(A/N: Is that some plot I hear? Why, yes it is! Also I wrote the ending half of this chapter while listening to Sam Smith's "I Know I'm Not The Only One" On repeat. For the past two days. Oh boy. )
I've been spending a lot of time with Kuronue, enough to make it seem like we were together, which I'm still not sure if we are. Sometimes I just find myself strolling along the park or near a street block only for my feet to end up in the front of his apartment and other times he'll just knock on my door with a bunch of cult movies that are sometimes "so bad that it's good" accompanied with popcorn and a variety of generic cinema snacks. We were falling into a habit of routine comfort that I wasn't sure how long it would last. For some reason, happiness just doesn't tend to stick for people like Kuronue and I.
I could cook. I wasn't a master of it, and I definitely didn't have over five years of training for making the perfect petite fours for an afternoon tea like Kuronue did, but I could make something substantial and tasty enough for me to live off of something that doesn't have the same consistency as dried cardboard. Even with my fantastic ability to cook pasta without burning it, my culinary level versus Kuronues was heavily outmatched, still, I wanted to at least try and make something for him. Even if I managed to burn half the city trying to make his lunch, I knew Kuronue would appreciate it cause he was stupid like that. Stupid yet undeniably cute.
In the end I ended up making soup. Everything was either too difficult, required too much time, or required some kitchen appliances I didn't have. I made my mother's soup if that added credibility to the simple recipe. The ingredients were common, just some mushrooms, zucchini's, different types of squashes, and a hint of nutmeg. Although it was super quick and easy to make, the soup had such a distinct and specific taste, that it dug up the feeling of nostalgia and memories I forgot I had. Along with that, I made some ambrosia. It wasn't exactly made from fruit picked from the gardens of Valhalla and the honey wasn't made with the nectar of the god's so I just had to settle for store bought items.
I ended up making a lot more than I anticipated, probably enough to feed a small village, and so that's how I ended up in front of Margeaux with a giant pot full of soup. I got some strange looks, seeing how I was carrying something literally half my size while using oven mitts that were shaped like a ducks head.
"Kurama.. is that you?" a soft voice called out as I heard the wind chime jingle while Keiko opened the door for me.
"Uh.. yea. Would Kuronue be here by any chance. I bought him some soup." I said, awkwardly holding up the large pot.
"Is there a special occasion or something? You bought an awful lot," she eyed the massive pot.
"No, this is just payback for all the times he gave me food."
"That's so sweet, now only if my own boyfriend could do that for me," she sighed as an angry Yusuke walked up next to her.
"I literally asked you like a week ago to be my girlfriend! I'm new to all this couple crap!" he defended himself as Keiko walked away from him with a little "hmph".
"Would it kill you not to make me look so bad in front of my girl? I swear to god you and Kuronue are like the golden couple of the century."
"We're not—"
"Yea whatever, let me see if he's in the kitchen," Yusuke cut me off as he dashed to the back of Margeaux. With anyone else I'd be pissed, but I found it hard to be mad at anything that had to do with Kuronue, friends included.
"He'll be right out in a moment!" Botan yelled, as she came out from where Yusuke vanished off to.
"Do you guys have some communication system going on here?" I asked as I realized I talked to three different people about the same subject in what seemed like a span of two seconds.
"You can't hide anything in Margeaux. Anything." she whispered the last part. Botan wore pastel blue high waist pants and a simple black crop top with the words "sift happens" spelled in white cursive, with the addition of actual flour on her clothes.
"I mean, I could come back if he's not ready." In truth, I really didn't want to carry this huge pot back to my apartment. The walk here was embarrassing enough, but the crew at Margeaux were the people who wouldn't bat an eye at this kind of thing.
"Nonsense! Kuronue will me with you in a moment. In fact—" she looked over her shoulder, put her hand next to her mouth and yelled, "Kuronue, hurry in there, you have a special visitor waiting for you out here in the front!"
I heard the chime of Margeaux's bell ring as another customer entered, and I turned around just in time to see a small boy that looked to be around six run up into my not boyfriend's arms.
"Shura!" he laughed as he twirled the brat around. "I haven't seen you in months!"
Shura giggled as his Kuronue let him down. "Sorry about that," his mother called out apologetically."I haven't taken him here in a while but he was so excited to see you. All he kept talking about was the man who makes the honey bread."
