(A/N: Trigger warning for self harm)

. . . . .

I found that a good way to categorize people was to treat them as books. Some were more reserved, mysterious and unopened. They were the ones that go unnoticed, who barely spoke, no matter what page you turn to, it would just be another page after blank page. Others were read so many times, with tattered pages and dog ear flaps, their stories so predictable to the point of being cliché. Then there was Kuronue, so readable, so fucking open that you would not expect the next page to be so barren of print. And then you come to the realization that maybe you don't understand as much as you think you do.

. . . . .

"Oi, who said you could be seen with me in public?" an apathetic voiced called out. I could recognize that tone anywhere. Shizuru Kuwabara was one of the few people I interacted with around the editorials section. She was trendy and professional, with a hint of sarcasm in her voice when being talked down to. She was cool and approachable to the newbies, yet guarded when it came to anything other than work. And I mainly liked her because one time she bribed me with a soda, asking if she could braid my hair. I got a free Sierra Mist and a hairdo that day, as she told me her dream about owning a beauty shop.

"Hey, I didn't come here for you sis," a much more gruff voice shouted back as I realized whose voice that belonged to. "Just tell me where Kurama works."

Oh wow. If I held Shizuru and Kazima's photo side by side, I would have never guessed they were siblings.

"He's right there," she pointed to me and pulled out a pack of her cigarettes. "Now stop wasting my lunch time baby brother, I could be using these precious moments for something more important. Like smoking."

"I thought you said you quit!" he gaped, trying to reach for the pack, but ended up stumbling forward instead.

"And I told you to stop being a dork, but look where that got you," Shizuru retorted as she strode away into the elevator. God I loved that woman.

"Hey, what's up man!" One thing I liked about Kuwabara is his uncanny ability to change his attitude so quickly. He could be angry for one second, then totally forget about it and switch over to some other emotion.

"Hey.. not to be rude or anything, but what are you doing here?" I knew he had the same lunch time as me, but I still had no idea why he was in my office as of this very moment.

"Kuronue told me to drop this off for you," he said, handing me a very cute looking disposable bento box, the exterior decorated with pink and gold peach blossoms.

"He sent you here... to bring me lunch," I said slowly, as if he was talking in gibberish. I don't know if Kuronue made everyone Kuwabara his bitch, but this 'bringing me lunch everyday' was starting to get ridiculous.

"And why did you do it?" I said through squinted eyes.

"I owed him a few favors, plus he begged me, and if you've hung around him for longer than a week, you should realize how hard it is to say no to his face," he told me knowingly as I nodded sympathetically along with him. "Plus, he made it himself and everything. Say, do you and him have something going on? He talks about you an awful lot" he asked, pointing a finger at me.

"Good you buffon, use your context clues," Hiei slow clapped. Kuwabara's face was red with embarrassment as he scrunched his face into a very unpleasing expression. He was about to say something (probably something that would cause a fight during lunch office hours) before I interrupted him.

"Actually no, we're not really together," And I really wasn't lying. We weren't together at all, I mean we've kissed and all that but we weren't official. But we were in that awkward stage of friendship where it would feel like cheating if one of us screwed around with someone else. Feelings were involved and feelings are never good news. Unless Kuwabara had a name for whatever relationship we had, I really couldn't explain it at all myself.

"See, they don't have anything going on shorty!" Kuwabara sneered, holding himself proud. Hiei just scoffed, obviously amused at how dumb Kuwabara was being.

"Like I said, context moron."

"Hey shrimp, who the hell pissed in your cereal?!"

"Hopefully not someone as disfigured as you. I wouldn't let you pee in my cereal, much less touch my stuff. You might contaminate it," Hiei snorted.

"Why you little shit," and that was basically the needle that broke the camels back. And what a weak camel it was. Kuwabara lunged at Hiei, seconds before punching him when a soft voice called his name.

"Kuwabara?" Yukina chimed in. "I haven't seen you since the last time I visited Margeaux."

"A-ah Yukina! I didn't know you worked here!" he stammered, a small blush spreading quickly on his cheeks.

