Barry tugged at the collar of his shirt. He was sweating.

"I'm just going to prick you with it," Caitlin said, "Not inject you, not press down on it – just a tiny prick with the needle."

Barry nodded, clenching his hands to fists. He was nervous. He was really, really nervous.

"Is that OK?" Caitlin asked, "You can say no, Barry."

You can say no. No, you can't. Just a prick. Just a prick, Barry. He couldn't think straight.

He nodded, let out a shuddering breath and stared at his hands.

"Barry," Caitlin said, trying to look him in the eyes, "are you OK?"
He just nodded again.

"You don't look OK."

"I'm fine. Just – just do it."

"I'm not doing anything if you won't even look at me."

Barry took a deep breath, looked up at Caitlin and as calmly as he could, repeated, "I'm fine."

"OK," Caitlin said, "Take a deep breath then."

Oh, God, oh God oh God.

Barry took in a deep breath.

He felt the prick of the needle and then it was gone. He let out the breath, shaky. He looked at his arm but there wasn't even a spot of blood. It was already healing.

Caitlin rubbed his arm, looking concernedly at him.

"You alright?"

"Yeah," Barry said, shuddering. He ran a hand over his face. He was fine. Fine. It was just a scratch. A prick. Tiny. Not a big deal.

Caitlin was still looking at him with that expression, silently calculating how much of his statement was a lie. At this point Barry wasn't even sure.

"Do you want to keep going?" Caitlin asked.

Barry swallowed. "Yeah – yeah, let's do it."

"We can stop now if it's too much," Caitlin said.

Barry shook his head. "No – it's fine." He took a deep breath.

Caitlin brought the shot up again, but this time Barry flinched, turning his head sharply to the side. Caitlin stopped, and then put the needle down.

"Barry," she said, "You have to tell me when it's too much for you."

"I'm fine," he said, "I just – I'm alright. Try again. I'm good."

"If you're panicking," she said, "You'll make the phobia worse, not better."

Barry let out a frustrated breath, hands clenched on top of his knees. This would be so much better if it were something he could just get over and done with – instead it was slow – agonizingly slow.

"Do you want to do it yourself?" Caitlin asked.

Barry looked up and nodded. He took the shot from Caitlin and moved it towards his bicep. He tried to relax. Breathe. He pricked himself with the end of the needle, grimacing. He exhaled. Why was it so much easier when he was the one doing it?

"That was good," Caitlin said, taking it back from him. "Do you think you can let me do it now?"

Barry nodded.

She pricked him again. It was better this time. He closed his eyes and just focused on breathing.

"I'm going to do it again, is that alright?"

Barry nodded. He kept his eyes closed, but they weren't squeezed shut. He was just focusing on breathing in and out, nice and slow. He could do this. Caitlin stuck him again, and then kept going, pricking him a few more times. He focused on relaxing his arms, on assessing the pain and forcing himself to realize that it was tiny, not at all bad, not at all anything to worry about.

"You're doing really good, Barry," Caitlin said, stopping. "I think that's enough for today though."

Barry didn't feel like he was doing good. He felt a little shaky and really happy it was over for the day and like he really should have been able to do a little shot by now.

But all Barry said was "OK." He was just getting up when his phone rang, Joe.

"Hello?"

"Barry, where are you? We have a body on central and our forensic scientist isn't in the police station."

"Oh!" Barry said. He looked at the clock. "I'll meet you there!"

He looked at Caitlin. "Go," she said.

He smiled. "Bye."

About five seconds later he was at the crime scene. Two minutes later the police cars showed up.

"You're early," Eddie said with a shocked expression.

"I was in the area," Barry said.

Joe gave him a look and Barry shrugged.

The area was already cased, tape put up everywhere. It looked like just a random mugging. They were in a side alley with no surveillance and there were no eye witness, but the man who had been killed was the CEO of one of the wealthiest companies in Central City.

Barry ducked under the yellow tape and pulled on his gloves, crouching next to the man. There was blood all along one side of his scalp, indicating trauma from a blunt object, but the cause of death, at least on first glance, appeared to be a bullet to the chest. There was another bullet in his leg and a trail of blood leading away from the body, suggesting that he had been shot there first, and had tried to run. They wouldn't really know until the autopsy came in.

Barry stood up and turned towards Joe, about to tell him all this, when suddenly a series of loud noises came from behind him.

A second later, pain erupted in his left shoulder.

