(A/N: Yomi isn't a dick! I swear! Also, I'm officially bumping up the rating to M in the next chapter due to heavy scenes. Also, alcohol consumption is in this chapter so.. I guess that should be a warning. Ahahaha. Haha. )

I felt myself sink back into the ground as I stared at Kuronue. He untangled his fingers from my hair as his hand cupped my face.

"Kurama..?" he whispered, questioning. He leaned in close to me again.

"I have to go," I managed to croak out as I took a few steps back. This wasn't right. I shouldn't be doing this.

"Wha-? Wait!" he tried to grab my arm but I roughly shoved him aside.

"What's wrong? I thought we were over this, I thought we were okay now?" he asked, trying to get my attention as I walked away from Margeaux. "I mean, you kissed me so we should be okay. Right?"

I stopped mid walk and crossed my arms over my chest defensively. I tapped my shoe on the pavement, a nervous habit I picked up when I would have to say something I didn't want to.

"I shouldn't have kissed you. It should have never happened," I tried to usher the words out of my mouth. I managed to steal a quick glance at his face, but soon regretted it. He looked confused and speechless, but the undeniable look of hurt managed to make its way into his face as well.

"You kissed me first!" he accused me, still confused as to why this conversation was even happening.

"I know, and now I'm telling you I shouldn't have," I answered back.

"I don't know what you want me to do anymore! One second you act like you want me and the next, you treat me like I did something wrong," he looked exasperated, and if I wasn't so confused and angry myself, I would have found it cute. "Did I.. Did I do something wrong?" he said after a while.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"Then can't we talk it out or something. I promised I would help you with this. With getting over Yomi—"

"I already told you I'm perfectly capable of handling this on my own!," I yelled. I spent all day worrying about how to apologize to him, but we both somehow managed to fuck it up. I didn't want him to help me forget about Yomi, I didn't want him to do anything besides accept my goddamn chocolate.

"Then what do you want me to do?" he asked. His expression was almost pleading as he searched for a way to figure me out.

"I want you to leave me alone.," I tried to sound as menacing as possible. I spent way too long learning how to lie to people, this wasn't going to be the one time my ruse would crack. But I was tired of Kuronue thinking he could fix me. I wasn't going to go through another round of that bullshit.

He let out heavy sigh and nodded. "Okay," he muttered. He clenched his jaw and gave me a hard stare, looking utterly defeated.

I felt a knife twist in my gut as he said those words. Kuronue wasn't one to give up so easily, and frankly, I didn't expect him to. I expected him to fight back.

"Well then.. good! I'm glad we're on the same page," I tried tp sound as professional as I could, I tried to mimic the voice Yomi used with me, but I felt myself falter a bit. I guess I wasn't quite as good as hiding my emotions as I thought I was.

He didn't say anything after that. He just looked so tired of all this, of what I was doing. I felt guilty and childish and ashamed of myself for putting him through all this, but I tried to collect myself and make myself remember that I don't care. I was the only person I ever needed in my life and that won't change. I don't need anyone to look after or coddle me and I sure as hell wouldn't let Kuronue start.

I wasn't ready to get close to anyone again.

That's why I didn't understand why I wanted him to call me back when I walked away. I didn't understand why I cared.

I could feel my heartbeat through my fingertips, my face becoming flushed and heated, and it felt as if my head was going to explode out my my chest. I was mentally beating myself up over the fact that I kissed Kuronue. And that I pulled away. And that I didn't want to pull away. But ever since that fucking day at the Pink Flamingo, this whole thing with Kuronue felt wrong. It felt like I was double crossing Yomi. And I almost laughed out loud, because I'm literally breaking up a potential relationship in fear of cheating on the one I never had.

Overall, I felt exhausted and I wanted nothing more than to just immerse myself in my bed and hopefully never wake up. Before I even turned the light on in my apartment, I realized it was already lit.

Speak of the mother fucking devil.

"Yomi?" I called out.

"I was wondering when you'd come back," he gave me a warm smile as he headed towards the kitchen and poured wine into two glasses. "Drink?" the bottle was already a quarter of the way done, and although Yomi was the image of perfection, the smell of alcohol in his breath was prominent.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" my voice was weak as I took his invitation for the wine. It slid down my throat smoothly. It was expensive. So I made sure to take gulps of it to drown out the bitterness I felt over this situation.

"Have you forgotten that this is technically my apartment."