Her voice sounded like a nightingale, and I assumed she was beautiful, but she stood sideways from me where her giant sunhat covered most of her face. She wore a black pencil skirt paired up with a crisp white blouse and sensible heels with jewelry that screamed money, but didn't overdo it. Shit, even the kid looked well dressed. He had on navy blue pants with a matching knitted vest that had the crest of St. Dominics boy's preparatory school which was located just a couple miles out of the city. Everyone knew that school, that's where young boys were primed for greatness. It had a bunch of other connecting schools and all the kids who came out of there would end up either taking over their father's business or becoming president or something like that.
Kuronue just about gushed at the woman's statement as I stared at him coddling another man who was approximately half my size. I felt strangely betrayed and neglected, thankfully, Botan noticed my distress.
"I'm sorry to interrupt you Kuronue, but the person I was talking about is behind you," she said, tapping his shoulder.
He tore himself away from Shura and met my totally unjealous gaze.
"Kurama! What are you doing here?" he exclaimed happily as he stood up and tried to hug me, but decided not to when he noticed the huge pot. "What's this?"
"I have the day off so I made you lunch. And dinner. And maybe a bit more after that," I laughed pathetically as he took the pot from my hands and placed it on a nearby table and then proceeded to pull me into a huge bear hug.
"Thank you so much you didn't have to!" he literally looked like he was about to kiss me, and if there weren't customers around, he probably would have done just that.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but did you say Kurama?" the lady asked politely. I turned around and I wished I hadn't.
"My husband works at a company nearby and he's always talking about one of his workers named Kurama. Would you be him?"
I was staring into the face of Natsuko Harada. I looked to Kuronue who looked just as paralyzed as I was. The gorgeous woman stared at me in concern as I just continued giving her a blank stare.
"I'm so sorry, where are my manners. I'm Natsuko Harada. Yomi's wife, he works at Enma Publishing down the street? I really hope you're the Kurama he was talking about or this whole thing will be so embarrassing," she laughed nervously.
I gained my composure enough to give her a faint nod while managing to croak out a 'yes'.
"Oh thank goodness!" she looked relieved. "He always talks about you when he's at home, you're somewhat of his protegee if you didn't know," she told me like it was the only secret between us. Like I didn't fuck her husband for a year without her knowing.
"So Shura's Yomi's..." Kuronue's voice trailed off, looking horrified. I almost felt more bad for him than myself.
"Yes, we found this place around a year ago when his assistant Yukina told me about it. She said Margeaux had the best desserts in town, and ever since then, it's been Shura's favorite place. Isn't that right sweetheart?" she knelt next to him and pinched his cheek, which he responded with a fit of giggles. Now that I looked at the kid, he looked like a straight up clone of Yomi. His same dark hair, hazel eyes, even the way he pouted.
"Well uh.." Kuronue cleared his throat and grabbed two menus. "What will it be today then? The usual?"
"Actually, I wanted to reserve one of your rooms if you guys wouldn't mind. I finally had time to get my husband out of his hectic schedule so I decided to invite him over for lunch. It's been quite lovely, for the past few months he's had more days off than usual," she added with a smile.
I felt my stomach drop, and thank god I wasn't holding that pot of soup, cause all of it would have been on the floor right now. My first instinct was to just bolt out the door, the second was to take Kuronue with me. I could barely handle the truth from Yomi, much less the physical thing, and Kuronue made an excellent buffer for all this.
"Yea, Daddy's coming!" Shura jumped up and down and that only made me want to upchuck my lunch even more. Well I guess there were two people in this room who has called Yomi by that moniker before.
"Kurama, you said you had the day off right? You should join us for lunch. I'm sure my husband wouldn't mind, neither would Shura. Right honey?" Shura gave a shy nod as he hid behind his mother's legs.
"I mean I really shouldn't intrude, after all, this is a family function." My body was going into pure panic mode, the only times I felt this nervous was during near death experiences.
"Nonsense! I insist!"
I looked to Kuronue, but he looked just as lost as I did. Idiot. Now's not the time for both of us to be catatonic.
"Kurama didn't you have to do that thing.. soon?" he began.
"Yea, that's why I'm late. For that thing I had to so somewhere else," I finished helplessly.
I could see the disappointment in her face, but there was no way I was eating with Yomi's family. It would be like watching a horrible melodrama, but I was in it, and I was the mistress.
Suddenly, Shura ran to the door with a little shout as he grabbed onto what was now Yomi's leg.
"Honey, you made it!" She walked up to her husband and kissed him on the cheek while he picked Shura up and carried him.
"Aww, aren't they the cutest most well dressed family you've ever seen. I'm serious, they belong in a magazine or something," Botan quipped in as she walked to the front. Kuronue and I didn't answer.