"I'm Mr. Harada's personal assistant," she informed him. "What are you doing here? Do you know Kurama?" If I had a camera with me, I would have snapped a picture of Hiei's face right then and there. He looked like he was about to sock the tall carrot-top when he found out they knew each other. His ears peaked up and he stared hard at his stapler remover, trying to listen in on the conversation.

"Uh yea, he's a friend of a friend. And he's my friend too. But not as good of a friend to me as he is to my other friend," Kuwabara scratched the back of his neck nervously as he completely butchered the english language. Poor thing, he was absolutely head over heels for this girl. "And it's my lunch break so I decided to visit."

"What a surprise, we have the same lunch time!" she exclaimed happily. Kuwabara basically turned into a pathetic heaping puddle of a happiness, and Hiei just looked disgusted.

"Ahaha that's funny!" Kuwabara laughed a little too longer than necessary and spoke a little too loud. "We should eat lunch together sometime or something."

Hiei just simmered quietly in his chair, and I could have sworn I saw steam come out of his head like a dumpling. He was literally hissing at that point as he clamped down hard on his staple remover, probably wondering if it would make a sharp enough weapon.

"I'd like that," Yukina smiled. Hiei stood up from his chair and gripped his desk until his knuckles were white, glaring at Yukina in disbelief. It was at that point I realized how much of an older brother complex Hiei had.

"Hey Yukina! Why don't you show Kuwabara the company cafe, you should compare the pastries here or something," I said, basically pushing the two out of the door.

"Heh, I guess that would be kinda cool," Kuwabara answered with a stupid grin. Thank god he bought it, that was literally the worst excuse I ever gave to people to leave the room, but there was no way Hiei was going to go spilling blood on the proofs I worked so hard to correct. I grabbed Hiei's mouth to shut him up from talking as I waved Kuwabara goodbye. Hiei looked about ready to murder me as he opened his mouth and bit my arm, nearly tearing the fabric.

"That fucking hurt!" I gripped my arm to see a bite mark on my jacket, probably leaving a bruise on my skin. Congratulations Hiei, you are officially the second man who managed to give me a bruise through biting. He angrily walked back to his desk and slumped down, looking so gloomy, I felt slightly bad for not letting him pummel Kuwabara to space and back. I left him alone for the time being, later walking to the nearest Starbucks and buying him the sweetest frappuchino I could find and placing it on his desk before I left. He didn't say anything, staring at the drink before picking it up and taking a sip. I guess that was his own personal way of accepting my apology.

. . . . .

"Put it on," Kuronue said as he thrust an olive green parka roughly my size onto my hands. Without hesitation, I took off my blazer and slipped the damn thing on, I was getting used to Kuronues spontaneity that I just stopped asking what the hell we were doing.

I literally stepped out from doing work all day only to be greeted by Kuronue dressed in dark skinny jeans and a navy parka that looked similar to mine, but there was something a different about him.

"You wear glasses" I said, staring at his stylish black frames. He actually looked kind of hot with them on,

"Well yea, I go around in contacts most of the time. But without some type of vision correction apparatus, I'm basically as blind as a bat," he laughed as he pulled me along.

"I'm not even going to ask where we're going, but can I at least get dressed, I'm wearing Canali!" This suit was the very first thing Yomi ever bought for me, and although I currently hated his guts, it did hold some sentimental value and I didn't want it shredded to pieces.

"Canawhat? And fuck that, I have extra clothes in my car."

"If you're gonna have me put on your stupid uniform, I'm gonna kill you, you know that right?"

"Jesus, you're a prissy one aren't you? I brought jeans and a shirt, I hope that my peasant clothes are good enough for your highness," he replied, adding a little curtsey. I rolled my eyes and made my way into the car.

His clothes actually were pretty good enough seeing how we had extremely similar builds. His forest green shirt fit me nicely and although the dark jeans were a bit too long, it wrapped around my waist snugly.

"This is cool and all, but my house is literally a 15 minute walk and a two minute drive so I have no idea why you had to bring me clothes." I said, testing out the hiking boots. They were half a size a bit too big, but tying the laces super tight helped.