"Is this what you're here for? Are you going to kick me out? Cause if you are, can this wait till morning or something?" I chugged the rest of the wine down my throat and slammed the glass on the table, reaching out to pour myself another round.

Yomi's lips curved up to a smile as he motioned for me to stand next to him. "Why do you always associate me as the bearer of bad news?"

"When are you not?"

He frowned at that statement and took the glass out of my fingers. I glared at him and tried to snatch it back, but he was faster as he grabbed my wrist and pinned it to the counter top behind me.

"When did you start acting this way?" his brown eyes bore into mine and I lost all will to push him away.

"When did you start fucking caring?" I spat back, lacking any real venom to my tone.

"You shouldn't talk to me that way," Yomi murmured. He managed to move us both until he had both my arms pinned above the wall near my fridge. I've been in this position so many times it almost felt natural. I almost forgot he had a wife and a kid and a whole fucking different life. I almost forgot I wasn't allowed to touch him anymore.

"We're off duty Yomi. You aren't my boss right now so cut the bullshit." I tried to wriggle away, but he just clenched his jaw as he gripped my arms tighter.

"That man a few days ago. Who was he?" he asked a bit more gently this time.

I felt my fingers clench as I tried looking at the ground beneath me.

"No one."

The same gutted feeling I had in my stomach grew stronger. Kuronue wasn't a no one. He was very much a someone, and the more I tried to deny it, the more it became true.

"Now it's my turn to call bullshit," Yomi had that possessive edge in his voice that I missed hearing. Except this wasn't bedroom talk. He was angry, and I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it.

"I told you, we haven't done anything. He's just a friend."

He smelled like his aftershave and ink. Like leather bound books and fresh paper. Like expensive wine.

I wanted to melt in him.

His grip was going to leave bruises on my wrists and I remembered the times he would kiss them the next morning. "I don't believe you," he loosened my tie and undid a couple buttons of my dress shirt, he dipped his head until he mouthed the sensitive area where my neck and shoulder met.

"You don't have to believe me if you want. There are things I would like to not believe myself," I tried to keep my voice leveled, but he caught my discomfort as he brought his head back up, loosening his grip on my wrists until he wasn't holding them up anymore.

"Is this about Natsuko?" he fully pulled away from me as I rubbed the area where he held me.

"So that's her name," I felt a small hollow smile forming on my lips. A beautiful name for a beautiful woman. I pulled away from him and grabbed my drink, god knows I needed it.

He looked uncomfortable as he began to talk. "There have been times where I wanted to tell you about Natsuko and Shura..."

I drank in silence, not sure whether I wanted to hear his explanation or not.

"I actually tried to keep it very hidden, to you and everyone else. Affairs are usually frowned upon on the public eye you know," he tried laughing but it fell flat.

"What are you exactly trying to get from this?" I downed the last drops of my second glass. The drinks were a good five minutes apart and I was already beginning to feel a slight buzz.

"Whatever we had. It wasn't meaningless to me Kurama," he tried to brush a lock behind my ear but I slapped his hand away.

"You shouldn't touch me. You aren't allowed to touch me anymore." Even if I tried my hardest, I couldn't fake a smile. It's as though the muscles on my face refused to curve up. I held no spite in my tone, just pure cold facts. He was the CEO of a very important company, he had a wife, a kid. There was no room in his perfect life for someone like me.

"That wont stop me," he stepped towards me until I was backed up into the wall again, and he pulled me into a heated kiss before I could say anything. The subtle tang from the wine hit my tongue and something inside me ached as if trying to grasp and collect the last moments we had together.

I turned my face to the side the moment he tried to dip in for another kiss, but I didn't bother pushing him away either. "You're such a dick you know that? You come in here with your fucking bottle of wine with your stupid face and your stupid voice to harass me about some guy that you really have no right to ask me about. Then you proceed to spout shit about caring about me and that's just wrong cause then you'll put these ideas in my head..." I trailed off, not bothering to finish my sentence. I figured he could piece in the rest.

"And then what?" he gripped my side. "You know me well enough to know I don't lie. I might hide secrets, but I promise that I will never lie to your face. So when I say you mean something to me, I expect you not to take my words lightly,"

I don't know whether it was a combination of my frustration and the wine, but either one of those caused me to push him away roughly. He took a couple steps back as he stared at me with a startled expression. I was angry at him and I was angry at myself for allowing me to be this affected by this whole thing.