"Yomi, I ran into one of your workers. The one you always talked about?"
Yomi turned his head and stared straight at me, and for a moment I was scared that he was about to drop Shura on his head. But Yomi was always better at keeping up appearances, and he quickly shook out of the moment of realization to give me a polite nod.
"Kurama, what a surprise seeing you here."
"Likewise," I answered through gritted teeth. He stared at my duck oven mitts, but I was far too tense to feel embarrassed. I was feeling way too many emotions right now, there was no way I was going to let some oven mitts be at the top of my list.
"And what would bring you here?" he asked.
"I brought Kuronue some food. You remember him right? He was my friend from before," I plastered on a smile as I motioned to Kuronue.
I've known Yomi long enough to read his subtle hints to know he was irritated, but by the way he glowered at Kuronue, he wasbeyond pissed.
"Ah yes, nice to meet again," Yomi said, in a voice that could murder. He held out his hand, and to my surprise, Kuronue took it.
"Believe me, the pleasure is all mine," Kuronue said with an equally hard tone.
"It's so nice how everyone knows each other, I rarely get to meet Yomi's friends since I'm always cooped up in the house all day," Natsuko said obliviously, unable to feel the thick tension in the room. "Yomi, if you don't mind, I invited Kurama here for lunch. It would be nice to hear what Enma publishing does from an actual employee, I always ask Yomi but he's so vague when it comes down to it," she laughed.
I expected him to give some excuse on how I couldn't join, but he only smiled and agreed.
"Of course dear, if you hadn't thought of it, then I would have asked myself," he said more to Kuronue rather than me. I've seen that look before, it was possessive and intimidating. A warning if anything. And I also knew that Yomi loved nothing more than a competition.
Botan ushered all of us into a nearby private room, leading us like a flock of sheep. I followed wordlessly with a heavy feeling in my stomach. I knew this wasn't a good idea, but I was so curious to see what would happen in this whirlwind of events.
Yomi had whatever was on the lunch special, Natsuko opted for the High Tea, and Shura has his usual, a brick toast filled with green tea and vanilla ice cream, topped with fruit and extra whipped cream. I opted for just tea, anything else would have probably made my already upset stomach worse.
"Careful it's hot," Kuronue whispered next to my ear as he put my drink down. He was close enough for Yomi to notice, and he didn't even bother trying to hide his smirk.
"So your branch of Enma publishing fixes the errors for the final print?" she asked in awe.
"It's actually not that much. We're just sort of proof readers, and sometimes we nag authors to finish their deadlines if necessary. But different people do different things."
I thought this lunch was going to end up with crying children and spilt drinks, but it was surprisingly really relaxed, with Natsuko mostly doing the talking and Yomi just nodding along, looking at me through hooded eyes. As much as I hated Yomi, I couldn't manage to hate Natsuko. She seemed so pure and filled with only good intentions, like a younger version of my mother.
This life seemed so vanilla, so perfect, that I understood how someone as dark as Yomi could go for someone like me. I was a way to satiate whatever fucked up thing he wanted. He kept me hidden, like a piece of some other world his wife knew nothing about.
Our conversation was interrupted by a loud wail as Shura dropped the remaining ice cream on his cashmere vest.
"Shura! You have got to be more careful!"
Shura looked down at his lap in embarrassment as his mother just clicked her tongue. Yomi laughed in all his fatherly glory and I suddenly felt very off in this whole scene. Yomi was kind to his workers and business partners, but seeing him interact with intermediate family members just looked so unlike the Yomi I knew. Even during sex he had this air of professionalism, but seeing him with his family, he just looked so relaxed, so himself.I felt a pang of jealousy, wondering if he ever felt that way with me.
"I'm sorry, let me just clean my son up for a moment and then we can continue this conversation," Natsuko suggested as she walked Shura to the nearest bathroom, chastising him on his clumsiness. I actually didn't want her to leave, she was the wall that kept all the tension out, because of her I wouldn't have to interact with Yomi.
Once the echos of her footsteps were far enough not to be heard, the whole demeanor of the room changed as Yomi looked at me with such intensity, for a second I found it hard to move.
"You know, it's kinda funny. I didn't know this woman existed for more than a year, and now I'm meeting the whole family," I leaned back against my chair in attempt to look unfazed.
"Well, this was quite a turn of events," he said as his pursed his lips.
"Natsuko. She seems lovely," I said with a small voice, talking sips from my tea. "So is Shura. He looks just like you, you know."
"He does, they're wonderful," he said with such honestly and guilt, which only made me angrier.