"I didn't really think this whole plan out, but I'm not complaining. Besides, it was a good excuse to see you change in front of me," he laughed.

"Geez, thanks babe," I added sarcastically. I felt myself smiling and being so relaxed and actually looking forward to whatever he was planning. He blushed at the comment and started the engine.

The last time we ever talked was that time in my apartment. Honestly, my head hurt too much to remember it all, I just remember that we kissed, and I got mad, and I ended up with a pounding headache and his legs tangled around mine on that stupid couch we've grown accustomed to.

I've seen a lot of things in this short life, more than most people at least, but this whole thing with Kuronue, it just felt so new yet so comfortable at the same time. Maybe this is how it felt like to be normal boring folks, and if it was, this feeling wasn't half bad.

. . . . .

We drove for a while until we were far out from the city, with only the humming sound of the car and the occasional cattle. I didn't even bother to ask where he was taking me, I was just sort of used to expecting the unexpected when it came to being with Kuronue. We entered a forest with a path paved in for cars, and the scene reminded me eerily of a scene from the Poughkeepsie Tapes.

"You aren't going to rape me and cut up my body, spreading it out in different areas of the city. Are you?" I asked. It was pitch black by now, and the only thing I could see was the road ahead of us as the trees that zoomed past us.

"God sometimes I wonder what's wrong with you."

"Poughkeepsie Tapes," I answered in a bored tone.

"Ahhh," he nodded in understanding. "One time we had a horror movie night back at Margeaux, Poughkeepsie Tapes was one of them by the way. Anyways, we watched The Fourth Kind and Botan had to drive home. She accidentally hit an owl on the road and almost had an aneurysm from the shock, didn't go to work for two days," he laughed at the memory.

"Sucks for the owl."

He assured me that it flew away after, I didn't know if he was telling the truth or not, but I suppose neither of us would ever really know.

"It's kinda cute. How everyone in Margeaux is kind of like your family huh?" I asked, vaguely remembering how it felt like to have a family.

He sported that half-smile that I became familiar with, but there was something somber about it."Yea, you could say Margeaux kind of took me in. Honestly, we're all just a bunch of misfits. We kinda work well that way."

From his tone and the way he gripped the steering wheel a little harder than before, I could tell he wasn't telling me everything, but I didn't push.

The road hit a steady incline as the thicket of trees began to thin out quickly. By the time we were at what I considered the peak of the hill, the land was almost barren, given the occasional tree. He pulled to a stop and reached for something in the back of his car.

"I suppose I should ask where we are," I said, while stepping out of the car. I immediately felt the cold hit my face and hands, and I became thankful of the parka. It was funny how just a few days ago, the sky was burning like hell was about to take over.

"We're here," he stated simply, taking out a picnic blanket. "Help me with this, would you?"

If it weren't for the car lights, I probably wouldn't have seen him at all, but there he was, with a red and white gingham blanket reaching out to me. And this scene, this little command was so insignificant, but I couldn't help feeling that something has or was about to change. This whole car ride seemed a bit different, Kuronue in general seemed different today.

Wordlessly, I helped lay out the blanket. He walked to the car and took out a picnic basket, a couple of pillows, and a blanket.

"Are you seriously trying to have a picnic?"

"Why? Is there something wrong with that?" he asked, as he sat down next to me and handed me a pillow.

"That seems kinda..."

"Kinda what?"

"Gay,"

"Yea. A picnic under the stars is way less gay than playing tonsil hockey don't you think?"

I couldn't see his expression, but I clearly imagined his smirk.

"Shut up."

I heard him laugh, his voice resonating in the night sky. "I wasn't trying to make it a picnic under the stars. I just like bringing food everywhere."

"Then what are we doing here?"

He was quiet for a moment, so quiet that I almost forgot he was laying right next to me.

"You showed me a little of yourself, so I wanted to show you a bit of me," he replied.

"I'm actually kind of confused now," I admitted as I stuck my hand inside the basket, feeling around till I grasped something that felt like an apple.

"It's a place I found a long time ago and it's special to me."

"And why is it so special?" I asked, biting into the apple, hearing the satisfying crunch as my teeth sunk into the flesh.