"And then what?" I sneered. "Say hypothetically you do have feelings for me. Say that you care about me enough for me to mean something to you. Exactly that Yomi. And then what?" I wanted to yell, I wanted to thrash and scream and throw a tantrum that involved shattered glass and a string of curses, but I bit my tongue and clenched my fists and took a deep breath so I could handle this the most adult way I knew how to.

"What are you going to do? Continually cheat on your wife and fuck me on the side until someone notices something. It isn't safe for the both of us and you know it."

All I wanted was to heed his words, to kiss him back, to say fuck it all to everything until this whole conversation ends up with crumpled clothes and naked limbs. But I cared about Yomi far too much to let my selfish desires to come before his life.

He was a highly respected public figure. I was no one. If anything, it would affect him more than me. I've actually thought about this for a while enough for me to put my own personal desires over what's important. If it were up to me, I would have continued whatever we had. I would have ignored the fact that he had a family that looked forward to seeing him every night and that he had years and years of devoting his time to build this company from the ground up only to have it wrecked due to the likes of me.

He had a stable life with people who looked up to him and a family that loved him. He deserved something as secure and boring and absolutely perfect. Yomi deserved the best because he was the best. And I was angry because that cookie cutter image of his so called perfect life had no room for a straggling thief he managed to pick up and keep.

He stared at me for a while, astonished by what I said, but he only nodded and slightly slumped his shoulders.

"You're right. I don't know what I was thinking."

His kiss still burned my lips. The place where his fingers held my hips felt hot. And I had a burning feeling of nostalgia. I missed him. God I missed him. And having Yomi stand in front of me only hurt me more.

"You should leave now." The words felt like lead as they rolled off my tongue. I gripped the counter and stared at the stupid coffee stained coaster so I wouldn't have to stare at his stupid face.

I could see his hand reach out for me, but he stopped. "Kurama... I'm really sorry," he said with the utmost sincerity.

I felt my hands shake. I didn't want him to see me crumple into a disgusting mess.

"It's cool. But I'm keeping the damn wine."

After I downed the rest of the bottle, being alone on a Saturday night with only Twilight Zone reruns to keep you company actually sucked. Not like it sounded cool in the first place. I was drunk, I was probably depressed, and hearing Rod Serling's voice drone on in the background didn't do much for me.

So, being the stupid person that I am, I called Kuronue.

. . . . .

"I seriously thought this was a sick prank when you decided to text me at eleven in the fucking night inviting me back to your apartment," Kuronue said as he stumbled into my apartment, cheeks flushed pink and hair a bit mussed. He definitely had a few drinks in him as he moved past me and plopped down onto my couch.

"So like. What's the deal with you and all?" Kuronue waved a circle in front of his face with his hands, as he made a face at me.

He was definitely more than a few drinks in.

"What?" I played dumb.

"Don't give me that shit again Kurama," he whined. "I mean it's cool how you're cool. With the not giving a fucking about what other people think. And I admit it's kind of hot. And by kind of hot I mean reaaaalllly hot, but you're so fucking frustrating," he laid down on my couch and propped his head up on the arm.

"And why am I so frustrating?" I asked him, amused by his state. I was probably as drunk as he was but I was better at hiding it.

"You can be soooo fucking chill one moment and then like stone cold the next. I mean sometimes I feel like we're getting somewhere you know, then I do something wrong and then everything gets fucked over. Like today, you fucking kissed me then pushed me away and now you're inviting me to your house and I'm so confused but I don't care cause the room is spinning," he sighed as he stared up at the ceiling.

I took a deep breath and made my way towards him. Slinking in with slow steps, I felt him stare at me as I licked my lips in anticipation. I climbed onto the couch as straddled him.

He stared, perplexed, as his cheeks began to redden. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked as I started unbuttoning my shirt.

"Wanna have sex?" I asked him bluntly. For a second he didn't reply, but before I even managed to blink, he pulled my shirt and brought me down to a fiery kiss that tasted of white rum and a hint of lime and mint.

"You were drinking a fucking mojito before you came here weren't you?"

He nodded and closed his eyes, concentrating until he said, "Zinfandel, early 90's"

"What the fuck?" he could have been speaking gibberish for all I knew.

"The wine you were drinking. Kurama, don't you dare tell me you downed a perfectly good bottle of vintage wine to get drunk," he groaned.

I shrugged. "It was a present. And how do you know so much about wine?"

"I had a friend who was studying to be a sommelier, I picked up a couple of things from them," he replied. "Where did you get the wine?" he suddenly asked, as he sat up. I lost my balance and fell backwards.