"Then why the hell am I even here?" I wanted to sound spiteful, but I was taken back when I ended up sounding wrecked. Was he showing off what he had? I tried so hard being normal around him, but I had no idea how much it would hurt to see him so... okay without me.
"I wanted to see you," he sipped his tea, not saying much else.
I pursed my lips and looked down at my tea, no longer feeling angry. I just felt sad, like my throat was going to close up forever. "Please don't say that," I said dryly. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't fair, that seeing him physically hurt, that I could not get over someone who set up such an impact on my life as easily as he could. He had people he could fall back on, and I was only beginning to trust Kuronue.
"And why not? I'm not doing anything that would make you mad am I? And I apologize if you didn't want to see me here, but I assure you it's completely accidental—"
"Just.. cut the crap okay?" I pleaded, running my hand through my hair in exasperation. "I'm too tired to act like I don't give a shit, but I do."
"About joining me for lunch?"
"No," I sighed and didn't look up from my tea. "I loved you Yomi, and I'm still not sure if I still do. And it wasn't super hard to act like I didn't care when I would be at work... but seeing the tangible evidence.. I can't."
"You didn't act like you had a problem with anything. Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Because besides you, pride is the only thing I've got!" I yelled, standing up and knocking my tea over. The scalding liquid spilled onto my hand, and I quickly retracted it, yelling a string of colorful curses. I knew the more words I spilled, the more I felt my so called "pride" draining me.
"You... you really fucked me up," I admitted, feeling every ounce of dignity disappear from my body. "And it wasn't that you treated me like shit. It's because you did the opposite, to the point where maybe I thought I could have been more than your project," I said while holding my injured arm against my chest.
"You are not my project and you never have been!" Yomi yelled back at my face, all of the calm features replaced with a look that could only be described as disbelief. "After all this time I thought you left cause you couldn't stand the sight of me, and now you're telling me otherwise. But everything I've ever done for you was never because I saw you as my project," he spat the last word out with as much vile as I felt. "Kurama, the only reason I let you walk away from me was because I thought you wanted to. I tried to respect you and give you your space, but if I'd known this was how you felt I would have never done it."
He reached up and gingerly touched my face, and I allowed myself to lean into the touch, close my eyes, and remember the feeling.
"You have me running back like an obedient lap dog and I fucking hate it," I murmured.
"You don't really know what you do to me either," he chuckled. I felt him lean in, and he looked like he was about to speak when the door barged open, with Shura running into his fathers arms.
"We're back, hopefully we weren't gone for too long— oh my god! Kurama, your hand!" she gasped as I stared at the pink flesh. It only hit me there that I scorched my skin.
"Oh, uh yea I spilled some of my tea," my face was the same shade of pink as my hand and I was so flustered that I didn't hear Kuronue walk into the room.
"Is everything alright in here?" he asked, staring at the scene. Natsuko and Shura were oblivious to what just happened, but Kuronue could tell by my surprised expression that something was up.
"I warned you that it was hot," Kuronue clicked his tongue and motioned for me to walk over to him. "Come on, I think we have some bandages in the back,"
"E-excuse me for a moment," I said as Kuronue grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of the room. After a quick cold rinse at the nearest sink, he gripped my hand tighter as he took me to what could only the makeshift office of Margeaux.
Unlike Margeaux's large size, this room was rather small and cluttered with filing cabinets and a sad excuse for a work desk, equip with the stereotypical light bulb that had to be activated by pulling a string. Everything was and unorganized messy and it looked as though it's been preserved since the early 17th century with a light coating of dust on every surface.
"Sit." he commanded as he rummaged through the cabinets. There were no chairs in sight, so I opted for the corner of the desk, pushing away a stack full of papers in the process of finding a clear space to place myself on.
"It's nothing I can't handle. It's just a small burn."
He ignored me as he took my hand, and with the utmost care, started bandaging it.
"This is just like when I cleaned you up that one night," I laughed, trying to get him to join in my conversation, but he remained quiet, focused on fixing my hand.
"Kuronue.. is there something wrong..?" I asked him. He finished bandaging up my arm, inspecting it to make sure it wasn't loose.
His face was unreadable, his mouth in a hard line. "Kurama, tell me straight up. What are we?" he continued staring at my hands as I sat there stunned, unable to answer.
"What the hell do you mean what are we?"
"What. Am I. To you," he said slowly, his fists clenched hard on the table.
"You're a good friend, maybe more. I don't know. I don't know what you want me to say," I stuttered defensively. "Why are you asking me this now?"