"I've had pretty important epiphanies happen here, if that explains it. Existential thoughts, shit like that. This sounds kind of stupid, but I really found who I was at this random clearing.

"No, I get you, Sort of," I tried to relate as much as I can. This place was a haven to him, a part of home. A part of Kuronue. So I respected it. "Everyone has that place."

"Yea, but besides being a huge landmark for me, what attracted me here the first place was how beautiful the sky was."

I stared up along with him and only saw black. Save for the stars in the sky. I mean it was pretty, but far from spectacular.

I heard him laugh again. "You don't see it, but give your eyes time to adjust. During summer nights or winter evenings like this one, where the night is clear and there isn't any hint of mist or fog, it can be quite beautiful. The stars will stars will start popping out til the skies are covered with them, sometimes you could even seen the milky way."

"You have no right to call me a flower nerd you star geek."

"Say Kurama, have you ever been star gazing before?"

"Well I mean I guess I have, not seriously though." There have been a few times where I just laid outside and stared at the night sky. It was never really serious and all, there were no fancy telescopes and I was probably surrounded by tons of light pollution, but those few specks of white where always cool to look at.

"I never did either, at least in the beginning. I mean you stare at then but you never really look. Then you start sinking into them, realizing you aren't really that important, you aren't that significant. And you kinda get lost, till there's nothing but the stars, not even yourself," he said, in a low voice. Like he himself was slipping along with his words. I wanted to wake him from this state, wake him up and pull him back to me. But that felt strangely selfish.

I threw my apple core in my opposite direction, hearing it roll on some grass and branches nearby, and with my free hand, covered slightly with apple juice, I held his hand until my fingers locked with his.

"Why did you take me here?" I asked as I waited for my eyes to adjust. The sky became clearer, the stars brighter.

"To show you a piece of myself."

"Why?"

"Because I like you. And you let me see you."

I was intrigued by this conversation, awed by how different it was other than our previous conversations. There was no bantering, no laughter, not even anger. It was just.. personal.

"Then who are you? And is the you I know different from the you you're showing me now?"

"My life wasn't a very happy one, so I try to make do with the life I have now," he replied. "I'm not lying or pretending to be someone else, I just try to be the happiest I can be. But there are times when I can't and I'm in the process of telling myself that it's okay to think that way sometimes."

That stupid goofball that I thought I had wrapped around my finger now became an enigma, and I haven't ever been so stunted when it came to reading someone. I thought I knew everything about Kuronue, and he made it seem like he was an open book, but in reality, I knew very little about him.

"Don't pretend to be okay for other people," I muttered under my breath.

"I'm not being happy for other people. I'm trying to be happy for myself. I decided a while ago that I no longer wanted to be bitter."

I let out a hollow laugh. "Who are you. You're right next to me and I'm holding your fucking hand but I feel like I don't know you at all."

"Really? Cause that's how I feel about you," he chuckled as he held my hand tighter. "My name is Kuronue. I'm a bit fucked up but I'm trying to work on it. My hobbies are baking, reading paranormal stories on the internet, and collecting shiny objects that collect dust in my room. Your turn."

"I like the color green. And red. But not together unless it's Christmas," I told him. The sky was now littered with stars, the cool air didn't seem to bother me anymore.

"My favorite dish is a fruit salad. I can't handle spice. I'm not a vegetarian but I rarely eat meat," he replied back.

It was kind of amazing how long this went on, with us spouting pointless facts about each other. I found out how he likes his coffee, he knows how much sugar I want in my tea, both of us just reciting unimportant sentences about ourselves. This only we know, because they were pointless to point out to other people.

"In kindergarten I thought being Godzilla was a profession and I wrote that I aspired to be him," I added.

"I used to have a pet gerbil and cried really hard when it died. Then I bought an Ouija board to try and resurrect it."

"You're lying."

"I was a weird kid."

"I'm kind of fucked up too," I let out, knowing I crossed territories regarding this list, yet interested to see where it would go.

"I know," he paused as he stroked my hand with his thumb. "I had a feeling you'd be different when I met you. That we'd both get along cause we're the same."

"You mean fucked up?"