Barry was on the ground, yelling and every officer on the ground had their guns out, scrambling for cover. It was chaos. Barry gasped in his kneeling position, his hand going to his shoulder and coming away with blood. There were two other officers down. Barry heard another burst of gunfire. This time he turned, slowed down, and saw where the bullets were going. They ricocheted off walls but none hit anyone this time. Barry looked up and saw a figure disappear from one of the windows in the building across from him. Apparently so did some of the cops, because a couple of them took off running.

Joe was yelling into a radio about backup and then Eddie was in front of him, peeling away his fingers over his shoulder.

"We need an ambulance!" Eddie yelled.

One of the officers to his side was starting to sit up. The bullet had gone into his vest. The other one was starting to stand, holding his arm. Eddie had already gone up to him, but the bullet had only grazed his arm. Barry was the only one seriously hurt.

As soon as Joe was off the radio he was looking at Barry, going from his shoulder to his ashen face to the expression on Eddie's.

"Get him in the car," Joe said.

"What?" Eddie yelled. "Joe, he needs paramedics, right now."

"In the car," Joe said.

That's when the pain really hit Barry. His shoulder was on fire. Eddie was forcing him up, and then they were walking and Barry thought he was going to throw up.

Eddie grabbed the first aid kit from the trunk of the cruiser once Barry was in the back seat. The next thing Barry knew Eddie was wrapping gauze tightly around his shoulder.

"Ah," Barry winced. He flinched away from Eddie.

"Just hang in there Barry," Eddie said. Blood was soaking through the gauze even as Eddie applied it.

The front door opened and Joe slid into the seat, turning the ignition.

"Joe," Eddie started.

"Not now," Joe said. The car jerked into drive. Barry yelled and groaned at the sudden movement which sent him against the back of the seat. "We have to get him to Star Labs," Joe explained, "They're the only ones that have anesthetics that actually work on him."

"Alright," Eddie said, but he didn't sound convinced.

Barry sucked in a breath as Eddie's hand clamped down on the bullet wound, applying pressure. Barry tried to shrug him off.

"Sorry," Eddie said, giving him an apologetic smile.

Barry gritted his teeth. "Think you could ease up a little?"

Eddie smiled again. "Can't have you bleeding out on us, Allen."

"Not gonna bleed out," Barry mumbled. His shoulder hurt like hell but his body produced more blood cells at an alarming rate. And the wounds were probably already closing up. Which meant if the bullet was still in him they'd have to cut him open again.

Barry leaned his head back on the seat. Stay calm, he told himself. But it was hard to focus when every time the car went over a bump his shoulder erupted in pain again.

"Is there an exit wound?" he asked.

"Didn't stop to check," Eddie said, but Barry heard the hesitation in his voice.

"It's still in there isn't it?"

"Don't worry about that now," Eddie said, "They're gonna fix you all up."

"Why don't you give Caitlin a call," Joe said from up front, "So she can get all set up for you."

Barry reached for his phone in his pocket, but his hand was shaking too bad to get to her contact. Eddie took the phone from him and found Caitlin's contact and hit call.

"Hello," she said.

"Hi, is this Caitlin," Eddie asked.

There was a pause. "Yes."

"It's Eddie." Eddie glanced at Barry and tried to smile again. "There was a little incident. Barry's um, he's been shot – in the shoulder."

Another pause. "Is he conscious?"

"Yeah."

"OK, are you going to a hospital or –"

"We're on our way to you," Eddie said.

"OK, good. We'll have everything ready."

"We're almost there," Joe said.

Barry gestured for the phone and Eddie handed it to him.

"Caitlin," Barry said.

"Barry?"

"Yeah, it's me. The bullet's still in my shoulder, Cait."

"That's OK. It'll be OK, Barry. We can take care of that."

"Here," Joe said.

Barry said a quick bye and pushed the phone back into his pocket. Joe helped him get out, steering him towards the entrance to Star labs. Eddie moved to follow but Joe threw the keys at him instead.

"Get back to the station," Joe said, "Tell them I had to get Barry to Star labs."

"Are you sure –," Eddie started.

"Yes," Joe said, "Call Iris too. God knows someone will have called her and she'll be waiting at the station."

"Alright," Eddie said, "Good luck, Barry."

With that he got back in the car and drove off while Joe helped Barry get inside. Each step hurt his shoulder, and his vision was starting to go black around the edges.

As soon as they entered Caitlin had him sitting on a bed, tearing away the gauze that Eddie had applied. She cut away his shirt too, exposing the wound. She grimaced and Cisco made a face.

