So I was bored during my lunch break at work, and of course instead of doing something productive like revamping chapter one, I decided to do some spontaneous, off-the-head writing. This attempt at random humor is what came out of it.

Omake! (A girl is bored)

Looking up, Sinon surveyed the area. The meeting area was essentially a giant pit with a large podium situated at the bottom. A small backstage was hidden behind an ornate stone carving of Pokemon set at the south end of the podium. From every direction barring the side facing the south, rows of marble benches encircled the stage like a set of bleachers. Stairs reached up from the other three cardinal corners, allowing easy access to the seats.

The said seats were occupied by a variety of different people. As far as she could see, though, all the occupants were male. Most of them wore normal clothes, as in pants and a shirt, since actual armor was scarce in the earlier stages of the game. A few had reinforced shields on their arms, and a few wore combat helmets. Beside some of them sat their Pokemon: one man had a «Paras» perched on his shoulder, another was yawning next to a curious «Jigglypuff» looking at the world with wide eyes. A «Spheal» rolled around, balancing itself on the bench, before scampering away as a rare «Scyther» looked up from its seat and gave it the evil eye. Looking up, she could see a «Rufflet» hovering around, not wild as it circled around a certain trainer's head.

What also caught her eye was the massive, hot-pink «Salamence» gliding through the air, a trail of sparkles and rainbows flowing off of it. The thing had to be at least twenty meters long from head to tail. The wings were shaped like hearts, and someone had attempted to beautify its face with makeup with horrible results.

It somehow noticed her looking at it, and paused mid-air, pulling a pocketwatch out of... somewhere. A monocle mysteriously appeared on its left eye, and a top hat fell out of the sky to perch neatly on one of its horns.

"Alas! Time flies by so quickly!" It squeaked in the voice of seven-year old girl. Its gloriously rosy behind let out a deafening TOOT and it zoomed off into the distance, leaving behind a magenta cloud that strangely resembled a troll face.

Sinon's eye twitched.

Kirito sighed and looked up at his own HP bar; the gauge hovered at a dangerous ten percent. He realized all of a sudden that he had forgotten to use a potion on himself as well, and momentarily cursed this hindsight.

Agh... I really should have used one-

Then a small white hand suddenly forced his head around and stuffed something plump and juicy into his mouth. Kirito nearly choked on the object, uttering a muffled scream of protest and flailing with his free hand.

What the-!?

Here. This will help you heal.

MRRFFF-!

Raphael apparently didn't have an inkling of the discomfort Kirito was feeling at being force-fed and continued to prod it down the human's unwilling throat. It wasn't possible for Kirito to die of suffocation from food blockage in this world, but he would still feel pretty close to the pearly gates.

WAAAAAAAAAAHHH-MMMFFFFFF-I'mchokingI'MDYINGAHHHHH-stopstopstopstopSTAHPSTAHP-

Calm down, silly human. The pure innocence and ignorance of those words turned that supposedly calm and soothing voice into something terrifying, and unspeakable demon.

After two minutes of pain and suffering the «Oran Berry» finally went down Kirito's throat, mostly a misshapen pulpy mess after Raphael's constant pokings at it. Panting and praising the RNG lord for ending the suffering, Kirito twitched lifelessly on the ground while he watched his HP bar rise up to a respectable level.

Though, at the same time, he could feel his soul itching to leave his half-dead corpse.

You see? Raphael sat down next to Kirito was a self-satisfied expression. You're much healthier now.

Kirito had a million reasons to disprove that one statement but just decided to let it go, fearing another berry attack.

Um, yes... uh, thank you. He answered meekly.

Want another one? Raphael held up another one of those abominations and gave an innocent boyish smile that heralded inevitable doom. I have some more.

N-no thank you. Kirito hastily scrambled backwards, away from Raphael's menacing form. I'm healthy enough now. I'm good, I'm good!

Suit yourself.

«Pewter City's» downtown contained a multitude of different facilities, among which included a public bath, several movie theatres, restaurants, hotels, and bars. The establishments all served the world-famous «Dwebble in Cloyster Sauce». The dish had a unique rocky flavor that set it apart from the usual crab dishes made from «Krabby Claws» and the cooking method was a tightly kept secret. Thus, it was incredibly expensive.

A certain red-haired man sat in one of these bars, looking despondent over his own serving of the cuisine. His buddies were surrounding him, clapping him on the shoulder and muttering encouraging words. However their efforts, along with their pooled funds to purchase the meal, seemed to be fruitless as he seemed close to tears. An empty bottle of some kind of alcoholic drink was clenched in the man's grip as he stared at the food.

"Come on, Klein." Kunimitzz tried again. "It isn't that bad."

"It is!" A loud thunk rang out as Klein slammed his head against the table in despair. "The author completely forgot about me for the past three chapters! Am I doomed to be forgotten as the minor character who appeared once and disappeared forever? I wasn't even mentioned once since I left Kirito in starting city!"

Dale shared a helpless look with his comrades. "Uh, well-"

"Even though we're pretty well off because of Kirito's help, we're still not high enough of a level to safely join the boss raid! I won't even get mentioned then!" Klein took another swing of the drink and eyed the meal in front of him with an evil eye, as if it were the crab's fault. His voice broke, and he sobbed.

His friends all watched with unreadable expressions as he moaned, looking towards the heavens.

"Am I doomed to stay a stock character for the rest of the story?"

Sorry Klein. I'll make it up to you.

Hope you enjoyed the dregs of my imagination! Will begin writing the next chapter soon.

I do not own Sword Art Online, Pokemon, or incredibly girly pink Salamences.