granger had found them. Being the mother of Hermione Granger, studier extraordinaire and a qualified university trained dentist, Mrs Granger was not a stupid woman. She slammed the door wisely shut and made her way to breakfast wondering why is allowed Hermione to sweet talk into allowing her wizard friends to visit.

Mrs. Granger came into the kitchen only to find those horried creatures that had cooked her chook sitting at the breakfast table. She plumped her hair, (they were after all gorgeous handsome horrid creatures) which was still in curlers and went about her breakfast retinue of coffee, coffee and a little more coffee.

On her fourth cup of coffee she turned around to see the elf twins grinning at her. "We thought we might go hunting today," Elladan told her looking proud.

"We'll bring you back some rabbits to cook," Elrohir continued stroking his long yew bow lovingly.

Mrs. Granger choked on her coffee; she didn't have a heart to tell the twins that they were in the middle of suburbia and would attract attention wondering around like medieval pixie creatures. After all it would keep them out of her hair. So she nodded encouragingly and smiled the most radiant smiled one could after only four cups.

"We might find a strong buck to bring back," Elladan grinned. "Elrohir's bow is certainly powerful enough to take a whole herd."

Mrs. Granger's smile wavered slightly. What on earth would she do if they brought back a bloody deer for goodness' sake?

The other elf creature that was once human decided to make his presence known. He mumbled a goodmorning and glared at his companions.

"I see you have wagered war," the 'Harry' creature muttered darkly.

Elrohir crossed his arms proudly against his chest. "Let man tremble at the greatest of the elvish race."

Harry rolled his eyes.

"We're going hunting," Elladan said, "You want to come?"

Harry stared at his uncles' in horror. "You can't go hunting!"

Mrs. Granger was looking at Harry in horror, how dare that little pixie elf kid decide to ruin her perfectly good plan of getting rid of his companions for the day.

"Why not?"

"This isn't Middle Earth," Harry said patiently. "What would the humans think?"

"That elves are great?" Elladan hazard.

"They're more likely to chase you to perform probing experiments on you," Harry replied. "Men don't like races that don't exist turning up on their door step and besides you look like something from a fairy tale."

"I am no fairy," Elrohir protested haughtily.

"Me neither."

"I was thinking they came from some sort of twisted nightmare," Mrs. Granger muttered to herself, taking her fifth cup of coffee which had extra sugar and cream.

"So are you coming?" Elladan demanded.

"I suppose someone has to supervise," Harry muttered. "But if I'm captured and have any probing I'm going to blame you two."