"OK," she said, hiding her concern from Barry, "Looks like a bit of damage here."

"IV?" Cisco mouthed. Caitlin nodded.

"Alright, Barry," Caitlin said, moving around so that she was facing him. She took both his hands in hers, getting ready to explain what they would need to do. Barry's eyes were wide and he just looked so scared. It killed her.

"We're going to put in an IV first, to get the pain down a little, alright?"

Barry frowned.

"It'll be just like we practiced," she said, "Just a little pinch."

"We didn't do IV's," he said.

"I know," she said, "But you've done them before. It's just like a shot."

Barry shuddered.

"Barry," Caitlin said, still holding his hands, "I know this is happening really fast, but we really don't want to slow down. Your body's already healing around the bullets, so the faster we can get an IV in and start the less work we have to do on your shoulder."

That's about when Barry started hyperventilating. She was preparing him for the ordeal, for how fast everything was going to have to be.

Right on cue Cisco had the IV wheeled over and handing the needle to Caitlin. Barry looked at Caitlin.

"It's OK," she said, "Don't think about it. I'm just going to go ahead and do it – real quick now. It's alright, take a deep breath."

Everything was going too fast but Barry didn't have time to pull away, didn't really have time to do anything as Caitlin looked down and slid the needle into his hand abruptly. Barry gasped and looked down and then back up again because no, he really didn't want to look at the tube sticking out of his hand. He started to tremble, absolutely overwhelmed by all the noise and equipment around him. He shrunk in on himself.

"It's OK," Caitlin said as Cisco put something in through the IV. Everything took on that tingling numbness again, the anesthetic starting to work. Joe replaced Caitlin's spot on the bed next to him as Caitlin moved around to his back, at the bullet wound.

"Alright," Caitlin said, "I'm going to give you a couple shots now. Just like we practiced, remember, nothing bad."

Barry didn't have time to say anything before he felt them, just slightly on his shoulder. He could almost convince himself they were just needle pricks, not actual shots, like they had done earlier that day. The pain of them was numbed by the anesthetic already in the IV.

"Sit up, Barry," Caitlin said, "that's it."

Barry felt a sharp pain and flinched. Cisco's hands came down on his shoulder, holding him steady.

"It's alright, Barry," he said, "Caitlin's got it all covered. Be back to normal in no time."

Barry couldn't see what was going on, but he could feel it. The anesthetic either wasn't working as well or they hadn't waited long enough for it to really kick in because it was painful. Not as painful as it would have been, and not really anything he couldn't handle – just enough to make it an uncomfortable, pretty miserable experience.

Not to mention panic-inducing.

"Caitlin," Barry said.

"Yeah?"

"Is it – is it closed up?"

"Just a little bit. We're going to use that clamp we had last time, OK? The one that Cisco made to keep the area open when we worked on your shoulder the last time."

"OK," Barry said.

He felt a pressure and then a sharp pain again, but this time it was worse. He yelled and jerked away, but Cisco had his shoulder locked and Caitlin kept pushing on him. It felt like they were trying to tear his arm off.

"It's too big," Caitlin said, turning to Cisco.

"It's the only one I have," Cisco said.

"C-Caitlin," Barry said, his voice escalating.

"It's OK, Barry," she said, "It's just – it wasn't made for this. It's going to be uncomfortable but I can make it work."

"Just look at me, son," Joe said.

Barry tried but Caitlin was trying to get it in place again and it hurt. He could almost forget the panic in the pain, but then once it subsided the terror came crashing in again.

"There's more than one," Caitlin said.

Joe looked up and Cisco kind of froze before jumping into action, getting more supplies.

"What?" Barry said.

"It's OK," Caitlin said for the millionth time that day. At least it felt like that to her. "Just means… this might take a bit longer."

"Hey kid, stay with me," Joe said, "Everything's going to be alright."

Barry was shaking, his eyes glazed over and not looking at anything. Caitlin gave him a couple more shots of anesthetic while he wasn't paying attention, and then started looking for the bullets.

She removed one, and then started on the second. This one had gone in deeper. By that time Barry was white as a sheet, covered in sweat.

Joe had his hands against Barry's face. "Hey, Barry, come on, stay here. It's alright." Joe looked up to Caitlin. "He's going into shock."

"Barry," Caitlin said, "Can you focus for me? Everything is alright."

Barry blinked, trembled and flinched away again. Caitlin had to keep readjusting the device on his shoulder. The wounds were healing too fast.

