Disclaimer: I don't own Harry's Wonderful World or Middle Earth. They unfortunately belong to their rightful inventors.

Chapter Seventeen. Fast Food Foraging

Feeling ridiculous walking down a perfectly ordinary muggle street decked out in elvish hunting gear and his long black hair braid elaborately (to show his elvish prowess according to Elrohir) Harry marched behind his twin uncles scowling. It wasn't much use telling the twins that they weren't going to find anything worth shooting much less eating but Elladan was determined that Harry's world could so boring that there wasn't any worthwhile game nearby. Humans, after dwarves, were known for their taste for roast meat. Made sense that their would be game nearby. Didn't it?

"This is useless," Elrohir finally pointed out and echoing Harry's thought patterns. "We've only seen a rabid dog or to."

Elladan fiddled with his bow. "The good hostess had some fine hens in her pen perhaps…"

"Don't even think about it," Harry snarled. "Mrs. Granger was devastated when you murdered her prize chicken. Hermione had to lock her in the bathroom for three hours to stop her from strangling all of us. Don't Hermione will protect us a second time."

"So what do you suggest?" Elrohir demanded his hands on his hips.

"Can we go home?" Harry asked a little too eagerly.

"NO!" the twins shouted in unison before Elladan continued patiently, "We will look very foolish little orc dropping if we return from hunting so early."

Harry sighed heavily and glanced around the street. Scuffing his feet along the road he glanced around. "We could go about finding food the normal way."

"And how would one find food the normal way," Elrohir scoffed.

"We could go foraging for takeaway."

"I don't understand what are we taking away?" Elladan asked Elrohir who shrugged.

"Takeaway food," Harry explained. "People in shops make it and we buy it."

"Sounds like we are going to find a fine hobbit establishment," Elrohir winked at Elladan.

Harry stared at his uncles in bewilderment. "What's a hobbit?"

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"I don't think our dear nephew understands. That is a human, not like any of the men of the North I've seen before but definitely human, that is not a hobbit."

Glaring at his whispering uncles Harry turned out his wallet for all the muggle money he possessed. "That is because there are no hobbits here. And this is a Chinese restaurant. "

"Shame: hobbits make a mean roast chook."

"So do you guys," Harry muttered now glaring at the workers behind the till who were whispering about the strange tall white men.

"Thank you Elerösse."

Harry sighed and glanced at the numerous white plastic bags on the counter and then to the Chinese owner who could barely contain himself with glee. "That is three bottles of 1.25 litres of Coke-Cola, five large fried rice three with prawns, two with bacon, ten peeking duck, sweet sour pork, two honey chicken… and…"

"And a partridge in a pear tree," Harry mumbled glaring at the twins that were trying to look innocent.

"That comes to four hundred fifty four pounds."

"Here," Harry grumbled handing over his entire wallet. "Keep the change."

"Thank you have nice day." Harry could have sworn the old man was laughing at him.

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Mrs. Granger didn't seem to be too pleased when they had returned home. That was until she saw the mobile feast and proclaimed that Elrohir and Elladan were the nicest lads that side of London. And being as they were both back in the good graces of the hostess Elrohir and Elladan were both well pleased.

Harry on the other hand was less then amused. "Typical, I'm the one that pays where is my credit? Eh?" He followed his uncles into the dining room and sprawled into the chair.

Elrohir was scooping piles of fried rice onto Harry's plate accompanied by plenty of duck, chicken and pork. Elladan on the other hand was pouring Harry a liberal amount of Coke-a-Cola.

Blinking slowly at his uncles Harry glared at them for a moment. "Can't I feed myself?"

Elladan screwed the cap on the plastic bottle slowly and studied Harry in a way that was reminiscent of Lord Elrond himself. "Ada wishes us to ensure that his frighteningly skinny baby grandson gets enough to eat in this human world."

"Finally some agree with me," Ginny crowed before turning to Harry winningly. "You need a little meat on those bones."

"Come on eat up or I'll feed you myself," Elrohir motioned at Harry's eating utensils.

Embarrassed Harry picked up his fork and shovelled some rice into his mouth. He chewed angrily and looked anywhere at the others in the kitchen. Thankfully he was saved by McGonagall and other members of the order turning up for lunch.

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"So Voldemort basically wants a teaching position without getting an interview?"

Harry rolled his eyes in Fred and George's direction unsure which one had spoken. "This is serious."

"We're being serious," Fred said placing his hand over his heart as if Harry's comment had stung.

Harry rolled his eyes again. "Our plan of attack needs to be ensure Voledmort becomes mortal again so we can kill the bastard for good this time."

"I don't like the sound of this fellow," Elrohir muttered eyeing off the duck on Harry's plate.

"O for goodness sake." Harry slid his plate over to the other elf who quickly set into the duck with a muffled thank you.

"Sounds suspiciously like Malkor and Sauron," Elladan rejoined. "So we find the soul holders, destroy them and then killed this black wizard?"

Harry snorted.

"Sounds like the one ring," Elladan muttered moodily.

"Except that there was only one, one ring and the theory is destroy it in the fires of Mount Doom and Sauron is… well gone forevermore," Elrohir rejoined.

"We should split into teams to find these horcruxes," Harry commented a little suspicious of Hermione smiling arily at him. "Yes Hermione…"

"I thought you would never ask…" Hermione dashed from the room much to the amazement of all the occupants in the room. A moment later she returned with a large pile of scrapbooks and dumped them haphazard on the counter.

"A little bed time research," Hermione said handing out the scrapbooks. "I thought I would research all the information that Harry you had already given me and delve a little deeper… these books contain the locations of the horcruxes and their likely booby traps."

Harry flicked through his scrapbook gingerly and glanced up at the preening girl beside him. "How did you find out all this stuff."

Hermione pulled her most innocent face to date. "How did we ever solve anything: I was curious."

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Apologies for the lack of updates. I know it is small… sorry.