Chapter Eighteen.
Sam sat up on the edge of the bed and glanced at the clock on the small bed-side table. It was only 0430. The dream – or nightmare – had felt so real, her throat was hoarse as if she had actually been screaming and the image of General O'Neill cradling the baby in his arms was still vivid in her mind. She felt the lump rise in her throat and swallowed repeatedly to push it back down. She had to take her mind off everything that had happened over the last couple of days so, knowing she would never be able to get back to sleep, she decided to shower and then head to her lab. There was always some piece of technology she could work on in there.
Teal'c and Daniel sat in the commissary together waiting for their friends to join them for breakfast.
"We can't just let Jack go to Washington." Daniel was saying quietly so as not to be overheard.
"It is not our decision to make DanielJackson." Teal'c replied.
"I can't believe he's even considering it, he'd be miserable there! Besides what about Sam?" Teal'c regarded Daniel silently and he dropped his voice further, "Teal'c she…it'll kill her…" Teal'c raised his eyebrow at him, "Ok maybe not literally but…"
Teal'c frowned deeply, "They are both exceedingly stubborn individuals." He paused before adding. "I too do not believe O'Neill would be satisfied in your nation's capital city."
Daniel checked his watch, it was 0710. "They're late."
"Indeed." Teal'c agreed.
Daniel raised his eyebrows at the sly look suddenly gracing his friend's features, "What did you do?"
"I have done nothing DanielJackson." He replied, but the expression remained.
"Then you know something." Daniel prodded.
They heard the commissary doors swing open and looked over to see Jack. He grabbed a tray loading it with fruit loops and a banana before pulling up a seat next to Teal'c.
"Mornin' kids." He said, mixing the fruit loops around in the milk.
"Jack."
"O'Neill."
"Jack where's Sam?" Daniel asked. Jack was usually the one who would usher Sam away from her work for meals; as a result they would ordinarily turn up at the commissary together.
Jack's spoon froze an inch from his mouth, "I asked Teal'c to swing by and drag her out of her lab 'cause I was gonna be late." He lowered his spoon, truth was he'd noticed she wasn't there as soon as he'd stepped through the doors but couldn't come up with a casual way of asking. "T'?"
Daniel shot a surprised glance at Teal'c; he was definitely up to something.
"I am afraid I failed to recall that request O'Neill, I apologize." Teal'c responded.
Daniel was beginning to catch on, "You'd better go get her Jack, you know how she is."
"Indeed." Teal'c agreed.
Jack's eyes narrowed at his two friends in suspicion, but they were right Carter would work right through breakfast without even realising what time it was if he let her. Besides, it was one of his favourite things to do. He would drop in casually and announce it was time to eat; she would protest saying she couldn't possibly leave yet 'cause of some doohickie she'd be working on; he would tell her it could wait; she would disagree and promise that she'd eat soon; he would insist and then she would get that twinkle in her eye and that slight smile on her lips as she pretended to give-in reluctantly with a resigned "Yes sir." God he loved it! He looked forward to those mock squabbles every day.
With this thought in mind he sprang to his feet and managed to keep to a fast stride rather than giving in to his urge to sprint to Sam's lab.
Jack exited the elevator at level nineteen and slowed his pace as he neared Sam's lab, his gut telling him something wasn't right.
He stepped slowly into the doorway. It was dark in the lab but he could see her sitting at her lab table. He could hear the steady clicking as she typed on her laptop and the blue glow of the monitor created a halo through the short strands of hair framing her face. She sniffed and Jack saw her swipe at the glistening tears streaming relentlessly down her face. His gut clenched painfully at the sight and for a moment his lungs refused to draw a breath.
Slowly and carefully Jack entered the room, she hadn't even noticed he was there, "Carter?" He said softly announcing his presence.
Her head whipped up startled. "Sir!" She ducked her head and turned away from him, bringing both hands up to scrub frantically at her tears trying to hide them.
He wasn't sure what to do; he could ignore it, pretend he hadn't seen her tears and didn't notice her pink nose and red rimmed eyes, but he wasn't sure he could do that even if he wanted to and the thing was he didn't want to. What he wanted to do was take the three long strides and pull her into his arms, but he couldn't do that either. God damn security cameras!
"Carter." He repeated softly, coming to stand opposite her with his hands in his pockets, the long lab table separating them. "What'cha doin'?" He fell-back on his standard greeting.
She was still trying to hide her face and wipe the tears away but she had nowhere to hide and the glow of the computer belied her efforts – the silent tears wouldn't stop.
She registered the change of tone in his words, that tender, gravelly voice. She thought maybe she'd heard it more times in the past five days than through all the nine years she'd known him. She managed to suppress the sob that threatened but the damn tears just kept coming, even as she futilely wiped at them.
"Sir," She said, cringing internally at her nasally voice. "I was just working on my mission report." God, how could she turn around and look at him if these tears didn't stop. She glanced at the clock on the monitor with blurred vision; she hadn't realised what time it was.
He rocked on the balls of his feet, studying the floor for a moment as he tried to decide what to do. He stopped and raised his eyes to her face, "Sam?"
He'd used her given name and she found herself unable to keep from turning her face to him and meeting his gaze.