"No. Just different."

I pondered at that thought, wondering what he meant. His voice seemed so foreign and far away, I started feeling unsettled.

"Hey Kuronue, what do you really think of me. And be truthful."

He didn't even falter with his response. "Terrifying is the first thing that comes to mind. Intelligent. Cliche's aside, a bit damaged, but willing to swallow it down, not because of pride, but because of something greater. And what do you think of me?"

"I think you're completely different from what I thought you were a couple of days ago. Nonetheless thoughtful, eager, stubborn, loyal, and with all cliches aside for you, maybe a little broken. Maybe more that I thought originally."

"Originally?" he asked, his voice raising a bit.

"Forget it."

I heard him breathe deeply before continuing talking.

"How did you know?" he asked. He sounded scarily empty.

"How did I know what?"

"About the cutting. Every time every since we came back from that botanical garden, I'd always catch you staring at my arm."

Now it was my turn to take a deep breath. I intentionally gave him a way out of this conversation, but I never expected him to want to continue. He was just so closed off about everything else.

"I didn't know. I was just speculating."

"Yes but how," he said more urgently

"Minor observations, how it was always hot and you would never take your sweater off. You'd focus a lot on your arms. Mostly how you acted. You make yourself out to be a very open person, so it's easy to tell where you're trying to hide something. Although I do admit I wasn't entirely sure that was the case. You're good at throwing people off their intended trail."

"I can't hide anything from you can I? You say you don't know me but you see right through me. " his voice sounded so unfamiliar, so unlike him. "I don't... I don't want you to think differently of me."

I suspected that something was up with him. I knew it was some type of scar, some type of disfigurement, but I still had no idea how it looked like or how he got it. I imagined dozens of white and pink scars lining his skin, or maybe a bionic arm, and for some time, it did intrigue me. But, after a while, I decided I no longer cared.

"As long as the person I'm talking to is really you, then I don't care. No matter what happened, or who you were before, I don't care."

I saw a black shadow that looked a lot like a hand, as my view of the stars were covered momentarily,

only to be replaced with a pair of soft lips against mine.

"You're amazing, you know that?"

"You didn't care where I came from. Why should I?"

He rolled off of me and plopped down next to me. "I guess you're right."

I was suddenly in awe as I became aware of how many colors and lights were actually in the sky. There were huge of dark blue and purple, and there was a tiny strip of the sky that seemed to stretch out in a cluster against the night sky.

"What's that hazy thing up there?"

"That's the Milky Way. You're pretty lucky, tonight was perfect for star gazing. You don't get to see this with city lights."

"No kidding," I replied. I began losing myself, losing track of time, not caring about the numbing coldness, not caring how chapped my lips were, how Yomi's lips used to feel. How warm they were.

"Kurama..." Kuronue called out my name, a nervous edge in his tone. "Can I tell you one more thing?"

"Mhmmm," I answered through half lidded eyes.

"I'm terrified of you," he admitted as he reached out for my hand again. "I'm scared of how much I like you." There was something off about the way he said it, it wasn't said to flatter me, he truly sounded unsettled. I grasped his hand again, feeling comforted by the contact.

"Don't be."

I inhaled sharply, the temperature dropped considerably and I could see the little puffs of cold breath leaving my mouth. Even with the parka, it was almost unbearably cold, but the glittering black was so beautiful that I didn't want to leave. I felt submersed with my surroundings, smelling the grass and the forming dew and the slight smell of bakery bread. I felt like I could have disappeared, like the earth was about to swallow me up, the only thing anchoring me back into consciousness was feeling the warmth on Kuronue's hand in mine.

"I like you too Kuronue."

I felt his grasp tighten, and I felt good.

I felt okay.

(A/N: Thank you so much guys for staying with me. And for those of you who still read Novus Initium, it may have seemed like forever but I WILL update it soon. I promise. I don't lie. Only sometimes. When I want to get out of trouble. But besides the point, I know many of you have missed our favorite bat, but he is back for many more scenes to come. The next chapter will clear up a lot of who Kuronue really was so stay tuned! Again, thanks so much for reading, it means a lot.)