"Kurama, I like you a lot, more than I like most people. And fuck—maybe even more than like. But I will swallow it all down and forget everything that happened between us was nothing if you still aren't over Yomi," he finally stared at me, his voice tried to remain steady, but I could sense the hurt.
"I don't want to to this now."
"Please!" he slammed his fist next to me and stared at me with such intensity, I was petrified for a moment. "I'm fine if you're not serious about me. In fact, it would probably be better for the both of us, but tell me. Nothing will change, I just want to know if I'm allowed to fall deeper or not."
"You're being way too dramatic."
"I'm being careful." he corrected me.
"There is nothing to be careful about, I've told you a billion times, I'm over him."
"And I'm telling you you're not."
"How would you know that and not me?" I scoffed.
"Because I look at you all the damn time! And if you gave me even a quarter of the look you give Yomi, then maybe I'd be a little less intense over this whole matter! And how can I not be stressed out when you can't even explain to me what I am to you."
"I didn't know what Yomi was to me either!"
"Obviously someone you cared for a lot," his voice was laced with such jealousy, I wanted to slap him out of that mentality.
"So are you! I made you soup for fucks sake! I don't make soup for people!"
"Although the soup was great, it doesn't fix anything!" he yelled back at me.
"Goddammit Kuronue," I muttered before pulling him by the collar and planting a kiss squarely on his lips. I felt his body tense up, but I merely nibbled his bottom lip to gain better access into his mouth. Since he didn't believe a word I said, this was the only way to prove it to him. But in the back of my mind, I didn't really believe my own words either.
He pulled away, his face flushed in pink. "Fine, I'll back off." he sounded disappointed as he placed his forehead against mine. "We can talk about this later I guess."
"You don't have to be so goddamn insecure all the time Kuronue. I don't exactly have a name for what we are right now, but that doesn't mean I don't care. I've invested way too much time with you to just drop you out of the picture."
He looked up, and for a moment he looked like he was about to cry. But he swallowed down whatever he felt as it was his turn to shut me up. He kissed me frantically, like this was the last time he was ever going to touch me again. He kissed me like he was trying to prove something to himself, like he was trying to prove my words were true. Like he wanted to believe they were. I didn't stop him, I just kissed him back.
After making sure my hair didn't look like a hurricane ran through it, I made my way back to the tea room with Kuronue standing close behind me. I politely said my goodbyes and petty apologies for burning myself halfway through the meal, but Natsuko assured me that everything was okay. Yomi, being Yomi just acted like there wasn't a huge amount of sexual tension just moments ago, and bid me farewell with a nod.
He texted me moments later, asking me to continue our conversation later, as there were things he'd "like to discuss".
"Was it weird being around them?" Kuronue asked as he cleared the table.
"It was pretty normal for the most part. It's weird, I just knew about this other woman literally a couple of weeks ago, and just the thought of Yomi being with someone else physically sickened me, but in the end... she was actually not that bad. It's easier once you face the actual problem."
"I know Yomi helped you out and all, but having no knowledge of how he's actually like, he just constitutes as a huge dick in my book. Natsuko doesn't deserve any of this, and Shura doesn't either. They've been longtime customers at Margeaux and they're just as lovely on the inside as they look in reality."
I didn't feel bitter in the least. Kuronue was right. His family didn't deserve any of this.
"I just hope Shura never finds out. Kids shouldn't have to deal with shit like this. Kids should never have to deal with the problem of other adults," all the vile in his voice accumulated in that one sentence, and I realized I forgot that Kuronue was a child of abuse. If anything, he understood what Shura and Natsuko would feel better than I will ever.
Kuronue was far more intuitive than I gave him credit for, and whatever skill he lacked, he made up with his uncanny ability to feel human emotion from a mile away.
"If you don't mind me asking, what did you and Yomi talk about here?"
I looked right into his eyes as I spoke, "Nothing really. Just a bunch of work stuff, I think it was awkward for the both of us so we didn't say much."
I didn't tell him how pathetic I was, how I susceptible to Yomi's touch, how Yomi still wanted me. But from the look he gave me, I knew it didn't matter.
I was lying straight through my teeth. And from the betrayed expression Kuronue gave me, I know he knew it. But he simply nodded, and acted like it was nothing.
And I forced down the thought that what I was doing was wrong as I replied with a simple "Okay" back to Yomi's text message.
(A/N: This is all over the place. It's like a filler... plot thing. I'll fix the plot, bandage it up till it's good and new. LOLOLOL JK I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS. I have an outline.. but connecting it is the hard part. Thank you all who stuck around to read and review!)