"I'm not alright," Barry said suddenly.

Caitlin paused. "Yes you are," she said, "You're OK."

"No, Caitlin – Caitlin, I'm not alright."

And Caitlin flashed back to the elevator, to Barry. I'm not OK. I'm never OK afterwards. You tell me every time that it'll be alright, but it never is.

"OK," Caitlin said, "take a deep breath. I'm almost done, Barry."

"Caitlin –"

"Almost, Barry I promise," Caitlin said. She had the second bullet and was pulling it out, "Just give me one more minute, Barry."

"Cait – stop, please," Barry said. He was shaking again.

"Almost," Caitlin said, "you're doing so well, Barry. It's OK. I know – I know it doesn't feel like it right now but it will be OK."

"Caitlin pulled out the second bullet and dropped it on the tray. She took out the clamp on his shoulder and then it was just washing out the wound and making sure everything was set to heal correctly. "Alright, there it is, done," Caitlin said, applying gauze to the site. Barry was still shaking, his arms crossed in front of him and staring right ahead.

Joe had his hand on Barry's arm, but Barry was limp.

"Cait-," Barry said. His teeth were chattering. Cisco draped a blanket over his shoulders but he didn't appear to notice. "Cait."

"I'm right here," Caitlin said, "Let's have you lie down." Cisco already had a pillow out and positioning it under Barry's shoulder. Barry still hissed at the contact but Caitlin got him to lie back. Barry was mumbling, eyes darting around everywhere, and he wouldn't stop shaking.

"I'm going to keep giving you the pain medication," Caitlin said, "But it should start feeling a lot better soon."

"Hurts."

"I know, it'll stop soon."

"Caitlin."

"I'm right here, Barry."

"I want to go home."

"As soon as your shoulder's healed up."

That's when Iris burst through the door. She had a hand over her mouth, and it was evident she had been crying. She made a bee line for Barry, but Joe got up and intercepted her on his way over.

"Hold on, Iris," he said, blocking her way. Iris craned her neck around Joe but Joe started leading her away. "I know you want to see him, baby, but you've gotta calm down first."

Iris wiped away a tear, letting out a long breath. "I'm calm," she said.

"No," Joe said, "He's in shock. He needs everyone around him very, very calm. He doesn't look like Barry right now. He's hurt and scared and I know you want to see him but you need to be one hundred percent calm before that. Take a minute, sweetie."

So Iris forced herself to relax while Caitlin tried to get Barry to do the same on the hospital bed.

"Don't go," Barry said.

"I'm not leaving," Caitlin said.

"I feel sick."

"It's OK."

"No, it's not."

"It will be."

"I don't feel good."

"You'll feel better soon."

"Don't leave."

"I'm not leaving."

Barry's speech was getting more and more jumbled, his eyes unfocused and distracted. Maybe the sedative that Caitlin had mixed in with the anesthetic was working better than she thought it would. Then again, it could be that he was traumatized and had lost a ton of blood.

"It won't stop," he said.

"What won't?"

"Everything."

"It'll be OK, Barry."

"I want it to stop."

"It will."

"When?"

"Soon."

"Don't go."

"I'm not going."

Caitlin brushed back the hair on his face, wiping away the sweat that had collected there. She took one of his hands again and Barry squeezed back weakly.

"It still hurts."

"Just a little longer."

"You always say that."

Iris finally came over. She sat on the bed and looked down.

"Hey Bar," she said, smiling.

"Iris," Barry said.

"Yeah, it's me."

"Please take me home."

Iris smiled at him, "I can't just yet Bar."

Barry frowned. "Please."

"As soon as you're better."

"They keep hurting me here."

Iris sucked in a breath and then carefully folded over the blanket on Barry's arm. "It's to help you, Bar."

"I don't want help."

"No," she said, "But you need it."

Barry frowned again. He had stopped shaking, but the pained look on his face was still there.

"Iris, honey," Joe said, "I think we need to let Caitlin do her job." He pulled Iris away, tears already forming again in her eyes. Joe knew Iris would have held it together for Barry's sake if she had to, but he was honestly afraid that Barry would say something flash related in his current state. He led Iris back outside.

Barry looked up at Caitlin. She smoothed back his hair one more time. "You'll be OK," she said.

I know it's been a long time but it's an extra long chapter for you now. Will have more up soon. Promise. Let me know what you think, as always :) (Also considering, maybe, maybe making it snowbarry? Dunno yet. Possibly. No promises yet)