"What the hell was that for!" I yelled, pulling myself up as I sat back on his lap.

"You said the wine was a present. Who gave it to you?"

"Who the fuck cares. I'm just trying to get laid," I groaned.

"It was Yomi wasn't it?" he seemed completely sober now. I crawled off of him and out of the couch.

"And if it was?"

"Then that's a pretty big fucking deal." He seemed agitated by my answer, but I only glared at him.

"You want me. Everyone can fucking see it to the point where it's sickening. And when I finally give you the chance to fuck me, you talk about someone else."

"Well yea. I do want you. And I'm not trying to hide it either."

"You didn't seem to mind sticking your hands down my pants at the Pink Flamingo! What made you change your fucking mind now!" I was exasperated. All I wanted to do was fool around. I was done having long conversations. All I wanted was to be fucked hard enough to forget everything that happened today.

"It's different now!" Kuronue yelled back, equally as irritated.

"How the fuck is it different! If you want a person, then you want them! There's no fucking in between!"

"There's a difference between wanting someone physically and valuing someone for who they are. And I—" he stopped for a brief moment, and I could see the blood run up to his cheeks. "And I like you. A lot," he finished.

"Well yea. I've known for a while that you like me, so why won't you fuck me?" I asked dumbly. I might have looked desperate at this moment, but I swore I wasn't. This whole situation was annoying me and the argument we were having didn't seem to register properly.

"You didn't listen to me at all did you? For someone who holds themselves up so high, you're kind of an idiot," he sighed. "I value you Kurama. You're not just some quick fuck that I get for one night and never meet again. I want to get to know you and romantic shit like that."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't get why we can't do that and sleep together."

"Because I don't want to be your fucking rebound." He got up, and seemed a lot more sober than he was five seconds ago. He looked so certain of what he was, so knowing. He held a sadness in his eyes that I couldn't quite place, but it was a sadness that spoke only from experience.

I sat down on the wooden table in front of the TV and slumped over in a perfect display of pathetic.

"Then why are you here?" the wine still made my limbs feel relaxed and limber, but my mind was completely awake.

"I wanted to see if you were okay."

"Why?" I asked, quieter than I'd expected myself to be.

"Because I care about you. Because that's what friends do," he listed, as if these answers were supposed to be obvious. To regular people, maybe these were easy things to answer. But my life relied on a very strict give and take policy. People didn't do nice things unless they were expecting something in return.

"I hate you. I hate you so fucking much," I gritted my teeth. Right now I didn't want a friend. I wanted something tangible, something physical. I didn't want comforting words and sweet nothings whispered in my ear. I wanted something that was rough and brutal and enough to make me sore in the morning so I wouldn't have to remember everything from this night.

Kuronue's eyes darkened and his face was unreadable. He grabbed my wrist and yanked me hard enough to stand up and lose balance. I almost toppled both of us over but his grip was strong.

"I don't care," he growled. For a second I was a bit scared. In the short time I knew him, this was the only time I actually felt threatened by him. "You don't know how hard I'm holding back right now," he let out a shaky breath, his grip on me tightening.

"Believe me when I say I would want nothing more than to bury myself so far deep in you till the only thing you'd be screaming is my name," he whispered against my ear. He began trailing hot kisses along my neck, and I found myself frozen, gripping the fabric on his dress shirt. "And you'd be fucking incredible. I'd worship you, learning every part of you, making sure not to miss anything until the only thing you could think about was me," he nipped at my earlobe and steadied me until his hands were placed possessively on my hips.

"Then why don't you?" I swallowed hard and tilted my neck up, giving him more access.

"Because I don't want you to be thinking about someone else when I touch you," he mouthed against my neck. "But I'll make you forget about him. I swear I will use every ounce of persuasion I have to make you focus on only on me," Kuronue promised. He seemed so sure of himself, so confident, I almost wanted to believe him.

If only it was that easy.

(A/N:GAHH IM DONE EDITING THIS I GIVE UP. The more I look at it the more I feel all bleh so i'll just post it. The next chapter will be somewhat longish so stay in tune! Thank you all so much for the sweet messages and I promise I'll try and be more active in writing. Also, please don't get mad at Kurama for being an irritating and indecisive dork, he's going through some rough patches in his life right now)

michaelkitty8: ahaha they're not quite boyfriends, but that doesn't mean they can't be.

Mew: Let's just say Kuronue has had some time to learn a lot about kindness and patience.