"What's goin' on? What…why…?" His eyes were guarded but she saw the warmth behind them, carefully hidden, and it gave her strength.
"Sir…" She whispered with a sniff.
"She told me." He interrupted, his voice quiet. "The other…you. She said she was…you know…" Damn it! Why couldn't he say it for-cryin'-out-load, they were just words! He saw her brows furrow and she swallowed deeply as the tears just kept rolling freely down her pale cheeks. He took a breath, letting it out before he continued. "That she was…about to…have a baby." His face screwed up in a wince at the uncomfortable topic as he dropped his head and rocked on the balls of his feet again, but hell, at least he'd managed to finally say it. He kept his gaze on the floor, "I guess that must've been a little weird…"
"I had her." She admitted in a quiet, strangled voice. Jack froze. "I had the baby…a few hours before we came back."
Jack couldn't breath. Had he heard her right? Jesus! She…she…Sam…Carter had given birth to the baby…his baby…his alternate's baby…the very day she was due back! His brain wouldn't work, he didn't know what to do or say.
He heard her sniff, felt it like a punch to the gut. With his head still bowed he raised his eyes to look at her. She was trying to contain herself but he saw her face contort; her lips trembled as the tears fell and her shoulders shook as she tried desperately to suppress her sobs. He couldn't stand to see her like this – she looked…broken.
He moved, security cameras forgotten; in two strides he rounded the end of the lab table and reached her. Still seated on the stool, she looked up at him with wide, pleading eyes. How long had she been crying silently and alone like this?!
He reached both arms out and grasped her by the forearms. He didn't speak, he couldn't; his fingers were gentle on her cloth covered arms but his grip was firm as he raised her out of her seat and drew her into his embrace.
Her arms slid around him and she gripped his shoulder blades, fisting his shirt in her hands as if holding on for her life. Losing the battle, she wept openly into the crook of his neck.
He inclined his head, burying his face into her neck and held her firmly as her shoulders shook with the strength of her cries. He moved one hand up to clasp the back of her head, caressing her hair as he swayed soothingly.
He closed his eyes and drew in her scent, savouring it because he didn't know when or if he'd ever be this close to her again. He couldn't believe what she'd just told him; what she'd had to go through. Abruptly he realised why she had seemed so sad to him since the moment he'd seen her step through the 'gate – she'd given birth to a baby she'd had to give up, a baby that wasn't hers. Hell! His arms tightened around her a little more. Another thought intruded on him then; Sam said she had her. In some other world he, Jack O'Neill, had a daughter…with Sam Carter. He felt something move inside him.
His arms were warm and in them she always felt so safe. She didn't know how long he'd held her as she cried, it felt like an eternity and a blink of an eye all at the same time, but she did know she could spend hours in his arms without ever growing tired of it. The icy chill that she'd carried in her chest since the birth dissolved in his embrace.
He didn't know how long they'd stood like this when her sobs finally abated but he continued to hold her, he didn't want to let her go. After a moment he felt her stiffen, it jolted him back to reality and he remembered who they were and where they were and knew that she'd also realised.
Jack felt Sam move back, her hands trailing down his spine and he loosened his arms as she looked up at him with moist eyes, he felt like a truck had decided to park on his chest.
He heard her sniffle as she stepped back and out of his embrace, plucking a tissue out of the tissue box that sat on the table next to the laptop. "I'm sorry sir…" She said as she wiped her nose.
"Carter…" His voice was hoarse and he cleared his throat in an effort to normalise it.
"Its ok sir…I." She locked her eyes on his and whispered, "I feel better."
"Carter…" Why in the hell couldn't his goddamn brain come up with anything else?!!
A small smile appeared on her face and he thought breathing just became a little easier. "You don't have to say anything sir." She told him, "It's just…it was hard, but I'll be ok now." She was getting a little nervous now, she couldn't tell what he was thinking and she didn't have a clue what to say either. Not to mention the fact that she was embarrassed at breaking down like that. "Really it was an amazing experience…I never thought I would have kids so…I didn't think I would ever get to know what it was like…" She trailed off in a whisper, bowing her head to stare intently at her hands as she nervously tore at the tissue. She couldn't tell him that it wasn't just that experience she was upset about, but the fact he would be leaving her soon.
Jack was stunned at her words; he knew she was trying to lighten the atmosphere of the room which had become heavy and awkward and trying to rationalise things in her huge brain so she could cope with it better, but one thing spun around in Jack's brain - she never thought she would have kids?
He cleared his throat, "Carter…" She looked back up at him, "I ah…you wanna go get some breakfast?"
"Actually sir, I'm not really that hungry, I think I'll grab a bite a little later." Sam replied.
"Ok…well I'll see ya a little later then."
She nodded. "Yes sir."
He turned away from her slowly, moving around the desk. With a last glance at her he strode quickly to the lab door.
"Sir?" Sam called, he turned in the doorway.
"Thankyou sir." She said.
He regarded her for a long moment with serious eyes, "Always." He said softly and disappeared around the corner.
Jack headed back to his office; he wasn't hungry anymore either.
A/N: Again i'm so sorry about the wait, hope you haven't all lost interest, next chapter should be up in a couple of days. Please review and let me know what you think, good or bad, i've had a crappy weekend and i could use some more warm and fuzzies.